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- Nov 27, 2014
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- 9,255
These comments about marriage remind me of some quotes or things I've heard throughout my life.
1. Its not bad enough to change, but not good enough to be happy.
This seems like where a lot of people end up. Of course there's a full range within this dynamic but basically, they're content, not happy.
2. The old classic - The grass is always greener.
I've seen this a few times in my life. People split up, usually it involves an affair. I'm sure that's exciting and fresh and all that new love is. Then that subsides and they find themselves dissatisfied with the new relationship. And, in the meantime, they destroyed their family.
3. If you put as much effort into your marriage as you did your affair, you probably would have saved your marriage.
It's kind of hard to not slack off in a long term relationship. You get comfortable with each other and you don't try as hard any longer. But of course, you need to keep working on any relationship.
4. My favorite - The one constant in all your failed relationships is you.
Yes, many people look outside of themselves for the blame or answer to their situation. Of course, sometimes people connect with a toxic person. That's a different matter altogether.
Personally, I feel like my relationship with DW has gotten better over time. We've been married 40 years. We had kids early. Those years were definitely the worst and most stressful. I was going to school and working on establishing myself career wise. There's benefits of having kids early, but low stress isn't one of them. Thankfully we made it through, though I have to admit, there was a point where I called a lawyer.
Skip to the last ten years or so and things are pretty darn good. It's hard for me to say DW is my best friend, but I couldn't see us being apart. We've been through so much and I've gained so much respect for her that I can't imagine not seeing this through. Of course we've both changed but we've built our family and that includes grandkids and there's no way I'd give that up. She's the mother of my children, the grandmother of our grandkids and that makes her a very special person in my life. Maybe not the infatuation type of love but something way stronger and way more important.
Per the thread - Could I live alone? Probably. The thing is, I've never lived alone. I lived with my mom until I got married at 20 and I've been with DW and family since. I certainly appreciate some alone time, but that is one of the things senior life and retired life provide. Me and DW are fine with being in different areas of the house or outside or running errands and getting our alone time that way. Not the same, but quality alone time does happen.
The question comes up from time to time - Would you remarry? I don't think so. Frankly, I hope I'm too old or that I go first. However, I'm pretty sure I'd find a friend to spend time with if I do find myself unwed in the future. I'm pretty introverted but I've always had a small circle of friends and my family to engage with. I'm pretty sure I'd find some type of meaningful relationship, but I don't think it would include marriage.
1. Its not bad enough to change, but not good enough to be happy.
This seems like where a lot of people end up. Of course there's a full range within this dynamic but basically, they're content, not happy.
2. The old classic - The grass is always greener.
I've seen this a few times in my life. People split up, usually it involves an affair. I'm sure that's exciting and fresh and all that new love is. Then that subsides and they find themselves dissatisfied with the new relationship. And, in the meantime, they destroyed their family.
3. If you put as much effort into your marriage as you did your affair, you probably would have saved your marriage.
It's kind of hard to not slack off in a long term relationship. You get comfortable with each other and you don't try as hard any longer. But of course, you need to keep working on any relationship.
4. My favorite - The one constant in all your failed relationships is you.
Yes, many people look outside of themselves for the blame or answer to their situation. Of course, sometimes people connect with a toxic person. That's a different matter altogether.
Personally, I feel like my relationship with DW has gotten better over time. We've been married 40 years. We had kids early. Those years were definitely the worst and most stressful. I was going to school and working on establishing myself career wise. There's benefits of having kids early, but low stress isn't one of them. Thankfully we made it through, though I have to admit, there was a point where I called a lawyer.
Skip to the last ten years or so and things are pretty darn good. It's hard for me to say DW is my best friend, but I couldn't see us being apart. We've been through so much and I've gained so much respect for her that I can't imagine not seeing this through. Of course we've both changed but we've built our family and that includes grandkids and there's no way I'd give that up. She's the mother of my children, the grandmother of our grandkids and that makes her a very special person in my life. Maybe not the infatuation type of love but something way stronger and way more important.
Per the thread - Could I live alone? Probably. The thing is, I've never lived alone. I lived with my mom until I got married at 20 and I've been with DW and family since. I certainly appreciate some alone time, but that is one of the things senior life and retired life provide. Me and DW are fine with being in different areas of the house or outside or running errands and getting our alone time that way. Not the same, but quality alone time does happen.
The question comes up from time to time - Would you remarry? I don't think so. Frankly, I hope I'm too old or that I go first. However, I'm pretty sure I'd find a friend to spend time with if I do find myself unwed in the future. I'm pretty introverted but I've always had a small circle of friends and my family to engage with. I'm pretty sure I'd find some type of meaningful relationship, but I don't think it would include marriage.