High cost of Weddings

I think its a cultural thing.

In some cultures, a wedding is a statement of where the parents are. My parents are not American born - we wanted to get married in Las Vegas with just close family and friends, do it up nice in the Venetian or Belagio (we would have paid for it), but my dad (who taught me LBYM principles) insisted we travel back to the old country and do the big wedding - he actually said - "This might be your wedding, but its for us!"

He paid big bucks, my mom had a blast living there a whole 6 months making the "arrangements", and I met a lot of people I did not know who I am related to! But my parents still talk about it.

(So we did both - we enjoyed the LV one better!)

Especially in the OP's future DIL's situation, if there is family from a different country coming in, this is the time to show them the "American" way, and in a way to show off the family the daughter is marrying into. It may not make sense but it might just be what is valued in that culture.
 
My first wedding in 1984, would cost $60,840 in today's dollars.
My second wedding in 2005 would be about $200.00 in today's dollars.
 
Good one

NYEXPAT said:
My first wedding in 1984, would cost $60,840 in today's dollars.
My second wedding in 2005 would be about $200.00 in today's dollars.
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You made me laugh out loud.

I am dumbfounded by expensive weddings like I am dumbfounded by young couples buying mini-mansions and new BMWs in their 20s. It is all foolish status signaling in my mind.

Like most on this site, we saved in our younger years so that we could enjoy not working in our older years.

My three daughters will each get around $5,000 from us to spend however they want towards a wedding. It will be our last lesson in frugality for them.

By the way, I don't care how much you spend on a wedding, no one enjoys them (including the bride and groom who are totally stressed out and just want to get to the honeymoon).
 
oneill225 said:
By the way, I don't care how much you spend on a wedding, no one enjoys them (including the bride and groom who are totally stressed out and just want to get to the honeymoon).
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I'm not so sure about this. I know I will enjoy my DD's wedding in late April as the money drain will be stopping (for the wedding) and she will be married off. :dance:
 
Teacher Terry said:
I can't imagine spending that much per plate on a rehearsal dinner unless all the families involved were wealthy and very upscale dining was their thing.
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I do not think $100 is out of line especially if it includes liquor .My SO's son is getting married in two weeks and the rehearsal dinner is $75 a plate not including tax and room rental fee.
 
Taxman59 said:
My question for the forum is this, What is a reasonable expense for a rehearsal dinner in Chicago, and what is the etiquette for who should be invited?
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I can't speak to the cost, but in my experience, rehearsal dinners are not elaborate affairs.

They are limited to the bridal party and immediate family. I have seen others invited - e.g., out-of-town friends or extended family who came in for the wedding.

They tend to be pretty low key affairs held at the grooms parent's house after the run-through at the church. Most of the rehearsal dinners I've been too (we have a pretty big family so I've been to a few) have been buffet-type affairs catered from a local restaurant.

As I said, I don't know costs, but I can guarantee that they've been a couple of thousand at most. IMO, $25k is obscene.
 
pj.mask said:
There is an inverse correlation between cost of wedding and how long it lasts.
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Great point. Went to the wedding of a niece. It was a huge wedding and it was held at one of Chicago's best hotels. I can only imagine what the cost was.

The marriage lasted less than a year. :rolleyes:
 
oneill225 said:
You made me laugh out loud.

I am dumbfounded by expensive weddings like I am dumbfounded by young couples buying mini-mansions and new BMWs in their 20s. It is all foolish status signaling in my mind.

Like most on this site, we saved in our younger years so that we could enjoy not working in our older years.

My three daughters will each get around $5,000 from us to spend however they want towards a wedding. It will be our last lesson in frugality for them.

By the way, I don't care how much you spend on a wedding, no one enjoys them (including the bride and groom who are totally stressed out and just want to get to the honeymoon).
Click to expand...

My Daughter got married this past September, outdoor wedding in Telluride.
When she told me she was getting married I spent 7k to fly my family to Denver (for two days) to meet her Fiance. While their, she proceeded to tell me that my ex-wife had filed bankruptcy and my childhood home (she got in Divorce) worth a million dollars was now in foreclosure. She then asked If I would help her pay for the wedding. I agreed to pay a third and she was very happy. When the time came, I told her that I thought it would be better if I did not show up with my young wife and new family as it was sure to take away attention from her special day and possibly result in my incarceration.

I think she was relieved, the night before her wedding, I wrote her a long heartfelt letter and told her that as a wedding present I had just arranged for her to receive the other two thirds of the wedding cost as well as a Honeymoon trip with us to Machu Picchu.
 
Moemg said:
I do not think $100 is out of line especially if it includes liquor .My SO's son is getting married in two weeks and the rehearsal dinner is $75 a plate not including tax and room rental fee.
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Absolutely. Now I'm in a large east coast city so prices tend to be higher. For my family of 4 a dinner at the Cheesecake factory is easily going to run 200 bucks with no alcohol and that's a chain restaurant.

My 4 friends and I went to the theater and dinner, Sullivans steakhouse, tab $575.00 we did have wine but that's pretty routine.

I got married 33 years ago in Manhattan, 225 guest and 95% of them family, no way was I getting out of having a cheap wedding. so the 20K we spent in 1985 would have equated to darn near 40K in todays dollars.

So if someone told me they were dropping 25K today on a wedding here in Philly, it would not be considered lavish by any stretch of the imagination.

My son's wedding set me back 10K and that was what I contributed and the only thing I really think was "extravegant" was the band.
 
My first wedding in 1988 was about $10k. My (now Ex) FIL told me "If you guys get divorced before 10 years, you have to pay me back!". I told him "Deal, but prorated only!"

We were divorced with about 3 months to the 10 year mark. I sent him a check for $250 with a note in the memo section "Worth every penny". He never cashed it. :LOL:
 
I was surprised to be invited to a niece's rehearsal dinner. The groom's family, though, seemed particularly well-off, so perhaps that was part of it.
 
I have never spent 50/person at the Cheesecake Factory without alcohol. I guess if you stuffed yourself with appetizers, meal and dessert it could be accomplished. Some of the prices that people throw around for a one day event or a meal amaze me. Again I can see doing that if you are among the rich and famous so have a need to impress and you have so much $ that it is a drop in the bucket. Nemo, we take lots of cruises and I had no idea you could pay staff to do stuff for you. How do they get any exercise?
 
Teacher Terry said:
we take lots of cruises and I had no idea you could pay staff to do stuff for you. How do they get any exercise?
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https://cruiseline.com/advice/how-to-book/pick-a-line/the-top-10-concierge-programs-at-sea

...Let your round-the-clock butler tend to your every whim
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...you can count on the concierge and butler to tend to travel needs ranging from pillow requests to arrangements for a wedding proposal.
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Naturally, the concierge will handle your spa and dining reservations, but he or she will also print your boarding pass.
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Being members of the "If we want something we'll ***** well get it ourselves" contingent the concept is alien to us.......neither DW nor I could tolerate someone fussing over us.......another reason that we always eat in the buffet. ;)
 
Nemo, you know what they say "A fool and his $ are soon parted." We actually eat dinner in the dining room because I enjoy the food and the experience. Plus the food is better. We eat our other meals in the buffet. I don't get the specialty restaurants either on the ships. I should pay more $ for dinner when the dining room has great food. They are always trying to up sell them. Last cruise a guy wanted to sell us dinner with the chef at 85/person. He was going on and on and I told him I would think about it and he said that only 5 couples would get to attend so the opportunity would be gone. I told him if it was such a easy sell he would not be wasting so much time bugging me. He huffed and walked off. Pretty funny actually.
 
Teacher Terry said:
We actually eat dinner in the dining room because I enjoy the food and the experience. Plus the food is better.
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In 2014 we spent about a month on the Norwegian Star; ate in the dining room, (at the behest of friends), maybe 4-5 times max - preferred the buffet.

We have also, on other vessels, had people tell us that the food was almost identical in both venues.

Teacher Terry said:
I don't get the specialty restaurants either on the ships. I should pay more $ for dinner when the dining room has great food. They are always trying to up sell them. Last cruise a guy wanted to sell us dinner with the chef at 85/person. He was going on and on and I told him I would think about it and he said that only 5 couples would get to attend so the opportunity would be gone. I told him if it was such a easy sell he would not be wasting so much time bugging me. He huffed and walked off. Pretty funny actually.
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:LOL: Last trip, on Royal Caribbean, had a guy come around the buffet at lunch time....asked "When are you going to eat at xxxxx Restaurant?"

I pretended to think for a few seconds and then replied "At a rough guess, NEVER".

On the same ship however, DW spoke a few times to a lady whose husband wanted to eat at all the specialty restaurants........she was nice, but he seemed (to us) to be too impressed by his own 'status' as a whatever-it-is fake passenger level. To each his own......we don't gripe because they are (probably unwittingly) subsidizing our trip.......also, we don't give a ****.
 
We have only gone on RC and the dining room is better on the ones we have taken. I had not thought about the fact that other over spenders may be helping to keep my price down. Awesome! I love your response:)) One of the ways we enjoy spending our $ though is to give extra tips to the people that take care of us such as our room steward, dining waiters, etc. This is in addition to the usual tips charged by the cruise line. We know they work long days and work hard and so far we have always gotten excellent service from these people. Because I teach a class online they sometimes have to work around my time to clean our room, bring me an extension cord for my CPAP machine, etc. We tried to bring our own but they take it away from you.
 
Teacher Terry said:
Nemo, you know what they say "A fool and his $ are soon parted." We actually eat dinner in the dining room because I enjoy the food and the experience. Plus the food is better. We eat our other meals in the buffet. I don't get the specialty restaurants either on the ships. I should pay more $ for dinner when the dining room has great food. They are always trying to up sell them. Last cruise a guy wanted to sell us dinner with the chef at 85/person. He was going on and on and I told him I would think about it and he said that only 5 couples would get to attend so the opportunity would be gone. I told him if it was such a easy sell he would not be wasting so much time bugging me. He huffed and walked off. Pretty funny actually.
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it's all what you like. I rarely like buffets and something has gone horribly wrong if I'm at a buffet when there are other options. last May we did RC Oasis of the seas. Was the main dining room food great. Not by any definition in my book and after 3 nights yes we were happy not to eat there and eating at chops and Giovanni's

So I guess we're fools :rolleyes: lol that's cool. Lol I've also spent 2k on a handbag so what do I know.

Since I can't use the money when I'm dead, I'll use it to have great dining experiences.

dropping 50 bucks at cheesecake factory is easy and yes I get dessert. that's the point of going somewhere called "cheesecake factory" I will say that usually does include the tip. we went last Saturday after the Philly flower show. 3 ladies. got 2 apps, 3 entrees, 3 drinks non alcoholic and 3 pieces of cheesecakes to go. total 127.49 + 24 bucks tip. very easy
 
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Bestwifeever said:
Ah, the ancient art of the humblebrag :)
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not at all (if you meant my post) I was simply questioning the posters inference that someone who chooses to eat at the specialty restaurants is a "fool".

If anything I find it's the old "early-retirement" rules. If you spend your money according to "er" rules, it's good. if you don't you're a "fool" :rolleyes::rolleyes:

lol, eating at a buffet, you're part of the clique.
eating at a steakhouse, not playing well with others
 
bclover said:
not at all (if you meant my post) I was simply questioning the posters inference that someone who chooses to eat at the specialty restaurants is a "fool".

If anything I find it's the old "early-retirement" rules. If you spend your money according to "er" rules, it's good. if you don't you're a "fool" :rolleyes::rolleyes:
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Not at all--you are being subjected to the humble brag! Hey, I would love to go to the Cheesecake Factory with you--my treat! :dance:

DD told me once, which pretty much sums me up: "You know when to save money, and you know when to spend money."
 
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I find baffling the very concept that I would need someone else's approval for my dining choices. (except for the young wife, of course)
 
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