Craigslist Ad

[Pavo]

Hey guys -

I thought you might get a good laugh out of this one. We had a client forward to a colleague at my firm a few days ago; this was an actual post. Enjoy...

What am I doing wrong?
Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful
(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy.
I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind
that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think
I'm overreaching at all.
Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could
you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around
200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get
me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married
to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as
I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I
get to her level?
Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms
-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my
feelings
-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east
side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have
nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead
gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story
there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment
banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they
hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for
MARRIAGE ONLY
Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest
way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front
about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't
able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a
nice home and hearth.
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial
interests
PostingID: 432279810

THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I
see it.
Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring
my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my
money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely
that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't
be getting any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty
hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in
earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense
to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case
you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's
as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,
I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful"
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then
we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.
With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way.
Classic "pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of
lease, let me know.

 

[RunningBum]

http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f28/funny-efficient-market-theory-craigslist-style-30413.html

 

[Arc]

Priceless!

 

[mickeyd]

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then
we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

LOL

 

[chinaco]

Wow.

 

[TexasGal]

An actual post? Sounds more like an urban legend.

Seriously? For real?

I would like to meet that guy. What a hoot! Right on the mark!

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

An actual post? Sounds more like an urban legend.

Seriously? For real?

I would like to meet that guy. What a hoot! Right on the mark!

here's his name & address:

This is awesome. I would vote it for the best of. From the NYC CL

 

[TexasGal]

thanks lazy! Being entertained by people watching (or virtual people reading) never stops does it? What a good laugh for a Sunday afternoon.

TG

 

[pfpelican]

An actual post? Sounds more like an urban legend.

Seriously? For real?

Online bid for rich husband deemed poor offer - Yahoo! News

 

[Gumby]

Heaven help the man who eventually wins this "prize". She sure doesn't sound like the LBYM type.

 

[nun]

I was emailed this piece and it sounds very contrived. It hits all the buzz words
and themes to excite louche, male Wall Street bankers. Its sad that so many people seem to enjoy the stereotypes in it, both male and female.

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

not to, um, one up you (you as in community, not any particular person), but at least the str8 craigslist ad offers what might resemble worldly barter. perhaps not equitable, surely there must be some value there.

now to review the pathetic gay craigslist ad with our "higher" offer. we don't get bartered with even sex; apparently, all we get is charitable requests.

WM Broken and Lost in Detroit

My dream has been to move to Florida and escape the cold and blight here in Michigan. Life is full of bad luck and bad choices. I've encountered both. What a mess I have made of things. Staying too long on a dead end job while feeling secure with inheritance money and savings in the bank, I made some bad investments, coupled with a bad environment, and now it is almost all gone. I feel so alone for the first time in my life. Previously I preferred it that way. Now I am beaten into the very dust of the earth. My goal of moving to Florida is becoming more and more remote. Winter depression is worse each year. Detroit is a God-forsaken, blighted and burning wasteland. I own two houses here still--just barely--and I feel trapped. No luck selling. I want to get away from it all. I need a slower pace. Life has not allowed me to even grieve my loss of loved ones. I need someone in Florida who is a calm and gentle soul who can nurture me back to life. Maybe I can do likewise for you. I need security and rest. A retiree's life looks unbelievably appealing to me now. The cute young boys I long for now have become more difficult to catch. When I do catch them, I find their personalities and values lacking. A quick lay and "goodbye" and it's all over. Sexually I've always gone for the younger guys, but friendships have grown more readily with an older generation. I'm 43 years old, but in many ways I have the personality of a 65-year-old. Is there someone out there who can restore my strength and renew my faith?

count your blessings.

 

[bright eyed]

boy, that is just sad!