claudiaann
Dryer sheet wannabe
Feels as though I've been left behind. I'm always the one who does the calling or I never hear from them.........
See here http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f47/whats-the-deal-with-the-dryer-sheets-44456.htmlAnd why does it say confused about dryer sheets by my name
Missing friends from work
I see you were a teacher. Are there other retired teachers you can get together with? In your school, were retired teachers included in group social activities? Do they substitute teach? These are the ways my retired teacher friend keeps in touch with he former coworkers. If there is not a culture of including other retired teachers, you probably are just not considered part of the group anymore and it is not personal. If you used to get together with individual coworkers outside of school hours and school functions, then just call those coworkers and set something up. Or just send a chatty email to a couple of people asking what they are up to and telling them something about what you are doing, and suggest getting together. If you got married and did not invite anyone from your school to the wedding, do they understand why?
They probably feel the teachers who no longer work there are the one who left them behind. Get involved in something new and make some friends where you live now.
Once you are off the company email and not at the watercooler on a daily basis much of what you had in common is simply gone. It sounds like you were not ready for this transition to happen yet.
I guess I'm kind of funny when it comes to people in the workplace. I really have no desire to befriend them.
They're coworkers, not friends. I have "real" friends outside the office, in other activities I'm involved with that have nothing to do with my job or career.
It's one reason I don't tend to socialize with anybody at work, nor go to company functions like picnics or company Christmas parties.
My view is..."I have to work around you people for 8+ hours a day, I don't want to have to socialize with you, too."
That's why it's always been so easy for me to walk out the door and never look back. I have no expectations about maintaining work relationships, and simply don't care.
I think this is normal. You are not part of their lives as you once were.
We were together for 25 years. It's been six months now and I've gotten 1 phone call. I got married and moved to a new city but I'm only an hour away. Thank you for your reply.
You recently got married (big change) and retired (big change) and moved an hour away (big change). My guess is that your old w*rk friends assume that you are busy with your new spouse and your new life in your new location. Since you are the party who left the job and the town, look at it from their point of view - they may feel that THEY are the ones who were "left behind." Not saying that is good or bad, it's just life. You have moved on and they are still stuck toiling away at the j*b. A w*rk friend of mine retired 5 years ago, and she found herself with free time on her hands 24/7 (she is single). For several months before she retired, I gently suggested all sorts of avenues for her to explore to make new friends (the local senior center; volunteering in the community; the YWCA, etc). I explicitly told her that I would not have time to "hang out" as much as she anticipated once she retired. She never got the message. For months she called me day and night, at work and at home, asking me to join her in some activity or other. She lives a 45 minute drive from me, by the way. She had 24 hours in the day to do whatever she wanted, and I still had to (and have to) cram my "real life" (tending to pets, house, yard, errands, appointments, extended family members, classes, etc) into my "free" time. I like this person, but I simply could not meet her social needs in the way she wanted. The final straw was when she started "dropping by" the office with no notice, expecting me to drop everything and go to lunch. This was not a case of stalking - she was simply lonely and unprepared to fill her time with new activities and new friends. I finally had to cut off all communication with her. I still feel sad about it. I am NOT saying that you are exhibiting the behavior above. I just want to point out that your w*rk friends do not have the same kind of free time available to them as you do. If their lives are like most of ours when we are w*rking, they collapse at the end of the day, with many things still left undone. Driving an hour each way to see a former coworker doesn't even make it into my top 25 list of things I have time for. Just my two cents, but an excellent way to make new friends in a new community is by volunteering. There is always a need for literacy tutors in most communities, and as a former teacher you might enjoy that. Or join a local hiking group, or foster homeless animals (gotta get my plug in!) or knit blankets for preemie babies, or volunteer at the library or join a book club. You literally have an ocean of time at your fingertips and a world of possibilities for meeting new people who share your interests. That is SO exciting! You didn't mention whether your spouse is also retired. If they are not, and you are on your own every day, you may just be a bit lonely, which can lead to missing old friends. Do not take the lack of contact from former w*rk friends personally. You are simply in a new (exciting) phase of life which they cannot share with you. Pursue your interests (whatever they may be) in your new community, and in six months you probably will wonder what you ever had in common with some of the folks from w*rk! Best of luck to you as you explore this new phase.
Perhaps your expectations were a little high in terms of the level of inconvenience your work friends were willing to go to to engage with you after you left. Since you are the one that upset the delicate balance of interaction it only stands to reason (in my thinking) that you are the one that will have to put forth the extra effort to renengage them occasionally. Once you are off the company email and not at the watercooler on a daily basis much of what you had in common is simply gone. It sounds like you were not ready for this transition to happen yet. Maybe you could reconnect with a few of your favorites and plan to return for a lunch on occasion to catch up. I would think that they are just as interested in hearing about your new life as you are to catch up on the work goings on. As you find other new things and friends to engage with your feelings of being left out may subside. Best wishes. Just my 2 cents.