Unvaccinated, anti-vax relatives

Status
Not open for further replies.
I don't know what you have to worry about. People concerned about getting the virus can get vaccinated. If unvaccinated guests attend, the vaccinated ones should be OK.
If an unvaccinated guest gets sick, then that's on them.
 
OldShooter said:
Factually untrue.
Click to expand...

Ok. The whole premise of getting a vaccine is to prevent getting seriously ill.

That the unvaxxed are the ones taking the risk is not an arguable point as far as I know.

But if you wish to argue it there is a whole panoply of communicable diseases that no one gets vaccinated for. And people readily accept those risks.

Anyone our in society encounters unvaccinated people every day. We all accept that risk, or take precautions.

There is not a zero risk option.
 
That isn't quite what I said, or implied. The decision on whether to invite them would still be on you, I'm afraid.

My thought was aimed squarely at your concerns over harming your long-term relationship with these potential guests. By explaining your concerns about the old people (whether or not you choose to blame it on imaginary doctors), you will gain insight into how close these anti-vaxxers really are to you.

Sojourner said:
And then, as @Amethyst said, it will be on them to decide whether to proceed in a considerate, thoughtful, and kind manner or to take a more belligerent stance.
Click to expand...
 
Why would inviting someone who has not received an injection mean they are automatically infected with something? I haven't received any vaccine, but I also haven't gone anywhere. I would certainly not attend a wedding or any other social event during a pandemic, vaccinated or not. Thinking everyone who has not taken an experimental injection has cooties or something wrong with them is extremely discriminating. These people are no different than who they were two years ago. If they test positive, that's a different story. Maybe ask them to take a test prior to attending. Even if they flew in the day before and were infected with the virus on the plane, it would likely not be replicating enough yet to spread. I believe it takes a few days at least for someone recently infected to be able to potentially spread it.
 
My doctor does not want me to be vaccinated based on my current health(excellent) and my genetic makeup along with current available treatments. That doesn't not mean that I judge those who choose (along with the doctors advice) to get vaccinated. I do not expect anyone else to keep me "safe". I would be sad to not be included in your wedding if you are a close family member. I believe we are all responsible for our own health and decisions including eating well and supporting our immune system. We can all be kind and civil and stay home when not feeling well but we can't be responsible for each other's healthy or unhealthy choices.
 
You mentioned your concern over the safety of the older vaccinated attendees. If it is realistic to poll them over the issue I would do so. If any express reservations then they could serve as your anonymous reason to not invite unvaccinated friends. Also, let your unvaccinated friends know that you plan to warn guests that you there may be unvaccinated guests at the event, without identifying them specifically. Maybe they will take the hint and withdraw on their own.
 
rodi said:
Tough situation.

Could you put a small asterisk at the bottom of the invitation requesting that all guests over age 12 be vaccinated if they plan to attend. That puts the onus on your friend to decide if they want to come (and to go get vaccinated) or decide they don't want to attend. It will be their decision.
Click to expand...
+1 , excellent idea
 
I don't think any of us can take responsibility of providing a "100% vaccinated crowd" for the few that attend who might be higher risk - that judgment is on them (Your 80+ friends). No one can promise a covid-free gathering unless they have a very small crowd with only those persons you have zero doubt are fully vaccinated.

Especially since their will be children there as well. Everyone going out and about in the world and at gatherings should reasonably assume that they will interact with some non-vaxxed folks, whenever they are in a group that exceeds their most close and most intimate friends and family.

If I go out to dinner I assume a good number of folks in that restaurant are not vaccinated.

Whether I invite those firmly anti-vaxx people* into my home and into meaningful events is much more of a moral/principle issue than a basic safety one.


*I'm excluding those who might have a valid medical or religious reason to delay their decision, which clearly isn't the group that the OP is referring to either.
 
Sojourner said:
....We would very much like to have these folks at the wedding, based on long-standing, harmonious family ties and good relations, but we also are trying to ensure the wedding is safe for everyone. ......What would you do in this situation?
Click to expand...

I’d would certainly invite them and have a great time. People who can get protection from a vaccine and wish to do so have had ample opportunity to do so. Others such as my sister who has issues that make the vaccine less effective or those who just don’t want to take the vaccine will continue to have a challenge on how to protect themselves. At some point one has to decide when its time to get back to normal life. I’ve reached that point and would invite anyone that I feel as you seem to about these folks. Hope your event goes great.
 
Side questions: Are the individuals involved with performing the wedding ceremony also expected to be vaccinated? What about the individuals involved with any post-wedding catering, assuming that this will be happening? Catering individuals tend to interact with most everyone in the wedding party.
 
Thanks to all for the thoughtful suggestions and insightful comments.

In case it wasn't clear from my initial post, my concern is primarily for a few fully vaccinated but "immunosenescent" elderly relatives who'll be at the wedding. Anyone who chooses to show up unvaccinated is doing so at their own risk and against the express guidance we'll be providing. If that happens, my problem is that they'd (potentially) be exposing the elderly folks who've done everything they reasonably can to try to protect themselves.

All things considered, I will be employing the "absent authority" strategy. Seems like the best approach in this case, since I'd prefer not to risk burning these particular family ties over this issue. It will be very telling to see how the stridently anti-vaccination folks respond to this approach. I will come back and update this thread when I have more clarity on how it played out.
 
Sojourner, I think it is very thoughtful of you to take into consideration that some people (like the elderly folks you have invited to your wedding) may have been vaccinated but the vaccination is not very effective for them. This is our situation. DH has an autoimmune disease and is fully vaccinated but his doctor has told him that there have been some recent studies that show that the vaccine is less than 50% effective for people like him. We are struggling about what to do in social situations such as weddings. If we were invited to your wonderful wedding we would ask you if there will be unvaccinated people in attendance. If your answer was yes or you did not know we would likely decline the invitation. If you were a very close family or friend we might attend (at least the outdoor parts) and wear a mask and do our best to socially distance but we would be uncomfortable. Not a good solution but we are doing the best we can to keep DH safe. We hope the FDA will approve booster shots for people like him soon. Thank you for being so considerate, we are finding that it is pretty rare to find people who understand the vaccine situation for immune compromised people.
 
I think you are making the right decision to protect the elderly people at your wedding. The absent authority works well. You can use it with kids also for various reasons.
 
Jenna said:
My doctor does not want me to be vaccinated based on my current health(excellent) and my genetic makeup along with current available treatments. That doesn't not mean that I judge those who choose (along with the doctors advice) to get vaccinated. I do not expect anyone else to keep me "safe". I would be sad to not be included in your wedding if you are a close family member. I believe we are all responsible for our own health and decisions including eating well and supporting our immune system. We can all be kind and civil and stay home when not feeling well but we can't be responsible for each other's healthy or unhealthy choices.
Click to expand...


What does your genetic makeup have to do with anything, get a new doctor.
 
I could be on the fence here except for the fact these people are making no secret of their anti-vax feelings. Fine, don't get vaccinated but that old thing, you reap what you sow come into play here. Tell them we'll miss you but not enough to risk Grandpa getting Covid from you. If they get PO'd just give the old I made my decision and I want you to respect my right to make it back at them.
 
Tell 'em to take a hike. Hit the road. Write 'em off.

I don't want to deal with anti vaxxers at all. Yup, your choice. Mine to write you off.
 
harllee said:
Sojourner, I think it is very thoughtful of you to take into consideration that some people (like the elderly folks you have invited to your wedding) may have been vaccinated but the vaccination is not very effective for them. This is our situation. DH has an autoimmune disease and is fully vaccinated but his doctor has told him that there have been some recent studies that show that the vaccine is less than 50% effective for people like him. We are struggling about what to do in social situations such as weddings. If we were invited to your wonderful wedding we would ask you if there will be unvaccinated people in attendance. If your answer was yes or you did not know we would likely decline the invitation. If you were a very close family or friend we might attend (at least the outdoor parts) and wear a mask and do our best to socially distance but we would be uncomfortable. Not a good solution but we are doing the best we can to keep DH safe. We hope the FDA will approve booster shots for people like him soon. Thank you for being so considerate, we are finding that it is pretty rare to find people who understand the vaccine situation for immune compromised people.
Click to expand...

Can he be tested to see if the vaccine had the desired effect ?
 
We are attending a wedding in the fall in NY and received our invitation about a month ago and on top of the invitation it states that to have a safe wedding the bride and groom are asking guest to be vaccinated.



We are but I was wondering about the staff at the venue so I called the hotel and they told me that they are not requiring their staff to be vaccinated but are 50% of them are. So my concern is that all the guests will feel they are in a safe venue but in reality your server, bar tender, and kitchen staff could be spreading covid.
 
rodi said:
Tough situation.

Could you put a small asterisk at the bottom of the invitation requesting that all guests over age 12 be vaccinated if they plan to attend. That puts the onus on your friend to decide if they want to come (and to go get vaccinated) or decide they don't want to attend. It will be their decision.
Click to expand...

This is a very good idea and a good way to approach your issue.
 
DektolMan said:
We are attending a wedding in the fall in NY and received our invitation about a month ago and on top of the invitation it states that to have a safe wedding the bride and groom are asking guest to be vaccinated.

We are but I was wondering about the staff at the venue so I called the hotel and they told me that they are not requiring their staff to be vaccinated but are 50% of them are. So my concern is that all the guests will feel they are in a safe venue but in reality your server, bar tender, and kitchen staff could be spreading covid.
Click to expand...

Better than asking/hoping, would be to caution guests that while you ask/hope, you have no way to guarantee a fully vaccinated party, guests or service. That way you don't create a false sense of security, and put the understanding of risk on those who RSVP. They make their own informed decisions. There is simply no way to hold an event and completely avoid "Uncle Jim got sick from your party!"

You throw a party for ~50 people, someone there is not gonna be vaccinated, even if they say they are just to come for an open bar.
 
I just attended a wedding in which the groom was a newly minted doctor. The invitation requested that attendees be vaccinated. This was an honor system, no one was checking cards at the door. The groom's mother told me that one couple was unvaccinated but agreed to have a covid test just prior to the wedding as a condition of attending. Not a 100% solution but it seemed like a pretty good approach to me.
As for me, I am now comfortable mixing in large crowds and would come to a wedding without questioning the status of other attendees. But some valued guests (e.g. those vaccinated but weakened immunity geriatrics) might not feel comfortable mixing in crowds generally and choose to forgo a wedding that has a mix of vaccinated and unvaccinated attendees. I would rather ensure them than cater to the whims of antivaxxers. Vaccinations and tests are easy to get so the requirement is not an onerous imposition.
 
Very interesting post....makes me think. I have some family members who will not be vaccinated, at least for now. I definitely have spent time with them in smaller situations, but a larger group would make me think. Those is my close bubble have all been vaccinated and don't have any serious health conditions, but still......
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

E
  • Locked
Covid deaths still happening
Replies
15
Views
819
Gumby
Gumby
Midpack
Tacky new wedding trend: Why newlyweds aren’t sending thank yous
2 3 4
Replies
97
Views
6K
Koolau
Koolau
S
Travel vaccines and travel medical insurance
Replies
20
Views
884
SecondAttempt
S
G
Half of Life...
Replies
18
Views
1K
djsander
D
S
Civil Judgement? Options?
Replies
22
Views
1K
Stormy Kromer
S

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom