Texting Etiquette?

[Music Lover]

I usually reply withing a few minutes but if I'm golfing, out with the wife, or at band practice it might be a few hours.

I have friends that sometimes won't reply to a text for a day or so but unless it's urgent, no big deal. And if I'm asking "do you want to golf next Tuesday" I expect that they need to check their schedule and with their spouse first.

Even my wife sometimes doesn't reply for an hour or more if she's busy as she puts her phone down and forgets about it.

I put my phone on "do not disturb" at night. My wife, her daughter, and my aging parents are the only exceptions. If one of them is contacting me in the middle of the night then it's pretty important and my phone alerts me. Everyone else is silent and has to wait until the next morning.

Group texts are handy for my golf group and my bands.

 

[travelover]

Time limits? Irritated? Yeah...I don't think so. If you text me, I will get back at MY convenience...not YOURS....

That is where I'm at. My grandson texted my wife because he was upset that I had not responded to his text 10 minutes earlier. I texted him that I check my text messages once a week, so be patient.

 

[sengsational]

All group texts get muted, so only the first one pings me. Phone goes into DND between 11PM and 9AM. If someone wants to text me directly, I get a ping if it's during the day, otherwise, the phone is silent. For voice calls, the phone only rings for contacts, the rest get the automated assistant, and if during the day, I get a ping with who it is, and only pick-up if I want to talk.

One thing my daughter taught me was that if you want to end a text conversation, end your text with a ".", whereas if you want or expect to keep going, don't end your sentence with a "." So if you ask a question then get an answer and you're done, answer "Thanks." and that signals "over and out".

 

[MC Rider]

The phone is my tool.
Not the other way around.


Thanks, or OK, lets some one know you are done.

 

[W2R]

Mostly I only text to Frank, my DD, and my DB. They are all very tolerant of anything I might do when I text them. Basically I know them all so intimately that I don't feel like I'm walking on eggshells.

 

[Pellice]

But texts are not a substitute for email. I see many discussions that are not time-sensitive, that involve descriptions, that have internet links, that clearly want to involve multiple respondents, going into text messages where they get one or two responses, then are cut off by an angry statement to "take it to direct messaging," and then disappear into the thousands of text messages that are ignored 2 minutes afterwards.

Text messages are hard to search, hard to remember dates, get deleted, and are often gone for good. Email listservs, group emails, or even bulletin boards like this one, are the ideal place for such discussions. They are archived, have subject headings, can be searched multiple ways, can be threaded. But text messages have just eliminated all these better venues. I am just now trying to remember a text message about a bird identification question from a few days ago. It could be on any of 7 text alerts, it's been buried by newer messages. If it were on email I could find it in 30 seconds or less.

Text messages: immediate responses, time-sensitive discussions, brief, insubstantial messages - "Happy New Year to my Fam!" Email: stuff you want to think about and remember and bring up again.

 

[CRLLS]

I don't carry my phone with me 24-7. It can be 4 or even 8 hours before I even look at my phone. Overnight, it isn't in the bedroom. In group texts as in group emails, if I don't have any action items, comments or anything of the like, I treat them as FYI only and don't reply. It is just too much electrons cluttering my life. If something is important or needs some give and take, then use the phone. Yeah, people forget that that little texting and surfing device in their pocket also works as a telephone. Imagine that!

I'm not sure how, but sometimes I get dropped from family group texts. I think it may have to do with my Android vs others' iPhones and the way they communicate. I'm not really sure how. We did some texting while sitting across the room over Christmas and couldn't get it to drop any texts. I wonder if it is a handoff between carriers, or cell towers? I fear that if I just respond to every group text that I do get, it gives "the system" another chance to be dropped from the discussion.

 

[Chuckanut]

I personally don't like the "emoji only" replies when I'm trying to communicate/discuss something

 

[calmloki]

My gal takes great care to search out only the finest, most apropos emojis for her messages. She tells me that, showing me little images that supposedly convey information beyond words. I stare at them, baffled. Why is the embarrassed blind M&M dancing? Or maybe it drank hot sauce. Does it need to go to the bathroom?
On occasion I pick three or four random emojis for my reply. She says I lack common empathy. I say pictographs are a step back from words.

 

[aja8888]

My gal takes great care to search out only the finest, most apropos emojis for her messages. She tells me that, showing me little images that supposedly convey information beyond words. I stare at them, baffled. Why is the embarrassed blind M&M dancing? Or maybe it drank hot sauce. Does it need to go to the bathroom?
On occasion I pick three or four random emojis for my reply. She says I lack common empathy. I say pictographs are a step back from words.

You need to step up from emojis to animated Gifs! Spice up her life!

 

[ERD50]

...
[*]Some people get irritated if the other party doesn't respond quickly, or at all. I've read the norm is within 90 seconds, or if you're busy within 20 minutes for young folks - ...

I'm retired, I'm not on anyone's schedule. I agree, it's rude to not reply, but for me that reply could anytime that same day. I don't stay glued to my phone, it's on the counter. I'm on the computer a lot, I've got email for communication. And if I'm working on some project, I don't really want to have my phone in my pocket which gets in the way and might get damaged, and I'd have to take it out to check it (I won't hear the ring/alert over a saw running).

This is one way in which texting is superior to email. Instead of begging someone else to remove them, people can actually bow out on their own. On an Android phone, there's an option to mute a group chat. iPhone, Facebook Messenger, Google Chat all have "leave" options.

OK, I text very little, but wouldn't that mute all texts from that group? I can recall times when DW (who texts more than me), wanted to get out of a specific conversation from a group, like lunch plans back and forth after she let them know she won't be attending. But if they change the subject, she misses those too? Seems to me, people will often just pick up the last text from that group, and reply to get a new conversation going.

How's that work?

-ERD50

 

[Qs Laptop]

I'm retired, I'm not on anyone's schedule. I agree, it's rude to not reply, but for me that reply could anytime that same day. I don't stay glued to my phone, it's on the counter. I'm on the computer a lot, I've got email for communication.

Almost nobody under the age of 40 uses email much anymore, so it you know people in this age group, you might email them and never get a reply. You will wonder why they didn't reply. Much as younger people wonder why Boomers didn't answer texts, I suppose.

And if I'm working on some project, I don't really want to have my phone in my pocket which gets in the way and might get damaged, and I'd have to take it out to check it (I won't hear the ring/alert over a saw running).

Get the capability to receive/send texts from your computer. It's greatly simplified my life. Basically need to have both phone and computer on the same WiFi network.

OK, I text very little, but wouldn't that mute all texts from that group? I can recall times when DW (who texts more than me), wanted to get out of a specific conversation from a group, like lunch plans back and forth after she let them know she won't be attending. But if they change the subject, she misses those too?
How's that work?

-ERD50

She won't miss the texts, but she won't hear any text notification sounds or get a vibration when she receives a text from that group. So, the texts are there to be read, she just won't get pinged when they originally come in. Unmuting the conversation will get notifications back again.

 

[rodi]

If my phone is near me - I respond quickly. If not, I don't... I leave my phone downstairs when I go to bed... so no responses from me at all during the night.

For group texts - if someone sends out something amusing, I tend to emoji back. Or confirming an meetup among friends - the thumbs up works to confirm I'll be there. I do *not* respond to everyone elses response... I have friends on i-phones that "love" every post everyone makes... I ignore those. I don't think they know their simple clicking of "like" on a text sends out a quote of the text they liked with who liked it (lots of words, not just a heart, to those not on iphone. Too much... But I just ignore that.

As for the younger generation - both my sons can take up to 24 hours to respond to a text... If they are doing homework, hanging out with friends, or whatever... they respond when it's convenient for them.

I always thought texting was to allow a time delay before response, vs a phone call that needs immediate answering. That's how I've always treated it.

 

[rodi]

Almost nobody under the age of 40 uses email much anymore, so it you know people in this age group, you might email them and never get a reply. You will wonder why they didn't reply. Much as younger people wonder why Boomers didn't answer texts, I suppose.

Depends on the person. Younger son responds instantly to snapchat texts... Not so much to SMS/MMS texts. He prefers snap so I installed it as a way of keeping lines of communication open. Older son uninstalled snapchat without telling anyone... I switched back to text when I saw his snaps weren't opened.

And last night he sent me several texts - which I ignored because it was after 9pm and my phone was downstairs... so he called - he figured out how to reach me. I can hear my ringer from upstairs. (There was a fire at the house he lives at - so he was sharing that info and drama. Everyone is ok.)

To put age data on this - younger son is 19, older son is 21.

Oh - and they both email if they have attachments etc...

 

[ERD50]

Almost nobody under the age of 40 uses email much anymore, so it you know people in this age group, you might email them and never get a reply. You will wonder why they didn't reply. Much as younger people wonder why Boomers didn't answer texts, I suppose. ....

Yes, I've probably texted them before to let them know to check their email..

.... Get the capability to receive/send texts from your computer. It's greatly simplified my life. Basically need to have both phone and computer on the same WiFi network. ....

I'll look into that. I know it's easy to send texts from computer, you just need their phone # and their carriers email/text server address (like xxx-yyy-zzzz@tmomail.net ), I'll need to research receiving them - sounds like your way would have an app on the phone to send the received text to the computer over wifi.

.... She won't miss the texts, but she won't hear any text notification sounds or get a vibration when she receives a text from that group. So, the texts are there to be read, she just won't get pinged when they originally come in. Unmuting the conversation will get notifications back again.

OK, I get it, thanks. It's just muting the alert/notification sounds.

-ERD50

 

[cathy63]

I'll look into that. I know it's easy to send texts from computer, you just need their phone # and their carriers email/text server address (like xxx-yyy-zzzz@tmomail.net ), I'll need to research receiving them - sounds like your way would have an app on the phone to send the received text to the computer over wifi.

Sending email is the old-fashioned way to text from your PC!

If you have an android phone and use the Messages app for texts, go to https://messages.google.com/web . You can receive and respond to texts from there.

You can also install Microsoft's "Your Phone" app on your phone and it will connect to your Windows 10 or 11 PC via bluetooth. It supports voice calls and notifications in addition to two-way texting.

If you have an iPhone and a Mac, then I think you just use iMessage on both devices.

 

[RobbieB]

My phone is still out in the car where I left it after using android auto to guide my destination. Maybe I'll go get it tomorrow.

Maybe not.

 

[Qs Laptop]

Yes, I've probably texted them before to let them know to check their email..

Ha ha. Love it.

I'll look into that. I know it's easy to send texts from computer, you just need their phone # and their carriers email/text server address (like xxx-yyy-zzzz@tmomail.net ), I'll need to research receiving them - sounds like your way would have an app on the phone to send the received text to the computer over wifi.

It's a lot easier than that with apps on your phone. As cathy63 said, if you have Android and use Google Messages as your texting application the setup is extremely simple. Type in a provided URL on your computer and a QR code pops up. Scan the QR code with your phone and Google Messages does the setup in the background. You're texting from your PC ten seconds later.

 

[braumeister]

If you have an iPhone and a Mac, then I think you just use iMessage on both devices.

Yes, and it's totally seamless.

 

[qwerty3656]

My kids hate that I put their name at the beginning and sign it at the end (like a letter).

One thing I noticed over Christmas break is that my kids were actually having phone calls with their friends to plan upcoming festivities - it used to be unheard of that they would actually speak with their friends rather than text (i guess everything goes in cycles).

 

[Midpack]

Yes, and it's totally seamless.

+1. It's been a revelation to have a Mac (dumped my PC last Fall) along with my iPad and iPhone - totally seamless.

 

[CaptTom]

If you have an android phone and use the Messages app for texts, go to https://messages.google.com/web . You can receive and respond to texts from there.

I've tried that, and it works great. The only down side is it makes me go through the whole connection thing each time. If I have to reach for the phone anyway, I generally just use that.

You can also install Microsoft's "Your Phone" app on your phone and it will connect to your Windows 10 or 11 PC via bluetooth. It supports voice calls and notifications in addition to two-way texting.

I gave up on this one after it demanded that I log on with my Microsoft account. I don't have one and don't plan on getting one. I see no reason why M$ has to be in the middle between MY phone and MY computer.

 

[aja8888]

I use a free program on my PC and Chromebook to text called Mighty Text. Works like a champ.

Also, I have texted my 42 year old daughter to tell her to check her email. I'm sure that's common with us older folks (LOL).

Point I would like to make about texting protocols. When I was an engineering consultant running my own Sub S Corp for 20 years, communicating with clients (mostly Fortune 100 companies) by text was TABOO! All business communication was by email or phone calls. That was the universal and mandatory choice from my clients.

 

[Qs Laptop]

I've tried that, and it works great. The only down side is it makes me go through the whole connection thing each time. If I have to reach for the phone anyway, I generally just use that.

Yeah, that shouldn't happen. Perhaps you didn't checkmark the 'remember this device' option? Or maybe you have your browser set to delete cookies upon exiting browser?

 

[Sue J]

We have a 4 way texting thing ongoing with our son, DIL, DH and I. We can see when texts are read. Most of the messages are short, some include pictures of the kids and we all know we don't have to respond right away. Often the response is just "ok". This works so well and is just so enjoyable, especially the pics and video clips of the kids. They live just a mile away so many texts are "Heading over now".

DH is the oldest of 5 siblings in 2 different time zones. They have an ongoing 5 way chat. It's very open ended and no one expects an immediate response. It's been a great way for them to casually stay in touch.

DH has his phone and iPad, I have my phone, my iPad and my Mac computer. The texts show up on all the devices so if our son messages I have 3 devices chiming and DH has 2. DH will respond and my 3 devices all pick it up. A bit silly but I like messages showing up in all places, especially if it's another grandson picture!