Retirement Guilt

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

I agree whole heartedly. I pulled the cord at 57, a few years after many around here. But I have a lot of restaurant meals plugged into my expense calculations.

Yep, eating out at restaurants is more than just food for us. We have splurged for a long time on eating out (ever since our nest was empty). Not every meal is gourmet, but we enjoy the relaxed time together, talking up a storm (well, mostly listening up a storm for me ) and savoring good food and service. We do it with friends and also just the two of us. Then again, we rarely go to movies anymore (crowds, prices, garbage on the floor) in favor of DVDs.

Both of us lived in Europe for a while in our youth. The lost art of conversation was much more alive there than here, and that's a big part of eating out for us.

Each to his own.

 

[My Dream]

I'll make this short and sweet, I'm 50 retired several weeks ago, and feel real guilty about telling anyone other than my wife, my kids don't even know although at 12 & 17 I think they have an idea. I have no plans to tell anyone and I hope no one asks. Friends and family know I'm not working and my MIL is worried we won't be able to pay the bills if I don't get a job soon. I have no intention of telling anyone until I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can do this on what we have in our portfolio.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it..........So put that in your pipe and smoke it!

 

[Mr._johngalt]

my MIL is worried we won't be able to pay the bills if I don't get a job soon.

This made me smile. Up until a couple of years ago my Mom was
still clipping help wanted ads and pointing out job opportunities.

JG

 

[FinanceDude]

Why not just tell everyone you're a "private investor"..............I mean, you all are..............

 

[kcowan]

I say I am a portfolio manager. I do manage 3 of them: mine, spouse, MIL.

I guess at some point others will discover your new status and then will wonder why you were reluctant to disclose it.

 

[My Dream]

Well the way I see it is.........relatives and friends are driving way better vehicles, go on better vacations, and generally spend more money. The way they probably see it is, they couldn't retire and live like we do. My brother in law told me once that he won't live till 65 so he's going to enjoy life while he's alive. He doesn't live beyond his means but he does live comfortably and should have his house paid off in the next couple of years.

As they say, to each there own.

 

[FinanceDude]

I say I am a portfolio manager. I do manage 3 of them: mine, spouse, MIL.

I guess at some point others will discover your new status and then will wonder why you were reluctant to disclose it.

Exactly..............I have a client that has been ER'd since 45........... When people used to ask him what he was doing, he would say:

"I am a private investor, and really can't disclose what investments I make due to confidentiality"

I think his "investments" were family vacations, world travel, and fine wine.............

 

[youbet]

As they say, to each there own.

Well put My Dream!

At the risk of drawing yet more heat on myself, I'll say that some of my fellow posters on this board do tend towards thinking that it's their way or no way. I can't figure out why. A LBYM lifestyle followed by FIRE is right for some, I sure love it, but I certainly understand others chosing their own path.

In regard to telling others I'm RE'd, I doubt there are many folks worth knowing who'd be negatively envious..........unless you got there the easy way (inheritance, etc.) and flaunt it. Our friends know DW and I busted our butts all our lives, pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps, and they always expected we'd RE.

 

[My Dream]

I know friends and neighbors right now that want to work till there 65 because they love their jobs, in that they go to work late if they want, sent personal emails, make and receive personal phone calls all day. They have no pressure at work, use up there 6 sick days every year, take home stationary, free pop and packages of coffee every day. There attitude.............retire, are you kidding, they work 4 hours a day and get paid for 8....as well ……..brag about all the fringe benefits.
My situation was that if I didn't work, I didn't get paid (self-employed). Basically the harder I worked the more I got rewarded. The pressure was very high and they just didn't understand why I would want to live below my means and save up only to retire without a new car every 6 years and not live in a nice big house. Although they don't live beyond there means, they are very comfortable in there lifestyle.

 

[Lena]

I think many people are pre-conditioned to work until certain age. I also think that many people wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they retired young.

Since I don't belong to either of the mentioned above, I wouldn't feel guilty if I was retired. Not at all.

Lena

 

[uncledrz]

Most successful working people not only do not envy us, they think we are ... just plain nuts.

Ha

We're not?

 

[uncledrz]

I used to be considered too young to drink alcohol or to have sex, either, and I'm sure glad that I didn't defer those activities for someone else's permission!

Hey, I'm liking this thread more and more!

 

[Mountain_Mike]

No guilt here. When I finally bail (soon) I'll have 30+ years of service....so what if I started young. When they've worked 30 years in the same organization they have my permission to retire, too.

 

[FinanceDude]

No guilt here. When I finally bail (soon) I'll have 30+ years of service....so what if I started young. When they've worked 30 years in the same organization they have my permission to retire, too.

Excellent point..............

 

[LRS]

I cut back to half time a couple years ago now. For the first time in years, maybe a couple decades, I had the time to slow down and have time for myself. I feel like I saved my own life with that move.

At the same time, my best friend was having bad problems at work. The work was terrible, her boss was harrassing her, and she was sick all the time. I felt bad, because I had solved my problem, but I couldn't do anything for her except suggest that she explore whether she could drop to half-time, too.

Well, she thought it over. She is quite frugal, lives in a very modest home which is paid for, and she figured out that by making a few modest budget changes, she could manage on half-time. Also, she found that she would still be eligible for her pension, health benefits, etc. at half time. So there was no reason not to.

She is now feeling great and looking so much happier and healthier. She only works 3 days a week. Her husband had switched to seasonal work some time ago, so now they both have plenty of time together.

So it may be that we are setting a good example for our friends. Not everyone thinks ER or working less is crazy--some just haven't realized yet it might be an option for them.

 

[bongo2]

TromboneAl,

If it isn't too personal, would you mind updating us on your story above? Did your relationship with your friends become strained, or did everything turn out fine?

 

[NotSoonEnough]

It is best not to feed trolls...

 

[FinanceDude]

It is best not to feed trolls...

What kind of food do trolls eat?? I must be careful not to buy any.......

 

[maddythebeagle]

Al introduced his friends to the Beaver and they all lived happily ever after....THE END

 

[TromboneAl]

You guys...

No, it didn't affect our relationship with our friends, and I've never detected any kind of jealousy or envy. Everything turned out fine.

 

[Walt34]

What's to feel guilty about? I worked in law enforcement for 29 years, worked weekly rotating shifts for 18 of them. Worked in fraud section, later morphed into computer crime/computer forensics which was a lot of fun - straight out of science fiction at the time. Got beat up a couple of times, stabbed with a knife, shot at once. 20-25% go out on permanent disability, 8 were killed. I feel lucky that I can still walk across the room and get myself a glass of water - I know some who can't.

Watched my pennies after divorce from spendthrift ex and in 14 years had a paid-for house, zero debt, and enough in deferred compensation savings. Married a bookkeeper who is more frugal than I am.

I'll admit I didn't pay attention to the agency's retirement benefits (at age 22 who does?) so that part was pure luck.

Hell, I EARNED it!

 

[bongo2]

Thanks, when I was looking up old threads for my train-wreck last week I remembered this one as a cautionary tale of lost friendship. When I saw that the reality was much more ambiguous it started bugging me. Glad to hear that I was just projecting my own fears.

 

[mh]

i have a friend who is comfortably ER-ed who just says "i'm unemployed".

according to him, at that point , people don't usually ask too many more questions

If they get to know him better they eventually figure out
he's not interested in finding a new job (and is FIRE-ed)
but by then they don't seem to care much.