Do You Hide Your Financial Success From Others?

[Aerides]

How do I explain to people when they ask me? Will they be inspired by my story of hard work and sacrifice or resentful at my success ?

Do people actually ask, though? I mean... no one I know asks. Super close friends/family don't have to ask, but outside that inner circle I'd consider financial questions to be rather gauche.

 

[luckydude]

I grew up in a blue collar family and worked hard to get ahead in life by living below my means and delaying gratification (put savings into investments instead of spending) in my 20s and 30s. The sacrifice has paid off Big Time!!

With that being said, I find that I tend to keep my financial success to myself.....by not talking about it and have lived modestly. I don't go around bragging about my finances. I also drive a 10 year Toyota Camry and live in a townhouse while I can easily afford a BMW and a large McMansion. Outside of work, I like to dress comfortable in sweat pants, jeans and t-shirts even thought I am a highly paid professional. I wear old clothes with holes in them when I do yardwork....my wife tells me that I look like a homeless guy. On paper, I have won the financial game in life but to most people I look like I live paycheck to paycheck.

Now that I am fat FI at 40 and have started to enjoy the fruits of my labor (part of my long term plan). I brought new golf clubs to replace old ones that I got at a Thrift Store for $30 twenty years ago. I took nice vacations with my family (pre-covid). I got a boat to go fishing and crabbing with my son. I built a nice home on a lot that I had purchased. My friends, neighbors and coworkers around me are mystified compared to the person they had known....they see me as a Great Gatsby character. They are wondering if I had won the lottery or inherited some windfall.

They didn't realized the 20 years of sacrifice that put me in this position. I had watched coworkers brought new cars, fancy watches and clothes after promotions. I had friends who financed their lifestyle with credit card without saving much for the future. I just put my head down to work hard and invest during this time.

How do I explain to people when they ask me? Will they be inspired by my story of hard work and sacrifice or resentful at my success ?

Why explain anything at all?

When I first FIREd back in 2015, I also struggled with this when people asked how I was able to retire early, thinking too much about what to say and people's possible reactions. Now I don't think about it. If people ask, I say I am retired and I got lucky and leave it at that. It's none of their business and I don't care what their reaction might be.

Recently my HHNW hit 250x annual expense but DW and I pretty much live the same lifestyle as when we first got married (except we have a bigger travel budget but that's off the table right now due to the virus and I have some very nice bicycles). Same old cars. Same house. Same restaurants. Same kind of clothes. Most of our friends/acquaintances have no idea the extent of our HHNW and we like to keep it that way. We don't care if people think we're poor or rich or jobless or struggling (I will only pipe up if someone tries to show us up and that happened only once).

 

[NW-Bound]

I don't have to hide anything. People know that we are comfortable, but I suspect that nobody knows how much asset we have, because our lifestyle is low-key.

My sister and her husband have more than we do. And their outward appearance is even more thrifty. Nobody suspects a thing.

 

[CoolRich59]

How do I explain to people when they ask me?

I wondered the same thing when I FIRE'd. I even discussed it with the DW so we'd be ready when the questions came.

To my surprise, they never did. I can't recall a single family member or friend asking about how I was able to retire early.

 

[Gumby]

Do people actually ask, though? I mean... no one I know asks. Super close friends/family don't have to ask, but outside that inner circle I'd consider financial questions to be rather gauche.

If they did, I'd just tell them our OnlyFans channel really took off.

 

[Markola]

^^^^ LOL! Keeper.

 

[Sunset]

I grew up in a blue collar family and worked hard to get ahead in life by living below my means and delaying gratification ......

..... I find that I tend to keep my financial success to myself.....by not talking about it and have lived modestly. I don't go around bragging about my finances. I also drive a 10 year Toyota Camry and ......

Showoff !
We drive a 23 year old Camry.

My first year of retirement, neighbors would ask if I was getting any work It was actually nice that they cared.

We take trips, but don't advertise them as it would be like bragging, besides I've run into folks who actually make us look like the poor cousins. So it's all relative.

<edit> It's natural for us to live normal, I grew up pretty poor at times and didn't get used to spending money. For me, money does not create a desire to spend.

 

[NW-Bound]

^^^ After buying a new vehicle this year, I had to get rid of the oldest car of the 4 I had.

It's a 1995 minivan, and I sold it to a guy who was driving around my neighborhood looking for a car for his sister, who he said was with 3 children and abandoned by her husband. I didn't know if the story was true, but my wife agreed to cut the asking price from $500 to $300 when he brought back his sister.

This minivan was useful for its roominess when I wanted to haul bags of potting soil and manure from Home Depot. Now, it went to someone who could use it to haul her kids.

My brother had a newer 2001 minivan in better shape than mine. It was no longer used, as his kids are all grown adults. He asked me if I wanted it to use for hauling, and I declined. He found a church that was looking for a vehicle for a needy family, and donated it to them. They were very happy to get it.

 

[MrEd]

My wife and I are both very wealthy but travel under the radar. We like to think of ourselves as modest, understated, and humble with both feet on the ground.

My favorite outfit is a baseball cap, t shirt, jeans, sneakers, sunglasses and a jacket I picked up at goodwill for $5, a bargain at twice the price, that has a logo of a sanitation company stamped on the front.

My favorite leisure time activity is going down to the waterfront early in the morning with a cup of coffee and people watch.

We were both highly paid professionals but down play it in social settings almost never talking about what we did for a living when asked.

Always remember if you are successful there is NO need to brag.

Life is good.

We practice stealth wealth.

https://www.financialsamurai.com/th...guide-to-staying-invisible-from-society-rage/

 

[COcheesehead]

Reminds me of the hippy looking dudes driving Tesla’s.

 

[ut2sua]

OP, you don't have to explain anything. Make choices as you please (housing, car, travel, other spending - as cheap or expensive as you like). Remember the time when $ was not easily accessible in your life and connect with people at their current level. Things will be fine.

 

[capitalhockey]

Do people actually ask, though? I mean... no one I know asks. Super close friends/family don't have to ask, but outside that inner circle I'd consider financial questions to be rather gauche.

I have gotten indirect inquiries and some awkward exchanges……what they seeing does not reconcile with what they had in mind.

 

[capitalhockey]

I wondered the same thing when I FIRE'd. I even discussed it with the DW so we'd be ready when the questions came.

To my surprise, they never did. I can't recall a single family member or friend asking about how I was able to retire early.

How old were you when you retired? Was it much younger than peer group?

 

[1242Vintage]

My wife and I fly very much under the radar when it comes to our very comfortable financial position.

 

[W2R]

My friends, neighbors and coworkers around me [...] are wondering if I had won the lottery or inherited some windfall.

They didn't realized the 20 years of sacrifice that put me in this position. I had watched coworkers brought new cars, fancy watches and clothes after promotions. I had friends who financed their lifestyle with credit card without saving much for the future. I just put my head down to work hard and invest during this time.

How do I explain to people when they ask me? Will they be inspired by my story of hard work and sacrifice or resentful at my success ?

In my case nobody asks me questions about my net worth or income, or how I got either of them. Some reasons for that might be:

1) I have about the same standard of living as everyone else in this part of town. I don't stand out.

2) In this region it's not considered to be very polite to ask questions like that.

3) I wouldn't dream of asking them that sort of question, either. We have other, more interesting things to talk about.

4) I hardly ever interact with people anyway, other than Frank, because I am such an introvert.

 

[RetiredHappy]

Even with extremely close friends we don't discuss wealth, although one time my husband lamented to the husband of our close friends over dinner that the drop in the market that day resulted in a $300k loss. Our friend laughed and said they suffered a similar loss amount that day. We echoed that we were about the same...

 

[RobbieB]

I do no explaining. Nobody asks me any questions either.

 

[Starsky]

Cool story….where was this paradise?

Lord Howe Island, NSW

 

[Closet_Gamer]

Tough topic.

My own approach is to do what we do but only provide details if asked, but then I won't lie about it. Even then the whole thing is a bit of an iceberg...people have reactions to what's above the surface...but if they knew what was below the surface they'd really be shocked.

With coaching and experience my kids have already learned to be very quiet about what we do in life. DD2 doesn't tell people at college that our family lives in England...it just causes too many questions and right/wrong assumptions about our situation. Case in point...she just said to her friend she had to catch a flight. When her friend asked how long the flight was and the answer was 7 hours, it just automatically led to where...then why.

Its inescapable though that most people can't get their head around having had and executed a 20 or 30 year long plan.

 

[iloveyoga]

We live pretty modestly and this does not usually come up. There may be things we do that make people wonder, but nobody asks. I have three brothers and I know they are all in a similar situation, but we really don't talk much about that. I help my two sisters with their investments and taxes, so I am very familiar with their situation, but they don't ask about mine. I think most people that I know are not that interested

 

[capitalhockey]

In my case, I lived very frugally for 20 years (on purpose) and have lived more lavishly recently (on purpose). This is my 30 year FIRE plan that I am executing that I have not told people about.

To folks that known me over this period, it seems like a complete 180 degrees opposite of what they had observed before. I went from a tightwad to a big spender overnight. It seems like I won the lottery or inherited money. They are shocked at my transformation in behavior. My wife suggested that I tell people that I am having a midlife crisis!!

 

[Markola]

Nah, we don’t talk about it in real life, only on the ER Forum.

 

[Car-Guy]

With the exception of the cars I drive, most folks that I meet face to face (outside my circle of family and friends) probably wonder if I'm on welfare.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

I ER'd at 50. I started, operated and sold a small business 31 years earlier in my small home town. DW an I lived like the millionaire next door in a small town of 1,200 people. Very few people suspected we were saving and investing over half our income over those 30 years.

When I ER'd I did move 350 miles away where the hunting & fishing was better and I fit right in with other retirees who left w*@k early. Nobody here talks about what they did for work.

My brother on the other hand lived large and kept up an image, always driving a new pickup and corvette. He was always in financial trouble and asking parents for help, and getting it. DD asked me to help him out many times, I refused. That did cause some family friction.

 

[Andre1969]

With the exception of the cars I drive, most folks that I meet face to face (outside my circle of family and friends) probably wonder if I'm on welfare.

I get around that problem by having a beater car to do most of my driving around in, and keep the nicer ones in the garage.