Do you sometimes financially help people that are not that close to you?

[tenant13]

A young person who I don’t consider a close friend (we just hooked up couple of times in the past) reached out asking for help “with rent”. I asked what is the plan for improving the situation next month. The answers made sense to me so I forked over 1k.

I don’t consider it an insignificant amount, the person in question is not really in my life (except for an occasional text here and there) and I’m generally very selfish and stingy with money. Maybe not quite the Scrooge but somewhat related … lol. So I wanted to test the theory that “helping people by sharing makes us feel good” (come to think of it, very selfish reason). Well, I didn’t really notice any difference.

Putting aside charity donations, how do you feel about sharing your wealth - no (or barely any) questions asked? Do you do it, in what situations and how does it make you feel? I also thought about inviting someone to travel with me and covering the expense - not because I like company when I travel - but again, to see how sharing would make me feel.

 

[Calico]

A young person who I don’t consider a close friend (we just hooked up couple of times in the past) reached out asking for help “with rent”. I asked what is the plan for improving the situation next month. The answers made sense to me so I forked over 1k.

I don’t consider it an insignificant amount, the person in question is not really in my life (except for an occasional text here and there) and I’m generally very selfish and stingy with money. Maybe not quite the Scrooge but somewhat related … lol. So I wanted to test the theory that “helping people by sharing makes us feel good” (come to think of it, very selfish reason). Well, I didn’t really notice any difference.

Putting aside charity donations, how do you feel about sharing your wealth - no (or barely any) questions asked? Do you do it, in what situations and how does it make you feel? I also thought about inviting someone to travel with me and covering the expense - not because I like company when I travel - but again, to see how sharing would make me feel.

Nope. Never. Nada.

The only people in my life are financially responsible people who take care of their own responsibilities.

Of course, to reach this state, I had to leave my family of origin behind me long ago. I haven't seen my sisters or many other close relatives for over 20 years. When they realized that I would never bail them out, they left for greener pastures. Win-Win.

 

[marko]

"...not a close friend". So an acquaintance asked you for a grand, and you gave it to him?!

I wonder how many others turned him down before he got to you. As my grandfather would say, "there's feeling good and then there's money".

In answer to your question, I have enough leeches on the family side without going looking for acquaintances to join the party. How does it make me feel? Like a sap. We pay for the necessities so that they can afford their luxuries.

 

[FLSUnFIRE]

I'll help with advice/coaching but very unlikely to give cash outright as I don't believe it helps as much as enables bad behavior/habits. I have loaned (expecting payback but planning to lose) money at 0%/low interest rates a few times to help people get their feet back under them.... both cases buried in snowballing debt and having accepted their situation, taken ownership, and having changed their mindset and on a path to pay it off but in a liquidity crisis. -Always offered and never asked, if asked I'd likely have said no. It's not something I've done often and not likely to do so again... I don't like the dynamic and also have less liquidity and can accept less risk now that I'm FIREd. Both situations I was paid in full earlier than agreed.

 

[Surewhitey]

We were asked for a $1k loan many moons ago for someone we knew for only a short time, on hard times. They immediately got a divorce, then remarried a year later. Funny thing is they paid us back as agreed upon & are friends to this day even though we moved away.

Normally we don't, for some reason we did in their case. Glad we did...

Either way, we write up a contract if it's a good amount.

 

[Dash man]

I’ve given money to those who need it. A family I don’t know lost everything in a fire. A friend at my church said the needed some funds to purchase clothing and school supplies for their kids to get by while waiting for insurance to pay. I gave a $500 Target gift card to help. Another family was struggling when the father needed a kidney transplant. We helped them a few times.
It’s part of our faith to help those in need. We never loan money since that can result in poor outcomes. We often help family, but have never been asked for help by anyone. We do it by paying for trips, contributing to a wedding, setting up college funds for grandkids and a niece and nephew who lost their father.

 

[athena53]

We loaned money to a couple of DH's relatives (son who needed a car after a divorce and brother and sister-in-law who also needed a loan). Both times it was interest-free and an amount we wouldn't have missed if they didn't pay it back. Both did although not quite as quickly as agreed. DH and I also talked for a long time about what to give to his brother after DH died (DH had acute myeloid leukemia) because SIL squandered money. We settled on $1,000/month for 24 months. They were overjoyed and haven't asked for anything since even though they're poor as church mice.

So, in general it's felt good to be able to help. My own family has good financial habits and everyone is on solid ground, even DS and DDIL, who are raising 3 kids on one income. I give them $155K or so every year, not asked for, no strings attached, and spoil the kids with experiences. The two older girls just went to Chicago with me last week- 2 nights at the Hilton O'Hare (they LOVE the runway view so don't want to try anywhere else), the plane trip from Des Moines, where they live, and Admiral's Club access with my new membership.

ETA: Just saw DashMan's post. Yes, I have 529s set up. I also helped the girls select stocks from a very small list (DIS, COST, ULTA and SBUX) and opened custodial accounts for them this past Monday. One chose COST and the other chose SBUX. Little brother will get his turn when he's old enough to understand- he's only 3.

I did have an Ex who was a financial train wreck and the guy I'm dating now is a good guy but also a financial train wreck- addicted to Amazon and electronic gadgets. The massive difference is that I let myself get sucked into the Ex's problems and bailed him out way too many times, and BF doesn't try to make his problems my problems. Never going there again.

 

[freedomatlast]

Gave a large cash gift to a direct report who's house burnt to the ground and routinely pay SIL's health insurance and other incidentals.

 

[Dtail]

Won't do it.

 

[harllee]

My pastor (who is great and well respected in the community) has a discretionary fund. I routinely make donations to that fund. When people ask for money I refer them to my pastor and he decides who gets help from that fund. The exception of course is DH's sister--Grrr.

 

[athena53]

I also donate to the pastor's Discretionary Fund.

I wanted to add a word on GoFundMe accounts- occasionally I'm moved to donate for someone I know who's not a close friend or family member. I avoid the ones where I think the problems could have been prevented - a friend whose doggie chewed up a rug and needed $5K worth of surgery to get it all out of her guts (they could have gotten pet insurance if they couldn't afford steep bills for accidents) is an example. OTOH, the son of a friend had bad flooding after a hurricane in FL even though his house wasn't in a flood zone (the area was called "High Point"). I contributed to that.

So, I know there's some judgment on my part about wants vs. needs and the truly unexpected vs. the forseeable but I do what I can.

 

[Whisper66]

We have been quite blessed so look for opportunities to give to others that we feel are honestly in need. Ignoriing normal donations and occasional small handouts to people who asked for help and we felt they may need it, we have given funds via gifts or in a couple cases "loans" (written repayment agreement but didn't really expect to be repaid --- both were repaid). Typically gifts are given to people we (or our friends) are acquainted with but may not know well. The gifts have generally been $100-$500. The largest was $4-5k to someone we knew well, had lost her job and was on the verge of total financial failure. We've also given a couple loans of something like $4k and $20. The loans and the largest gifts were to people we knew well and they were willing to share their situations in detail including plans to get back on their feet financially (the plans worked).

We consider many of these gifts signifiant amounts. Not that the loss of that money will change our own lives signficantly but sometimes that money has impacted others quite significantly. Giving doesn't make us feel good, we just see it as a natural way to give back some of the blessings we have received.

 

[jollystomper]

We try to use discernment to evaluate and judge these situations individually. We are more prone to giving if we determine that the person likely did not cause the issue, or if we feel they have a plan of action to help avoid minimize this in the future.

There have been times when we had heard through the media or friends of strangers in situations that we decided to help. I do not do GoFundMe unless I know of someone who can vouch for the person in some way.

No one has the resources to help everybody, you just decide on what you are willing to do. It is a personal choice.

 

[Lewis Clark]

We gave $1,000 anonymously to the son of a friend to help with college tuition after the friend's husband died. We occasionally donate funds to causes such as disaster relief after a hurricane, or to support local institutions.

I loaned money to my brother decades ago after he asked for help to buy a boat. He did pay me back as agreed.

If someone were to ask for a loan or gift today we'd consider the situation on a case basis. Now that we are retired, we feel comfortable financially but not so flush with cash that we would give money away without careful thought.

Agree with Athena53 about considering wants vs needs, unexpected vs foreseeable. Not likely to gift cash unless it is an unexpected need.

 

[Car-Guy]

No.... End of story

 

[Sue J]

The past few years I've been trying to learn to be more generous. We are not wealthy but we are nicely comfortable and have enough to share. But I don't know if I would have given the rent money like the OP did. Just something about people who shade the truth when it fits their needs.

I have always been a saver. And kind of a money hoarder. So I felt like it was time to let go of my tight grip and try the generosity thing. We do not have a religion but there is a church at the end of our street that runs a weekly food pantry. We set up an automatic monthly donation specifically to the food pantry. I feel really good about that one. We've also looked for ways to be generous to our kids and grandkids. We doubled everyone's birthday and anniversary cash gifts. Son and DIL needed a new refrigerator and we gifted most of that. Also, when our son was laid off in March, 2020 because of Covid, we paid for a new set of tires that they needed. I didn't want them putting that off. Plenty of other occasions where we just wanted to help. They never asked.

Our other son has not had any of these needs so we haven't done the same for him. He's getting to the point of thinking about buying a house and we will gift him a sum in the range of what we've given his brother when he's ready.

Our sons have gotten to the point where they both make more than we do! That's such a wonderful realization as parents. They don't need our help but they appreciate it. And we feel good giving to them.

 

[calmloki]

While not a religious person I'm attracted by the eight degrees of giving in the Talmud. Prefer not to make anything out of any giving, or really have it known. Maybe hit level three sometimes, but level seven more often.
https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/256321/jewish/Eight-Degrees-of-Giving.htm

 

[Venturer]

One of my younger 1/2 brothers is a crackhead and his mom(my stepmom) always gets him out of jail-fines- rent help ect. 2 years ago his older full brother came up with a plan to give her $3,000 for Christmas because "she was struggling to pay ins and taxes". I became the "badguy" because I refused to just hand over the money to him to help out. I called her auto insurance co. paid her insurance bill for 1 year. but that wasn't what he wanted. The reason for her being low was the younger brother had to be bailed out and of course she had to bail him out. When my Dad was alive he would do tough love-and that stuff didn't happen. After he passed she lets him run all over her and the other brothers go along with it. I'll just keep being the bad brother and live my own life until he gets his life in order and makes his own way. Which I see no way that will happen as long as she enables him.

 

[PatrickA5]

Other than to our kids, the only gifts/loans we've given out were to SIL for new AC and house repairs. At the time, we made an agreement that when FIL passed, we'd take that money off the top - which we did.

Anything to the kids are gifts, not loans.

 

[CRLLS]

I have never given anything more than pocket money directly to another, either as a gift or as a loan except for immediate family. Donations to charities are different. I once co-signed for SIL and BIL car. If they would have defaulted, it would have been tough times for us. Fortunately, that never came to pass.

 

[Sunset]

.....

So, in general it's felt good to be able to help. My own family has good financial habits and everyone is on solid ground, even DS and DDIL, who are raising 3 kids on one income. I give them $155K or so every year, not asked for, no strings attached, and spoil the kids with experiences. ......

Either a WOW... or a typo

I supported my sister for many years in the $4K++ range per year.

Strangers, have been far and few between, I don't give to the various beggars around as many are simply scamming folks.

I did once pick up a woman and child hitch-hiking and drove them miles down the road and then dropped them off and went and got food and brought it to them.

Another time at the grocery store, an old lady was searching though her purse to get the last few coins to buy groceries. Maybe it was just selfish of me wanting to get through the line , but I handed the clerk some cash to complete her payment.

I don't respond to go fund me things.

I notice due to covid, I'm not around strangers much at all.

 

[Rianne]

Maybe, if I paid the bill directly without giving that person any money. I'd give a homeless person a gift card to a restaurant before I'd give them cash. You don't know where the cash really goes unless you follow the money to exactly where it's supposed to go. Again, that's a big "maybe"

 

[Major Tom]

I have never given anything other than very small amounts to people I am not close to. I have given quite substantial sums to people close to me, but those are different stories. Years after, I am still happy with those donations.

 

[pacergal]

We donate yearly to three charities, I have donated to some "Go Fund Me" requests for friends and family, anonymously and usually only $100 or so.
If a family member or close friend approached for money, I would have to consider how much and why, also if I did give, I would have a verbal or written expectation of payback.

Would I give a large amount ($1000 is no chump change to me) to an aquaintance I see rarely? NO.

 

[athena53]

So, in general it's felt good to be able to help. My own family has good financial habits and everyone is on solid ground, even DS and DDIL, who are raising 3 kids on one income. I give them $155K or so every year, not asked for, no strings attached, and spoil the kids with experiences. ......

Either a WOW... or a typo

Oops. $15,000, NOT $155,000. Too late to edit my original post.