About death and money

[sengsational]

If reading here has got you thinking you might want to take a concrete step, there's a few places you might try. One place is your local Funeral Consumers Alliance Affiliate (to help you pre-plan a funeral, for instance). This is a volunteer non-profit organization. You could even step in and help too by joining or even starting a local affiliate. One thing they do is go around and get prices from various funeral homes to share with members. It varies by affiliate, but you can probably join your local affiliate for cheap and get access to all kinds of things that would make it easier to navigate these waters.



https://funerals.org/find-an-affiliate/

 

[Dalton]

... I did not even open an estate account. There was really no need - though there were a few refund checks totaling about $200 that showed up made out to the estate, so we couldn't cash those. I sent them back and asked issuers to reissue to me, but they wouldn't cooperate. No big deal, not worth the additional headaches.

If your state has a "found money" website (for abandoned/unclaimed money, like refund checks that were never cashed after death), that refund money may appear on it, and you could claim it, in some number of years. My mom's homeowners insurance refund came right after the estate closed since transferring the condo to heirs was the final thing done, so insurance wasn't cancelled until title was transferred. I asked them to issue it in my name when I cancelled it (I had been talking to them for months and was the Personal Rep, so they knew me).


Anyway, they issued the check to the estate and so I just let it sit, they sent me a letter 6 months later that they would re-issue the check but don't bother to ask if they can change the name. And their FA stated if the weren't contacted and the check isn't cashed in 4 or 5 years (per state law I think it said) they'll send one more notice, and then it will be listed on the state's found money website, FYI.


Thanks, for the link, OP. I'm sure there's some things in there I need to consider. I've had too much experience with this aspect of life over the last 3 years, so now I need to get my plan and papers going, and I'm single/no kids, one sibling living in a different state.

 

[waynezo]

I could relate to the article. I am grateful Mom did a prepaid Funeral and all the benifciary stuff. We did 10 months of home hospice and Mom was bedridden with cognitive decline, although she never complained or became agitated. For that I am grateful. I did four days aweek and my 2 sisters split the other 3. (I had the least other responsibilities.) I processed alot of the grief during that 10 months. When I became overwhelmed and considered a nursing home, the social worker told me you will never find someone to care for your Mom like family. I adjusted. Mom had acouple of falls but we got through it.
When my Dad died 10 years earlier, Mom insisted on living alone. Since I retired early, I was able to visit her (150 miles) usually twice a month 3 or 4 days at a time those years. I am grateful I was there for her, even though it doesn't hold a candle to all she did for me. I should probably be more humble.

When I saw the Bridge Collapse in the news, I remembered I wouldn't be getting the usual call from Mom distraught about the victims. That is how she was, kind and caring.

 

[JackJester]

What resonates the most with me is "Lesson #2: Simplicity Makes Life Easier I’ve learned simpler is better when it comes to finances.
This can mean many things, but one of the easiest steps is consolidating accounts to as few accounts as possible at one custodian."

When my Dad died he had 5 separate life insurances policies and accounts at 4 different retirement/brokerage companies. Vanguard was the worst to deal with BTW when trying to close out that IRA for the estate. He had paper US Bonds and lots of other Misc stuff. At least my Sis and I were Beneficiaries on the Life Insurance accounts and the Bank savings/checking (so no estate probate), but it was still a lot to wade through and each company wanting an original Death Certificate it seemed. After 2.5 yrs we might be nearing the end to closing the estate.


Also, I have learned that funeral homes, burial plots, funeral services, and all the stuff that comes with death "management" is a big racket. DW and I will be giving our bodies to science and trying to prevent my sole inheritor (Niece) from having to deal with all this hassle and waste of $ to feed those vultures. Go have a picnic at a free park to celebrate our lives.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

I could relate to the article. I am grateful Mom did a prepaid Funeral and all the benifciary stuff. We did 10 months of home hospice and Mom was bedridden with cognitive decline, although she never complained or became agitated. For that I am grateful. I did four days aweek and my 2 sisters split the other 3. (I had the least other responsibilities.) I processed alot of the grief during that 10 months. When I became overwhelmed and considered a nursing home, the social worker told me you will never find someone to care for your Mom like family. I adjusted. Mom had acouple of falls but we got through it.
When my Dad died 10 years earlier, Mom insisted on living alone. Since I retired early, I was able to visit her (150 miles) usually twice a month 3 or 4 days at a time those years. I am grateful I was there for her, even though it doesn't hold a candle to all she did for me. I should probably be more humble.

When I saw the Bridge Collapse in the news, I remembered I wouldn't be getting the usual call from Mom distraught about the victims. That is how she was, kind and caring.

I understand.

 

[MarieIG]

I could relate to the article. I am grateful Mom did a prepaid Funeral and all the benifciary stuff. We did 10 months of home hospice and Mom was bedridden with cognitive decline, although she never complained or became agitated. For that I am grateful. I did four days aweek and my 2 sisters split the other 3. (I had the least other responsibilities.) I processed alot of the grief during that 10 months. When I became overwhelmed and considered a nursing home, the social worker told me you will never find someone to care for your Mom like family. I adjusted. Mom had acouple of falls but we got through it.
When my Dad died 10 years earlier, Mom insisted on living alone. Since I retired early, I was able to visit her (150 miles) usually twice a month 3 or 4 days at a time those years. I am grateful I was there for her, even though it doesn't hold a candle to all she did for me. I should probably be more humble.

When I saw the Bridge Collapse in the news, I remembered I wouldn't be getting the usual call from Mom distraught about the victims. That is how she was, kind and caring.

You honored your DM. I'm sure she appreciated that.

 

[Amethyst]

On Simplicity:

My husband and I had advanced directives with instructions to be organ donors. If organ donation wasn't possible at time of death, we willed our bodies to medical research.

When he died in hospice, they weren't able to connect with a organ donation center, so instead, his remains went to Medcure, an organization which handles medical donations. They were extremely kind to me in my grief, and also extremely efficient. They covered cremation expenses, and returned his ashes to me eventually.

About a year later, I received a letter describing the various ways his donation had helped medical research. It was amazing how much good he did. He contributed to the training of oral surgeons, orthopedic surgeons, and physical therapists, all of whom need real human tissue to learn how to treat live human beings. He would have been pleased and gratified.

 

[MarieIG]

On Simplicity:

My husband and I had advanced directives with instructions to be organ donors. If organ donation wasn't possible at time of death, we willed our bodies to medical research.

When he died in hospice, they weren't able to connect with a organ donation center, so instead, his remains went to Medcure, an organization which handles medical donations. They were extremely kind to me in my grief, and also extremely efficient. They covered cremation expenses, and returned his ashes to me eventually.

About a year later, I received a letter describing the various ways his donation had helped medical research. It was amazing how much good he did. He contributed to the training of oral surgeons, orthopedic surgeons, and physical therapists, all of whom need real human tissue to learn how to treat live human beings. He would have been pleased and gratified.

It's wonderful that they sent you the letter - so you knew.

 

[mn54]

anyone have any problems with pre-paying for funeral expenses and then the funeral home either went out of business or didn't honor the pre-payment and tried to charge more for funeral expenses?

 

[Stormy Kromer]

anyone have any problems with pre-paying for funeral expenses and then the funeral home either went out of business or didn't honor the pre-payment and tried to charge more for funeral expenses?

YES. It happened to my father.

Long story. They belong in jail (Hell will catch them first) but we all wanted to move along.

Southwest Minnesota if you want to do some research. PM if you want facts.

 

[simple girl]

About a year later, I received a letter describing the various ways his donation had helped medical research. It was amazing how much good he did. He contributed to the training of oral surgeons, orthopedic surgeons, and physical therapists, all of whom need real human tissue to learn how to treat live human beings. He would have been pleased and gratified.

That's wonderful. Thank you for sharing this story. It is the way I want to handle things for myself.

I am one of the students who benefited from such donations. As a physical therapist, studying the real human body via dissection was so critical for me to have a real 3 dimensional vision of human anatomy. I will always be grateful to those who donated and allowed us to study and learn.

 

[PatrickA5]

anyone have any problems with pre-paying for funeral expenses and then the funeral home either went out of business or didn't honor the pre-payment and tried to charge more for funeral expenses?

No problems with my dads or FILs prepaid funerals/burials. DW and I have done the same thing. I'd research the funeral home thoroughly first.

My dad's prepayment was 25 years earlier. I was a little nervous, but when the time came everything went smoothly and saved us a ton of money. He paid less than half of what we would have had to pay and far less hassle than if we had to start from scratch.

 

[brett]

Very good article. It makes you think.

I went through much of this. There are ways to make this process much easier with a relatively small amount of proactiveness.

We were fortunate. Both of my parents were proactive. We intend to do the same for our children. We have each started that process from a financial and legal perspective.

 

[street]

No problems with my dads or FILs prepaid funerals/burials. DW and I have done the same thing. I'd research the funeral home thoroughly first.

My dad's prepayment was 25 years earlier. I was a little nervous, but when the time came everything went smoothly and saved us a ton of money. He paid less than half of what we would have had to pay and far less hassle than if we had to start from scratch.

No problems either with my parents. Money was placed in an account within a financial institution. I was able to check on the funds that they paid for the burial funeral account. It did gain interest over the years. Went smooth for both of them.

 

[brett]

My spouse and I have very different EOL thoughts.

We are both on the same page re financial and legal.

My request is cremation. No service whatsoever. She wants cremation but with a faith based service.

Depending on the situation I will take advantage of MAID (medically assistance in dying) whereas this is against her beliefs.

 

[frank05]

Good reminder, I really need to get my affairs in order. At min a list of assets and liabilities and some account details.

I have an out-dated will but we've had a child since then that is almost 4. Which means my slack-o-meter is at about four years long here eeek.

You should leave a current list of your logins and passwords with your will. Also the passcode/password for your phone if you have enabled two factor.

 

[Midpack]

A good and very worthwhile read. Makes me think. But it makes me appreciate the planning our parents did to make funerals and settling estates easier for my sister and I, as well as DW. I have emulated what my parents did to make things easier for those who follow us, but there are some loose ends I need to attend to. Thanks.

 

[aja8888]

I just finished my "End of Life " notebook for my daughter to use when I sign off for good. It's an inch thick with documents she will need, and lists of important stuff. I have also included a flash drive with an encrypted file of passwords, etc. It's amazing what you didn't think of when starting to put together one of these.

My DW didn't have one specifically for her, and when she [passed, I spent a good bit of time tracking stuff down. Plus, she had passwords for accounts (Apple and others) that I needed to close out accounts which became a PIA to get done without them.

 

[PatrickA5]

No problems either with my parents. Money was placed in an account within a financial institution. I was able to check on the funds that they paid for the burial funeral account. It did gain interest over the years. Went smooth for both of them.

In my state, the funeral side of expenses is put in a trust account at a local bank. I get a statement every year. These expenses are locked in at what we initially signed up for. There were a few very minor expenses (flowers, etc) that could go up, but the big things are set. This amount can be refunded to us just by requesting.

The actual burial part is prepaid (plot, marker, grave liner, etc). This cannot be refunded. It can be sold, but I've read it's a hassle and you most likely won't get back what you paid in. So, you need to be fairly certain where you will end up living. We aren't going anywhere, so probably 99% safe.

 

[CaliKid]

The small personal property can be a head ache. DB asked for all of it, I gave it to him and told him to give me back what he thought I should have. I found out he took it all to a pawn shop and sold it for a few hundred bucks.

I believe all states have small estate procedures when people do not have a formal probate after death. I have seen for a few states and you complete the form and return with a check asking them to cut new check(s) to the rightful beneficiary(ies). Very simple. I always say I know my parents and they wouldn't want me to ignore a few hundred dollars!

 

[MuirWannabe]

I just finished my "End of Life " notebook for my daughter to use when I sign off for good. It's an inch thick with documents she will need, and lists of important stuff. I have also included a flash drive with an encrypted file of passwords, etc. It's amazing what you didn't think of when starting to put together one of these.

My DW didn't have one specifically for her, and when she [passed, I spent a good bit of time tracking stuff down. Plus, she had passwords for accounts (Apple and others) that I needed to close out accounts which became a PIA to get done without them.

What did you use for your EOL notebook? Self created or something you purchased? If purchased, did you find it to your liking? Thanks.

 

[joesxm3]

I use a 3 ring binder and a hole puncher. That way I can include the latest copy of each brokerage report and can insert and can swap pages as things change.

 

[jgrdarrash]

After Mom had a mini stoke in the fall and we were trying to hire home health care, I needed her auto insurance. She couldn't remember the name of the company which led to a 2 hour search through her "very organized" 8 drawer file cabinets. We learned alphabetical doesn't work. I found the NOK Box (next of kin) which is organized by category (home, auto, insurance, investments, end of life ceremonies etc.). It's been very easy to use and I'll be getting one to set our affairs in order in the future.

 

[aja8888]

What did you use for your EOL notebook? Self created or something you purchased? If purchased, did you find it to your liking? Thanks.

Self created. Pretty easy once you think it through. Like Joe, I use a three ring binder and can update pages as things change.

 

[target2019]

I use a 1-1/2" D-ring binder with Avery 1-31 Tab Dividers for 3 Ring Binders, Customizable Table of Contents, Multicolor Tabs.

Use pencil to fill in the index in case you change tabs.