How do your adult married kids mingle money?

[vafoodie]

My daughter is not married seems to be heading in that direction. I'm advising mine to keep things separate. Figure out who pays for what and keep a spreadsheet. The guy she's dating (inexplicably) makes less than she does.
Just curious to know what the younguns are doing these days.

 

[PatrickA5]

Back before my oldest got married, I think they had a joint account for major goals and kept everything else separate. They split the bills. I'm not sure how they are doing things now that they are married. Not gonna ask. SIL makes a lot more than daughter.

 

[Car-Guy]

Back before my oldest got married, I think they had a joint account for major goals and kept everything else separate. They split the bills. I'm not sure how they are doing things now that they are married. Not gonna ask. SIL makes a lot more than daughter.

+1

 

[Philliefan33]

None of my business.

 

[NW-Bound]

We don't know, and we don't ask.

Both my daughter and son-in-law have a professional job, and I think SIL makes more but perhaps only 15% more.

 

[Dash man]

I know they have a joint checking account, but that’s all I know.

 

[foxfirev5]

None of my business.

I have no idea, but suspect they are separate account people. They all know DW and I have been all in joint accounts for the last 45 years +. ( Of course we were married) Maybe that's why the subject has not come up.

 

[Lawrencewendall]

Considering that finances is the #1 stressor in marriages/divorce, it is something that needs to be settled before they tie the knot. DS is getting married next spring and they have not even discussed it. I don't need to know the details as long as they have talked about it and are ok with it. All I know is that future DIL will be bringing significant debt to the party. In MD, there is no his/her money. It's household money.

 

[W2R]

My daughter is not married seems to be heading in that direction. I'm advising mine to keep things separate. Figure out who pays for what and keep a spreadsheet. The guy she's dating (inexplicably) makes less than she does.
Just curious to know what the younguns are doing these days.

My DD and her DH are not keeping anything separate AFAIK.

Frank and I are not younguns, but with age comes wisdom. We keep everything separate.

 

[rodi]

My parents were 100% joint everything... until they weren't. When I was younger mom was a SAHM and had a 'budget' to work from to run the house. My dad started micromanaging my mom's spending when she went back to work (objecting when she bought a few suits for her management job that needed that style of dress.) She came back and complained about his high end bike and tricked out 4wd truck. To rid themselves of that stress they switched to a 'his', 'hers', 'theirs' model. Mom had some bills she was responsible for, Dad had some bills he was responsible for, and daily household stuff was done from a joint account. That ended the squabbling.

I started my marriage separate - even charging my husband rent when he moved into my home. When we changed states, we opened knew accounts, got a joint mortgage, and have been joint accounts ever since. Only separate assets are inheritances and retirement funds.

My BFF's first husband was pretty controlling with money. When she married her current husband she has kept things separate. They're both on their mortgage, but have agreed upon contributions to the mortgage. It works well for them since they have different spending styles, salaries, etc.

Communication and a plan is important.

A friend of mine had a disastrous divorce in part due to excessive spending and debt - they got competitive to see who could spend more/rack up more debt. They literally had to divide the debt (rather than assets) at their divorce.

 

[foxfirev5]

IMHO. Getting lucky with right spouse can make a huge impact regarding finances. On many levels.

 

[youbet]

I'm advising mine to keep things separate. Figure out who pays for what and keep a spreadsheet. The guy she's dating (inexplicably) makes less than she does.
.

Just be sure she's comfortable with that situation if the "who earns the most" situation changes over the years. Sometimes (not saying that this would be your DD) if incomes get reversed over the years, the new "lower earner" becomes bitter if the new "higher earner" has a lot more discretionary money after shared expenses are met. Just saying.........

 

[Aerides]

Considering that finances is the #1 stressor in marriages/divorce, it is something that needs to be settled before they tie the knot.

True, but somewhere else high on that list is meddling in-laws, or in-laws that don't respect or like their child's choice or partner, or their income, or profession, etc.

It's super hard to say "hey honey, are you protecting yourself from..." without casting aspersions on their partner.

Probably far better to have this conversation before they are coupled up, like when you talk to them about saving, investing, and being smart with money, include future joint money in that chat.

 

[brett]

We are strictly MYOB.

Not our concern how they handle their money. It is entirely up to them, not us.
Nor have we even bothered to ask.

We have always mingled. Never even considered a spreadsheet. Always joint accounts until there was a tax advantage. Today, the bulk of our equity is in DW's name for various reasons.

We had a friend whose husband did that. He made her pay him if he picked up milk on his way home. Incredible. He was a spreadsheet jockey down to a can of corn. They divorced.
No surprise.

 

[jollystomper]

We are strictly MYOB.

Not our concern how they handle their money. It is entirely up to them, not us.
Nor have we even bothered to ask.

+1

It is their lives, and their business. I will offer if I am asked.

For example, one of our sons did ask some general financial questions. His future bride was present. One thing that can out indirectly was DW and having we call a "no questions asked" budget line, a monthly amount that we set aside for each of us that we could choose to spend or save without any agreement from the other spouse. They both said, almost simultaneously, "that's interesting!" I assume that is one thing they are trying, but I'm not gonna ask .

 

[athena53]

DS and DDIL have joint finances but she's a SAHM and I think that's more common when only one has income.

In my experience, any system can work or not work. I had separate finances with my first husband because he was a financial train wreck but since he spent every dime he brought in and maxed out his credit cards, I was the emergency fund. Same system with second DH but we had very similar views on when to spend and when to splurge. He had his own checking account but mostly for incidental expenses. And finally, when I owned my first house, it was a duplex bought with a friend. We each contributed every month to a joint account for house expenses but could do what we pleased with the rest. That could also backfire if one had wild ideas about upgrades and the other just wanted to keep the place in good repair but we were pretty much in sync.

So, that's examples from my generation but I don't think much has changed. What's important is common priorities.

 

[Jerry1]

I kind of have a sense (two adult daughters) but I would never ask. It is none of my business.

This topic used to come up at work from time to time. To those who were/are married, it makes no legal sense. Maybe in some states, but in Michigan, what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine. There’s certain exceptions, but basically, if you’re married, you are one. DW and I have always lived that way. Of course we married young and “grew up” together. When we started out, she made more than me. I was a clerk going to school. Before long, I was making more than her. In the end, I was making a lot more than her. She never made me feel inferior when she made more and I never thought any different of her when I made more. And, I certainly never saw the money as anything other than ours. No one had to justify minor purchases and we always discussed larger purchases. I’m thankful that money was something we never really had any troubles with. Very thankful as I know that’s not real common. Of course if you ask DW it’s because she put up with me. I’m blessed.

 

[Gumby]

An interesting question and, since I have no children, one that I can't answer directly.

However, I do suspect the answer to this question today would be different from 39 years ago, when the young wife and I got married. We were 23 and 25, respectively, and each of us had, to a rough approximation, zero assets. We just opened a joint bank account and went forward with life together; we didn't know that anyone else did it differently and didn't think much about it. Over the subsequent years, I sometimes heard work colleagues talk offhandedly about his accounts and her accounts, and who paid which bills. That always seemed odd to me.

However, as I look around today, I see people marrying much later than the young wife and I did. They often both have established careers and more substantial assets by the time they marry. Also, it seems that they almost universally live together prior to marriage (we did not). Under those circumstances, I can see that having established separate accounting while living together but not yet married, couples might just continue the practice after the marriage.

Just another reminder, I suppose, that all roads lead to Rome.

 

[street]

Not sure 100% on all arrangement my son and wife have for financial agreements. I do know my son has his own checking & savings and his investments 401k/pension accounts are in his name. I don't know if they have much joint moneys both have high earning income jobs. I also know she has her own checking/savings accounts because she pays taxes quarterly. Like home and land in her name she doesn't want that. Son has told me that. I know they split a lot of expenses like utilities home mortgage etc..

I know once he mentioned that she/wife doesn't want things in her name because of the profession she is in. Not sure that has to do with anything but maybe being joint accounts would mean that also.

I never have asked them, and I never will. I just have heard things in general talks.

 

[street]

An interesting question and, since I have no children, one that I can't answer directly.

However, I do suspect the answer to this question today would be different from 39 years ago, when the young wife and I got married. We were 23 and 25, respectively, and each of us had, to a rough approximation, zero assets. We just opened a joint bank account and went forward with life together; we didn't know that anyone else did it differently and didn't think much about it. Over the subsequent years, I sometimes heard work colleagues talk offhandedly about his accounts and her accounts, and who paid which bills. That always seemed odd to me.

However, as I look around today, I see people marrying much later than the young wife and I did. They often both have established careers and more substantial assets by the time they marry. Also, it seems that they almost universally live together prior to marriage (we did not). Under those circumstances, I can see that having established separate accounting while living together but not yet married, couples might just continue the practice after the marriage.

Just another reminder, I suppose, that all roads lead to Rome.

Yep, agree with the younger couples and we combined accounts and started out as one instead of dual accounts for everything just like you. I didn't think there was another way.

 

[kgtest]

Well, I make more than 3x what my DW earns. We don't equate our earning power to marital equity and equality, though combined certainly is a part of our long term goals and planning.

DW is on my checking account but I am not on hers. Although we use the same credit union and can xfer money back and forth. I xfer her money to cover some things a few times a month. She has her own credit cards and pays for those, and I have my own credit cards and pay for mine. We always discuss large purchases, and sometimes she covers them (she paid for most of our furniture) and sometimes I cover them (I paid for our vehicles),

I am on the mortgage title, but DW is not. I am on the car loan and DW is not.

Even though I have earned more, spent more and have leveraged MUCH more credit than she ever has, she tends to carry a higher FICO score which I always thought was strange. I've repaid hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, and she has only borrowed and repaid thousands.

When it comes time for gifting, DW typically will pay for gifts to her family members, and I will cover gifts to my family (birthday and Christmas gifts etc.)

For the first time ever and I mean ever, DW asked if I could help her payoff her Target card this month since we bought $500 in gift cards and also spent a bit on household needs and other gifts. We did MOST of our Holiday shopping at Target this year.

I am the spender of the family, and could reign in my budget quite a bit vs DW is very conservative with how she spends money and uses her credit cards. We balance each other out just as it should be.

I also fund some of DW 403b since she wouldn't be able to cover all of her bills, daycare expenses and the contributions that allow us to max out her 403b and leverage the tax deduction. I feel its worth it and I have been doing that for quite a few years. She does contribute about $500/month towards her 403b and I contribute the rest.

Not sure how anyone else around me, my circle of friends does it. My folks operate similar to how our family does. DF has the lions share of assets under his accounts with DM listed on them and no interest in controlling/managing any of that. I don't think mom knew how much the mortgage payment or taxes etc were ever...she just didn't concern herself with that, but she was/is an excellent mother.

Taxes are not always the same. Sometimes we file MFJ, sometimes we file separate. This year DW will claim the kids and child care deductions, whereas I will claim the house and businesses. I had a lot of income and even more losses this year and it just works out better for us doing it this way this particular filing.

I manage all of our investing accounts, but I inform DW of the moves we make. It's a constant topic of discussion, as is monthly budgeting talks..or more or less debt servicing discussions, and future big purchase discussions. DW has zero interest in managing the investment accounts, but she definitely wants to be informed. I have done some boneheaded things with both of our accounts in the past, but have since mellowed out and just keep plowing money into ETFs and AAPL stock.

 

[kgtest]

An interesting question and, since I have no children, one that I can't answer directly.

However, I do suspect the answer to this question today would be different from 39 years ago, when the young wife and I got married. We were 23 and 25, respectively, and each of us had, to a rough approximation, zero assets. We just opened a joint bank account and went forward with life together; we didn't know that anyone else did it differently and didn't think much about it. Over the subsequent years, I sometimes heard work colleagues talk offhandedly about his accounts and her accounts, and who paid which bills. That always seemed odd to me.

However, as I look around today, I see people marrying much later than the young wife and I did. They often both have established careers and more substantial assets by the time they marry. Also, it seems that they almost universally live together prior to marriage (we did not). Under those circumstances, I can see that having established separate accounting while living together but not yet married, couples might just continue the practice after the marriage.

Just another reminder, I suppose, that all roads lead to Rome.

Not that its relevant, but I somewhat pictured a larger gap in age as you always refer to your wife as the "young" wife. DW is also 2 yrs younger than me, but I never considered her "young" relative to my age. I have friends that have married with decades of age gap...that to me would be younger, but alas it doesn't really matter.

 

[street]

Not that its relevant, but I somewhat pictured a larger gap in age as you always refer to your wife as the "young" wife. DW is also 2 yrs younger than me, but I never considered her "young" relative to my age. I have friends that have married with decades of age gap...that to me would be younger, but alas it doesn't really matter.

I always thought the same Gumby referred to as Young Wife a larger difference.

My wife is a year older than I would I call her the Old Wife?

 

[Luvtoride]

I know they have a joint checking account, but that’s all I know.

I know they have a joint checking account but I don’t think they use checks at all! If they can’t pay with online banking, Zelle, Venmo or PayPal they are out of luck! Lol

 

[Gumby]

I always thought the same Gumby referred to as Young Wife a larger difference.

My wife is a year older than I would I call her the Old Wife?

Not if you value your life.