Personality Types

[Calico]

Quote:

Originally Posted by razztazz Unfortunately way too many bosses require a "social relationship" and a worker's ability to win a personality contest. And that's separate from the regular personality contest among the other workers. Showing up on time, doing your job, and staying out of trouble is for saps.

You must know my boss, the Extrovert Extraordinaire.

He truly prefers to w#rk (I am using that term loosely) with the folks in the department who do the LEAST w#rk, and the poorest quality w#rk, but who are the "life of the party" and can gab the day away. He refers to those people as "productive" and "team players" while those of us (two to be exact) who work quietly and diligently in the background to actually get the w#rk done and meet departmental deadlines are seen as "anti-social" and "difficult to work with."

Counting the years until retirement.....

[cranberryjoe]

I scored INTP each time I was tested at Megacorp. During my later working years I suspected I was moving more toward F on the T/F scale and thought maybe I had evolved to INFP. The online test tags me as INTP still, with the T component closer to the center than it used to be.

One way this got used at Megacorp was for the E's to give the I's a chance to express their opinion in meetings. I always hated it when the meeting leader would do this explicitly: "So, cranberryjoe, what are your thoughts on this?" especially if I had not been paying attention to the conversation, as often happens with INTPs.

[Amethyst]

Never cared for it when people at work would excuse their bad behavior, or other people's, by citing introversation and extraversion. Sally's a loudmouth who takes over every conversation? Oh, that's OK, she's a "flaming E," you know. Joe acts grumpy and put-upon every time I need to ask him something? Oh, that Joe, he's such an introvert!

No, they aren't. They are, respectively, a bully and a grouch.

Amethyst

[Major Tom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst Never cared for it when people at work would excuse their bad behavior, or other people's, by citing introversation and extraversion. Sally's a loudmouth who takes over every conversation? Oh, that's OK, she's a "flaming E," you know. Joe acts grumpy and put-upon every time I need to ask him something? Oh, that Joe, he's such an introvert! No, they aren't. They are, respectively, a bully and a grouch. Amethyst

I agree - using personality types as a crutch to excuse bad behavior is not what they are intended for, IMO. They're intended to help us understand ourselves better. This reminds me of an incident in which I was the one behaving badly and though it happened 2 or 3 years ago, it still causes me embarrassment to this day when I think about it.

It involved an ex co-worker and her husband. She is very extroverted, and often the instigator of social get-togethers - she's very much the organizer. In contrast, I am a big introvert and to make the combination worse, she doesn't seem to be very good at reading unspoken signals from others. She can come across as very persistent to people like me, who feel the need to limit our social interactions. Just to make things even worse for me, I often act extroverted in public, so people often get the wrong idea about me.

After I moved several hundred miles away, she and her husband (who travel a lot) would regularly travel through my area and I'd hear from her, asking if we could meet up. We did do this a couple of times and the first time, it was quite nice to see her. The second time, I didn't really want to meet up, but decided to go ahead and meet them for lunch anyway. I couldn't think of a way to politely decline, and it seemed anti-social and really not a nice thing to do (especially as she was such a nice and well-intentioned person). I should have trusted my instincts as that meeting didn't go well. I usually know ahead of time if a particular social situation isn't going to go well, and I felt so out of place during our meeting that it just had to have been obvious to them. She and her husband talked their way through the whole thing, while I awkwardly stammered my way through part-sentences. It is the most disjointed I have felt in a social situation in a very long time.

Then, a few months later, she let me know that they were coming through the area again and she and her husband wanted to meet up with me for lunch in a local bar. I really didn't want to go, but it was just down the street from me, and I just couldn't think of a polite way to decline without causing her offense. The more I thought about it, the fewer solutions I came up with, so I did something that, for me, is quite out of character - I froze up and simply didn't reply to her.

I knew that wasn't the right way to handle it. Shortly after they had passed through the area, I received a message from her husband telling me that while it was perfectly OK to be an introvert, what I had done was rude, and his wife (my ex co-worker) was very disappointed that she hadn't been able to see me. He was right, I had been rude, and I felt awful about it. However, this sort of thing happens to me from time to time - I, a big introvert, comes across a big extrovert who can't read my social cues, and things get weird. Sometimes I think it is a bit odd that at the age of 50, I still haven't completely figured out how to deal with situations like this, though I am getting better at it (I think).

I know this wasn't a good example of what you were talking about Amethyst, as I wasn't using my personality type as an excuse for my bad behavior. It was more of a case of an unfortunate combination of personality types leading me into a situation that I still haven't gotten very good at dealing with, and acting badly as a result. It's been in my mind ever since and I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.

This is one reason I enjoy the company of my cats so much - there are never any awkward social situations to deal with

[Al in Ohio]

Been tested more than once. And yes, I am INTJ as well.


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[Ally]

INTJ here, too.


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[MichaelB]

A couple of useful links for INTJ's
The Venturous Life: The Complete Idiot's Guide To The INTJ A snippet

Quote:

DON’T express an opinion to us unless you are prepared to back it up with sound arguments and well pedigreed facts and evidence. Otherwise do not be surprised when we logically shred your opinion for you and hand it back to you in tatters.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/newu1671/80-...e-an-intj-cz0z number 80

Quote:

You enjoyed the INTJ-indulgent length of this list

[Amethyst]

It's never too late to learn to say "I just don't feel like it this time" without offending.

FWIW, my opinion is that the husband's rudeness, for scolding you, easily equaled your rudeness in failing to communicate. Scolding should be reserved for behavior that causes harm. It's not as if you promised to pick them up at the airport and then stood them up, for example.

You sound like a really nice person, whichever letter combo that may be

Amethyst

Quote:

Originally Posted by Major Tom I The second time, I didn't really want to meet up, but decided to go ahead and meet them for lunch anyway. I couldn't think of a way to politely decline,

[Major Tom]

Thanks Amethyst. That makes me feel a bit better about the whole episode. The husband is an abrasive person. He often reminds his wife (my ex co-worker) that he is the one who pays for nearly everything, as he makes far more than she does. He does this in a very blunt fashion in front of their friends, and almost never misses a chance to remind her of this fact. She's a sweet and very well-meaning person and is by no means a shrinking violet, but for some reason, she puts up with this kind of behavior from him. I find it objectionable.

I suppose that to be called rude by him is not actually that much of a rebuke!

I do wish that I hadn't upset her and your advice to learn to politely decline offers is definitely a better way to deal with it than by simply not responding.

[jollystomper]

I've taken these test several times and always come up either INTJ or ISTJ. On this one it was ISTJ.

[loveideas]

my first message here. I just registered and added one vote for INFP. there are only 126 vote, seems to be a small number.

when i was young i used to view my introvert side as an disadvantage in biz world and working world. As i grow older, i feel comfortable being myself and enjoy time being alone and have many lonely pursuits i love outside work, but i do find some level of social interaction enjoyable, being with friends are great but i do not have desire to do too much of it. i am very much similar to my cat, haha.

DH is an extrovert, i believe introvert people tend to have strong/deep passion over things, a good thinker and can feel deeply. extroverts need a lot of simulations from outside world and people interaction, DH does not like the idea of early-retirement

[WhoDaresWins]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Major Tom Thanks Amethyst. That makes me feel a bit better about the whole episode. The husband is an abrasive person. He often reminds his wife (my ex co-worker) that he is the one who pays for nearly everything, as he makes far more than she does. He does this in a very blunt fashion in front of their friends, and almost never misses a chance to remind her of this fact. She's a sweet and very well-meaning person and is by no means a shrinking violet, but for some reason, she puts up with this kind of behavior from him. I find it objectionable. I suppose that to be called rude by him is not actually that much of a rebuke! I do wish that I hadn't upset her and your advice to learn to politely decline offers is definitely a better way to deal with it than by simply not responding.

I have something similar going on with a retired co-worker and her husband. I think they erroneously assume that since I am a widow living alone, I am lonely and depressed and try to draw me into their lives (wrap their coils around me it seems at times). I like her (very sweet) but her husband is too much for me to bear. And he has to be involved in everything...no way can she and I meet for lunch (without him) or even talk on the phone. She puts him on, "Billy wants to say hi". He knows everything and he can get very irritated with her and shout at her in public about small things. They will call and call and leave messages, several times a day even. I call back when convenient and a couple of times a year meet for a bite to eat as I feel guilty about seeming to avoid her (she has health issues). When I meet them they have a list of 5 events they want me to commit to with them which is very stressful when I try to explain that I cannot make so many plans so far in advance.

[BreathFree]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichaelB A couple of useful links for INTJ's [URL="http://theventurouslife.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-complete-idiots-guide-to-intj.html"]

+1 LOL!! This.

Quote:

3) We live inside our heads. We frequently zone out. We get lost in thought and spend much of our time inside our heads. If our immediate reality becomes boring, we will retreat into our minds, and you might have to shout our names repeatedly to get our attention so we will come out again. And no, sorry, but you can’t come into our heads with us. You wouldn’t last five minutes there. You’d be driven insane by the nonstop cacophony of overlapping voices madly free-associating from one idea to the next.

[Meadbh]

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhoDaresWins I have something similar going on with a retired co-worker and her husband. I think they erroneously assume that since I am a widow living alone, I am lonely and depressed and try to draw me into their lives (wrap their coils around me it seems at times). I like her (very sweet) but her husband is too much for me to bear. And he has to be involved in everything...no way can she and I meet for lunch (without him) or even talk on the phone. She puts him on, "Billy wants to say hi". He knows everything and he can get very irritated with her and shout at her in public about small things. They will call and call and leave messages, several times a day even. I call back when convenient and a couple of times a year meet for a bite to eat as I feel guilty about seeming to avoid her (she has health issues). When I meet them they have a list of 5 events they want me to commit to with them which is very stressful when I try to explain that I cannot make so many plans so far in advance.

If you like her but can't stand him, arrange a meeting where you control the shots. For example, invite her and some other girlfriends to your home for some activity that you all enjoy.

[GrayHare]

INTJs are rude? This board is loaded with them yet, relatively speaking, this is most polite place I know of online. What gives? Being an INTJ myself am I not noticing what others would call rudeness? Maybe those who FIRE are polite INTJs?

[razztazz]

Quote:

INTJs are rude? This board is loaded with them yet, relatively speaking, this is most polite place I know of online. What gives? Being an INTJ myself am I not noticing what others would call rudeness? Maybe those who FIRE are polite INTJs?

Remember it is a moderated board not a more typical internet free-for-all. Some of it goes on behind the green door. Are the moderators also INTJs?

[aja8888]

Quote:

Originally Posted by razztazz Remember it is a moderated board not a more typical internet free-for-all. Some of it goes on behind the green door. Are the moderators also INTJs?

This mod is ISTJ, or at least that is what I score. The others are meaner than me.

[Calico]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichaelB A couple of useful links for INTJ's The Venturous Life: The Complete Idiot's Guide To The INTJ A snippet http://www.buzzfeed.com/newu1671/80-...e-an-intj-cz0z number 80

I enjoyed both links very much; thanks for sharing.

Just not sure when both authors moved inside my head.....

[loveideas]

love this quote, it describes me too

[Sarah in SC]

Like Walt, I'm almost always an INTJ but also test as an ISTJ sometimes.
So yeah, the mod team reflects the personalty types of the members.


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