grrrrrrrr, becarful what you wish for

M

mathjak107

Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
6,205
during my first marriage my wife and i were so opposite that i used to look at other guys doing the same hobbies with their spouses and go that must be soooo great to enjoy the same things and have common interests other than the kids.

then i met my current wife, folks it was like meeting myself. i was an avid target shooter , she tried shooting and loved it. next stop she ended up getting a new pistol and shooting on our team

got her into road biking, next stop had to get her a multi thousand dollar bike

i enjoy body building at the gym, she joined and is my workout partner.

next was hunting, i got a new hunting jacket so she needed one.

that brings us to yesterday, our new found hobbie is photography. well after months of passing the camera back and forth and endless lens changing we went to the camera store and for our anniversary bought a 2nd nikon d80 body.

its soooo funny its like every hobby we have to buy 2 of...


the funny thing is we met a guy from the gym at the shooting range, he says boy you guys do everything together. i cant even get my wife to the gym.

then it hit me "i've become the other guy!

but i loooove it, its the best. theres nothing like doing all the things you used to do with the guys with your spouse. we never run out of things to talk about and spend endless quality time together doing things we enjoy.
 
When are you going to start doing the things she used to enjoy before converting to your activities?
 
spouse and i like to joke that among the things we have in common, is that neither of us plays bridge. indeed, about the only thing we have in common (other than children) is that we like each other for what and who we are. can't imagine having a better marriage or a better match, despite the fact we don't match at all.
 
cantlogin said:
When are you going to start doing the things she used to enjoy before converting to your activities?
Click to expand...

:LOL:

I had the same reaction. A wee bit of irony there.

But hey, whatever works for you in your marriage is all good. And I think Mathjak's appreciation of shared activities is pretty cool. I've had but one wife but I can imagine the contrast between number 1 and number 2 must have been refreshing.
 
How lucky you are .My first husband and I only had chinese food and s-- in common .My second husband and I were like you and your wife unfortanetely he died and now I have a So that is somewhere between the first two .
 
I think spouse #2 has to be a special person to do what she is doing. You are lucky to have found such a special person.
 
cantlogin said:
When are you going to start doing the things she used to enjoy before converting to your activities?
Click to expand...

It seems more common that the woman stretches to take up the man's activities, rather than vice versa. I see it when a woman who is a social dancer gets married or finds an SO, and tries to get him into dancing. Usually he will try a class or two, then fail to continue. Maybe she will keep coming to dances, but less frequently. Or maybe she will just drop out.

A man may find it harder than a woman to suddenly in middle age try to do something that he really has no clue about, and few skills that transfer. I know it is hard for me to find myself an absolute novice at something that other group members are good at.

ha
 
well thats why i married her, i needed someone to become me, that way i didnt have to go anywhere ha ha ha

truth is she really likes all this stuff and our photography kind of gets us to go to the art museums and parks and all the girlie stuff. believe me she aint shy about voicing her opinion about doing something she had in mind.
 
see its okay to be opposite too but it takes a very special combination of people.

id say to my first wife ,what are we doing saturday ,she would go nothing. so id make plans to go mountain biking with the guys. my ex wife would really like to have gone to the art museum but never said a word and since im not the kind of guy who would say lets go the art museum she would feel resentful about not getting her way.


on the other hand my current wife would say dont make plans saturday we are going to the art museum. im like oooh okay and then we go.
she makes sure she controls the situation to make sure her needs are met and thats why things work great
 
mathjak107 said:
on the other hand my current wife would say dont make plans saturday we are going to the art museum. im like oooh okay and then we go.
she makes sure she controls the situation to make sure her needs are met and thats why things work great
Click to expand...

That sounds very good to me. Everyone has to get what he/she needs, but it can drive you nuts trying to guess all the time if they won't just tell you.

Ha
 
mathjak107 said:
see its okay to be opposite too but it takes a very special combination of people.

id say to my first wife ,what are we doing saturday ,she would go nothing. so id make plans to go mountain biking with the guys. my ex wife would really like to have gone to the art museum but never said a word and since im not the kind of guy who would say lets go the art museum she would feel resentful about not getting her way.
Click to expand...

My EX pulled that crap all the time.

I do NOT read minds!

Tell me what you want, and I'll tell you what I want, and we can negotiate.

-Khan the Hermit.
 
I'm really lucky. My husband is often inclined to do what I want to do. It still amazes me. Of course we naturally have a lot in common, but looking back on almost 20 years, most of the things we do today developed as mutual interests.

First conversation ever about going full-time RVing:

Audrey: "The thing is, we really don't need a house."
John: "That's it!!!"

End of discussion. Next instant we're both furiously working on a huge life transition. No looking back.

It's so easy it's scary sometimes......

Audrey
 
Audrey, that is it exactly. We find it so amazing that other couples we know just don't get it! We dream something up, make a plan to make it happen, and then, hey guess what? it happens! It is so cool to a mate who isn't afraid of big hairy goals! Y'all sound like you have a bunch of fun!
 
haha said:
That sounds very good to me. Everyone has to get what he/she needs, but it can drive you nuts trying to guess all the time if they won't just tell you.

Ha
Click to expand...

I genuinely don't get women who do that. (or men, but my gender seems to be far guiltier of it in general) Unless you really don't want to go to the Art museum, but really just want to passive-agressively sublimate your desire to go to the art museum so you can be a martyr about it later...:rolleyes:
 
OKLibrarian said:
I genuinely don't get women who do that. (or men, but my gender seems to be far guiltier of it in general) Unless you really don't want to go to the Art museum, but really just want to passive-agressively sublimate your desire to go to the art museum so you can be a martyr about it later...:rolleyes:
Click to expand...

I think you're on to something...
 
Mat,

That's a good story, but it's not a "Be careful what you wish for" story. It would become a "Be careful what you wish for" story if your wife hunted you down, knocked you off your bike, pinned you, shot you with her pistol, and took a picture.
 
oooooh al my wife and i are are laughing sooooooo reading that. that was sooooo good. fits us well id say ha ha
 
My wife and I each have things we do on our own but most of what we do we do together. Vacations, eating out, movies, theater. I always tried to get her into whatever sports I am into and usually failed - e.g. scuba and windsurfing never took. Conversely, she got me into cycling and I have become a nut on that one. We now plan vacations around bike tours.
 
donheff said:
My wife and I each have things we do on our own but most of what we do we do together. Vacations, eating out, movies, theater. I always tried to get her into whatever sports I am into and usually failed - e.g. scuba and windsurfing never took. Conversely, she got me into cycling and I have become a nut on that one. We now plan vacations around bike tours.
Click to expand...

Are your bike tours self planned, or with groups ? Where have you gone, and how well did they go ?
 
We are "credit card" touring types. We just started a little over a year ago. Took a VBT tour to Tuscany and loved it. We are looking at Costa Rica, Prague-Austria, and South Africa coming up. We are hoping to do one a year. We also did a short trip on the C&O Canal, leaving from our house. That was self planned - although it involved staying at a B&B and eating out, not camping. We liked the fully supported group tour and plan to do more of them. When I say I have become a nut on biking I just mean we go out several times a week near home for 20-30 milers - not tours. Also bought new bikes, a trainer for the winter, etc. We are going to Key West for a few weeks in February and will take the bikes....
 
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