High cost of Weddings

[Bestwifeever]

Space and a talent for BBQ are easily rented. You don't actually want to be the BBQer because you want to meet people and enjoy the party.

I thought “invite them over” meant to the inviter’s home. Yes, lots of places in Chicago to have barbecue.

 

[HadEnuff]

I thought “invite them over” meant to the inviter’s home. Yes, lots of places in Chicago to have barbecue.

Oh, I guess that part didn't register. Not many folks can just invite over a hundred or so guests and whip up a BBQ.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I think you reached a great compromise. I like the idea of setting a fixed amount and letting them decide how it should be spent. My son married a woman from Poland and it has been great fun getting to know her family.

 

[Bugeater]

I think consensus has been achieved on this forum - way over the top.

On the plus side, it makes me feel better about DD wedding in a couple of months! (we set up a joint checking account for them, deposited $15k and said do what you want with it (secretly hoping they'd elope and have that money for setting up household, longer honeymoon, etc). I haven't asked what their total is and wont. Future SIL parents will take care of rehearsal dinner, I don't know where, haven't asked, and am not concerned whether at the corner bar or a catered event - it's about the people, not the food/drink/venue.

For our 2 sons who where married 3 and 4 years ago, for first son, since we had a lot of out of towners and extended family, I smoked about 50 pounds of pulled pork and we "catered" it ourselves. That was great and relaxing.

For second son, we found a restaurant that had a private room and an "event menu" with 3-4 choices - smaller group but I think cost about $1300 or so. That too was nice and I didn't have to cook!

Then for each of the sons, we contributed $5k to their honeymoons (which one managed that as full cost).

I think back to the many weddings I've been to for others over the years and can't really say I remember one over the others, except those that appeared to spend a large amount - but I remember those as a waste of money vs a special event. Like others, I hope your DS is prepared for potential lifestyle expectation challenges that may come up when married (house, car, vacations, etc) because it doesn't come across that a LBYM attitude may be shared.

 

[GravitySucks]

Wedding traditions differ, and we need to respect them. Traditionally in the US, the bride’s parents would transfer property to the groom in exchange for taking the girl off their hands. How many acres is the groom receiving in this case?

I have 10 acres and six dairy goats set aside. Now DD needs to find someone who can milk and feed them.
[emoji12]

 

[brett]

DD decided on a destination wedding. It was great for us. We paid. There was much less organizing and zero emotional angst. On the beach, beautiful warm sunny day whilst it was cold and snowy at home.

 

[MatatuPuncher]

I've heard of the "rehearsal dinner" concept but have never been part of one. I've been to a bunch of weddings and only one had a rehearsal dinner. I'm from California so maybe it's a regional thing not common on the west coast?

 

[Mickslick]

My daughter was hitched two weeks ago, very nice wedding in a great historic hotel, small ceremony, about 30 in attendance, later this summer they are going to have a "reception" in a barn with a lot more attendees, may be up to a 150 or so, we committed to 5k, they will likely stay within if not slightly under that budget. As far as the rehearsal dinner goes, I don't think there was one, heck, we didn't even have a rehearsal.

 

[Scuba]

I've heard of the "rehearsal dinner" concept but have never been part of one. I've been to a bunch of weddings and only one had a rehearsal dinner. I'm from California so maybe it's a regional thing not common on the west coast?

In California, often the venues have the rehearsal more than one day before the wedding. In our case, we got married on a Saturday but the rehearsal was on Thursday. We hosted a small dinner party at a restaurant Thursday night for those involved in the rehearsal (immediate family and very close friends). We hosted a catered party at our home Friday night and included all out of town guests as a “thank you” for their making the trip for our wedding. Usually only people in the wedding party plus immediate family are included in a rehearsal dinner.

 

[explanade]

I remember once listening to an NPR segment once about how the wedding industry really took off after Charles and Diana's elaborate, fairy-tale wedding televised on TV.

That eventually led to the bridezilla phenomenon.

 

[PatrickA5]

We gave our DD 15K for her wedding. Told her to keep what she doesn't spend. Ended up spending 8K and pocketing 7K. Very nice wedding and reception. I imagine DS will be next. His GF's parents have zero money, so we may end up having to pay for both wedding and rehearsal dinner. We'll probably pony-up the same 15K for him. Our oldest DD already spent her wedding money (on other things), so she's on her own.

 

[pb4uski]

.... DW and I have been to three of what I call "Queen for a Day" weddings, where seemingly no expense was spared. I don't know if it is coincidence or an exposure of an underlying flaw, but none of those three marriages lasted 5 years.

At DD's wedding last summer one of our guests was telling me that they had recently been to a lavish wedding where the parents of the bride spent $40,000.... just on flowers!

DW is an avid gardener previously worked in a florist shop making arrangements.... between her garden and those of some of her gardener friends and some flowers bought from Trader Joe's she transformed them into beautiful flowers for each table at the reception and bouquets and boutineers for the wedding party for a couple hundred bucks.

 

[Moemg]

I have been at a ton of weddings both lavish and pretty simple .The ones I remember are the unique ones not the over the top lavish ones .Weddings are expensive .Attending weddings can be costly especially when transportation ,hotel stays, clothing and gifts are added in.

 

[aja8888]

When I was much younger, a friend of mine married a Greek girl. What a wedding her family threw for a small sum! Probably the most fun I have ever had at any get together.

 

[travelover]

........ flowers bought from Trader Joe's she transformed them into beautiful flowers for each table at the reception and bouquets and boutineers for the wedding party for a couple hundred bucks.

Well sure, but where are the bragging rights for that? Half the fun of spending large amounts of money is "complaining " about it later.

 

[Rickt]

Taxman:

Commend you for resolving your dilemma nicely. Congratulations to You and your family. Best wishes to the young couple as they prepare for their "Wedding" and the "Marriage" that will follow thereafter.

Regards,
Rick

 

[bclover]

So my lovely delusional #1 son and his wife wanted to get married at Disneyworld. Tab?? 100k. Lol. After her parents and I stopped laughing we suggested they look at Philly. Anyhoo a nice rehearsal dinner will set you back 75-100 bucks per plate

 

[travelover]

So my lovely delusional #1 son and his wife wanted to get married at Disneyworld........

Sounds Goofy to me, a real Mickey Mouse idea.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I can't imagine spending that much per plate on a rehearsal dinner unless all the families involved were wealthy and very upscale dining was their thing.

 

[travelover]

I can't imagine spending that much per plate on a rehearsal dinner unless all the families involved were wealthy and very upscale dining was their thing.

I think P.T Barnum was right. Make people think some extravagant expenditure is "customary" or "expected" and they'll shell out their hard earned cash due to their social inferiority complex. The whole diamond industry is founded on this premise.

 

[MichaelB]

I don't think anyone is being "made" to think any way. Marriage has a deep symbolic meaning and is a foundation block of modern society. Spending a lot of money to celebrate a wedding happens everywhere in the world and has been going on since the beginning of time, or at least society as we know it now.

It offends our sense of thrift and waste, but it is not unusual. If the parties involved can afford the expense, no big deal, and if they can't but spend it anyway, just another of an endless example of poor choices people make.

 

[aja8888]

If anyone thinks wedding costs are a waste of money, go price a new pickup truck. And a heck of a lot of pickups are sold compared to wedding events.

 

[explanade]

I remember a Zola novel about these people who were destitute, came into money and threw themselves a huge party. It was suppose to be representative of the petit bourgeosie or the mid or late 19th century.

For some, a huge wedding party is a way to broadcast that they've arrived at a certain station, economically.

Rich people can throw lavish parties all the time so maybe fancy weddings are aspirational to a certain extent.

 

[aja8888]

I think it goes like this:

The bride-to-be and her mother want it to be the "perfect day" and all in attendance are in agreement and happy for the new couple.

The father of the bride just wants it to be over with as she will be off the payroll.

Based on the two objectives above, lots of money can be spent accomplishing the task.

Bottom line: all parties are happy, at least for a while.

 

[Nemo2]

For some, a huge wedding party is a way to broadcast that they've arrived at a certain station, economically.

Similar to (some) cruise ships where certain passengers, (certainly not us), pay significantly extra to have a 'Butler' or 'Concierge' run errands that they are too lazy to do themselves.

"See, we (think we) are better than you!"