ER and self respect

[redduck]

I find it interesting that some people equate employment with self-respect. When I had to jump to meet unreasonable client demands, do stupid things for business travel (like drive at 1 am in a Colorado snowstorm), navigate corporate political waters, or do things to "look good" in front of management and clients, I lost a lot of self-respect. I felt like a trained seal arfing for prizes.

You actually know how a trained seal feels when it "arfs" for its prizes? Because if you do, perhaps you could have had a happy, wonderful, successful and esteem-building career as a seal whisperer.

 

[Bali]

I too have the same self respect question, working after 31 years, and still working, I am trying to figure out how to answer the question "what do you do" after I retire. Almost all application or registration forms ask for employment status, employer, profession, income, etc. what to write for these fields post retirement? Would society treat them, soon me as I am thinking to retire, differently?

I hope this does not come across odd, just trying to understand the social and identity aspects of retirement.

 

[okapi]

I do not need my former job title Manager of Who gives a crap.My health and self-esteem have improved greatly since leaving mega-corp early.I now bring value to the relationships I have,which are people who love and care about me.I was always at work neglecting the rest of my life.If somebody wants to work till they drop dead,hey go for it.I"m a to each his own type of person.Life is not a dress rehearsal.Move onward and yes,be happy.

 

[pb4uski]

I was almost always proud of my work, so I took some self-respect, self-esteem and sense of accomplishment from my career. That doesn't mean my work alone defined me, if it did I wouldn't have retired (early). ....

+1 I enjoyed being a valued member of teams that did some great work and provided outstanding client service (even if the client didn't always appreciate it - though most did) - but it didn't define me and was only one aspect of who I am.

 

[haha]

40 years old...I feel less self-respect because of work. I have to crave and listen to whacko co-workers.

What sort of job requires you to crave your co-workers? Sounds really cool.

Ha

 

[keegs]

I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but it seems like our whole society thinks that working in a job creates a sense of self-respect and self-esteem. I honestly never felt that way. Maybe I'd feel a sense of accomplishment, but it never increased my self-respect. Can someone enlighten me here? If you take this logic, then if you are laid off or fired, your self respect would go down, wouldn't it?

I think if you did a little research on the neuroscience of self respect you'd find there's a correlation between achieving goals, feelings of satisfaction and general feelings of well being. I'm sure there's even a physiologial description of the interractions between various regions of the brain in this regard. What motivates us to achieve goals is likely driven in varying degrees from within and without.

 

[martyp]

I too have the same self respect question, working after 31 years, and still working, I am trying to figure out how to answer the question "what do you do" after I retire. Almost all application or registration forms ask for employment status, employer, profession, income, etc. what to write for these fields post retirement? Would society treat them, soon me as I am thinking to retire, differently?

The day I ER'd I changed my status on LinkedIn to "retired mechanical engineer". "retired" or "retired (fill in the blank)" is honest and acceptable. What kind of forms are you filling in where it matters?

Really. The question regarding the self esteem content of this thread is not, "what do you do?" but "who are you?". If you can answer that question then you can put both w*rk and retirement in to perspective.

 

[marko]

It might be a matter of context.

Around these parts, the view is often a little different. Lots of folks here (North of Boston) never 'had' to work. Nothing wrong in a little job here or there, but old money trust funds pays the bills, leaving time for painting, running a gallery or antique shop. Car restoration is big.

Being 40 y.o. and having 'no job' isn't viewed as all that odd.

Not working is the ideal, not something to look down upon.

YMMV

 

[mickeyd]

I have been replaced, fired, downsized, gone-in-another-direction and a few other euphemisms to tell me I was gone from that w**kplace. I always knew that my departure was not a result of shoddy work by me. Just s**t happens.

Most of the time there was a ready market for my skills and experience. The last time that was not the case.

Simple math indicated that DW and I had plenty of assets to last us till at least age 100. So ER was the way to go.

These things have a way of working out.

 

[traineeinvestor]

“This is the even-handed dealing of the world!" he said. "There is nothing on which it is so hard as poverty; and there is nothing it professes to condemn with such severity as the pursuit of wealth!”
― Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

In our schizophrenic society:

• we may value a strong work eithic but we selectively look down on the material benefits that may flow from it - such as the ability to become financially independent;
• likewise, self-discipline is a virtue unless it comes to financial affairs;
• freedom is valued - but not the freedom to spend the bulk of your waking life doing what you choose to do instead of leading "a life of quiet desperation" in the workforce.

 

[LoneAspen]

I too have the same self respect question, working after 31 years, and still working, I am trying to figure out how to answer the question "what do you do" after I retire. Almost all application or registration forms ask for employment status, employer, profession, income, etc. what to write for these fields post retirement? Would society treat them, soon me as I am thinking to retire, differently?

I hope this does not come across odd, just trying to understand the social and identity aspects of retirement.

I hope to retire in a couple more years in my late 40's, and I can't wait until I can write "RETIRED!!!" on any form that asks about employment status.

"Retired" seems to be a dirty word to some people, but not to me. I have never defined myself through my jobs. Although I've worked hard all my career, I don't derive much satisfaction from what I do (I'm in the IT field), nor do I define myself by it. The day I get to walk out will probably be the greatest day in my life, and I will have no problems telling others that I am proudly RETIRED and doing what I want.

 

[scrabbler1]

I hope to retire in a couple more years in my late 40's, and I can't wait until I can write "RETIRED!!!" on any form that asks about employment status.

"Retired" seems to be a dirty word to some people, but not to me. I have never defined myself through my jobs. Although I've worked hard all my career, I don't derive much satisfaction from what I do (I'm in the IT field), nor do I define myself by it. The day I get to walk out will probably be the greatest day in my life, and I will have no problems telling others that I am proudly RETIRED and doing what I want.

Since I ERed, I have liked writing "retired" on forms, too, starting with my income tax returns. Leaving the "income from wages" line blank alng with having a very low tax bill only adds to the fun LOL!

 

[Original Wally]

It's true our culture seems to value "work über alles". That said, few would actually show up for work if they didn't need the money. That suggests the anti-ER attitudes are based on jealousy.

Bingo-Bongo. Ding Ding Ding... we have a winner.

"Personally" I felt nothing bu happiness the day I walked out. Zero regrets. .

I suppose my doing work for the church and so on MAY help my "self respect". Don't THINK so, but then I am a bean counter not a shrink.
I am happy with my life and myself.

 

[CH]

I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but it seems like our whole society thinks that working in a job creates a sense of self-respect and self-esteem.

I have never been laid off or fired, but from what I have seen, and what I have read, many people's self esteem goes down when this happens. I believe men more than women tend to tie their identity and sense of self worth to their job.

A lot of people who post here seem to hate the companies they work for and their (present or past) jobs. I am just the opposite. I like the company I work for. I like my job and the people I work with. I feel good about myself when I am part of something successful at work.

 

[redduck]

I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but it seems like our whole society thinks that working in a job creates a sense of self-respect and self-esteem. I honestly never felt that way. Maybe I'd feel a sense of accomplishment, but it never increased my self-respect. Can someone enlighten me here? If you take this logic, then if you are laid off or fired, your self respect would go down, wouldn't it?

Well, I don't know what our whole society thinks. But, I'm pretty sure that being fired from a job does injure self-esteem. Same with being laid-off (except it's not as personal as being fired). It still hurts. And, I would think not having a job and needing a job causes injury to self-esteem. So, yes, perhaps earning money enhances self-esteem and not making money would be disappointing to those who depend on you to be a wage earner. Even if a person is in a job he hates that person probably gains some satisfaction that he is not letting those down who depend on him.

 

[RockyMtn]

Seems to me the old adage "do you work to live, or live to work" is appropriate here.

Personally I worked my butt off for 30 years, travelled incessantly, dealt with all of the megacorp bs and more than earned my ER. I don't really worry...or care what others think.

I bet if I asked (and don't have to as I speak to several former co-workers on occasion) most who are still working would gladly change places.

Find a new purpose, don't relive the past and move on. Never look back!

 

[chris2008]

As much self respect as from work I gain from
- having been able to save enough dough to dare ER while having lived a full and satisfying life so far
- having learned to resist the traps of marketing experts
- having resisted all desires to keep up with the Joneses
- being able to distinguish a want from a need.

The high praise of self respect through work could just be another variation of the tale about the grapes that are sour - and hanging too high.

 

[LoneAspen]

Regarding being laid off or fired and self-esteem...

I've been fired from two jobs in the past when the companies went out of business (two startups in Silicon Valley) and both were spur-of-the-moment things. Tap you on the shoulder, visit HR, sign some papers, and out the door.

My self-esteem didn't suffer one bit. In fact, I thought, "Great! The weekend starts early!"

Never had problems finding other jobs, and I don't tie my self-esteem or self-respect to a job. Any job. After being in the working world for almost 30 years, and long getting over any sense that a job somehow defined me (thank God I lost that idea my first job out of college), to me a job working for someone else is just something I do for a paycheck. Nothing more.

Now, when I was a real estate agent, working for myself, and that business failed after a couple years, that I did feel personal about because I wasn't working for someone else, I was working for myself. It was MY business. That hurt.

For a job working for someone else? Nah. To me, that's just sitting in a cube all day for a paycheck. Nothing more than that.

 

[brewer12345]

I find it interesting that some people equate employment with self-respect. When I had to jump to meet unreasonable client demands, do stupid things for business travel (like drive at 1 am in a Colorado snowstorm), navigate corporate political waters, deal with meaningless metrics and other Megacorp BS, or do things to "look good" in front of management and clients, I lost a lot of self-respect. I felt like a trained seal arfing for prizes.

I have experienced the same thing. The lack of positive recognition/rewards in most the jobs I have had meant that there was no real offset to the psychological downer effect of all these contortions on my part. These days when I get through a stressful or difficult task/meeting I am usually just relieved that I did not blow up.

I am also now used to putting myself last. No more.

 

[John Galt III]

Had a bit of a dustup at my last job in which I had to figuratively land a hard right to the jaw of my sadistic weakling manager, in front of the coworkers. He had set up the scene so that that was my only chance at salvaging my self-respect.

Even though I saved my self-respect, I was quite upset by being fired two weeks later. It's tough to get fired, whatever the reason.

 

[golfnut]

Had a bit of a dustup at my last job in which I had to figuratively land a hard right to the jaw of my sadistic weakling manager, in front of the coworkers. He had set up the scene so that that was my only chance at salvaging my self-respect.

Even though I saved my self-respect, I was quite upset by being fired two weeks later. It's tough to get fired, whatever the reason.

Boy, that's an extreme reason to get fired. How did you feel after punching your manager?? What was the reaction of your co-workers?

 

[urn2bfree]

Boy, that's an extreme reason to get fired. How did you feel after punching your manager?? What was the reaction of your co-workers?

"FIGURATIVELY" not literally...he did not actually punch anyone.

 

[John Galt III]

"FIGURATIVELY" not literally...he did not actually punch anyone.

That's right. He was trying to embarrass me in front of the co-workers and my only option was to one-up him, and make him look like the ass he was.

 

[Telly]

I suddenly and abruptly entered the ER world via layoff during the crash of an industry. I unexpectedly was able to parlay a layoff into ER, which came as a total surprise to me. Megacorp gets no credit for that, instead it was LBYM & DIY.

The first 6 months or so were the hardest. Being out and about during the weekday felt good, but yet seemed so wrong, as if I had called in sick to work and then was just driving around, thinking that people were seeing me and saying "hey, why isn't that guy at work?"
Also seemed a waste of my abilities, a lot of seasoned potential just "wasted".
But there was another voice in there too, one that said "hey bud, I think it's over, you are your own boss now, and retirement is the company!"
Considering I never thought that an ER was possible for me, it was a real surprise.

After a year or two, I was completely acclimated, and if I saw other guys out during the day, I thought "they really need to be at work and get offa my roads and outta my stores! The slackers! Get back to work! Begone till after 5 O' Clock!

And now I just with a shining , and if I ever drive by what is left of Megacorp, I just look over there and

No more and or or or

Now I just let others while I slowly get in retirement. Aaahhhhhh....

 

[NanoSour]

After a year or two, I was completely acclimated, and if I saw other guys out during the day, I thought "they really need to be at work and get offa my roads and outta my stores! The slackers! Get back to work! Begone till after 5 O' Clock!

And now I just with a shining , and if I ever drive by what is left of Megacorp, I just look over there and

No more and or or or

Now I just let others while I slowly get in retirement. Aaahhhhhh....

That is sweet. But please tell me it's not going to take a year or two to get acclimated.