street
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Lol! I was thinking that very thing!!
How do your adult married kids mingle money?
- Thread starter vafoodie
- Start date
Lol! I was thinking that very thing!!
And man did I get lucky. We have been joint everything the last 38 years. We even have her name 1st on some stuff. Her Mom was left in a bind when her Dad died at 48... no job in over 20 years, no credit not even a car in her name.
As for our kids... Its their business, Daughter just got married, And already planning for her retirement. At 33 shes vested with the state system, some 401K and investments. He has a paid off home, their cars are paid.
Our son on the other hand... lives hand to mouth,
Joint accounts since we married 40 years, she is the major reason we were able to save a good percentage of our earnings. Bob Brinker was a major motivator in my investing in no-load mutual funds for 30+ years.
I'm really smart for marrying her and listening to Bob!
frayne
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
+1 in spades unless they ask for advice.
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Marriage number one:
We were young and stupid, I had more debts than assets, but I still kept things separate. I think it was more to cover MY bad habits. We each paid half the mortgage, which was in his name (I was never added to the deed either) but then just randomly divvied the rest as it came in. Over in 3 years: the divorce had nothing to do with money, but having separate finances sure made it easier. My personal savings increased dramatically in the first year after the separation, and I bought my own house a month after the ink dried.
M 2: DH and I talked about income and assets before marriage. Both of us had good careers, houses, he had more savings. We never merged finances, and he paid off his mortgage before we bothered adding me to the deed. I sold mine and put it into savings, and paid half towards reno on his (now our joint) house. Only when we started with taxable retirement savings, outside our 401ks, did we really merge finances in one big joint account.
Today we still each have a half dozen individual things, but we can both see everything under the Fidelity full view.
We were young and stupid, I had more debts than assets, but I still kept things separate. I think it was more to cover MY bad habits. We each paid half the mortgage, which was in his name (I was never added to the deed either) but then just randomly divvied the rest as it came in. Over in 3 years: the divorce had nothing to do with money, but having separate finances sure made it easier. My personal savings increased dramatically in the first year after the separation, and I bought my own house a month after the ink dried.
M 2: DH and I talked about income and assets before marriage. Both of us had good careers, houses, he had more savings. We never merged finances, and he paid off his mortgage before we bothered adding me to the deed. I sold mine and put it into savings, and paid half towards reno on his (now our joint) house. Only when we started with taxable retirement savings, outside our 401ks, did we really merge finances in one big joint account.
Today we still each have a half dozen individual things, but we can both see everything under the Fidelity full view.
CRLLS
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
We have married children. I don't have any idea, nor do I care to know how they mix their finances. They both have educational loans from pre-marriage. Not my concern. We raised them to be independent adults. DW and I had nothing when we started out. The question of having separate accounts was never raised. DW worked on and off while we were raising our kids. Her choice. Her contribution to our marriage was just as valuable as mine, and mine hers. Now, the only separation of finances is our IRAs and investment accounts. I have trading authority on her's as she doesn't have interest in that. Even our small inheritances were comingled.
Ohh street that was the 1st thing I thought of as well! my DW is 1 year younger than me. We were high school sweethearts. Her mom and dad ask me to please let her graduate before we married. She was the baby and the 1st to graduate in her family,including her parents. She turned 18 then 6 days later graduated from HS. We then secretly met the pastor at the church and got hitched. She didn't want a big wedding but we wanted to be married in church. After our 2 night honeymoon we came home and opened a joint checking and savings account.The only thing we have separate now is her pension,and Ira, any other money goes into joint account.My DD and her DH have joint checking but he has a checking and credit cards through his business. Thats how they do it and its ok because it is their choice.
prudent_one
Recycles dryer sheets
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This came up a few months ago at a family get together. BIL2 and BIL3 said they talked to the kid pre-wedding about pros/cons of mingling the money. BIL4 said he told his kid to keep a lot of finances separate (no doubt because BIL4 went through a divorce and it cost him a lot). My own parents and in-laws never asked and never offered any advice.
Heh, a co-worker got burned a couple weeks ago when he needed his sewer snaked out by a plumber who only takes cash/check at time of service. Co-worker couldn't believe the guy wouldn't do some form of e-payment and had to run to an ATM while the plumber added that time to the bill. I told my co-worker that may not be the only time a tradesperson wants paid cash/check on the spot.
Heh, a co-worker got burned a couple weeks ago when he needed his sewer snaked out by a plumber who only takes cash/check at time of service. Co-worker couldn't believe the guy wouldn't do some form of e-payment and had to run to an ATM while the plumber added that time to the bill. I told my co-worker that may not be the only time a tradesperson wants paid cash/check on the spot.
athena53
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One note on the "what's yours is mine, what's mine is yours" states listed earlier (MD and MA). I am not a lawyer but I lived in another state that was not a community property state (NJ) and the property division can be negotiated. My Ex got 60% of the equity in the house (he'd put up the down payment from an inheritance), he was responsible for all his credit card debt (purely expenses for himself, not house or family) and I got all of the investments in my name, which I'd managed to put aside while paying my share of the bills (and 100% of the bills the last 5 years of the marriage).
You don't have to leave it up to the courts to decide. I'd also think that in a short marriage with no kids a fair split would NOT be 50-50.
You don't have to leave it up to the courts to decide. I'd also think that in a short marriage with no kids a fair split would NOT be 50-50.
Chuckanut
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+1 on Mr. Brinker.
As a young no-nothing I was getting sucked in to high cost mutual funds. Yes, they were better than nothing but pass book savings accounts, but not as good as no-load index funds. Thanks to Mr. Brinker, I only bought one loaded fund in which I had invested just a small amount of money.
Teacher Terry
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My ex managed all the finances for 22 years and managed to hide the bulk of them so not what I expected when we divorced. I should have hired a PI to try and find them. Of course his retirement looks very different from mine.
When I remarried I handled the finances because I wasn’t taking any chances and when we divorced I didn’t cheat him. My son and his wife have totally commingled finances and I told my Dil to stay involved with the finances because she just lets my son handle them. I don’t think he would ever cheat her but hopefully we will never find out as they have a really happy marriage.
When I remarried I handled the finances because I wasn’t taking any chances and when we divorced I didn’t cheat him. My son and his wife have totally commingled finances and I told my Dil to stay involved with the finances because she just lets my son handle them. I don’t think he would ever cheat her but hopefully we will never find out as they have a really happy marriage.
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They haven't asked, I haven't offered. We talked about the basics around the dinner table, though, growing up. They're smart. I don't need to give them advice.
pacergal
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DH and I have been 100% joint on everything since marriage.
DD and SiL are also, she is SAHM since the birth of DGS.
DS is currently single, when married, thought they were 100% joint, but ex had hidden visa and bills. Hence, part of why divorce happened, and he got stuck with the bills!
DD and SiL are also, she is SAHM since the birth of DGS.
DS is currently single, when married, thought they were 100% joint, but ex had hidden visa and bills. Hence, part of why divorce happened, and he got stuck with the bills!
Don't Care, Didn't Ask. But if they ever were to ask my advice it would be co-mingled funds. Because if you don't trust the person to manage money why are you marrying the person. Managing money is the easiest task married couples will ever do. Managing money is easier than shopping at Costco together.
Im 50 & in my eyes co-mingling brings on fights, stress, resentment, etc if the couple inst on the same page / =
If ones a foolish spender along with doesnt care to grow the nest-egg, retirement accts, 401k...
My other half & I are completely separate & on different planets when it comes to me, cuz theyre sep accts, I cant argue......
If things are joint & the one who makes the most is on the mindset of investing & growing accts, vs the one who makes less spends theirs & yours more times than not, that isnt going to end well....
Work is hard enough & if you dont want to work for ever, if youre not on the same page financially, keep things completely separate....
Figure out a fare system inregards to who pays for what....
If ones a foolish spender along with doesnt care to grow the nest-egg, retirement accts, 401k...
My other half & I are completely separate & on different planets when it comes to me, cuz theyre sep accts, I cant argue......
If things are joint & the one who makes the most is on the mindset of investing & growing accts, vs the one who makes less spends theirs & yours more times than not, that isnt going to end well....
Work is hard enough & if you dont want to work for ever, if youre not on the same page financially, keep things completely separate....
Figure out a fare system inregards to who pays for what....
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I think attitudes toward money, saving and spending are one of the things couples should explore before marriage. As you note, it will be difficult if you are not on the same page.
Many roads to Rome. But FWIW...
Eldest and spouse have had joint finances and accounts at least since they married 4 years ago at age 30 or so. One spouse, depending on value of stock vesting, makes up to 8 times as much as other. (They have a toddler and two on the way, as well as a couple of houses)
Youngest and spouse have been together since age 19 (college), and started joint finances in college. One spouse made twice as much, but now stays home with kid(s) (one and counting/hoping). They are 30 years old.
Middle child and spouse kept separate finances after undergrad, including grad school and early professional career. Earning paths were comparable. They are finalizing divorce now. (Personally, I think that in their particular case there were underlying issues from the beginning, which led to separate finances decision among other things. The finances didn't appear to be a major cause of the breakup, or even a trigger.)
(DW and I have had joint finances/accounts since we married in grad school as poor church mice, way too many years ago. When we both worked real jobs, she tended to make about twice what I did.)
Eldest and spouse have had joint finances and accounts at least since they married 4 years ago at age 30 or so. One spouse, depending on value of stock vesting, makes up to 8 times as much as other. (They have a toddler and two on the way, as well as a couple of houses)
Youngest and spouse have been together since age 19 (college), and started joint finances in college. One spouse made twice as much, but now stays home with kid(s) (one and counting/hoping). They are 30 years old.
Middle child and spouse kept separate finances after undergrad, including grad school and early professional career. Earning paths were comparable. They are finalizing divorce now. (Personally, I think that in their particular case there were underlying issues from the beginning, which led to separate finances decision among other things. The finances didn't appear to be a major cause of the breakup, or even a trigger.)
(DW and I have had joint finances/accounts since we married in grad school as poor church mice, way too many years ago. When we both worked real jobs, she tended to make about twice what I did.)
athena53
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Yes, but that can mean that the spender doesn't have any funds for an emergency or for retirement. What then? I was the saver in my first marriage. Separate finances solved only some of the issues.
None of our children are even dating anyone...so not an issue.
DH & I have had joint EVERYTHING from day 1.
Mostly because he is TERRIBLE with budgeting...when we moved in together, it was a stipulation that we were JOINT everything & I managed the finances. Smart move for our situation.
We have friends in their 30s who have separate everything.
It is the cause of tension...she makes considerably more than him (particularly in the last few years) & while he contributes to the household expenses, he feels no need to contribute to their debt load (acquired together).
DD just bought her first house, is incredibly smart with her $ & makes a decent living for a 24YO. We helped her with her down payment...that house stays in HER name.
That's a different ball game than 2 poor teachers...DH did own his own home but I didn't ask to be put on the deed, and only was when we bought our 1st home together.
I'd say it's very situational--depends on each person's money management skills, tolerance of uncertainty, assets & income.
DH & I have had joint EVERYTHING from day 1.
Mostly because he is TERRIBLE with budgeting...when we moved in together, it was a stipulation that we were JOINT everything & I managed the finances. Smart move for our situation.
We have friends in their 30s who have separate everything.
It is the cause of tension...she makes considerably more than him (particularly in the last few years) & while he contributes to the household expenses, he feels no need to contribute to their debt load (acquired together).
DD just bought her first house, is incredibly smart with her $ & makes a decent living for a 24YO. We helped her with her down payment...that house stays in HER name.
That's a different ball game than 2 poor teachers...DH did own his own home but I didn't ask to be put on the deed, and only was when we bought our 1st home together.
I'd say it's very situational--depends on each person's money management skills, tolerance of uncertainty, assets & income.
Montecfo
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We are joint everything and always have been. That is how we both view marriage. Praise the Lord that view has not been tested or has survived the tests.
Son is not married. Unless asked we would not offer advice.
Son is not married. Unless asked we would not offer advice.
Toast
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Interesting question! We don’t have children. If we did, I would not ask about their finances.
DH and I have had joint everything since the day we became engaged over 32 years ago as 23 year olds. Everything we have is a joint effort with no thought of how much we contributed as individuals. We have total trust and faith that we share the same goals and values.
DH and I have had joint everything since the day we became engaged over 32 years ago as 23 year olds. Everything we have is a joint effort with no thought of how much we contributed as individuals. We have total trust and faith that we share the same goals and values.
Music Lover
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Well, I suppose it's better to have some issues solved than none.
We've been together 5 years, living together for the last 3. She has a daughter (22 yo) and I have no kids. She moved into my paid off house, and she bought a cabin (in her name only) that we share. So, for us having separate accounts makes the most sense. We have a shared account for ongoing expenses for both the house and cabin. The rest of our money is ours to spend as we see fit. I don't think she should pay if I want a new guitar, and she doesn't think that I should pay for her annual girls weekend getaway.
Montecfo
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People who combine finances are happier and grow wealth more rapidly, according to this WSJ article (no paywall).
Also some of the reasons couples may or may not do so.
https://www.livemint.com/money/pers...r-so-why-don-t-more-do-it-11670334017306.html
Also some of the reasons couples may or may not do so.
https://www.livemint.com/money/pers...r-so-why-don-t-more-do-it-11670334017306.html
athena53
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Yes, for second (or subsequent) marriages after kids are launched I think separate finances are more common. It worked for second DH and me.
timbervest
Recycles dryer sheets
Commingled. DW always had her own checking account so when she was working (pre kids) her salary went in there (now her SS). Had credit cards and an IRA in her own name. I mostly worked off of joint accounts but had my own CC's as well and retirement accounts. But all accounts were always considered one big pot of money and major decisions jointly made. Worked out fine.
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