I'm the OP, and I'd just like to say thanks to everyone who responded to this post. The replies gave me a lot of overall encouragement about telling relatives and friends. It also reinforced that if there are negative attitudes and comments, I can't help what other people think so just don't worry about it.
I enjoyed reading all the posts in this thread, so it's difficult to highlight some of them because there were so many things I got from this. But just to pick a few lines from various posters, here's what I'll call, the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.
The GOOD...
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- The comment on "degrees of separation" was a great insight.
- "I FIRE'd 10 + years ago at 56... Some of my younger friends (~15 years younger) said I was their idol."
- "Most of my friends, co-workers, relatives, and others, were happy for my ability to bail out so early! Several have told me over the years, that they were inspired by me, and we're hoping to do the same thing."
- "If I was retiring at 55, I'd tell everyone. Either they'll get used to it, or they won't, and my guess is that probably almost of them will."
- "I got carded buying wine at Trader Joe's a couple days ago [age 37]. Then the cashier asks me if I have the day off work. "Nope, retired.""
- "[Friends] see us walking to the tennis courts at 8:30 am many days, or strolling around the neighborhood midday in the middle of the week."
- ""What do you do for a living?" I respond, "I'm a retired oceanographer" (which is true). Invariably they pick up on the oceanography angle, not retirement, and we talk about what it was like to be an oceanographer, or something along those lines. I think the only reason people ask that question is to start a conversation."
The BAD...
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- the "oldest friend from 5th grade" who asked for a loan and when she was turned down, went "radio silent" 3 yrs and counting.
- the sister-in-law who asked for loans, mortgage cosigning, etc., and still hasn't been told we are FIRE'd.
- the neighbor couple "questioning our financial decisions and being openly hostile about our pensions".
Fortunately, out of 37 replies (so far) to my post, these and a couple of others were the only "bad" cases. Many people got positive feedback, and most people said everyone they know more than casually knows their status.
The UGLY (i.e. when you are asked for money)...
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- "Now that I'm retired, I have to watch my spending very closely."
- ""I’m sorry, we can’t, as we’re on a fixed income” is a good comeback line for people asking for money."
- ""I've found if I live carefully enough and limit extras, I can make it without having to try to find another tech job in my 50s. So far, so good, fingers crossed." Nothing in that is false, and I can make it sound fairly bleak, or just fine as I see fit."
Thanks again for all the replies, and if anyone else sees this thread, feel free to reply further. It would be interesting to hear what other stories people have to tell about reactions they got to their FIRE status.