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Old 11-22-2015, 06:06 PM   #3801
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What a hoot!
I always think of Singapore as probably the most highly civilized city on the planet (sometimes a good thing, but not always). It's nice to see how much fun people had with the original letter.
Yes, but it was very civilized fun. And there were very few spelling errors.
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Old 11-22-2015, 06:40 PM   #3802
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Quote:
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Yes, but it was very civilized fun. And there were very few spelling errors.
Yes, DW & I commented on the high level of literacy & inventiveness.

By the way......
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Old 11-24-2015, 03:34 PM   #3803
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Yes, but it was very civilized fun. And there were very few spelling errors.
The Brits have 2 [lower case] 'L's in 'traveling', BTW. As far as they are concerned, WE have the spelling errors.

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Old 11-24-2015, 05:01 PM   #3804
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The Brits have 2 [lower case] 'L's in 'traveling', BTW. As far as they are concerned, WE have the spelling errors.

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I use two Ls in Travelling. I am not a WE, but I recognize linguistic variations. When in Rome....
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Old 12-08-2015, 06:23 PM   #3805
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Groaners
1. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. A backward poet writes inverse.
11. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
12. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.
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Old 12-23-2015, 04:47 PM   #3806
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funniest bit I've heard in a long time.. because it's true

Find Out Why This Woman Will Not Send Her Husband Back To The Grocery Store!
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Old 12-23-2015, 05:23 PM   #3807
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Not a joke, per se, but the letter to a Singapore paper, and the subsequent inventive responses, is hilarious:

Unsafe to sew on train, Letters on the Web News & Top Stories - The Straits Times
Singapore fine city. They have a fine for everything.
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Old 12-23-2015, 05:25 PM   #3808
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Senior moments explained.

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Old 12-23-2015, 08:42 PM   #3809
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This may bring a tear to your eye.

Husband and Wife Christmas Shopping
A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile.
The wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do."
He said "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"
Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all
choked up…
"Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.
















"Well I am in the gun shop next door to that."
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Old 12-30-2015, 09:28 PM   #3810
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I ran across this today. I recognize all of them/

Small Town Quotes
Those who grew up in small towns will laugh when they read this.
Those who didn't will be in disbelief.
1) You can name everyone you graduated with.
2) You know what 4-H means.
3) You went to parties at a pasture, barn, gravel pit, or in the middle of a dirt road. On Monday you could always tell who was at the party because of the scratches on their legs from running through the woods when the party was busted. (See #6.)
4) You used to "drag" Main.
5) You said the "F" word and your parents knew within the hour.
6) You scheduled parties around the schedules of different police officers because you knew which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't.
7) You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough, they'd tell your parents anyhow).
8) When you did find somebody old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out into the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.
9) You knew which section of the ditch you would find the beer your buyer dropped off.
10) It was cool to date somebody from the neighboring town.
11) The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
12) You didn't give directions by street names but rather by references.
Turn by Nelson's house, go 2 blocks to Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track field.
13) The golf course had only 9 holes.
14) You couldn't help but date a friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
15) Your car stayed filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.
16) The town next to you was considered "trashy" or "snooty," but was actually just like your town.
17) You referred to anyone with a house newer than 1965 as the "rich people."
18) The people in the "big city" dressed funny, and then you picked up the trend 2 years later.
19) Anyone you wanted could be found at the local gas station, drive-in or the town bar.
20) You saw at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town or one of your friends driving a grain truck to school occasionally.
21) The gym teacher suggested you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
22) Directions were given using THE stop light as a reference.
23) When you decided to walk somewhere for exercise, 5 people would pull over and ask if you wanted a ride.
24) Your teachers called you by your older siblings' names.
25) Your teachers remembered when they taught your parents.
26) You could charge at any local store or write checks without any ID.
27) The closest McDonalds was 45 miles away (or more).
28) The closest mall was over an hour away.
29) It was normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower.
30) Most people went by a nickname.
31) You laughed your head off reading this because you know it is true, and you forward it to everyone who may have lived in a small town.
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Old 12-31-2015, 02:25 PM   #3811
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My solution for better government~

Limit all US politicians to two terms.
One in office
One in prison
Illinois already does this

HNY everyone.
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Old 12-31-2015, 03:33 PM   #3812
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Old 01-03-2016, 03:06 PM   #3813
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Oh man. I really hate it when this happens...
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Old 01-03-2016, 08:04 PM   #3814
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Machief went to a zoo in Pretoria, South Africa. While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind blew dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelids, the gorilla went crazy, bent the bars and beat him crazy. When he recovered, he went to the zookeeper who told him, 'Sorry, pulling down your eyelid means "screw you" in gorilla language.
Machief was not satisfied with the explanation and vowed revenge. The next day, he bought 2 hats, 2 horns, 2 long knives and a sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he went to the zoo and stood in front of the gorilla's cage. He tossed the gorilla a knife, a hat, and a horn. Knowing gorillas to be great mimics, he put a hat on his head and the gorilla did the same. Next he blew the horn and the gorilla did the same thing.
Machief whipped the sausage out of his pants and sliced it into two. The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at its crotch, looked at Machief and pulled down its eyelids.
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Old 01-03-2016, 08:27 PM   #3815
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the five symptoms of laziness

1)
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Old 01-04-2016, 01:30 AM   #3816
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the five symptoms of laziness

1)
2)
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Old 01-07-2016, 01:01 PM   #3817
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A Short History of Medicine

2000 BC Here, eat this root.
1000 AD That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 AD That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 AD That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1980 AD That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2010 AD That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
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Old 01-07-2016, 02:21 PM   #3818
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A Short History of Medicine

2000 BC Here, eat this root.
1000 AD That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 AD That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 AD That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1980 AD That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2010 AD That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
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Old 01-08-2016, 06:53 PM   #3819
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I was sent this by a friend. Figured there were enough of us introverts here to appreciate it.
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Old 01-09-2016, 10:10 AM   #3820
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Looks like murder has to keep up with the times:

Tom Gauld on murder methods for modern mystery writers – cartoon | Books | The Guardian
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