When the other set of in-laws ignore Virus Guidelines and Governor Stay At Home Order

[sheehs1]

Am curious to know if others have dealt with extended family connections that have differing beliefs about the seriousness of COVID-19 to the point of traveling across state lines to visit with grandchildren you share and family you share.

I have been following all the rules and guidelines. My entire family and my brothers, sisters and their husbands and their families have as well. I have not seen my grandchildren, daughter and son-in-law since the first part of March. All three of my young grandchildren have some level of asthma.

Last week-end, the other in-laws drove from Pennsylvania (30 miles or so from Philly) into Virginia to "visit". They have two sons here and apparently the other son, wife and grandkids , "said yes, come on down". My daughter and her husband said, "No we are not comfortable. Yet when they got here, they felt compelled to visit for about three hours with everyone. All grandchildren, including my own, were together for the first time in weeks. I gather on some level things did not go well I think because of my daughters concern about asymptomatic infections, etc.

Apparently the other Father-in-law and mother-in-law feels it is their inalienable right to express their freedom of what they believe to be a hoax and government oppression, freedom of travel, etc. One of the baffling things about this for me is that he retired from the Navy, has held Government TSA positions while serving in Reserves, etc. One would think he would abide by Presidential guidelines and Government Stay At Home orders...but no.

It is not the first time they have traveled. They have visited other family and grandchildren in the Poconos, hiked state park trails that are technically closed etc. And she post pictures on Facebook of these visits and travel with statements that make it sound like she was sent these pictures from her family-because they don't want the judgement. (or so my daughter said).

At the end of the day, I know these are not my decisions to make. I can only decide for myself and my family still here. But are these decisions to be made in a vacuum without any consideration for other family that may be affected? When there are other grandparents that share grandchildren? Even when they know the philosophies about this are different? (i.e, you have now potentially exposed my grandchildren so they should be quarantined for 14 days which is what my daughter is doing).

So again the question is, has anyone else had other extended or non-related type family travel from states away to visit with "shared" family members or grandchildren? What did you say or do?

 

[pb4uski]

Hell no. In fact, my niece is not allowing her parents to visit with her 4-month old newborn out of concern for the coronavirus and the grandparents willingly agree... they will have a lifetime to spend with their granddaughter.

I could see a safe distancing visit if relatives were close by, and perhaps even 30 miles, but not a regular visit.

 

[LOL!]

No relative has expressed anything as an inalienable right to me, but my relatives are physicians and nurses.

My wife is still working and calls me "The Infectious Disease Nazi" because of the aseptic techniques that I have set up for our household. I am pretty sure she is not following them when I am not watching.

So what can one do? I have prepped the home for having 1 to 3 sick people just like at the hospital I used to work in. We have disposable dishes, glasses, plastic utensils and enough plastic garbage bags to double bag all of them when I lock them in their rooms for a few weeks.

In the OP's situation, I might lie and say something like, "Joe has (I have) a headache and dry cough today and might be coming down with a fever. Check back in a week or two."

 

[REWahoo]

I could see a safe distancing visit if relatives were close by, and perhaps even 30 miles, but not a regular visit.

CV-19 doesn't care how far away your relatives live from you. We have family living 7 miles away and have only talked with them on the phone for the past five weeks.

 

[REWahoo]

I have prepped the home for having 1 to 3 sick people just like at the hospital I used to work in. We have disposable dishes, glasses, plastic utensils and enough plastic garbage bags to double bag all of them when I lock them in their rooms for a few weeks.

Double bagging sick people locked in their rooms seems a bit harsh...

 

[Gumby]

I understand your concern, but ultimately it is up to your daughter and her husband to hold the line. Mostly up to him, I'd say, since they were his parents.

 

[Jerry1]

Your daughter and her husband should have told them to stay away. At a minimum, they should have stayed six feet away outside the house. We are combining our house with my daughter and grand kids. We’ve been interacting the entire time, but we’ve closed the circle, similar to if we all lived in one house together. My other daughter will not let us over to her house and I totally respect that. Actually, I knew she wouldn’t let us come by but it was fun to harass her a little bit. She’s so serious.

This is a serious virus. I don’t want to get it and I don’t want my family to get it, but we’ve balanced that with the risk that son in law has to go to work on occasion (mostly working from home) and he and I are the store runners. Those are our “leaks” and I’m not willing to go any further and I respect those who want tighter controls. Others (the couple you mentioned) should respect tighter controls too. They’d feel real good if their inalienable rights caused someone in the family to end up in the hospital or worse. Shame on them. Tell your daughter to drop the hammer and not let that happen again until she’s comfortable with the overall situation.

 

[f35phixer]

as other have said H E double hockey sticks NO !!! Just got a call from my Branch Head, Someone I've know for a long time on base has passed from CV19! This is noting to mess with!!!!
DW said to me yesterday, things really aren't that different for us, we aren't introverts but things aren't that much different, we can deal for a couple more months to get a new NORMAL of living!!

 

[Walt34]

We haven't run into any situations like that, although one next-door neighbor (a nurse) has had multiple family/friends over for gatherings and working on some project with their backyard deck. The neighbor normally works in a school which of course is closed now so they're all at home.

Ultimately you can only control/influence what happens in your own house, and it's up to your daughter and her husband what happens in theirs.

 

[Teacher Terry]

It sounds like they are being foolish and her husband should have said no since it’s his parents. My son came home from Vietnam and self quarantined 2 weeks before moving in. My oldest and his wife have not left their house for a month. Last week we decided we can gather on our patio staying 6 ft away. They get groceries delivered and my husband goes once a month. Putting all those people together with kids is a bad idea especially with the grandparents not cooperating.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

Most of the people in our circle of friends and family are following the stay at home guidelines, at least now they are with the shelter in place order here. Some are like Westworld's Serac's Outliers, the ones destined to eventually destroy humanity. Those people are having parties, holding group club events despite the leaders telling them the events are cancelled and one couple was still traveling.

 

[Ian S]

With all three of the grandchildren having asthma, the in-laws displayed an appalling disregard for the health and well-being of the grandchildren. COVID-19 is capable of causing severe lung damage to anyone with existing respiratory problems and we still don't know if that damage can be fully reversed. This story of a fairly young asthmatic infected with COVID-19 (who used to run marathons) is harrowing not least because of the apparently long recovery he looks to have ahead of him. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2020/04/09/my-near-death-experience-ventilator/

 

[SpinDoctorTX]

A lot of our family is way out of state/ country, so that is easy. The family in Houston has been following all guidelines. I doubt we'll be seeing any of them anytime soon.

Some people just don't respect other's boundaries... I would shut anyone down that tried to breach mine.

 

[pb4uski]

CV-19 doesn't care how far away your relatives live from you. We have family living 7 miles away and have only talked with them on the phone for the past five weeks.

You totally missed the point. IMO it would not a problem to visit each other from a safe distance (6'+ away).

 

[Walt34]

You totally missed the point. IMO it would not a problem to visit each other from a safe distance (6'+ away).

It depends on the family. In some cases seven miles is a very good speaking distance.

 

[REWahoo]

You totally missed the point. IMO it would not a problem to visit each other from a safe distance (6'+ away).

I got the point. You missed the joke.

However, not everyone agrees with your opinion that a distance of 6' is safe, especially for more than a couple of minutes.

 

[pb4uski]

I got the point. You missed the joke.

However, not everyone agrees with your opinion that a distance of 6' is safe, especially for more than a couple of minutes.

Like who? If that is true then why are we bothering with all this safe distancing crap?

 

[CardsFan]

You totally missed the point. IMO it would not a problem to visit each other from a safe distance (6'+ away).

I agree, and have done that once with a friend who lives alone. He needed some human contact (well, not contact, but a visit)

It depends on the family. In some cases seven miles is a very good speaking distance.

We have some family members like that too. But the virus is just an excuse

 

[REWahoo]

However, not everyone agrees with your opinion that a distance of 6' is safe, especially for more than a couple of minutes.

Like who? If that is true then why are we bothering with all this safe distancing crap?

Good questions. I can only provide a response to the first one as the second is likely to fetch Porky.

How Far Does a Cough or a Sneeze Travel?

Researchers used high-speed video upwards of 1,000 frames per second to record sprays of mist as well as human coughs and sneezes, finding that smaller droplet particles traveled as far as 2.5 meters horizontally through the air. That’s more than eight feet.

The study also recorded smaller airborne droplets spraying 13 to 20 feet vertically in the air,

The above is why I am not comfortable around others, even at a distance of 6'. Currently I wouldn't touch anyone with anything less than a 20' pole.

 

[ejman]

Like who? If that is true then why are we bothering with all this safe distancing crap?

I'm becoming concerned at the tone of your responses. In the past I've admired your well reasoned and usually well documented responses. Lately they seem to have a heavy component of emotional shoot from the hip. So who are you and what did you do to pb4uski?

 

[ckelly78z]

My parents just visited to see some of the projects we have going while not working. I visited them last week for an hour or two.

We don't live in a hot spot (near a small town), and don't know anyone that has this virus. We are careful to wash hands, and try not to touch things when out, but live in an area that seems to have survived pretty well.

I don't really care what other people think, and what they believe I should do. I am not out shopping, and only leave home about once a week.

 

[Dtail]

Sounds like one of many upcoming examples which will exist as the states start lessening some restrictions.
The grandparents are just ahead of this curve and it is a tough one to resolve.

 

[sheehs1]

I understand your concern, but ultimately it is up to your daughter and her husband to hold the line. Mostly up to him, I'd say, since they were his parents.

I agree with this 100%. They Face Time me Saturday night and during that, they told me they told his parents No. I awoke to a text message Sunday morning from my daughter telling me that the other in-laws "decided to come anyway" for the day. From Pennsylvania-a 4 to 5 hour drive?

Yes, it is up to her husband to hold the line since it was his parents and I recognize this. Like I indicated without going into a lot of detail, it got messy.
It was my 65th Birthday that day and as tempting as it was to travel the short hour to their house for a Happy Birthday Gramma, I opted to change nothing and stayed away.

 

[Gumby]

I'm sorry your birthday was messed up. The good news is that you're Medicare eligible now.

 

[sheehs1]

Your daughter and her husband should have told them to stay away. At a minimum, they should have stayed six feet away outside the house. We are combining our house with my daughter and grand kids. We’ve been interacting the entire time, but we’ve closed the circle, similar to if we all lived in one house together. My other daughter will not let us over to her house and I totally respect that. Actually, I knew she wouldn’t let us come by but it was fun to harass her a little bit. She’s so serious.

This is a serious virus. I don’t want to get it and I don’t want my family to get it, but we’ve balanced that with the risk that son in law has to go to work on occasion (mostly working from home) and he and I are the store runners. Those are our “leaks” and I’m not willing to go any further and I respect those who want tighter controls. Others (the couple you mentioned) should respect tighter controls too. They’d feel real good if their inalienable rights caused someone in the family to end up in the hospital or worse. Shame on them. Tell your daughter to drop the hammer and not let that happen again until she’s comfortable with the overall situation.

You expressed some of my exact thoughts Jerry1. I agree with those that have determined "their circle". Neither these in-laws or me are in my daughters daily or weekly circle. And as I understood this long ago, any leak outside normal circles is a breach.
Unfortunately the other in-laws just don't believe it all. This is so opposite of what I believe, the rest of my family believes, my daughter and I thought, my son-in-law that it took me by surprise.
Yes, if his so called "inalienable rights" cause the illness of someone I am sure I will only hear about it if it is my daughter, son-in-law or my grandchildren. It doesn't mean it might not be someone else as they travel, break stay at home orders, etc.

I simply wondered if others here have dealt with others in their families or family connected in-laws, etc. not taking this virus seriously to this extent.