Do You Hide Your Financial Success From Others?

[NW-Bound]

At the same time I keep my worn-out pants, shorts, and T-shirts, I still have all my suits and dress shirts, and since retirement even bought a tux and another suit.

And I still have 5 or 6 pairs of formal shoes, wingtip and cap toe oxford.

 

[Calico]

BIL and SIL visited us over Thanksgiving. We were discussing trips planned for 2022 and we told them about our 2 river cruises and Mediteranean cruise plus the pre and post trip parts. SIL asked "where do you get all that money?" I said "we get it from the bank".

Perfect response to a very rude question.

 

[NW-Bound]

^^^ I don't think it's rude, but just a blurt caused by astonishment.

 

[RE2Boys]

I've been practicing "stealth wealth" for the past 21 years ever since I retired from my career Job at age 50 with a one and a three year old boys. Until this year, I've always had some type of W2 income so folks know I worked some but I can't think of anyone that knows much of the story or has any idea of our net worth other than my wife. I suspect many assume that I inherited some (we live in my parent's house that I purchased from Mom and have a pension.

When filling out the college FAFSA (required when one son received a partial merit scholarship, the boys learned that I was a millionaire next door type of person. But the FAFSA only showed half our wealth.

 

[MrEd]

At the same time I keep my worn-out pants, shorts, and T-shirts, I still have all my suits and dress shirts

And I still have 5 or 6 pairs of formal shoes, wingtip and cap toe oxford.

So do I but use them only for weddings and funerals.

 

[youbet]

How do I explain to people when they ask me? Will they be inspired by my story of hard work and sacrifice or resentful at my success ?

You say you are a highly paid professional. After 20 years of very modest living (for your income), you've now begun spending a bit more........ a nice house, a new set of golf clubs, a boat. Why would folks be so mystified that you're living your current, more upscale lifestyle when it's easily justified by your income? Do they not know you're a highly paid professional? Are you really concerned about explaining this?

You say you're FAT FI. What are your plans for FAT FIRE? I'm assuming you're planning on a well funded full retirement shortly?

How important is it to you to bask in the glory of your "hard work and sacrifice?"

I agree with the others who suggest you just lead life as you wish and look less for opportunities to tell others about it. That way, no worries about whether people are inspired or resentful.

 

[clifp]

Find friends richer than you are and it won't be a problem!

 

[Out of Steam]

At the same time I keep my worn-out pants, shorts, and T-shirts, I still have all my suits and dress shirts, and since retirement even bought a tux and another suit.

And I still have 5 or 6 pairs of formal shoes, wingtip and cap toe oxford.

I also bought a suit and a new dress shirt this year.

 

[Car-Guy]

Find friends richer than you are and it won't be a problem!

This absolutely works.... I'm the "poor one" among my circle of friends so no sense in trying to brag to them. I hope someday they'll take pity on me and remember me in their wills.

 

[NW-Bound]

At the same time I keep my worn-out pants, shorts, and T-shirts, I still have all my suits and dress shirts

And I still have 5 or 6 pairs of formal shoes, wingtip and cap toe oxford.

So do I but use them only for weddings and funerals.

True here too. It's more fun to wear formal clothes to weddings. For funerals, I wear non-casual clothes, but do not really dress up. It's a sad occasion, not a happy one.

The reason I do not give away formal clothes is my frugality, and not so much about the need for them. And why do I need my closet to be empty?

And my nice shoes! Still spanking new.

I also bought a suit and a new dress shirt this year.

I bought the tux for my daughter's wedding a few years ago. I already spent a lot of money, what's another tux at Men's Wearhouse. On the same occasion, the salesman talked me into another suit, and my wife actually said I should buy it. She wanted me to look good. She must love me.

 

[CoolRich59]

How old were you when you retired? Was it much younger than peer group?

At 58. I’m 62 now. A good friend retired at 60, but no other friends or family in my age group have retired.

 

[street]

There are a lot of millionaires in the area where I live. Alot of really wealthy people of a matter of fact. I'm a pauper if you would compare them to me. So, really no hiding or trying to fly under the radar, I'm just another millionaire next door.

I believe there are more wealthy people around us than one would think. There was a lot of people that parents lived through depression time and learned the same skills we have. IMO

 

[grasshopper]

Funny, here too. DW usually forces me to throw out clothes before I've noticed anything wrong with an item. It's a running joke with us, so last time I got a tear in a pair of boxer shorts, as a joke I took them to her and asked her if she could mend them. She was not amused...

Comfy clothes are mended by yours truly. Just before we went on our safari I put some buttons on my favorite khaki shirt that I wear birding.

Ms G reminded me that we were going on a $20K trip and i could afford a new shirt.

I remember going to our attorney to update our will. He asked why we even needed a will. And then he saw our brokerage statement.

 

[RobbieB]

I bought a new suit to get married in 3 years ago. I think they can bury me in it too -

 

[street]

Robbie, you make a deal on that different boat??

 

[capitalhockey]

You say you are a highly paid professional. After 20 years of very modest living (for your income), you've now begun spending a bit more........ a nice house, a new set of golf clubs, a boat. Why would folks be so mystified that you're living your current, more upscale lifestyle when it's easily justified by your income? Do they not know you're a highly paid professional? Are you really concerned about explaining this?

You say you're FAT FI. What are your plans for FAT FIRE? I'm assuming you're planning on a well funded full retirement shortly?

How important is it to you to bask in the glory of your "hard work and sacrifice?"

I agree with the others who suggest you just lead life as you wish and look less for opportunities to tell others about it. That way, no worries about whether people are inspired or resentful.

I talk down my career in social settings when others are bragging about their accomplishments. Folks think I am a low level rank and file worker just passing by in life based on my cheap mannerism and old clothing. I guess I may have misled folks by misrepresenting my career…my profession has a wide range of income….I am in the upper percentile.

My goal was to live as like a pauper for first 20 years so I can live like a prince for the next 40 years : )

 

[aja8888]

The 15 or so retirees I hang out with (Romeo group) on a daily basis and also when playing golf and other outings, are beyond talking about what they did in their working lives. The subject never comes up much anymore as most of us have been retired for several years. A couple of the guys were very successful and probably have net worth's well over $25 MM. One guy maybe multiple times that.

Fellows in this group include a prior CEO of a large oil services company, a business owner that had several restaurants, retired full bird army Colonel, VP's of Fortune 500 companies, a postal delivery guy, real estate investor(s), engineering consultant, retired police sergeant, etc.

Our age group runs from mid 50's to late 70's. These guys are very low key, live in modest (by area standards) homes, drive normal cars (and some cars are 20+ years old) and really are not worried about what anyone thinks of the way they are living their retirement.

 

[RobbieB]

Robbie, you make a deal on that different boat??

We saw it and wifey is still thinking. She wants a beach house and a cabin in the mountains.

The boat is sweet. Wife not so much.

 

[youbet]

I guess I may have misled folks by misrepresenting my career…my profession has a wide range of income….I am in the upper percentile.

Well there ya go........ and a lesson to all of us........ Being misleading comes back to bite you someday!

But, given all that, I think you're still making way, way too much out of your situation. Live your life. Enjoy your life. Spend a little less time fretting over what others think regarding your finances. Whether your current situation is the result of hard/smart work + LBYM, an inheritance, winning the lottery, etc., doesn't matter. Proselytizing your path to FIRE bliss seldom ends well.

Just curious, if you're FAT FI, why don't you retire? Trying to get to ultra-FAT FI first?

 

[street]

^ The other two items would be nice also. Thanks Robbie

 

[RobbieB]

No problem.

Yeah, I'm thinking wow 25 grand for a boat and she's thinking a million and a half beach house and a half million cabin.

I dunno.

 

[street]

Lol!
You will have some interesting decisions to make.

 

[capitalhockey]

Well there ya go........ and a lesson to all of us........ Being misleading comes back to bite you someday!

But, given all that, I think you're still making way, way too much out of your situation. Live your life. Enjoy your life. Spend a little less time fretting over what others think regarding your finances. Whether your current situation is the result of hard/smart work + LBYM, an inheritance, winning the lottery, etc., doesn't matter. Proselytizing your path to FIRE bliss seldom ends well.

Just curious, if you're FAT FI, why don't you retire? Trying to get to ultra-FAT FI first?

Good question…I worked very hard in my 20s and early 30s to quickly move up. I then purposely scaled down my hours in my late 30s while still getting paid very well. Great work life balance and no commute. I enjoy my job and can pad my numbers with no stress. I feel like I am on cruise control. If I hated my job and under intense stress, I would have walked away.

 

[youbet]

Good question…I worked very hard in my 20s and early 30s to quickly move up. I then purposely scaled down my hours in my late 30s while still getting paid very well. Great work life balance and no commute. I enjoy my job and can pad my numbers with no stress. I feel like I am on cruise control. If I hated my job and under intense stress, I would have walked away.

Well, if you like doing your job and want to work, why not? I was motivated to ask my question because you emphasized you were at FAT FI. Many folks here think that when you hit FI, it's time to go. FAT FI, all the more so. FAT FI implies you could retire today and enjoy a very rich lifestyle, without working, with a margin of safety.

It's your life to live, just don't let your work ethic drive you to trade off precious time for unneeded padding in a way you regret years down the road.

 

[RxMan]

I don’t advertise anything. These days you’re just as likely to be demonized for success as celebrated. No thank you. I don’t have to explain ****.