How often do strangers ask you for money?

[FloridaJim57]

I get asked for money by random strangers at least 1-2 times a week. I don't like it at all.

I don't know what to say (I don't give it to them).

Is there any way I can look more unapproachable to them? Or something I can tell myself that makes me feel less crappy in the moment?

(I am F and find strange men getting too close when no one is around downright creepy). Not to say I like the women better but I mean at least I don't think of them as a potential threat.

It is often at the gas station or a parking lot. Today it was on a walking trail that was mostly deserted.

Tell them you never carry cash, only cards.

 

[skipro33]

I simply say I don't speak English. Do you speak German? (In German of course). Every instance, they turn and walk away.

 

[athena53]

This is a new one and I hope I did the right thing. I'm the Admin of our church FB page- my name is not on it since it's considered a "business account". A couple of weeks ago I started getting frantic messages (in the Messenger section, not regular posts) from the daughter of former parishioners. They died within a few months of each other 7 years ago and their funerals were held at our church. I never met the daughter but knew the parents. She has a full FB profile going back years although we're not connected. She IS friends with a few church members. So, I'm convinced she is who she says she is.

She's fallen on hard times. Husband died 2 years ago and she and her son are living in their car, sleeping in the Wal-Mart parking lot at night. They're running out of food and gas. Can anyone help? I referred her to a really good local nonprofit that I support generously. She did make contact with them but by that time it was the weekend and they couldn't do much. She kept leaving messages. They were running out of coolant for their car and needed food. Please? Can anyone help?

It's partly guilt, I guess. I just got back from a trip to Central America and am researching Business Class airfares for a trip I'm planning to Vietnam. My lower floor of my house is a full living area with 2 BR and a kitchen. Heck, I could take them in. (Yeah, I know better. I'm not equipped to help her out of her situation. The nonprofit is.)

So... I sent her $200 via PayPal. (Her account had her full name on it; mine has a spamcatcher e-mail address so I'm still anonymous.) She was so grateful- said they'd used it to buy food, and coolant to keep the car running. She's going to get help from the nonprofit.

I can't help but wonder how things went downhill that badly. She appears to be in her 40s and lists several previous employers on her FB profile. I hope the nonprofit can help her because I don't think it would be a good idea for her to keep asking me for help.

 

[aja8888]

This is a new one and I hope I did the right thing. I'm the Admin of our church FB page- my name is not on it since it's considered a "business account". A couple of weeks ago I started getting frantic messages (in the Messenger section, not regular posts) from the daughter of former parishioners. They died within a few months of each other 7 years ago and their funerals were held at our church. I never met the daughter but knew the parents. She has a full FB profile going back years although we're not connected. She IS friends with a few church members. So, I'm convinced she is who she says she is.

She's fallen on hard times. Husband died 2 years ago and she and her son are living in their car, sleeping in the Wal-Mart parking lot at night. They're running out of food and gas. Can anyone help? I referred her to a really good local nonprofit that I support generously. She did make contact with them but by that time it was the weekend and they couldn't do much. She kept leaving messages. They were running out of coolant for their car and needed food. Please? Can anyone help?

It's partly guilt, I guess. I just got back from a trip to Central America and am researching Business Class airfares for a trip I'm planning to Vietnam. My lower floor of my house is a full living area with 2 BR and a kitchen. Heck, I could take them in. (Yeah, I know better. I'm not equipped to help her out of her situation. The nonprofit is.)

So... I sent her $200 via PayPal. (Her account had her full name on it; mine has a spamcatcher e-mail address so I'm still anonymous.) She was so grateful- said they'd used it to buy food, and coolant to keep the car running. She's going to get help from the nonprofit.

I can't help but wonder how things went downhill that badly. She appears to be in her 40s and lists several previous employers on her FB profile. I hope the nonprofit can help her because I don't think it would be a good idea for her to keep asking me for help.

Let us know how it goes when she uses up the $200. Bad things happen to good people all the time. There are two homeless middle aged women who visit our local Whataburger periodically to stay warm (winter) and get out of the heat. One was a nurse at one time, from what we hear (unverified though).

One of the old guys I hang with will sometimes buy a breakfast for the ladies. Or at least a hot drink.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Athena, personally I think you did the right thing. You gave her some immediate help and a resource for future help.

Locally we have a shelter just for families and they get a private room and are hooked up with a social worker to help them get jobs or SSDI if they are too disabled to work. They can stay 6 months and they have been successful helping people get on their feet.

 

[JBTX]

This is a new one and I hope I did the right thing. I'm the Admin of our church FB page- my name is not on it since it's considered a "business account". A couple of weeks ago I started getting frantic messages (in the Messenger section, not regular posts) from the daughter of former parishioners. They died within a few months of each other 7 years ago and their funerals were held at our church. I never met the daughter but knew the parents. She has a full FB profile going back years although we're not connected. She IS friends with a few church members. So, I'm convinced she is who she says she is.

She's fallen on hard times. Husband died 2 years ago and she and her son are living in their car, sleeping in the Wal-Mart parking lot at night. They're running out of food and gas. Can anyone help? I referred her to a really good local nonprofit that I support generously. She did make contact with them but by that time it was the weekend and they couldn't do much. She kept leaving messages. They were running out of coolant for their car and needed food. Please? Can anyone help?

It's partly guilt, I guess. I just got back from a trip to Central America and am researching Business Class airfares for a trip I'm planning to Vietnam. My lower floor of my house is a full living area with 2 BR and a kitchen. Heck, I could take them in. (Yeah, I know better. I'm not equipped to help her out of her situation. The nonprofit is.)

So... I sent her $200 via PayPal. (Her account had her full name on it; mine has a spamcatcher e-mail address so I'm still anonymous.) She was so grateful- said they'd used it to buy food, and coolant to keep the car running. She's going to get help from the nonprofit.

I can't help but wonder how things went downhill that badly. She appears to be in her 40s and lists several previous employers on her FB profile. I hope the nonprofit can help her because I don't think it would be a good idea for her to keep asking me for help.

More often than not drugs are involved - I speak from experience with my daughter and her friends. I have tried helping out a couple in similar situations. One I helped used the opportunity to get himself help at a place called Samaratin Inn in the DFW area - that provides long term help. Another I tried to get to do that. He wouldn’t kept begging and eventually got himself arrested.

I’d help but only if they are making obvious efforts to help themselves.

 

[Irishgirlyc58]

Athena, I think you made the right call. It sounds like the $200 won't put a dent in your budget and it was someone who you were at least familiar with her parents.
I gasped when you mentioned having a full basement set up though! That would not be a good idea.
The non profit should be able to direct her to the local social services agency who may be able to help assuming her son is a minor-seems to be more services for families with minor children.
I personally wouldn't send any more money but that's an individual decision. Just be careful not to get sucked in.

To the OP-how often do strangers ask me for money? It was every day when I was working but then I did work in social services! Ha.
I do not give money to people who come up to me. I just say no I don't have any. I don't like my personal space invaded and I think it's a safety issue to dig through my purse for money.
I did keep a list of resources available to people and would give those out. Most people asking for money did not want that.

 

[silvor]

Only when I go into work. I work in Minneapolis.

People have been getting more and more aggressive asking for money in Minneapolis.

 

[jollystomper]

We were walking and subway riding in New York City last week for 2 days, and no one asked us for money. Of course, our sons are over 6' tall, and one of them was receiving his Masters degree and was in his cap and gown a lot as we went to the various ceremonies, so that might be why . On the other hand, many strangers, including some one might think would be asking for money, congratulated him .

 

[athena53]

Athena, I think you made the right call. It sounds like the $200 won't put a dent in your budget and it was someone who you were at least familiar with her parents.
I gasped when you mentioned having a full basement set up though! That would not be a good idea.
The non profit should be able to direct her to the local social services agency who may be able to help assuming her son is a minor-seems to be more services for families with minor children.
I personally wouldn't send any more money but that's an individual decision. Just be careful not to get sucked in.

Thanks- the full basement was just a fleeting thought. My Ex was an unemployed alcoholic and after the divorce when he was living in the streets our son asked why Aunt C. (Ex's sister) didn't take him in. Aunt C. and her husband were eight-figures wealthy from a business and owned a beautiful home on the NJ shore with a private beach, which the Ex coveted. I asked DS how long Dad would be there if she told him he could stay as long as he needed to get back on his feet. DS got it. C was my role model. She did pay for rehab twice.

I'm not concerned about her asking for $$ again. I told her it was one-time and she doesn't know who I am. If she starts sending me frantic FB messages I'll block her.

And I'll continue to support that nonprofit, since they're better-equipped to help people over the long run.

 

[Redbugdave]

I occasionally see young guys on the corner by a stop light holding signs for money. If I were in their shoes and was really down and out, I would head over to the recruiter and go into the Service. Problem over and the future would be good. Requirements have been lowered recently.

 

[iloveyoga]

The last time I was asked for money was more than ten years ago when I was still working downtown and riding the bus. We would get asked for money for food and most of the time someone on the bus would give a small amount of money, including me.

 

[Badger]

I occasionally see young guys on the corner by a stop light holding signs for money. If I were in their shoes and was really down and out, I would head over to the recruiter and go into the Service. Problem over and the future would be good. Requirements have been lowered recently.

Don't most cities have an unskilled/skilled labor service? Don't they also have a social service employee that helps people find jobs? Don't most cities/towns have daily meals for homeless? Don't most churches have organizations like Catholic Charities that help people in need? Doesn't the Federal Government have a number of programs for helping people.
I'm trying to figure out why I should help someone who won't help themselves.

 

[athena53]

Earlier this month I was in Belize looking for an ATM (found out the hard way that working ones were impossible to find) when a woman came up and asked me for grocery money to feed her 8 kids. I told her I didn't have any cash- in a way it was true since I had no local currency.

But if she was telling the truth- 8 kids? And where are their so-called fathers? It always bothers me to see people having kids they can't afford. If I'd had 8 kids I probably would have been financially strapped, too.