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Old 03-05-2019, 09:53 AM   #4681
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On a Septic Tank Truck:


Yesterday's Meals on Wheels



At an Optometrist's Office:


"If you don't see what you're looking for,
You've come to the right place.”
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Old 03-05-2019, 09:54 AM   #4682
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On a Plumber's truck:


"We repair what your husband fixed.”






On another Plumber's truck:


"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
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Old 03-05-2019, 09:54 AM   #4683
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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:


"Invite us to your next blowout.”






On an Electrician's truck:


"Let us remove your shorts.”
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Old 03-05-2019, 09:55 AM   #4684
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In a Non-smoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and
will take appropriate action.”

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”


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Old 03-05-2019, 09:58 AM   #4685
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Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

At the Electric Company:

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time.
However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.”

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait.”
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Old 03-05-2019, 10:00 AM   #4686
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At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank Heaven for little grills.”

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:

"Best place in town to take a leak.”

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:


“Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises”


And my fav


On a Maternity Room door:


"Push. Push. Push.”


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Old 03-05-2019, 01:15 PM   #4687
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Nice ones!
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Old 03-05-2019, 05:35 PM   #4688
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oz investor View Post


some how i can laugh at this still ...


Oh man, that is some quirky humor (or should I say "humour"?). Never saw that before. Watched it about 3x so far.

Between the old audio quality and the accents, it was hard for me to catch all the words. Much funnier when I could follow it all:

https://genius.com/Bernard-cribbins-...id-fred-lyrics

(A story about workers trying to move a piano)

"Right," said Fred, "Both of us together
One each end and steady as we go."
Tried to shift it, couldn't even lift it
We was getting nowhere
And so we had a cuppa tea and........

(hilarity ensues, with many cups of tea)....

And Charlie had a think, and he said, "Look, Fred
I got a sort of feelin'
If we remove the ceiling
With a rope or two we could drop the blighter through."

"All right," said Fred, climbing up a ladder
With his crowbar gave a mighty blow
Was he in trouble, half a ton of rubble landed on the top of his dome
So Charlie and me had another cuppa tea
And then we went home.


And yes, the band is named after this song:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Right_Said_Fred

-ERD50
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Old 03-12-2019, 05:03 PM   #4689
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RetireBy90 View Post
On a Septic Tank Truck:


Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

Quote:
Originally Posted by RetireBy90 View Post
On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed.”

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Old 03-12-2019, 07:19 PM   #4690
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There's a septic tank truck (we called them "honey wagons" at the power plant construction site) around my neck of the woods with the label, "milk" in bold letters across the back.
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Old 03-18-2019, 05:40 PM   #4691
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There's a septic tank truck (we called them "honey wagons" at the power plant construction site) around my neck of the woods with the label, "milk" in bold letters across the back.
Other septic tank truck slogans I've seen:
"We're #1 in the #2 business"
"Everything you do is driven by us" (in the early 1990s, of course)
"No stools left in this vehicle overnight"
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Old 03-19-2019, 01:35 PM   #4692
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I've seen a lot of "dog wears booties for the first time" videos, but this one takes the cake (funniest with the sound on):

https://www.instagram.com/p/BvJpFyFnc8j/
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Old 03-20-2019, 04:47 AM   #4693
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Originally Posted by TromboneAl View Post
I've seen a lot of "dog wears booties for the first time" videos, but this one takes the cake (funniest with the sound on):

https://www.instagram.com/p/BvJpFyFnc8j/

Good one, first one I've seen.
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Old 03-20-2019, 09:09 AM   #4694
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Originally Posted by TromboneAl View Post
I've seen a lot of "dog wears booties for the first time" videos, but this one takes the cake (funniest with the sound on):

https://www.instagram.com/p/BvJpFyFnc8j/
You know that dog is remembering every one of those folks who laughed at him. "List of people I won't wake up if the house is on fire..."
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Old 04-03-2019, 09:49 AM   #4695
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Let's Laugh

You moderators are smarty pants.



Here's a few to get us started...


"If you think you're too small to make a difference, sleep with a mosquito."
Dalai Lama


"A stock broker told me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him 'at my age I don't even buy green bananas."
Claude Pepper


"As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it."
Dick Cavett


And one more


"My grandmother started walking when she was sixty. She's ninety- seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."
Ellen DeGeneres
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Old 04-03-2019, 09:51 AM   #4696
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Old 04-03-2019, 11:47 AM   #4697
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Apparently, Google voice recognition still has trouble with Texas accents. This was the transcription of a voice message for my wife:

"Hummus dips, this is Tucker with the market or energy. We’re on gas company out of Dallas. I was calling about severe ozone and Martin County taxes. If you would give me a call back when you get a chance. My phone number is: XXX-XXX-XXXX. Thanks."

I told DW she has a new nickname, "Hummus dips."
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Old 04-10-2019, 09:41 AM   #4698
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Old 04-11-2019, 07:55 PM   #4699
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The weekend is coming......
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Old 04-15-2019, 08:31 AM   #4700
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The sound of water vs the sound of beer.

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