Accepting My Mortality

[CindyBlue]

She's 46 years older than me!

Wow, that puts it in perspective...that's a whole lifetime older than me!

If I were going to live that long, I think I"d need to get another job!

 

[Dtail]

Wow, that puts it in perspective...that's a whole lifetime older than me!

If I were going to live that long, I think I"d need to get another job!

You can just charge folks for taking pictures with you as the oldest living person.

 

[DayDreaming]

I'm 61, in good health. I've had a few friends who died before they were 60. I don't dwell on it but I do sometimes think about how fast time seems to go by these days! Tying that into the Blow That Dough thread, I've started loosing the purse strings and spending a little more on myself. I mean that the heck am I saving it for?!

 

[CindyBlue]

You can just charge folks for taking pictures with you as the oldest living person.

 

[Car-Guy]

Many (almost all) in my family have made it into their 90's. One was over 100... Like most folks, I don't want to go, however it scares the dickens out of me to think I'd live like they did once they got to/past their mid 80's. That's not for me. I'm just going to try to make the best of the next ~decade.

 

[Ronstar]

Getting old does have some advantages. 92 yo MIL has to occasionally get shots in one eye to treat macular degeneration. After an hour or so, she doesn't remember it.

 

[Car-Guy]

Getting old does have some advantages. 92 yo MIL has to occasionally get shots in one eye to treat macular degeneration. After an hour or so, she doesn't remember it.

Thanks for reinforcing my POV, even if unintentionally.

 

[MichaelB]

Many (almost all) in my family have make it into their 90's. One was over 100... Like most folks, I don't want to go, however it scares the dickens out of me to think I'd live like they did once they got to/past their mid 80's. That's not for me. I'm just going to try to make the best of the next ~decade.

I know what you mean. My mum’s side of the family share two health traits, longevity and cognitive decline. Late 70’s seems to be when real decline starts.

 

[street]

It is something we all have to go through and that helps me with the huge picture of morality. Our genes will play some part in the end point, but I believe taking care of yourself in your early years is a plus to later in life health.

I have worked (physically) very hard in my lifetime and I feel it many days. The age for men on my father's side of the family isn't great maybe average ~79 years old. So, no time to waste for me and try not to think about it and keep on like there is no end.

I'm hoping I go out with my boots on. Thinking LTC in a facility is very depressing to think about.

 

[ncbill]

You just never know.

Mom abruptly stopped smoking in her late 40s and started walking several miles daily.

She looked great but was diagnosed with a rarer form of dementia not long after.

What we found out years later is that there is a structure deep in the brain that once damaged causes people to drop their previous addictions.

She just barely made it into her 60s.

 

[38Chevy454]

I am just one month behind OP mountainsoft in age. Biggest thing I notice is that while I can still do almost all of the things I did when younger, the recovery process is longer. Sore muscles that last longer, less flexibility, a shoulder that reminds me of years of (ab)use, having some prescriptions. I don't really think about the end date, hope the planning I have done is sufficient. For now have pretty good health and no major medical issues. Skin cancer is my biggest concern, having had small melanoma and some basal cell spots removed. It is consequence of youth and heritage. Have a good dermatologist and regular visits to get checked out.

The good thing is I now have more in my life than I have ever had before: time, money, freedom, stuff and wisdom. I am better off in these categories than a good portion of society. Enjoy the moment and do things to maximize my time left to make me happy. Sometimes that is doing something to help others be happy. Pretty much just being grateful for what I have and what I can do each day.

 

[razztazz]

This is one of the most powerful posts I have ever read. So glad you are better. I almost get the feeling you were glad to have that experience. It was surely lifechanging.

Life changing alright. Not sure I'm glad to have had the experience. Maybe I'd like to still be guessing what dying is like, ha ha. The heart attack wasn't the worse part. The worst part was being unaware I was having a HA. I thought I had just over-done it lawn mowing in the heat/high humidity. So, like anybody would do I took about 4 or 5 hours before I got to the hospital and took a cold shower in the mean time. (Am I tough or what?!) If I had just had a "Fred Sanford" heart attack I could have been in and out with 3 stents and all or most of my heart function but now I'm down to 50% (25% ejection rate) and a machine in my chest playing back-up.

Now the good news! The heart attack was a right side plaque rupture so there would have been no symptoms prior to the HA anyway. When I got to the hospital they found that the two main arteries on the left side were almost entirely blocked but apparently I was not having any symptoms. Angina etc Ergo I could have died in my sleep any time in the previous several months.

 

[LRDave]

A regular mindfulness or meditation practice helps me really embrace the present moment, which is really all we've got.

 

[Turbo29]

You'd think if you were the head of the Roman Empire you wouldn't have these concerns.


"32. The age of Vespasian, for example. People doing the
exact same things: marrying, raising children, getting sick,
dying, waging war, throwing parties, doing business,
farming, flattering, boasting, distrusting, plotting, hoping
others will die, complaining about their own lives, falling in
love, putting away money, seeking high office and power.

And that life they led is nowhere to be found.

Or the age of Trajan. The exact same things. And that life
too—gone.

Survey the records of other eras. And see how many others
gave their all and soon died and decomposed into the
elements that formed them.

But most of all, run through the list of those you knew
yourself. Those who worked in vain, who failed to do what
they should have—what they should have remained fixed on
and found satisfaction in.

A key point to bear in mind: The value of attentiveness
varies in proportion to its object. You’re better off not giving
the small things more time than they deserve.

33. Words once in common use now sound archaic. And the
names of the famous dead as well: Camillus, Caeso, Volesus,
Dentatus . . . Scipio and Cato . . . Augustus . . . Hadrian and
Antoninus, and . . .

Everything fades so quickly, turns into legend, and soon oblivion
covers it."

-- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

 

[Luvtoride]

A regular mindfulness or meditation practice helps me really embrace the present moment, which is really all we've got.

Dave, that could almost be another topic/ thread. I'd be curious to know more about what you and others do for meditation and mindfulness. I don't do it now, but feel like it can be a big help with the feelings of anxiety and mortality that this post is addressing.

I was fascinated reading each post in this thread as almost every one seemed relevant to feelings I've had over the past few years. The ones that hit closest are of losing friends and loved ones at ages far too early. In the past 4 years I have lost two of my closest lifelong friends in their early 60's.

My DF passed when he was 55 years old. I have already outlived him by almost 10 years but with that family history, time left is in no way a "given".
Like many here have said, I try to live life by enjoying the things we have, especially my family and being part of my grandkids lives. Yes, I think about mortality but I don't dwell on it.

 

[Fermion]

Well, consider that if you live to Betty White's age (and she was very active right until the end, even still making tv shows), you have almost your entire life ahead of you from age 17. Does age 17 seem like a long time ago at 58?

 

[Speculator]

It's scary to think how quickly my remaining time will pass.

I agree. But while I will accept my mortality, I do not let it alter my way of life. I get up each day and thank my creator for the day ahead of me and for the life I was given. Then, I push any melancholy thoughts out of my mind and move forward with the day and whatever it brings. I also am a firm believer in helping less fortunate folks (through committed volunteering) to have a better life because I have noticed that as it benefits them, it also benefits me, maybe even more so. In fact, after I hit the "submit" button on this post, I will be leaving to attend the local JISP program where I am a volunteer ski instructor. I take the complete beginners and when I see these kids start to learn and they tell me how thankful they are for my help, any thoughts I may have later on about my mortality quickly disappear as I recall these moments and marvel at the good luck I have had in being able to pass along my knowledge to a future generation. For whatever reason, recollections and reflections like this make me feel really good and quickly disperse any sad thoughts I may have about my eventual demise. I wish you success, mountainsoft, in coming to grips with something I believe we all think about as we move through our lives, especially after we experience our first significant "medical event."

 

[street]

I ran into a guy that I had to do business with the other day in my working days. I sked him if he is retired and he said no. He told me he has 45 years in with the same county job. He said he wants to stay longer than the record holder with the county. That record holder had 45 years and 6 months. He said he would think about retirement when he reaches 45 years and 7 months. Lol

He is 66 or 67 years old now and not a picture of health. I look at people like that and feel sorry for them but again they are doing what they want to do. He will have a great pension and 401K and is very frugal person.

 

[Chuckanut]

He is 66 or 67 years old now and not a picture of health. I look at people like that and feel sorry for them but again they are doing what they want to do. He will have a great pension and 401K and is very frugal person.

Let's hope he lives long enough to enjoy the fruits of his labors.

 

[pacergal]

I hear you, mountainsoft.
I turned 65 last year and suddenly, I have noticed some aches and pains that I never had before! Oh, well, such is life.
I try to live a life of gratitude daily. DH and I are blessed to have the lifestyle we live, enjoy every day. Our kids are healthy and doing well.
I practice mindfulness daily and work on not collecting worries or stress. I have had more realizations that my end of life is closer than before, but still, hopefully 20-30 years away--a whole work life! . That puts it in perspective for me.

How ever many days I have left on earth, I am grateful for each and every one.

 

[Amethyst]

Longevity is vastly overrated.

Everyone on my Mom's side, except one of her sisters, lived to a great age, the last 10+ years of it in ever-worsening dementia. I consider that far worse than death. I feel as if the one Aunt, who died suddenly of an aneurysm at age 70, was the lucky one.

 

[Car-Guy]

Longevity is vastly overrated.

Everyone on my Mom's side, except one of her sisters, lived to a great age, the last 10+ years of it in ever-worsening dementia. I consider that far worse than death. I feel as if the one Aunt, who died suddenly of an aneurysm at age 70, was the lucky one.

Probably worse than "severe" physical decline. I've seen both many times, as I'm sure many here have seen too. Neither are pretty and just not for me...

 

[mountainsoft]

Unfortunately, long lives are not in my genes. My dad and uncle both died before they were 51, and my grandparents/great grandparents died in their late 60's or early 70's. So I'm already on borrowed time.

By living a healthier lifestyle I'm hoping for at least mid-70's, but who knows. I could "wake up dead"(?) tomorrow, or last into my 80's or 90's. At 58 I still feel young, I do all the same things I've always done, it just takes me a bit longer now and I'm a bit more tired afterwards.

I'm not afraid of dying, there's just so much life I still want to live. I would much rather die young than live a long drawn out life in poor health.

Realistically, I don't worry too much about the time I have left, but my recent heart situation did scare me. It turned out to be a relatively minor thing, but I couldn't help but think "what if this is it" and life stopped now. If nothing else, it made me appreciate the time I have left, to the point of probably being overly theatrical about making the most of my available time. I'm hugging my wife constantly and letting her know how much she means to me. I'm sure it's getting annoying by now, but I'm just thankful to be alive and have everything I have. She just wants to get her work done.

 

[aja8888]

Realistically, I don't worry too much about the time I have left, but my recent heart situation did scare me. It turned out to be a relatively minor thing, but I couldn't help but think "what if this is it" and life stopped now. If nothing else, it made me appreciate the time I have left, to the point of probably being overly theatrical about making the most of my available time. I'm hugging my wife constantly and letting her know how much she means to me. I'm sure it's getting annoying by now, but I'm just thankful to be alive and have everything I have. She just wants to get her work done.

Question I have is what is your wife's understanding or feelings of your mortality concerns?

 

[Dtail]

Let's hope he lives long enough to enjoy the fruits of his labors.

Beat me to it.