How to help a parent in a different location

[Jerry1]

My dad and his DW have constant issues with their computer. It’s never anything complicated, but since I’m not physically there to see what’s on their screen, it’s useless to try to help them. For example, right now, they can’t connect to their WiFi. How it got disconnected is anyone’s guess, but I’m sure it’s just a matter of clicking on the right buttons and they’d be all set. They are at the point of diminished abilities so when I try to talk them through things, they type things in wrong or just do what they want even though I’m telling them something different.

Is there any service or ideas on getting someone out to their house on a as needed basis? I’m reluctant to do a geek squad visit, though it might come to that, because I don’t want a service call to end up with dad buying a service contract or any other thing they might try to sell him. I feel like telling him to grab a teenager but not even sure where one of those little genius’ are in a college town neighborhood where he lives. I got them a chrome book hoping that was pretty much indestructible, but they keep finding ways.

I tried to get one of his wife’s family over there with a smart phone to do a zoom or face time so I could see the computer, but they are less than helpful (aka worthless).

Any ideas? It’s a 10 hour drive so that’s not a good option, but I’m just about at that point.

 

[easysurfer]

There are times when a person has to be there to physically troubleshoot. Like if ethernet cables get connected improperly or somehow got unplugged.

But most other times, if there is a working internet connection, I think the best bet (if you don't mind being the tech support) is using a remote control program like Teamviewer or Anydesk to look at their computer screen as if you are sitting in front of their screen.

I've remotely helped family members that way as they aren't the most tech savvy (like calling a router a hard drive ).

I've also remotely logged into my home desktop while traveling about with my laptop. When doing this, I got my desktop setup with a smart plug so I can power on/off remotely with my phone as there are times a PC may crash or just needs a physical power on/off.

 

[Jerry1]

The remote control program is a good idea. I wish I had installed it last time I was there. I’ll have to look into that. If it requires their intervention to get it to connect, I fear it will be worthless. Hopefully, I could set it up to recognize me without them doing anything. Unfortunately, this issue is a connection issue and I need to get someone there. Seems like a good service for a youth group from church.

 

[ivinsfan]

You know my last two computers served me well but when they puked out it was because of Wifi connection issues. as in it kept dropping in and out and then refused to connect altogether. My IT pro SIL helped on the phone and said it's shot..


Can your parents afford a geek squad contract? How old is their chrome book? Do they perhaps need a new router? If either one of you can afford I might get the geek squad....Are you sure their internet if working and is paid up...?


How old are they? If they can use the computer they can start learning some of the basics on their own. This reminds me of some oldies I know who called it an emergency when they messed up the TV cable remote.

 

[Aerides]

We got FIL a chromebook figuring it was the easy way to go. You might find that the issues are more user error than technical, which means this will happen again if they don't understand what to not do, or what to do differently. For example, FIL insisted on powering off the CB every night when you just need to shut it. Or when zooming he'd want to start hitting stuff that didn't apply, and mess up the session, stuff like that. Luckily he has a savvy neighbor who can resolve most problems.

If he can't figure it out locally, then, yeah a weekend visit might be in order, in which you watch everything they do, ask them what they turn off and on and don't, and fix bad habits vs. connections...

 

[bobandsherry]

The remote control program is a good idea. I wish I had installed it last time I was there. I’ll have to look into that. If it requires their intervention to get it to connect, I fear it will be worthless. Hopefully, I could set it up to recognize me without them doing anything. Unfortunately, this issue is a connection issue and I need to get someone there. Seems like a good service for a youth group from church.

Lol... In that same situation. I thought it would be simple to walk my Mom through install of Chrome Remote. 30 minutes later she gave up. It's something about old folks and unable to follow simple directions and just start pressing keys they weren't told to. LMAO

 

[tmm99]

Yeah if the wifi is down, you or someone nay have to visit, but my DH uses Skype share and walk his mom through stuff. (We live in Canada and host parents are in England.) I tell him to use Team Viewer to take control of her PC if his mom can't understand your instructions... He has so far managed to walk her through things but it takes a long time, and he does get a bit frustrated at times... I think Team Viewer would be so much easier IMO, but his mom has gotten better with his help...

 

[Aerides]

It's something about old folks and unable to follow simple directions and just start pressing keys they weren't told to. LMAO

DH text: Dad, don't do anything, I'll call you and guide you
Dad text: OK
(DH calls Dad)
Dad: So I opened the link you sent
DH: what no I...just close the tab and go back to the email
Dad: Well there's a button that says share should I do that?
DH: No, just, go back to the link I sent you I want you to right click on it and then...
Dad: (regular clicks on link again and opens 27th tab) ok
DH: No... right click

and so on

 

[Jerry1]

DH text: Dad, don't do anything, I'll call you and guide you
Dad text: OK
(DH calls Dad)
Dad: So I opened the link you sent
DH: what no I...just close the tab and go back to the email
Dad: Well there's a button that says share should I do that?
DH: No, just, go back to the link I sent you I want you to right click on it and then...
Dad: (regular clicks on link again and opens 27th tab) ok
DH: No... right click

and so on

This is exactly what I'm dealing with. They are too old and their minds are going just enough that this is not easy. They are on the verge of needing to go into an assisted living situation. However, they're determined to live out their years at home. I don't blame them, but the reality is not as forgiving. I guess I'll just do the geek squad thing. It's not really a cost issue as much as just not wanting to bring another variable into the situation. Maybe if I contract with them so they can't try to sell my dad additional stuff.

 

[ivinsfan]

This is exactly what I'm dealing with. They are too old and their minds are going just enough that this is not easy. They are on the verge of needing to go into an assisted living situation. However, they're determined to live out their years at home. I don't blame them, but the reality is not as forgiving. I guess I'll just do the geek squad thing. It's not really a cost issue as much as just not wanting to bring another variable into the situation. Maybe if I contract with them so they can't try to sell my dad additional stuff.

Are they current on all their bills? That's why I asked about being paid up with the internet provider.

 

[MrsHaloFIRE]

this is giving me hives thinking about it. Friend said it took 2 4hr sessions to install a new printer by phone with her Dad. I cant even contemplate this level of self-flagellation.

 

[cathy63]

Having been the remote tech support for the entire family for many years, my current preferred method for helping the oldest folks is to get one of the grandchildren who lives nearby to go visit and just call me while they're on site if they can't figure it out themselves.

If that's not possible in your family, then I suggest joining a Facebook or Nextdoor group for their neighborhood and posting a request for local help. Explain that you'll be on the phone, but you just need a tech-savvy person to speak with, and you'd be happy to pay a high school student to act as your eyes and hands for a couple of hours. I see lots of similar requests in our town's groups, so it may not even be that unusual of a request.

One way that my family members manage to disconnect themselves from WiFi is by pressing the WiFi radio button on their computers. On my Windows laptop it's on the PrtScr key. I'm not sure if Chromebooks have a similar button, but that might be something to look for.

 

[ivinsfan]

Having been the remote tech support for the entire family for many years, my current preferred method for helping the oldest folks is to get one of the grandchildren who lives nearby to go visit and just call me while they're on site if they can't figure it out themselves.

If that's not possible in your family, then I suggest joining a Facebook or Nextdoor group for their neighborhood and posting a request for local help. Explain that you'll be on the phone, but you just need a tech-savvy person to speak with, and you'd be happy to pay a high school student to act as your eyes and hands for a couple of hours. I see lots of similar requests in our town's groups, so it may not even be that unusual of a request.

One way that my family members manage to disconnect themselves from WiFi is by pressing the WiFi radio button on their computers. On my Windows laptop it's on the PrtScr key. I'm not sure if Chromebooks have a similar button, but that might be something to look for.

JMO but with somewhat compromised oldsters I'd stick with geek squad instead of opening that Nextdoor can of worms.

 

[MRG]

When DF was still alive he had help from his neighborhood buddies who were just a little more computer literate. Eventually he had to utilize Geek Squad. If they took advantage of him he never knew but he was a tough sell on anything. I guess having sold annuities he knew BS when he heard it.

 

[tb001]

Oof. I feel your pain. I spent weeks earlier this year trying to fix a mess of computer issues remotely for my parents, that unfortunately led to $5k in fraudulent gifts cards bought through amazon.

This is part of the reason I insisted on a Mac for my mom. It’s super easy to screen share and I can just get on and fix things, but it does require a connection. I ended up just trashing my step fathers computer. A pc that clearly had something bad installed on it. Every time he opened it up we would see someone trying to log in to their amazon account. I didn’t believe them until my mom took a video and showed me.

It’s incredibly frustrating as a child to try to help. Unfortunately, they don’t even know the language to use when describing a problem, so even with geek squad or something similar, the right things don’t always get fixed. My step father had a guy they called their ‘computer guru’ who could remote in and swore his computer was fine. My guess is he may have been the source of the problems.

 

[bobandsherry]

DH text: Dad, don't do anything, I'll call you and guide you

Dad text: OK

(DH calls Dad)

Dad: So I opened the link you sent

DH: what no I...just close the tab and go back to the email

Dad: Well there's a button that says share should I do that?

DH: No, just, go back to the link I sent you I want you to right click on it and then...

Dad: (regular clicks on link again and opens 27th tab) ok

DH: No... right click



and so on

Swap dad for mom and that's how it went for me. Lol. I specifically put in the email, the very first sentence to don't do anything until we got on a phone call together.

When I called her her first words were "I clicked on the link you sent and I didn't understand it so I just shut everything down since it didn't work". SMH

 

[harllee]

This is the reason my mother does not have a computer. My nerves could never stand it. Just keeping a cellphone and TV going for her is all I can do. But I love her anyway.

 

[OldShooter]

Every state AFIK has a state-level organization to support seniors. In most, maybe all, the state board on aging distributes state and federal money to service organizations that do things like meals on wheels. Our state, and many others, also have a one-call help number and web site for people (elders, care givers, etc.) who need help of one kind or another. For most calls it is access to state services like Medicaid, but lot of other things too. Caregivers. Home health support, etc. But small stuff too. I just checked our state database and there five small-looking computer repair businesses listed.

I suggest that you attempt to find the help line and web site for your parents' state. Someday, maybe even now, you might need local support beyond just the computer thing. And you might well get lucky on computer repair, too.

 

[Jerry1]

Are they current on all their bills? That's why I asked about being paid up with the internet provider.

So far so good, but I’m worried that is next. I was just there and my dad had a letter from a collection agency. It was from when he changed cable/internet providers and did not pay his last bill. They offered to settle for about 75% so I told him to go ahead. It wasn’t worth trying to figure out whether or not it was legit. It seemed much more likely that he didn’t pay it than that the collection agency was making it up, given the information on the letter. There was no way I was going to try to balance his checkbook and clean up his paperwork, but I’m sure that day is coming.

 

[Jerry1]

Having been the remote tech support for the entire family for many years, my current preferred method for helping the oldest folks is to get one of the grandchildren who lives nearby to go visit and just call me while they're on site if they can't figure it out themselves.

This is how bad it’s getting. Apparently, the husband of one of his wife’s granddaughters, was over to the house a couple days ago. I find this out on a call today to see if the computer is still down. Apparently, Cole, got Zoom working, “but I’m still not on the internet”. Of course that makes no sense, but I ask them to have Cole give me a call. Sure enough, somehow they were logged off their Google account and Cole couldn’t get her back on because he didn’t have the password. Guess what, I do! I have them all written down. I sent him a picture and 20 minutes later Cole says they’re up and running.

It sure would have been nice to know that there was a Cole. Who, is apparently computer literate. Yay!

Now, my next dilemma. In this whole process, my dad took the computer to a computer store that have helped him in the past. To be prepared, he took the sheet of paper that had all the passwords on it up there and forgot it. He also forgot the power supply. He went back the next morning but only could get the power supply. They didn’t have or, couldn’t find the sheet of paper. As bad as this sounds, I’m not even going to try to change their passwords. OMG, I can’t even imagine. I’m just going to pray that someone threw the paper away and didn’t know what it was. Of course why the computer store, who has been helpful in the past couldn’t help him is beyond me. If I had enough hair left, I’d be pulling it out.

 

[harllee]

Jerry, it sounds like to me that your dad should not have a computer--and definitely should not be on the internet because he could easily be taken advantage of. If it were my parents, the next time the computer goes down I would just tell my parent that the computer cannot be fixed. What does he really need the computer for anyway?

As for the lost passwords, if any of them are for financial institutions, banks, credit cards, etc. They should be changed. Since you have the passwords do you have the authority to change them?

Are your parents credit it frozen? It should be.

 

[MichaelB]

A situation like this almost never leads to an outcome where the people involved eventually acquire enough skill to become technically independent.

If they are going to use a computer at home, don’t have enough understanding to carry out troubleshooting with your phone guidance and assistance, and have (apparently) compromised computer security, I think you have two options to explore. One is easysurfer’s suggestion to install remote management SW and you manage / deal with it from your home. The other is to replace their computer with a tablet that has more limited functionality but an easier interface.

Either way, if they have online access to their financial accounts, you might consider talking with them about shutting that down or authorizing you to manage the financial access for them. Losing their account access info indicates they are at risk.

An advantage to helping them manage their financial accounts online is it enables you to monitor their transactions, protect them from predators, and ensure there is no missed payment.

 

[Jerry1]

I’ll be discussing there bills with them next time I go. The passwords list were only email passwords. Bad enough but not too bad. I already started a conversation about changing those passwords. But, I don’t want them doing so without someone (Cole ) being there.

I agree, this isn’t going to get better. Thankfully, my dad doesn’t really use his computer any more. His DW does and she’s a bit more with it. Unfortunately, she really likes it because that’s how her church groups meet now. I think that’s why my dad got more involved (never good), because he saw she was stressed out not being able to attend her group meeting.

This whole thing is going to start the ever uncomfortable discussion about where they are in life and what they need to consider. Money and computers are just one issue. When I went there, dad had all the smoke detectors unplugged. I guess one of them had a bad battery and since they’re all connected, they all were chirping. Anyway, I cleaned all that up before I left. Thankfully, they were all installed correctly and are all interconnected. Unfortunately, the dead battery was in the smoke detector in his basement near the furnace. Upon my locating that unit, dad said something like “I didn’t know there was one down here.”

It’s getting bad. He did pretty good though. He made it to 90 with very little help and physically he’s still getting around very well.

 

[Sunset]

I consider losing email passwords, the key to grabbing bank/brokerage accounts.
The bad person simply tries all banks/brokerages around and clicks on forgot password.
A link will be sent to the email, which they can see and therefore change the bank password and start transfer/payment of money.

This does require the bad person to know the email address (not a secret) and hope that the victim uses the email address as the username.

My advice is to take over the parents bank accounts (with permission) to ensure bills are paid on time and the accounts are safe, along with setting alerts to everything for each account.

 

[Kroeran]

This is what I do for my mother

Paying all bills

Wifi camera trained on TV for visual trouble shooting

Floor Water alarms near sinks.

Wifi door sensors that lets me know when she leaves condo

Disable unused sources on TV

Wired phone in every room and restroom

Medical button emergency call system she does not wear.

Daily morning Callingcare automatic phone call check in

Senior phone from Australia (KISA) that has photos of contacts as call buttons, which was considerable trouble to setup and she never takes it with her.

She will use an iPad to read newspapers but can’t manage email. Would be nice if there was a way to send messages to TV screen?

She calls me with her grocery list and I order it online.

Credit is locked and title fraud mitigation is done.

I keep asking her to give my phone number when there are calls from financial institutions, but she just hangs up on them, so I am told.

A simple physical call button for uber without the complexity of a smartphone or an app would be very useful.