Secret to a Happy Marriage

[Sarah in SC]

I am looking forward to reading this new book called Spousonomics--basically how economists interpret love and marriage but I thought this was an awesome article for Valentine's Day in the WSJ. [

The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much.


The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don

From the article:
This Valentine’s Day, skip the chocolate, lingerie and jewelry. Instead, practice talking less, doing the dishes and putting out. Romantic? Maybe not. The secret to a life of wedded bliss? Quite possibly.

A little background. I just co-wrote a book called “Spousonomics: Using Economics to Master Love, Marriage & Dirty Dishes,” in which I take some well-established ideas from the dismal science and use them to show couples how they can improve their marriages.


I figured this would be a win with lots of you guys, LOL.

 

[Danmar]

There are no secrets to a happy marriage. All possibilities are well know but not always followed.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Good article and pretty much true, except for the "do the dishes" part (her points apply equally to both parties, so I don't know why that one is skewed to women as we know many men on this forum are so much better on loading that dishwasher than women ). The "putting out" is probably the most important.

 

[FIRE'd@51]

as we know many men on this forum are so much better on loading that dishwasher than women

Not me - my job is unloading.

 

[Orchidflower]

Happy to do all--except the "don't talk so much" has always been the hardest for me. At least--thru the hard knocks of life--I definitely learned how to not be so darned "honest" which honesty always turned out to be a load of hooooey! Guys don't really like "honest" I found out.

So, now it's "yes, you really ARE the best there is.." I hope they believe me...

 

[Moemg]

Good article ! I agree with the putting out part . As we age it sometimes goes to the back burner but it is the tie that binds especially for men.

 

[bbbamI]

From the article:
This Valentine’s Day, skip the chocolate, lingerie and jewelry. Instead, practice talking less, doing the dishes and putting out. Romantic? Maybe not. The secret to a life of wedded bliss? Quite possibly.

Hmmm...I wonder how long she's been married? I love romance.

Since daddy and I had to put momma in the nursing home a few months ago, I've talked to daddy every day. Today was no exception. When he went to see her, he took a box of candy and a card for Valentine's Day. He read the card to her and she managed to eat a piece of candy. The nurses were touched by his display of affection for her. For him, it is natural as he's been giving his bride a valentine every year for 55 years.

He told me he knew she didn't understand the card or occasion. I said, 'maybe not...but you did, didn't you?' He said, 'yes, I did.'

Oh...they washed the dishes together as well.

 

[Sarah in SC]

Sweet story, bbb!

The two authors are not economists, but they studied how to apply economic theory to long-term relationships (ala Freakonomics). I couldn't resist ordering the book today from Amazon, so I'll be sure to give a report when I'm done.

I think the article was more about how to get along in long-term relationships. It didn't advocate against romance, but mostly suggested that romance alone wouldn't carry you through the rough patches.

 

[Moemg]

Hmmm...I wonder how long she's been married? I love romance.

.

I do too . Gary always gets me mushy cards and flowers for special occasions and I really appreciate it . Last Christmas he decorated a stocking with my nickname in gold sparkles and then filled the stocking with jewelry and chocolate . It's things like this that are so special . Of course I am still finding the sparkles all over the house .

 

[HFWR]

"Ain't seen my wife in two or three years, I'm a happily married man..."

Duane Allman

 

[Rustic23]

My late FIL and MIL were married for 65 years. In her last years she was blind. He would read the paper to her everyday, including the comics. I am not sue what make a happy marriage, but that was one for sure. DW and I are on our way, I think, as we will celibate our 43rd this year. Before we were married someone told us 'Never go to bed mad, no matter how late you have to stay up!' and while we have had a few late nights, we never have. I think what that does is things don't build up.

 

[Marc1962]

[...] we will celibate our 43rd this year.

Freudian slip?

 

[Nova]

Every Valentines Day, DH gives me good chocolates...yum! I put on something skimpy and we...mmm...well...you know...practice our best Rihanna and Drake grammy moves!

 

[Sarah in SC]

See, Nova is practicing what the article says...

 

[Rustic23]

Well so much for the 'put out' portion of the formula.

 

[Alan]

I liked this line from the article, "56% of people we surveyed said they gained weight after they got married."

It reminds me of the old adage, when two folks get married, "she hopes that she can change him and he hopes that she'll never change".

As to the suggestion to "put out" more, that reminded me of the old joke that the best way to cure a sex maniac is to marry him/her.

I don't think that there is a secret to our being married 35 years - we have the same sense of humor and laugh a lot. I like to keep the traditional romantic things for very special occaisions.

In August 1976 we moved house from Scotland to England and on the following Monday I went away on a business course for a week. Every night I called home there was some new disaster.

• The "men" delivered the new electric cooker while she was out with the kids and she had to haul it inside and wire it in herself.
• Gale force winds blew down the garden fence and some ridge tiles off the roof causing it to leak so she had to call out roofers.
• The copper heating cylinder spring a leak and soaked all the carpets and sheet rock before she could find the shut off valve.
• blah, blah blah....

And then I remembered it was our 10th wedding anniversary coming up on the Thursday so I had some flowers delivered. It was the very first time I had ever given her flowers. My Dad had taken a couple of days off work to drive down with my mother to help out that day and over the coming weekend. My mother told me that my wife burst into tears when the flowers arrived






I then spoiled it all after I was back. I knew how careful she was with money and a couple of weeks later I told her that I was able to claim the money for the flowers on my expense account

 

[BigNick]

My late FIL and MIL were married for 65 years. In her last years she was blind. He would read the paper to her everyday, including the comics. I am not sue what make a happy marriage, but that was one for sure.

I don't want to make a joke at the expense of your MIL's affliction, but it reminded me of the old saying is that a blind woman and a deaf man make for a happy marriage.

DW and I are on our way, I think, as we will celibate our 43rd this year.

Typo of the week! At least, I hope it's a typo...

 

[grasshopper]

Today Ms. G and I celebrate 30 years of blissful marriage. Tonight I may even have one beer to go with our bake it ourselves pizza.

Valentine's Day eating out is much like the crappy rushed meal you get on Mother's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

Grasshopper

 

[Moemg]

I then spoiled it all after I was back. I knew how careful she was with money and a couple of weeks later I told her that I was able to claim the money for the flowers on my expense account

Every time I read your stories I think I have read this somewhere before and today it hit me . You write exactly like the guy who wrote S*** my Dad said " .All you need is to combine all these memories into a book and you will have a best seller .

 

[Alan]

Every time I read your stories I think I have read this somewhere before and today it hit me . You write exactly like the guy who wrote S*** my Dad said " .All you need is to combine all these memories into a book and you will have a best seller .

Thanks for the kind words but I don't think I have the ability to write a book.

My brother is even better at recounting family stories than I am, and we used to have fantastic family reunions when he and I got going if we were visiting home together and all got down to the local "Miners' Welfare" club. Our Dad a week before Christmas 2009 and my brother came over from Australia, so for the first time in 23 years we had a big family get together at Christmas. We did the eulogy together and had them rolling in the aisles recounting family stories. That may sound disrespectful but when someone dies after a long life, where I'm from we treat it as a celebration of life.

The "do" afterwards down the Miners' Welfare" was also a lot of fun despite the sad occaision. I think I sprained my face laughing

 

[martyp]

Since I am now retired and she is still working I've happily taken on the extra housework. DW workmates are jealous because their retired husbands aren't doing all the cooking. Tonight I cooked a Valentines Day dinner. I still have plenty of time during the week to have fun. We have always been "splitters". Retirement has just adjusted the balance. I've been practicing spousonomics for 30 years.

 

[Walt34]

There are no secrets to a happy marriage. All possibilities are well know but not always followed.

Some marriages are and will always be a mystery to me. I suppose it it about each being able to meet the other's expectations, whatever those are. DW's brother is (apparently) happily married to someone who, as I said to DW "If she and I were living in the same house we'd be at each other's throats in three days".

Or as one of DW's sisters put it: "Everyone has faults. The trick is finding someone who's faults don't matter to you."

 

[Nova]

Or as one of DW's sisters put it: "Everyone has faults. The trick is finding someone who's faults don't matter to you."

Wise, wise woman!

 

[ziggy29]

Three words: "You're right, dear."

 

[W2R]

Three words: "You're right, dear."

I think it was supposed to be a HAPPY marriage.

I haven't figured out the secret to a happy marriage, which is why I'm ever-so-happily divorced.