Do you sometimes financially help people that are not that close to you?

[rk911]

Yeah, as a female I get freaked out by people approaching me in parking lots to ask for money or trying to sell stuff. Go away!!!

I've been approached several times while I was gassing up our motorhome all by men claiming they needed to get home for a funeral. When I offered to put gas in their cars they walked away.

I was approached by an older man with a young girl in tow as I was walking towards a Walgreen's from the parking lot. He claimed they hadn't eaten lately and could I spare $ for a meal. I offered to buy them dinner at the McDonald's next door. He turned and walked away.

The only significant cash we've ever given out-of-pocket was to a very good friend (I was his best man) and later on his widow.

 

[scrabbler1]

I've been approached several times while I was gassing up our motorhome all by men claiming they needed to get home for a funeral. When I offered to put gas in their cars they walked away.

I was approached by an older man with a young girl in tow as I was walking towards a Walgreen's from the parking lot. He claimed they hadn't eaten lately and could I spare $ for a meal. I offered to buy them dinner at the McDonald's next door. He turned and walked away.

This is a great way to smoke out the phonies who really want cash for other reasons but are using the story about wanting food to get you to give them money. From what you and others have posted here, most of these panhandlers aren't actually hungry.

 

[Koolau]

I've had folks I wasn't close to (or close to, for that matter) ask for a loan. I don't recall one of them paying it back, so I have a new rule. Don't loan money to anyone. It ruins their memories.

BUT, a couple of the kids have asked for money and we had always planned to help them, so we did give them significant help (and plan to do more.)

As far as anyone else, I wouldn't give money to anyone asking for it. BUT I have given to others (friends but maybe not too close) who I knew needed money (but they didn't ask for it.) YMMV

 

[Sunset]

The "effective altruism" movement caught my attention, primary because it exposes the irrationality we all have when it comes to giving.

One observation of the movement is that giving to anyone in the US is going to have a lot less impact than giving to an effective charity that helps people in a poor country*. But close proximity makes the giver feel better. The shallow pond example makes it clear.

You see a child drowning in a pond where you, being tall, have no risk of drowning. Time is of the essence, so must run in, ruining a $100 pair of shoes. Everyone will do this, pretty much. But if you get an opportunity to save a child by donating to an effective charity (one that distributes bed nets, for instance), even if a $100 donation is proven to save at least one (distant) child, not very many people will choose to do this.


.....

True, but I also believe the money controls are much looser in 3rd world countries.

I have seen in news, when our gov't gives Billions of dollars of our tax money as aid that the NGO's in those countries delivering the bags of rice/flour/etc have to pay a "toll" to various individuals.
There is a source of cash that allows the leaders of 3rd world countries to raise large armies and retire as millionaires and I think some of it is from our Countries donations being misused.

The uncertainty of knowing the money (most of it) will be used for the good intended purposes and not harmful things, stops me from foreign donations.

If I was in a poor country again, I am happy to directly give to people knowing it has a great effect for them.
When in Cuba decades ago, I found a couple burning wood to make charcoal that they sold.
I gave them 18 bars of soap, something not available in stores and some other stuff.
They literally cried when I gave it.

 

[Koolau]

True, but I also believe the money controls are much looser in 3rd world countries.

I have seen in news, when our gov't gives Billions of dollars of our tax money as aid that the NGO's in those countries delivering the bags of rice/flour/etc have to pay a "toll" to various individuals.
There is a source of cash that allows the leaders of 3rd world countries to raise large armies and retire as millionaires and I think some of it is from our Countries donations being misused.

The uncertainty of knowing the money (most of it) will be used for the good intended purposes and not harmful things, stops me from foreign donations.

If I was in a poor country again, I am happy to directly give to people knowing it has a great effect for them.
When in Cuba decades ago, I found a couple burning wood to make charcoal that they sold.
I gave them 18 bars of soap, something not available in stores and some other stuff.
They literally cried when I gave it.

This is why I make "foreign" donations to organizations that I know very well. I know people who have visited with them where they do their w*rk. In most cases, I have met with the organization in person and I personally know most of the people "on the ground" where the money ends up. Probably 1/3 of the "end users" have stayed in my home at one time or another. I KNOW the people and I KNOW what they do with the contributions I send.

 

[PandaBear]

I’ve done it maybe a dozen times.
A friend from HS posted on FB that her daughter and son in law had wrecked their car and did anyone know if anyone selling a low priced used car. They honestly had been a couple who had been irresponsible but it seemed they were trying to change their ways. We gave them my MIL’s old car. It wasn’t worth much, but was running, had low mileage and was safe. When I contacted my friend and said we wanted to gift it, she was overwhelmed. Her parents and my in-laws had been friends (before my in-laws died) and it just “seemed right”. Fast forward about 8 years and they have turned their lives around. I feel good about it still today.

I also bought a round trip plane ticket for an acquaintance. Single mom of two, and her dearest friend was dying of cancer across the country. I used airline miles to give these two friends a chance to be together one more time.

I’ve done similar things on a smaller scale.

I’ve been blest in a multitude of ways. I had great parents, I have a wonderful husband and was lucky in that my three kids seem to be doing well in life. We haven’t had horrible medical issues and our jobs have always been pretty stable. We are financially very stable. I am happy that I can sometimes make a big difference doing something that is relatively small for me.

 

[brucethebroker]

We have 3 rules.
1. Don't loan money you can't afford to lose.
2. If you do loan money, write up a little contract-how much loaned and when a deadline for repayment, and both parties sign.
3. If money is loaned, and rule #2 is violated, no more loans to that person. Ever.

BTW, rule #3 becomes "deadbeat" insurance-the deadbeat rarely has the guts to come back when they know they violated the contract.

 

[Koolau]

BTW, rule #3 becomes "deadbeat" insurance-the deadbeat rarely has the guts to come back when they know they violated the contract.

Heh, heh, BIL came back. Figured we were "rich" and he was poor so....

 

[Andre1969]

My last two trips to Home Depot, in a relatively affluent area, loading somewhat large, heavy things into my car, which I'm quite capable of handling:

1) Man stops starts to handle my items says he'll help. I say, no thanks, I've got this. He walks away in a huff, calls me a bitch.

2) Man stops starts to handle my items says he'll help. Given the recent bitch incident, I let him load 2 items while I do the rest. I say thank you. He asks for money.

Next time I leave Home Depot by myself with anything big/heavy I'm gonna ask for someone to come load for me. I do not need any of this aggro!

Wow, and they say chivalry isn't dead. A few weeks ago, I helped an old lady at the Dollar Tree get her purchases to her car. This particular store didn't have any kind of automatic-opening door, and there was no ramp off the curb, to get your shopping cart down, so I figured she'd have a rough go at it, and offered to help her out.

She took me up on my offer, and seemed really sweet and grateful about it. I helped her get the stuff out of the cart and into the trunk, and took the cart back into the store for her.

Afterwards though, it did get me wondering, if I really did the right thing. On one hand, I'm glad I happened to be there, and was able to help her out. And, if she had declined, I certainly wouldn't have tried to push the issue. But, at the same time, for all she knew I could have been some kind of thug, robber, serial killer, or anyone else who didn't have her best interests at heart. So I hope my kindness didn't end up setting her up, to where she might trust the wrong person in the future?

Maybe I'm overthinking it, though. I'm sure this lady didn't make it through 70-80 years of life by being naive.

One thing that bothers me too, is how it seems like men these days get overly sensitive and offended when a woman feels uncomfortable, threatened, or whatever. For instance, how a woman might walk on the other side of the street, lock her car door, or clutch her purse a little tighter, when she feels like there might be a threat. My attitude on that is, while I know I'm not a threat, YOU don't know that. So, it's better to be vigilant, than a victim.

Anyway, next time someone offers to help you with something, I hope they're a bit more chivalrous about it!

 

[Koolau]

^^^^^^

Heh, heh, at some point (probably now) no lady of any age is gonna look at me and think "dangerous thug" though they just might wonder if I'm gonna ask for money if I help them.

 

[JP.mpls]

I loaned my sister a big chunk of money to pay for a lawyer. $4500. She and her daughter are fighting for custody of my sister's grandchildren. A long ugly story.

Ugh.

They have no money. I loaned this money assuming I would never see it again. I didn't tell her that. At least I'm not agonizing about getting it back.

I also will have no guilt if they lose custody.

I suspect they will be back looking for more money for something else in the future. If this isn't paid back, I don't plan on provide more money, and I'm hoping they won't ask.

The part I didn't foresee is even if I don't expect the money to be paid back, it damages our relationship moving forward.
I can see her avoiding contact, because she owes me this money.

Kind of a no win mess.

 

[Jenna]

We've bought dinners for people anonymously in restaurants on several occasions. We find it fun and it keeps you humble to not get "credit". We do get the staff at the restaurant in on it. We see it as inspiring others to be generous.

 

[vrijheid]

Big believer in random acts of kindness. Anonymous gifts. I look for local opportunities to give back some of the financial blessings I have been given.

Local civil servant with two young children under 8 lost their mother to suicide. I lost my spouse the same way. I did not know this young family but I am familiar with the struggles he and his children are facing. The complete funeral was taken care of. Paying it forward.

Our local community also collected $25,000 for him. Small town USA….

 

[KB]

I have helped a number of people with gifts of money. It has ranged from a few hundred to a few thousand. Mostly single mothers, with a couple of young men that were friends of my kids.

I bought one young man a bike and then helped another buy a car.

I was a single mother and know how hard it was to get get by, so I am partial to helping them.

I also donate to my local food bank. I helped them get their (very large) vegetable garden set up to grow fresh food for the food bank recipients. I funded the garden for a number of years until they had all the materials and equipment they needed.

My fault might be that I am too generous, but that is a good fault in my opinion.

 

[vrijheid]

We've bought dinners for people anonymously in restaurants on several occasions. We find it fun and it keeps you humble to not get "credit". We do get the staff at the restaurant in on it. We see it as inspiring others to be generous.

Yes [emoji122]

 

[tmm99]

I never gift money, but I did give $500 cash (or it might have been $600) to this single mother who lived next door and knocked on my door one night, asking me to keep some boxes overnight as she and her two children (one was 18 and the younger one was around 10) were being evicted. We sometimes chatted when we saw each other, so I knew her to some extent. She had a good tech job but she was sickly (diabetes and Lupus) And then she had a stroke (very mild) but she got laid off soon after. She said her disability payment process was taking too long. It sounded like she never looked for any other type of assistance before then. She and her kids were going to move back to her hometown, but they were evicted that night and were going to stay in a hotel that night. I just felt bad, so I just gave her the money, hoping it would cheer her up. She graciously accepted.

 

[Retch The Grate]

I have a friend from high school who I've not seen in person in decades who often needs a small amount of money to make things work till the end of the month that he asks people for help with on Facebook (I'm not sure how they have this problem since he does tech stuff, but for the govt so I guess he's not paid that well). I've helped a couple of times, he does pay it all back when his next paycheck comes in, so he sticks to his promises.

 

[Koolau]

I loaned my sister a big chunk of money to pay for a lawyer. $4500. She and her daughter are fighting for custody of my sister's grandchildren. A long ugly story.

Ugh.

They have no money. I loaned this money assuming I would never see it again. I didn't tell her that. At least I'm not agonizing about getting it back.

I also will have no guilt if they lose custody.

I suspect they will be back looking for more money for something else in the future. If this isn't paid back, I don't plan on provide more money, and I'm hoping they won't ask.

The part I didn't foresee is even if I don't expect the money to be paid back, it damages our relationship moving forward.
I can see her avoiding contact, because she owes me this money.

Kind of a no win mess.

We just never said a word when BIL stiffed us. I think he was a bit sheepish for a while, but we made the first move and now we have good relationship with him. Heh, heh, I'd never loan him another dime, but...

 

[zippy2020]

Yes. We helped out several times for a younger couple who were working their way out of debt. They had just gotten married; one ("A") had sterling credit but the other ("B") had gotten herself into a mess. "A" drew up a plan and put them on a budget.

They would share good news with us regularly - "we paid off XYZ credit card so we're putting that money onto paying down card FGH next!" We'd celebrate by taking them out to dinner and having a good time together.

Got to the point they were very close to wiping out all their debt but still had one vehicle loan, moderately high interest. They came to us and asked for a specific amount, to be repaid with simple interest. Drew up a basic note, everyone signed it, and we gave them the money. They paid us back over the next year, including the interest. That way they wiped out the loan and saved paying a bank.

Our friends are now solvent and doing very well, and handling their money wisely. We're pleased we were able to help them.

We give more to charity than we used to, as our discretionary income has risen over the last four years. I will also donate to occasional GoFundMe campaigns I hear/read about in media.

We also like to tip well when we dine out, which is fairly often. We don't drink, so we figure tipping extra helps offset that lower bill from no alcohol. This is a very HCOL area, and it's tough to live here even with our state's high minimum wage. Being a waiter is a tough job; my mother did it to support herself after she was divorced, with two kids and no skills, only a HS diploma.

 

[DAYDREAMER]

I was checking out at a grocery store, and notice this young couple with a baby suddenly get frustrated. I overheard that the young husband forgot his wallet, and was about to go put back the cart full of food. Knowing that they would have to repeat the shopping all the while managing an infant, I offered to pay their bill. I knew this would help them out in many ways. Thankfully they allowed me to pay the bill. Honestly felt good to help out.

 

[marko]

Still waiting for (now Ex) BIL to honor the $10k promissory note he signed 18 years ago. He paid me $500 the first month then disappeared shortly afterward leaving DWs sister and three young children. He never had any intention of paying it back.

 

[Gumby]

I've known for over 40 years that, no matter what they promise, family members will never pay me back. So I just give it to them. I have the money, so it's not a big deal to me, although I do get frustrated when they get themselves into jams that easily could have been foreseen and avoided.

 

[athena53]

I've known for over 40 years that, no matter what they promise, family members will never pay me back. So I just give it to them. I have the money, so it's not a big deal to me, although I do get frustrated when they get themselves into jams that easily could have been foreseen and avoided.

That last sentence is my criterion for donating to GoFundMes. One I passed up was an acquaintance whose doggie chewed up a rug and ended up with multiple strands of yarn tangled up in her intestines. The dog needed $5,000 worth of surgery. My feeling was that if they couldn't afford potential vet bills they should have had insurance (which I know can be stingy on illnesses but better for accidents such as this). They were able to raise the money anyway and the dog survived. I've never had pets so maybe others were more moved to donate.

 

[JP.mpls]

We just never said a word when BIL stiffed us. I think he was a bit sheepish for a while, but we made the first move and now we have good relationship with him. Heh, heh, I'd never loan him another dime, but...

It is a weird slippery slope.
I care about them, but they can't be financially dependent on me to survive. I'm not that wealthy, just more than they are.

It will all work out. It bothers me some, but it isn't worth destroying relationships over.

My brother is very much against helping them financially in any way. He also is way more angry that they don't do a better job of managing their finances. His harsh comments have affected their relationship. Not good.