Accepting My Mortality

[mountainsoft]

I turned 58 in November and feel like I'm in fairly good health. I've never had any kind of surgery, never had a major medical concern, and never took any medications until my blood pressure shot up last year. Unfortunately, I have not tolerated the BP meds very well, either they didn't do much of anything, or the side effects were unbearable. After 6 months on Losartan I finally ended up with an irregular heartbeat and a scary 911 ambulance trip to the emergency room. Thankfully it wasn't serious and I have improved greatly since stopping the Losartan and switching to different meds. Still, it was my first significant medical emergency and it "put the fear of God in me".

Since then I find myself trying to come to terms with how little time I have left, even if I don't have any other health issues going forward. If all goes well, I may only have 20 or 30 years left in this world. We have already been in our "new" house for 17+ years, our daughter is already 32 years old, and those both seem like they happened yesterday. Heck, I'm not even retired yet. It's scary to think how quickly my remaining time will pass.

 

[aja8888]

Hey, I'm 21 years older than you and have been under the knife many times, but right now I am in great health. I just have a lot of steel and titanium parts in me. I take one med for increased urine flow and can have that fixed with another surgery.

Be thankful for what you have and what you have accomplished in your 58 years. You probably have a long way to go. I have a daughter that's 42 and she's great!

 

[Ronstar]

You’re 58. There’s going to be some bumps in the road from now on. Just eat right, do regular doc checkups and live life to the fullest.

 

[Tetto]

Yes, I feel the same sometimes then I console myself with the thought of all the others who have gone before me. Nobody gets out alive. I’m 56 and on BP meds and a simvastatin, but overall feel pretty good except for the asthma. In reality, you’re still pretty young and can get out there and motivate all over the world! Don’t let those thoughts drag you down.

 

[steelyman]

Another reason to appreciate each day, the present moment.

 

[Midpack]

We take care of ourselves best we can and enjoy what we can do even if it’s not the same as our younger years. Beyond that what’s the point in worrying about what may come that we can’t change? I’m 67 and I’ll worry about life at 80 or 90 when I get there, and make the most of that. I will agree that life goes by faster and faster every year, all the more reason to enjoy it now.

 

[MRG]

I lost a lot of friends, family over the last couple years. I'm turning 65 next month and have has a lot of thoughts about how quickly I'm reaching an expiration date. What happened? How did I get to this age so quickly? I'm grateful I left Megacorp 9 years ago.

 

[CindyBlue]

I turned 58 in November and feel like I'm in fairly good health. I've never had any kind of surgery, never had a major medical concern, and never took any medications until my blood pressure shot up last year. Unfortunately, I have not tolerated the BP meds very well, either they didn't do much of anything, or the side effects were unbearable. After 6 months on Losartan I finally ended up with an irregular heartbeat and a scary 911 ambulance trip to the emergency room. Thankfully it wasn't serious and I have improved greatly since stopping the Losartan and switching to different meds. Still, it was my first significant medical emergency and it "put the fear of God in me".

Since then I find myself trying to come to terms with how little time I have left, even if I don't have any other health issues going forward. If all goes well, I may only have 20 or 30 years left in this world. We have already been in our "new" house for 17+ years, our daughter is already 32 years old, and those both seem like they happened yesterday. Heck, I'm not even retired yet. It's scary to think how quickly my remaining time will pass.

I get it, mountainsoft.

I've been living in what my family jokingly but seriously calls "The Death Zone" for years. All my female relatives - from grandparents to aunts to cousins - except three have died at or before age 63...and I've outlived them all except those three.

I have spent a lot of time contemplating my mortality, and it has defined my adult life - but in a positive way. I have always made, and now make, sure that, within financial and time constraints, I do the things I want to do now, and not wait, because the odds are high there won't be a tomorrow for me. I am grateful for every experience, big or small.

I think about my passing and have planned for it as best I can. I'm no Pollyanna, though. I sometimes get to missing all the things I'll never see after I go. But I'm not afraid to go. I'm comfortable with it...at least for now. Who knows what I'll be feeling in the future...

I hope you get to a place that's comfortable for you, too.

 

[Winemaker]

Unfortunately, we must all play the hand that has been dealt to us. My only advice is to get great medical advice, don't abuse yourself mentally, physically, and internally, live each day to the fullest, don't hold grudges, and spend as much time with the people you love and doing the things you love. My DF, was in the best of shape died of AML at 70, and my DM who had several serious health issues over her life, just passed at 86y 3m, and not by Covid.


My DMIL's friend, a male, just had a TKR at 88. His caretaker, his 57 yo widowed DIL, died of CHF a week later. Who knows?

 

[Dash man]

We’re 70 and my health issues started popping up about 15 years ago. Hers a couple of years before that with a cancer scare. We’ve taken care of most things to make it easier for each other when one of us passes. Estate plan is set up, funerals planned and paid for, working on Roth conversions to hopefully be complete before her social security kicks in at 70. We’re both devout in our faith, so we hope we’re good there. We both have a good LTC plan covering home care, assisted living or nursing home for up to five years.
So these days we enjoy each other, our kids and grandkids and try to help others as much as we can. We don’t worry about our mortality as much as possibly missing out on our grandkids growing up and having kids of their own. Don’t worry…be happy!

 

[Major Tom]

I'm the same age as you, mountainsoft. In some ways, it's a really good age to be. We're old enough to realize that there is a definite limit on the amount of time we have left. Luckily though, chances are it is a pretty sizable amount of time.

Another way of putting it might be that we're young enough to still have time left to do the things we want to do, but old enough that we need to get cracking and not waste that time.

 

[Teacher Terry]

At age 67 I have lost 5 friends between the ages of 59-67. It’s definitely a reminder that life can be short. All died of cancer. One also had Alzheimer’s. I try not to dwell on it.

 

[Chuckanut]

At 58 you have already lived longer than a number of my friends and relatives who died in their 40's and 50's. A cousin of mine with a wonderful wife and several kids was gone in his earluy 40's. Others are still chugging away (albeit a more slowly) well into their 80's.

FWIW, I have found that time slows down when you keep yourself busy with worthwhile activities.

Carpe Diem!

 

[razztazz]

Doesn't someone here have a sign-off that says: Old age is the most unexpected thing that can happen to a person."

Don't know if I should mention this. It's sort of macabre but maybe reassuring. I was lying in the driveway dying. I was not unconscious. I knew what was happening. I knew it was serious and I knew these thoughts could have been my last. I heard the neighbor calling the ambulance. I felt the heat of the sun bearing down on me. I smelled the exhaust and heard the siren and the voices chattering "check his this, check his that", can you hear me? etc (I was able to answer cogently) and being lifted into the wagon.

At no point was I panicky. Feel fearful. At no time did I say to myself "Holy sht, I'm dying! Please don't let me die! Did not see Gram-mom and Grampop telling me to follow the light. Had no feelings of regret. I didn't wish I had done this or that or hadn't done this or that. It wasn't really scary. Maybe I wasn't close enough? But if I were any further gone I wouldn't have been able to contemplate any of these things. Being aware and sentient and able to think should have made it scarier.

I am not particularly religious but if I had a choice between no heaven and Heaven, I'd rather there be a Heaven. I don't feel like I will find out anytime soon but I know in my condition I could deteriorate fast. (I worry a lot less about LTC costs now than I used to)

 

[Major Tom]

razztazz - your story is oddly reassuring. Thank you for relating it. I'd be pretty happy to go that way. I'm just hoping it will be later rather than sooner

 

[MissMolly]

Doesn't someone here have a sign-off that says: Old age is the most unexpected thing that can happen to a person."

Don't know if I should mention this. It's sort of macabre but maybe reassuring. I was lying in the driveway dying. I was not unconscious. I knew what was happening. I knew it was serious and I knew these thoughts could have been my last. I heard the neighbor calling the ambulance. I felt the heat of the sun bearing down on me. I smelled the exhaust and heard the siren and the voices chattering "check his this, check his that", can you hear me? etc (I was able to answer cogently) and being lifted into the wagon.

At no point was I panicky. Feel fearful. At no time did I say to myself "Holy sht, I'm dying! Please don't let me die! Did not see Gram-mom and Grampop telling me to follow the light. Had no feelings of regret. I didn't wish I had done this or that or hadn't done this or that. It wasn't really scary. Maybe I wasn't close enough? But if I were any further gone I wouldn't have been able to contemplate any of these things. Being aware and sentient and able to think should have made it scarier.

I am not particularly religious but if I had a choice between no heaven and Heaven, I'd rather there be a Heaven. I don't feel like I will find out anytime soon but I know in my condition I could deteriorate fast. (I worry a lot less about LTC costs now than I used to)

This is one of the most powerful posts I have ever read. So glad you are better. I almost get the feeling you were glad to have that experience. It was surely lifechanging.

 

[CindyBlue]

Doesn't someone here have a sign-off that says: Old age is the most unexpected thing that can happen to a person."

Don't know if I should mention this. It's sort of macabre but maybe reassuring. I was lying in the driveway dying. I was not unconscious. I knew what was happening. I knew it was serious and I knew these thoughts could have been my last. I heard the neighbor calling the ambulance. I felt the heat of the sun bearing down on me. I smelled the exhaust and heard the siren and the voices chattering "check his this, check his that", can you hear me? etc (I was able to answer cogently) and being lifted into the wagon.

At no point was I panicky. Feel fearful. At no time did I say to myself "Holy sht, I'm dying! Please don't let me die! Did not see Gram-mom and Grampop telling me to follow the light. Had no feelings of regret. I didn't wish I had done this or that or hadn't done this or that. It wasn't really scary. Maybe I wasn't close enough? But if I were any further gone I wouldn't have been able to contemplate any of these things. Being aware and sentient and able to think should have made it scarier.

I am not particularly religious but if I had a choice between no heaven and Heaven, I'd rather there be a Heaven. I don't feel like I will find out anytime soon but I know in my condition I could deteriorate fast. (I worry a lot less about LTC costs now than I used to)

Wow...thank you for sharing your experience!

 

[easysurfer]

During my last physical, I told my doc the decade of 60-70 years old is going to be brutal. Just because of getting in old age.

He just looked at me and didn't respond .

As I get older, my plan is to just cherish the time I have on earth as I do believe days are dicey one you get up there in age.

 

[tmm99]

Mountainsoft, I know exactly what you're talking about! I even opened a thread just like you and titled it "Sense of mortality."

I wrote something like this then:

We all die eventually, some sooner than others, and I get that, but until recently, it felt like life was an endless journey.

I am in my mid 50's, and one day, just recently, out of the blue, I finally kind of woke up and thought to myself "Wow, I am way more than halfway done with my life!!"

It was like a huge revelation to me.

Interestingly, this epiphany came after I had a breast cancer scare. The biopsy result was negative, but the agonizing one-week wait to get the result made me re-evaluate my priorities and made me think about a lot of things.

This re-evaluation of my life led me to retire earlier. (It took about 6 months to plan everything and retire.)

 

[W2R]

I'm 73, with multiple co-morbidities and feel quite triumphant to have survived a severe case of Covid Delta strain double pneumonia last September. It was touch and go for a while, but (fanfare), da-dah!!! here I am. I don't remember much of anything from my weeks in the hospital. By now I guess I am about 95% recovered and still feeling better every day.

My appreciation of life seems inversely proportional to my life expectancy. Who knew that old people were getting so much satisfaction and fun out of their lives? Well, at least I am anyway.

I am hoping to live to be very old, although I'll take what I can get. Did you know that the oldest living person at this very moment is a Japanese woman named Kane Tanaka, age 119? I'd love to live to that age; no really, I would! She's 46 years older than me!

 

[Bamaman]

Dying is something I don't like to think about. But one of my best friends died last week, and I just found out my boss, who was younger than me, died Thanksgiving. We also lost two other childhood friends died to cancer. My 65 year old cousin was in end stage renal failure and died last year.

I lost my father 16 years ago and my mother 14 years ago. Both seem like they were just yesterday. Project out 14 or 16 years, and I'll be 85 or 87 years if I'm possibly here by then.

My father always said it's tough past 80 years of age to make it to the next birthday. He made it to 86 but he was on dialysis due to diabetes.

The moral of this story is that none of us know how long we will be on this earth. And it's important that we enjoy life, retire early and grab all the gusto we can day by day. Oh, yea: And take care of yourself because you don't have to be old and elderly despite what your birth certificate says.

 

[levindb]

I do our financial planning to run out of money at age 105. My DW has kept us very active with biking, kayaking, beach walks, and Bikram yoga. We are both in early 70’s and each of us has had some cancerous things taken from our bodies.
We have just purchased a new to us home with a 30 year mortgage and we have paid up vacation reservations in the Dominican Republic until 2052.
I see no need to focus on the end of the road. Get your stuff in order, but live your life…enjoy the journey!!

 

[Dd852]

I usually live in the present and try to enjoy it fully. I don’t focus on the inevitable… but of course the rational side of me knows that at 61 the next 20 years will simply not be as comfortable or active or healthy as the previous 20 years have been, assuming I even get to see them all. And yes, I remember being 41 pretty vividly and it doesn’t seem all that long ago. Both parents lived into their 80s and both died relatively quickly; a good model! Ultimately I want two things, neither of which I can control at all. I want as much more wonderful time as possible with DW, in a condition in which we can enjoy each other and enjoy life. And I want a good, swift death. I’m greedy in both. But I do hope!

 

[Dtail]

I am 61, but don't contemplate death. I take a BP pill, but have an HDL/Trig ratio of 1.30
Just enjoy life and whatever it brings.
I am very detailed and a big planner, but not worrying about the final plan.

 

[mystang52]

We take care of ourselves best we can and enjoy what we can do even if it’s not the same as our younger years. Beyond that what’s the point in worrying about what may come that we can’t change? I’m 67 and I’ll worry about life at 80 or 90 when I get there, and make the most of that. I will agree that life goes by faster and faster every year, all the more reason to enjoy it now.

I usually live in the present and try to enjoy it fully. I don’t focus on the inevitable… but of course the rational side of me knows that at 61 the next 20 years will simply not be as comfortable or active or healthy as the previous 20 years have been, assuming I even get to see them all. And yes, I remember being 41 pretty vividly and it doesn’t seem all that long ago. Both parents lived into their 80s and both died relatively quickly; a good model! Ultimately I want two things, neither of which I can control at all. I want as much more wonderful time as possible with DW, in a condition in which we can enjoy each other and enjoy life. And I want a good, swift death. I’m greedy in both. But I do hope!

I do not apply too much thought to my mortality. I give it thought when a celebrity dies at a relatively young age, or recently when 2 of my friends passed. I'm approaching 70, and have a medical condition that means I won't make it to 95. Where, between 70 and 95 will it be? I can't dwell on it. I'm enjoying my life now. We do the best we can with the cards that are dealt to us.