Why is Socializing Tiring for Introverts?

[oma]

Also dead on. Why do we INTJ's have such a hard time with chit chat? It's not like it's rocket science (which, btw, would be easier to talk about)

INTJ here as well. I really think that part of my decision to retire early was related to my desire to be away from a lot of the social interaction required for my job.

 

[freebird5825]

...The list of topics that interest most people was something like this:
1. Their family, home, kids
2. Health
3. Job
4. Advancement
5. Personal growth [maybe "financial independence" falls in this lane?]
6. Clothes (for women), sports (for men)
7. Recreation
8. Travel
9. The opposite sex

10. Beer

 

[Ally]

One thing I do is ask tons of questions that require a complex answer, which keeps them talking and relieves me from thinking of personal things to reveal. Sometimes I learn something really interesting about them, or an interest we have in common, and then I suddenly feel comfortable talking to them.

 

[Khan]

How interesting! I took a similar course in the late 80's, based on Dale Carnegie's courses for salespeople. The main point was that most people err by talking about their own personal interests. Everyone has to work to overcome this tendency. To be considered interesting, you need to figure out what interests the other person, and avoid talking about what interests you (unless it's mutual). The list of topics that interest most people was something like this:
1. Their family, home, kids
2. Health
3. Job
4. Advancement
5. Personal growth [maybe "financial independence" falls in this lane?]
6. Clothes (for women), sports (for men)
7. Recreation
8. Travel
9. The opposite sex

If my experience is any guide, I would put sports, and cars, much higher on the list for men [I have never met a man who doesn't like cars], and "the personal life of public figures" higher on the list for everybody (suspect the latter wasn't such a big deal in the 80's). Also, people seem to love to talk about food.

Looking back on what I just wrote, it's clear what an awful darn lot of work socializing can be! No wonder some of us would rather stay home with a book.

Amethyst

None of the above.
Why I am a hermit.

 

[Ally]

It looks like if we all got together, we would soon be making excuses as to why we had to get home.

 

[Walt34]

It looks like if we all got together, we would soon be making excuses as to why we had to get home.

I think a ER gathering would be fun to do. But then I'd want to go home and take a nap for three days.

 

[Ronstar]

If my experience is any guide, I would put sports, and cars, much higher on the list for men [Amethyst

Spot on. Ran into some friends at a gathering last night. Talk was:

1. Cars, trucks, and motorcycles
2. Sports
3. Beer
4. Retirement
5. Buddy's dog and his upcoming vacation that he doesn't want to take

 

[TromboneAl]

It looks like if we all got together, we would soon be making excuses as to why we had to get home.

If only there were some way we could post messages about different topics when we feel like it, like online with a computer. Oh, wait a second...

 

[veremchuka]

Originally Posted by Ally
It looks like if we all got together, we would soon be making excuses as to why we had to get home.

I think a ER gathering would be fun to do. But then I'd want to go home and take a nap for three days.

Yeah both of those comments are funny. Now speaking for me, since I'd be with people like me and I think (?) who think like me as far as social insecurity and the dislike for social gatherings, I think that I might really have a good time talking to everyone. There's a shared camaraderie about LBYM, early retirement, frugality, the dislike of being in crowds, making small talk, so perhaps it'd be a great time. And I'd seek out freebird5825 cuz she's going to make me comfortable based upon a comment she made in the past about talking with people!

Either that or we'd all get disgusted and leave within 30 minutes!

 

[Ally]

Are there any extroverts here? Or is there a relation between LBYM, early retirement and being an introvert?

 

[kyounge1956]

Are there any extroverts here? Or is there a relation between LBYM, early retirement and being an introvert?

I hear occasional rumors of extraverted E-R members, but there does appear to be a strong correlation between introversion and early retirement. Try Is there a "Retire Early" Personality Type?, Retirement Personality Type or check out the early-retirement.org Personality Poll.

There is a much higher percentage of INTJs here at E-R than in the general population, where IIRC we make up less than 5% of the total. Also, because of the unusually high numbers of INTJs, ISTJs and INTPs, there are more introverts here than extraverts, whereas in the population as a whole I think the extraverts outnumber the introverts about three to one.

 

[W2R]

It looks like if we all got together, we would soon be making excuses as to why we had to get home.

Some of us would just make an excuse not to attend the meeting in the first place.

 

[freebird5825]

Are there any extroverts here? Or is there a relation between LBYM, early retirement and being an introvert?

 

[Walt34]

Are there any extroverts here? Or is there a relation between LBYM, early retirement and being an introvert?

It seems there might be since an introvert by nature is not one to go out spending a lot of time (and money) in crowded places.

Example: When DW and I got close to paying off the house we were paying a lot in income taxes. Went to see the tax guy who said that since we both worked for government the only ways to reduce the tax bite were to buy a second home, an RV, a boat with a head and galley, or start dumping money into deferred compensation and thrift savings. Since we didn't want any of the other stuff the last choice is what we did. After the house was paid off we were putting 47% of income into tax-deferred accounts.

A lot of people would find that behavior incomprehensible.

 

[Ally]

Example: When DW and I got close to paying off the house we were paying a lot in income taxes. Went to see the tax guy who said that since we both worked for government the only ways to reduce the tax bite were to buy a second home, an RV, a boat with a head and galley, or start dumping money into deferred compensation and thrift savings. Since we didn't want any of the other stuff the last choice is what we did. After the house was paid off we were putting 47% of income into tax-deferred accounts.

A lot of people would find that behavior incomprehensible.

Just reading that paragraph, and thinking about buying those big ticket items and having to go out and deal with salespeople, stresses me out.

Freebird, if we all ever get together, you're going to have to do alot of talking.

 

[Ally]

Oh and ISTJ here.

 

[Major Tom]

Some of us would just make an excuse not to attend the meeting in the first place.

That would be me. I'm notorious for doing things like that!

 

[W2R]

That would be me. I'm notorious for doing things like that!

So am I! Luckily Frank understands, because he is the same way. Between the two of us we use as much ingenuity as we can find in order to try to get out of gatherings.

 

[Amethyst]

I have tested as:
INFJ
ENFJ
INTJ
INFP

....so I don't put much stock in Myers-Briggs! I am a true Sagittarius, though!

Amethyst

 

[Major Tom]

....so I don't put much stock in Myers-Briggs! I am a true Sagittarius, though!

Amethyst

Sags are supposed to be big on travel. The ones that don't travel a lot have a big collection of travel books and magazines (according to what I've read.) . Are you like that Amethyst?