Don't some of these changes have to wait until you are actually divorced?
A lot of it is wholly dependent on the individual state's law which as we know can vary wildly. Best to talk to a lawyer in that state.
Don't some of these changes have to wait until you are actually divorced?
Glad you appreciate it. I have seen enough of these *separations* and not a one was a quick walk to the courthouse and a kiss goodbye.
Even the ones where there was no money and a few low value assets, they were trying and lengthy ordeals.
I did not mean to imply that yours was a "war" yet.
Check out a group called DivorceCare. You can find them on-line. They are usually sponsored by a church, but not at all preachy or judgmental. The group is usually led by someone who had also been through a divorce. It is usually free, too.
Happened to stop by today and see this message. I know you were one of the posters who was so helpful for me when I was going through my divorce. I'm so sorry to see that you're going through one as well.
From what little I know of you, I know that an amazing future is ahead of you. Obviously, there will be ups and downs.
Have not gone through this entire thread, but the book "Getting Past Your Breakup" was invaluable to me. I wish you luck and send you hugs.
I'm amazed to read some of these posts. I don't have any idea where people get the idea they know so much about other peoples lives just from reading (and reading into) what someone has said they are currently experiencing. Seems presumptuous.....and frankly rather odd.
Sheesh1.....trust yourself the those you know care about you. It will all unfold however it will unfold, but you and your daughter will be fine.
Here in AZ, a community property state, I know for a fact that the statement I highlighted above is true. I do not know about the other statements, but suspect that they hold too.Don't some of these changes have to wait until you are actually divorced? Retirement accounts in particular if you don't have a divorce decree the spouse is required to sign off on being dropped. Joint accounts, can you really dump the other owner?Also, you can write a new will, but if you die before you are divorced, I don't think you can just cutoff the surviving spouse.
Had a friend of my go thru this last winter, husband of 46 years said I don't want to be here anymore. They were separated and almost completely finished deciding on the asset split when he suddenly died. She got everything, asset split agreement meant nothing to the courts.
Don't recall if this had been mentioned already.....but make damn sure you have updated any and all account beneficiary info to make sure his name appears NOWHERE on ANY document. Just to be 100% certain, might want to submit new beneficiary forms for each account anyway. Same goes for any trust, safety deposit box, life insurance or other assets not held at financial institutions.
Further in community property states if the marriage has lasted for a number of years a QDRO may be ordered to provide the the other partner some pension income. That is in a community property state in theory the pension is a 50 50 split.Here in AZ, a community property state, I know for a fact that the statement I highlighted above is true. I do not know about the other statements, but suspect that they hold too.
Here in AZ, a community property state, I know for a fact that the statement I highlighted above is true. I do not know about the other statements, but suspect that they hold too.
Good luck, sheesh1.
Gambling is a disease, most often a life time one. I have many close relatives who ruined their marriages & lives b/c of it. I guess the disease runs in our family. It's amazing that you kept your side of finance strong all along the way. It could have easily ruined both of your finances before this point.
robnplunder, I missed your post and you are so right, gambling is a disease. It often can take years for the other partner to understand her/his spouse is a gambler with an illness. It took many year and many failures for me to get it. Because it didn't mesh with the other side of him I knew. Be that as it may as the years wore on, it got progressively worse. Hence, the "I have had enough".
Further in community property states if the marriage has lasted for a number of years a QDRO may be ordered to provide the the other partner some pension income. That is in a community property state in theory the pension is a 50 50 split.
As Virginia is not a community property state, you are allowed to do that. In a community property state, the spouse is the default beneficiary to any IRA or 401k, unless he/she specifically rescinds that right or privilege.I did have him as a beneficiary on 2 IRA's but those IRA's are titled in my name as well so changing my beneficiary was not a problem.
Also already have a Post Marital Property Settlement Agreement that was written, notarized and executed back in 2007 that basically states what is his is his and what is mine is mine. Nothing to hash out. Can he challenge it. Sure. Will he succeed in getting it thrown out if he does challenge. My lawyer says not likely. THe only time he has seen them thrown out is if "the parties" did not fully disclose their financial assets. With my ex being my CPA, he knew everything. I also saw his personal and corporate returns.
aja888. I expect this one to be simpler than most. Once he gets past his anger stage which evidently he already has or at least the first phase of it.
Sent me an email and told me my check for that loan to him was in the mail. Sent a second one apologizing for being so hateful...and stated "I made the right choice".
Thank you for your support and comments.
I'm wondering about this, is this the way your reconciliations started in the past? If so, I hope you have some clarity as to what is best for you and you alone going forward.
And after every Winter, the Spring shall come...
You are very brave. Your Springtime is on its way.
And for those interested, I have received my money back for the loan, deposited and cleared. And done so without involving lawyers and fees. There has been no contact other than receiving his check.