Surely you're not that dense. If my spouse gives me a hall pass while they're on travel (probably would if I asked) or we pick up a 3rd at the bar together, that is not even remotely in the same universe as me hooking up with someone behind their back and pretending it never happened. Stop trolling.
need advice from people who have done a lot of crazy things in life
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Senator
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
I am not trolling, just illustrating the concept of recreational adult activities. For some reason, people think that their version of life should apply to others. Matt maybe even had a hall pass, or maybe Matt's wife was not up to the task she signed up for.
They both are consenting adults. They both presumably had fun. Nothing was illegal. That's OK.
My guess is that many people that condemn this activity, condone many illegal activities.
MissMolly
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Not necessarily true. Depends on the state. In fact, in Idaho, Massachusetts, Michigan, Oklahoma and Wisconsin, among others, it is a felony crime punishable by prison.
"Adultery laws, which make sexual acts illegal if at least one of the parties is married to someone else: Alabama, Arizona, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Kansas, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, New York, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Utah, Virginia and Wisconsin."
https://www.salon.com/2019/05/06/adultery-and-fornication-why-are-states-rushing-to-get-these-outdated-laws-off-the-books/
Chuckanut
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Keep in mind that cheaters are liars. It’s a necessity. And they often try to get others to lie for them. I know a lady whose female boss used her to cover for her affair. “Tell hubby I’m in a late meeting and can’t be disturbed.” Imagine that!
So, yes, watching them can be ‘interesting’ as they try to drag others into the muck with them.
Senator
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
lol. It would be an interesting court case and be thrown out at the district court. Hopefully you do not think that the laws against adultery are even enforceable. Maybe they still stone people for committing it?
This sort of thing happens every day. It's no big deal. People that think it's a big deal likely never had a good marriage to begin with, and they are looking for a way to dissolve it.
As opposed to non-physical sex?
Some people think that looking at porn is cheating. Go figure.
Exactly. And it's very common.
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Better yet, where's the video.
HFWR
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
I’ve never done any crazy things...
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aja8888
Moderator Emeritus
It's more common that you think! (it being adultery)
When I moved to Texas from California in 1992 as a recently divorced man of 49, in great physical shape and with a good engineering job, I was "friendless" and thrust into the "singles abyss". Once established with a place to live and some new male buddies (single ones), I got into the dating scene.
What a surprise I had when it was clear to me that there were many middle-aged singles, most of who were divorced, but some were never married. After a few years of dating several women, I can say from experience that there was a good bit of "cheating" going on, from both married men and women.
One thing I was told, more than once during that period I was in the abyss, is that single women like to "meet up" with married men because they felt that a one time sexual encounter won't be enough to cause the man to leave his wife. I'm not making this up, it was one thing that was burned into my brain when I was single again. I was never told that the reverse is true, that married women would rather mess around with single guys for that reason, but I did meet some married women during that period that were on the hunt for a good time.
My time in the "midlife single abyss" was quite an experience, all 5 years of it. I had a lot of fun (good fun), made some really good friends, and connected with and married a great lady who is very family oriented and is my best friend. We have now been together 24 years!
When I moved to Texas from California in 1992 as a recently divorced man of 49, in great physical shape and with a good engineering job, I was "friendless" and thrust into the "singles abyss". Once established with a place to live and some new male buddies (single ones), I got into the dating scene.
What a surprise I had when it was clear to me that there were many middle-aged singles, most of who were divorced, but some were never married. After a few years of dating several women, I can say from experience that there was a good bit of "cheating" going on, from both married men and women.
One thing I was told, more than once during that period I was in the abyss, is that single women like to "meet up" with married men because they felt that a one time sexual encounter won't be enough to cause the man to leave his wife. I'm not making this up, it was one thing that was burned into my brain when I was single again. I was never told that the reverse is true, that married women would rather mess around with single guys for that reason, but I did meet some married women during that period that were on the hunt for a good time.
My time in the "midlife single abyss" was quite an experience, all 5 years of it. I had a lot of fun (good fun), made some really good friends, and connected with and married a great lady who is very family oriented and is my best friend. We have now been together 24 years!
ncbill
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
ncbill
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Don't forget civil court..."alienation of affection" suits result in expensive judgments here.
Which could be a significantly negative impact on achieving the FI necessary to RE.
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Senator
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Maybe that's why they have "No Fault Divorces".
mountainsoft
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
As someone who has been on the blindsided end of a one time "mistake", Matt needs to confess to his wife. Yeah, this has the potential to end the marriage, and there's a long road ahead if they decide to work through it, but that's the choice he made when he decided to spend a drunken night alone with a "friend". I don't care how much I've had to drink, I still know the difference between right and wrong. Eventually secrets like this come out, and even if it doesn't it will eat at Matt the rest of his life if he has any decency or respect for his wife.
As for the friendship between Kristi and Matt, that ended the moment they crossed the line. You can't put the genie back in the bottle. They need to go their separate ways and never speak again. If it happened once, it can happen again.
As for you, stay out of it, none of your business. On the other hand, if Matt's wife asks, be honest. As the old James Taylor song said, "I will not lie for you".
As for the friendship between Kristi and Matt, that ended the moment they crossed the line. You can't put the genie back in the bottle. They need to go their separate ways and never speak again. If it happened once, it can happen again.
As for you, stay out of it, none of your business. On the other hand, if Matt's wife asks, be honest. As the old James Taylor song said, "I will not lie for you".
Maenad
Recycles dryer sheets
I don't think Matt should tell his wife. I'm with Dan Savage on this one, if it's truly a one-time, deeply regretted thing, Kristi should stuff it down the memory hole and Matt should re-dedicate himself to his marriage.
Matt telling his wife is just a way to unburden himself of a burden that he has earned, and giving it to an innocent third party. He should carry this guilt so that it prevents him from doing something similar in the future. He doesn't need to flagellate himself or wear sackcloth and ashes, but this is one of those situations where a feeling of guilt is there for a reason, to produce better behavior in the future.
And I also recommend the OP to back away and refuse to hear anything more of it. Especially if Kristi and Matt keep picking at the wound.
Matt telling his wife is just a way to unburden himself of a burden that he has earned, and giving it to an innocent third party. He should carry this guilt so that it prevents him from doing something similar in the future. He doesn't need to flagellate himself or wear sackcloth and ashes, but this is one of those situations where a feeling of guilt is there for a reason, to produce better behavior in the future.
And I also recommend the OP to back away and refuse to hear anything more of it. Especially if Kristi and Matt keep picking at the wound.
BeachOrCity
Full time employment: Posting here.
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I keep wondering if the OPs real name is Matt or Kristi??
Senator
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Are you asking for a friend?
travelover
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Senator
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
This type of romp is probably a great thing for both of their mental health and self esteem.
If it helps both of them, who would ever argue against helping a person's mental health.
If it helps both of them, who would ever argue against helping a person's mental health.
YMMV, and it clearly does, but it doesn’t sound like this particular romp in the hay has been positive for either of those factors.
If all parties in a marriage are agreed, sleep with whoever you want. But if there’s not an open understanding you’re violating one of the key tenants of marriage, IMO. And it’s not fidelity, it’s trust.
Infidelity goes far beyond a romp in the hay and aside from the emotional damage it does to a relationship, can have lasting consequences, including unintended and unwanted children, stds, etc.
And if you’re a man thinking you’re using protection so none of those unintended consequences can happen to you, you’re naive.
Yup. After all, who is harmed by this merry little romp?
Other than the wife and kids when they find out of course. The little ones may need some professional mental health help. That's their problem.
But certainly that romp is worth a bit of pain for the family - it's a great thing!
HFWR
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Senator
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
At least it's more juicy than talking the 4% rule...
Maybe someone will start a thread about the Kardashians next. That would be almost as much fun.
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