What do people mean by "losing" or "finding" themselves?

[Letj]

I'm not sure, as I don't think I've ever lost myself. But I think it means that one has found what in life is important and gives meaning, or how to be fulfilled as a person. The lost souls are floating through life without direction, purpose, satisfaction, or happiness.

This is exactly what I take this to mean. It’s all about finding what’s meaningful and fulfilling to you. Some people choose careers and partners that are not in alignment with their “authentic self”. I have been there before and many of us can relate.

 

[Letj]

What do people mean by "losing" or "finding" themselves?

See, I don't get that at all. I would say don't get married until mid-20's because you probably don't make enough money yet to run a good household and raise kids.



But it's got nothing to do with "knowing who I am."

It's not as if at 24 I was this one kind of person, and at 27 I became someone completely different! I certainly know and understand a lot more than I did at age 10, but I think I was almost exactly the same, otherwise.

This may be true for you and many others but for quite a few people as they mature they become different people. I know I am more open minded, kinder and much more empathetic than when I was younger so yes I am a different person now. Of course your underlying personality doesn’t really change but the way you relate to others can change immensely.

 

[ckelly78z]

If you have ever been to the mountains and felt like I did, the following song applies to a greatly to this thread;

Rocky Mountain High
John Denver
He was born in the summer of his 27th year
Coming home to a place he'd never been before
He left yesterday behind him, you might say he was born again
You might say he found a key for every door
When he first came to the mountains his life was far away
On the road and hanging by a song
But the string's already broken and he doesn't really care
It keeps changing fast and it don't last for long
But the Colorado rocky mountain high
I've seen it rainin' fire in the sky
The shadow from the starlight is softer than a lullabye
Rocky mountain high (Colorado)
He climbed cathedral mountains, he saw silver clouds below
He saw everything as far as you can see
And they say that he got crazy once and he tried to touch the sun
And he lost a friend but kept his memory
Now he walks in quiet solitude the forest and the streams
Seeking grace in every step he takes
His sight has turned inside himself to try and understand
The serenity of a clear blue mountain lake
And the Colorado rocky mountain high
I've seen it raining fire in the sky
You can talk to God and listen to the casual reply
Rocky mountain high
Now his life is full of wonder but his heart still knows some fear
Of a simple thing he cannot comprehend
Why they try to tear the mountains down to bring in a couple more
More people, more scars upon the land
And the Colorado rocky mountain high
I've seen it rainin' fire in the sky
I know he'd be a poorer man if he never saw an eagle fly
Rocky mountain high
It's Colorado rocky mountain high
I've seen it rainin' fire in the sky
Friends around the campfire and everybody's high
Rocky mountain high
Rocky mountain high
Rocky mountain high
Rocky mountain high
Rocky mountain high
Rocky mountain high

 

[Rianne]

What do people mean by words like this? What does "losing yourself" or "finding yourself" mean?

I take this to mean a time in your life when you've lost confidence, self esteem, self worth and possibly depression. I guess that includes substance abuse.

When you find yourself, confidence and self esteem etc. comes back. I can think of a few times in my life...a guy I thought I loved broke up with me, I didn't get the promotion I thought I deserved and worked hard for, my family close to bankruptcy when DF killed in car accident, what Scrapr went through (devastating). I'm lucky I came through those experiences a happy and confident person. Not everyone does. Life kicks you in the ass (lost yourself). A door opens and a the path to happiness opens (found yourself).

BTW, I do not FB. I think it contributes to mental illness.

 

[braumeister]

I am a bit "lost" right now.

So sorry you have this to deal with.
There is only one thing that helps, and that is time. Often quite a lot of it, but slowly, gradually, it does help.
All the best.

 

[easysurfer]

Here's another example of finding yourself I think several can agree with here.

Say you work at a very stressful job. All your friends work at a very stressful job. You decide to retire early while your friends still toil away because that's what they think they are supposed to do.

You've found yourself as in your heart of hearts you know what's best for you is to call it a career while others are still doing what is expected of them feeling as the've lost themselves.

 

[HFWR]

Tough crowd here in Lake Woebegone...

 

[MichaelB]

Tough crowd here in Lake Woebegone...

Verily.

“He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.”

 

[Lsbcal]

Yet another one of this type of post on FB...mystifying me yet again.

"Of all the roads she's traveled, the journey back to herself was the most magnificent."

What do people mean by words like this? What does "losing yourself" or "finding yourself" mean?
...

I am sure it is one of the following interpretations:
1) A fluff phrase meaning nothing
2) A physicist's reference to special relativity.
3) Nearly hitting the event horizon and getting away before the black hole got her.

I like #2. She cloned herself then got in a space ship and traveled at near the speed of light. Upon return she met her old self, but she was still a pretty young thing.

 

[friar1610]

Reminds me of some folks taking off a year after college to find themselves.

My daughter and one of her friends went to New Zealand for 6 months after college 25 years ago. I still kid her that she went looking for herself after college and found herself in NZ. (As with many of Dad's other jokes that "never get old" this only merits a well-practiced eye roll.)

 

[CaliKid]

The feeling is probably mutual on their part.

That's just about exactly what I was thinking.

I have never been a found myself or lost myself type person but I have had a couple of extreme life changing events (good and bad). I don't feel like I should be judging how somebody else feels. Good for them if they are happy.

 

[Souschef]

Dear Scrapr,
Our hearts go out to you. we both lost our spouses withing 5 months of each other.
Here is a thought about grief:
Grief is like the wake behind a boat. It starts out as a huge wave that follows close behind you and is big enough to swamp and drown you if you suddenly stop moving forward. But if you do keep moving, the big wake will eventually dissipate. And after a long enough time, the waters of your life get calm again, and that is when the memories of those who have left begin to shine as bright and as enduring as the stars above.
We wish you the best
Souschef & Kayelle

 

[ER Eddie]

People have a lot of ways of estranging themselves from how they really think and feel, or what they really want or prefer. The list of defenses against internal discomfort (which can come from recognition of these thoughts/feelings/desires) is a mile long. By engaging, usually unconsciously, in those defenses, people become estranged from themselves, i.e., from what they really feel, think, want, like, prefer, etc. They lose touch with it.

It's a complex subject. There are many, many ways to lose touch with who you are. It's not always defense. Sometimes it's idealization, i.e., imagining yourself to be better than you really are. Sometimes it's simple busyness and distraction or a chronic external focus. Sometimes it's lack of self-awareness. Sometimes it's about trying to shape yourself for others.

 

[RunningBum]

Eric Carmen song, in case the YouTube preview doesn't show.

 

[Teacher Terry]

During my second marriage at 22 for 22 long years I totally lost myself. I had to be different to keep the peace. One Saturday morning I dreamt that I looked in the mirror and my face was missing. I woke up screaming. That’s when I knew I had to go. I had truly lost myself.

 

[Katsmeow]

It's not as if at 24 I was this one kind of person, and at 27 I became someone completely different! I certainly know and understand a lot more than I did at age 10, but I think I was almost exactly the same, otherwise.

Not I. I used to think so though. I remember some years ago thinking that I was basically the same person I had been when I was 12. I mean, more mature, and stuff. But, essentially, the same. I think it is seeing my adult children (in their 20s) that has helped me to see that that isn't true. I am fundamentally different in many, many ways. Not all ways. But I am more different now than I am similar to how I was then.

But I think when we talk about someone losing or finding themselves, that is talk about something different. I think I changed. The "me" that exists now is in many ways a different person than the "me" who existed then. But, I don't want to find that person. This one is better.

The "losing" and "finding" I think refer to different things. When someone lives a life that doesn't align with their fundamental values then I would consider that "losing" oneself. I saw someone a few years ago really try to make herself into what a particular guy wanted. But -- what he wanted wasn't in alignment with her values. She was not herself for that period of time. No, she didn't think she was pretending. She thought she had changed. But, really she hadn't. She was adrift from what she really thought and believed. When she woke up, I could think of that is finding herself.

Another one I think is when someone isn't sure what they want to do. They are adrift in a different way. Ping ponging for this to that, and not really stopping and figuring out what they really want, what is really important to them. That is someone who has not yet found themselves.

 

[KrisQuit]

What do people mean by "losing" or "finding" themselves?

 

[RobbieB]

Yeah, that's good!

When you stop living the way you've been told is "right" and go your own way because it fits you.

 

[Gumby]

I must admit that I have difficulty with the concept of losing and finding one's self. I have always thought that, at any particular moment, I am exactly who I choose to be.

Often, when someone is busted for committing a crime, you will hear them say "that's not the real me." Well, yes, it is. At the time you committed the crime, the real you was a criminal. You now may be dedicated to becoming a better person, and eventually you may be that better person, but you committed the crime, not someone else.

While I have never committed a crime, I have had occasion to regret who I was. And I have worked hard to evolve into the person I wanted to be. But there was no losing or finding involved, just a choice.

 

[RobbieB]

Those people should find themselves in jail eh?

 

[ERD50]

I must admit that I have difficulty with the concept of losing and finding one's self. I have always thought that, at any particular moment, I am exactly who I choose to be.

Often, when someone is busted for committing a crime, you will hear them say "that's not the real me." Well, yes, it is. At the time you committed the crime, the real you was a criminal. You now may be dedicated to becoming a better person, and eventually you may be that better person, but you committed the crime, not someone else.

While I have never committed a crime, I have had occasion to regret who I was. And I have worked hard to evolve into the person I wanted to be. But there was no losing or finding involved, just a choice.

I agree with all that.

I guess a lot of this is just semantics, but when posters get into stories of people with addiction issues, that just seems a very long way from most of the talk about "finding" or "losing" yourself, or "not knowing who I am".

And if you find yourself in a position that restricts you, and doesn't allow you the freedom to "be yourself", that also seems very different to me. So while I was stuck in some boring, unproductive meeting at work, and really wanted to be a rock star, I didn't "lose myself", or need help "finding myself". I was an engineer, working to provide for my family. I knew I couldn't do that as a rock star. As Gumby says, that was my choice, one based on reality, not fantasy.

-ERD50

 

[RobbieB]

Every day here I read tales of the multitudes eager to retire from their soul killing dilbert-esqe evil "megacorps"

Yup, just doing what they have to do. But wait. Why not go work for a small co where you really are a person? I know the dough ain't as good.

So there. Millions of people lost in megacorps of their own choice.

 

[Keim]

Those people should find themselves in jail eh?

Based on my experience at the Recovery Center many do.

 

[HFWR]

Every day here I read tales of the multitudes eager to retire from their soul killing dilbert-esqe evil "megacorps"

Yup, just doing what they have to do. But wait. Why not go work for a small co where you really are a person? I know the dough ain't as good.

So there. Millions of people lost in megacorps of their own choice.

On a case-by-case basis maybe, but frankly someone has to do those soul-killing jobs, and the wherewithal to choose differently is not easily obtainable for many.

 

[imnontrad]

"losing" themselves - the feeling that you do not have a purpose or meaningful goal

"finding" themselves - realizing that you have a purpose/goal