Secret to a Happy Marriage

[ziggy29]

I haven't figured out the secret to a happy marriage, which is why I'm ever-so-happily divorced.

And "re-partnered," if there was such a word!

 

[haha]

I think it was supposed to be a HAPPY marriage.

I haven't figured out the secret to a happy marriage, which is why I'm ever-so-happily divorced.

Well said. I think I could be happy with many different women, as long as they go home fairly often, and almost all of our relations are consensual- ie no one has coercive or state-backed power over anyone else. Remember college when your date came in on a train, then left on a train a few days later? Que bueno!

I was happily married for a long time, until I discovered the downside of that particular arrangment. Not that particular woman, who was as good as most and better than many; just that particular arrangment.

And to make it clear, if marriage were mandatory, I would rather be married to almost any woman that I have ever known well than to anyone who resembled me very closely.

Ha

 

[W2R]

And "re-partnered," if there was such a word!

Yes, happily "re-partnered". I was never a child to eat the middle of the bread and leave the crust, but this must be what it feels like.

 

[W2R]

Well said. I think I could be happy with many different women, as long as they go home fairly often, and almost all of our relations are consensual- ie no one has coercive or state-backed power over anyone else.

I love that aspect of my present relationship. We can always just go home, and do every day at some point. We don't have to engage in power struggles related to money or home, because we each have our own money and our own homes.

Remember college when your date came in on a train, then left on a train a few days later? Que bueno!

I was happily married for a long time, until I discovered the downside of that particular arrangment. Not that particular woman, who was as good as most and better than many; just that particular arrangment.

I feel the same way. Marriage is fine for many but I am just not well suited to it at this stage in my life.

And to make it clear, if marriage were mandatory, I would rather be married to almost any woman that I have ever known well than to anyone who resembled me very closely.

Ha

I'll bet that as husbands go, you were a very good one. But if a person is happier unmarried, I see no reason not to live and love happily as best we can.

 

[Moemg]

Well said. I think I could be happy with many different women, as long as they go home fairly often, and almost all of our relations are consensual- ie no one has coercive or state-backed power over anyone else. Remember college when your date came in on a train, then left on a train a few days later? Que bueno!


Ha

Ha , You are already going down a slippery slope . Last year you were seeing a few women now you seem to have one who you take for champagne & oysters and buy expensive perfume . If I were to place a wager it would be that you would be in a live in situation with in two years and happily .

 

[haha]

Ha , You are already going down a slippery slope . Last year you were seeing a few women now you seem to have one who you take for champagne & oysters and buy expensive perfume . If I were to place a wager it would be that you would be in a live in situation with in two years and happily .

Anything is possible, but I think I just like cute fine-smelling women who enjoy eating oysters and drinking Champagne.

Ha

 

[Khan]

I rather like men, but would sell a kidney before getting married or even living with someone.

 

[Moemg]

I rather like men, but would sell a kidney before getting married or even living with someone.

Khan , You are already selling a kidney so you don't have to go back to work . You better hang on to the one you have left .

 

[freebird5825]

This was not on the list...touch each other in public. Yes, PDAs.

Hand holding, an affectionate hand on the shoulder, a sneak butt grab in an empty aisle in the grocery store , an arm offered to cross the street, a light touch on the cheek, a quick back scratch...

When I look at informal pictures taken of my late husband and I, we usually had some sort of light contact going on. It is very natural to want to touch someone you love. So what if our puritanical society disapproves ? Bronx cheer.

Mr B is not yet used to this concept. However, he is my best student.

 

[vicente solano]

I´m happily married despite not being the caressing type. I think she is happy, too....and resigned to my not being prone to be tender in a physically sense

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

Three words: "You're right, dear."

My dad told me the secret to a happy marriage: Compromise; do it her way.

 

[chinaco]

The book looks like the title of an article listed on the covers of magazines ranging from Cosmopolitan to the National Enquirer. Oh... and the Wall Street Journal.

 

[missionfinder]

My dad told me the secret to a happy marriage: Compromise; do it her way.

+1. Plus we have certain agreements over money since that tends to be a big factor in divorce these days. Certain things I have the final say, certain things she does, others are "does not matter", and still others we discuss and find a common ground. Also helps that after all these years we are still deeply in love and committed, even during the times we were at each other's throats (figuratively)!

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

Yep. Talking is very important.

 

[youbet]

The key to our 41 yrs of blissful maritial harmony is learning to ignore the "marriage penalty" at income tax time.

For the first few years of married life, we dwelled on it. We both worked and frequently made similar salaries. This meant that our maritial status resulted in significantly higher fed income taxes than had we been single living together. Drove us nuts. We even consulted with an attorny to get info on how we could divorce, have DW keep my name, and put legal docs in place to put married-like protections in place. We'd tell no one, just go on as before, but paying lower taxes.

After a few years of that, we gave up and decided we just needed to live the life we'd chosen as far as taxes and gov't go. And that's what we do. No more recalculating taxes to see how big the marriage penalty is. No more even discussing it. Or even mentioning it. We're MFJ and there's nothing we can do about it so just smile and live with it.

Even the current tax increase proposal that would have a single paying the highest rate at an income of $200k but married folks paying the highest level at $125k each didn't get us into a bitch and moan session.

 

[WhoDaresWins]

Marry someone who is crazy about you and goes out of his or her way to please you. If they ain't gonna do this in the first flush of love, you can be darned sure it won't occur to them thirty years later.
Also, don't assume you will change anyone with time. You won't. You have to love them exactly as you find them. Speaking only from my personal experience from a long time ago.

 

[Amethyst]

Also, don't assume you will change anyone with time. You won't.

Hmmm...well, it's only taken 25 years, but he has changed several things, and I guess I have, too. Over the course of a quarter century, you start to realize the other person may just have a point.

Amethyst

 

[youbet]

Hmmm...well, it's only taken 25 years, but he has changed several things, and I guess I have, too.

Do these changes involve a redistribution of body mass or a loss or graying of the hair? We've noticed a few of those kind of changes here......

 

[Sarah in SC]

We've got that redistribution going pretty well, youbet. But it is certainly true you won't change people, so be sure you can live with their faults, and they yours!

 

[Amethyst]

Those happen to everybody! They don't seem to have any effect on our relationship, though.

Do these changes involve a redistribution of body mass or a loss or graying of the hair? We've noticed a few of those kind of changes here......

 

[HFWR]

Do these changes involve a redistribution of body mass or a loss or graying of the hair? We've noticed a few of those kind of changes here......

There's a reason our vision gets worse with age...