I was just reading an old thread about internet dating. Interesting comments! I have a question that wasn't answered there so I hope to get some comments in this thread.
Would someone please explain this -
While trying a few internet dating sites awhile ago, several guys wrote to me saying they liked my profile but we lived too far away to date. (True.)
But they wanted us to start emailing each other.
I never understood that.
Why would they want to spend time being "pen pals" with someone they knew they wouldn't date?
Was this a technique to get something other than dating after a bit of time, like sexting or phone sex?
Do guys just like having women pen pals?
They may ask you to send money to nigeria, be careful.
I am very weary of any woman which wanted to email over talk on the phone. Phone numbers are easily blocked, so if someone does not want to share numbers, they are too conservative for me, I guess.
I evolved to a process which worked quite well... a few women I dated I stayed in touch with and they helped me with portions of the process.
I dated all over. I live in Cincinnati, Tinder treated me well in California, Western NY, Michigan, Atlanta and Pittsburgh. Eharmony took me a few places too.
My process went like this
1) within a few minutes on tinder chatting, I always asked what city woman lived closest to. I don't want to know zip code, but knowing east side/west side etc helps
2) Always start by meeting for coffee- very easy to make a quick exit if needed, and coffee only costs $5.
3) Meet for an evening drink as either an alternate to date #1 or for date #2. Again a drink only costs about $5.
If a woman met me twice for drinks or coffee, she had genuine interest. I had a couple women on tinder insist on dinner/night out for date #1, I never met them.
I do make exceptions- one woman I met in Atlanta our date lasted "a long time", so she bought drinks, I bought dinner etc as we alternated, and we knew that before date began... 6 hour drive there, 8 hour date, drove home next day after breakfast with a friend in Atlanta as well.
4) If they had a linked in profile or FB profile I would try to find it. Check portions of their "story". For example if someone gives you a college, first name and large city they are near, linked in should find them. Linked in should also give other questions I could ask to keep conversation going
5) Tinder is all about the conversation, right here, right now- if a conversation is going for 5 minutes and he doesn't ask you out, he's not interested.
6) I always met on her home turf unless she wanted something else. Choose common public meeting places (starbucks or panera for coffee, applebees or similar for drinks) as these are very public places, easy to find.
7) I can measure a person's interest by how easy dates are to schedule. If a woman said "she's busy" without giving an alternative suggestion or available time, I was done with her faster than toilet paper. Saying yes is very attractive.
So I don't do pen pals
I expect to meet and decide if I want to meet again