Do you sometimes financially help people that are not that close to you?

[Gumby]

Maybe, if I paid the bill directly without giving that person any money. I'd give a homeless person a gift card to a restaurant before I'd give them cash. You don't know where the cash really goes unless you follow the money to exactly where it's supposed to go. Again, that's a big "maybe"

When people ask me for money in the street, I assume they ask because they need money and I almost always give them some. I never ask what they plan to do with it, as, in my view, a gift has no conditions. Yes, I have been roundly chastised by friends for doing that.

Once, about 25 years ago, some guy approached me in the parking lot as I was leaving work for the day. It was cold and snowing like crazy. He asked if I could spare a dollar and, even though I didn't ask, told me "Look, I'll be straight with you; I'm going to buy booze." I replied "Well, you're not going to get much for a dollar" and gave him a ten. It was worth it just to see his shocked expression.

 

[Dash man]

When people ask me for money in the street, I assume they ask because they need money and I almost always give them some. I never ask what they plan to do with it, as, in my view, a gift has no conditions. Yes, I have been roundly chastised by friends for doing that.



Once, about 25 years ago, some guy approached me in the parking lot as I was leaving work for the day. It was cold and snowing like crazy. He asked if I could spare a dollar and, even though I didn't ask, told me "Look, I'll be straight with you; I'm going to buy booze." I replied "Well, you're not going to get much for a dollar" and gave him a ten. It was worth it just to see his shocked expression.

A few years back we were grocery shopping in Florida and we were opening the trunk, a homeless man started helping load the groceries into the trunk. Startled us at first, but he loaded them carefully and neatly. When finished he closed the trunk and stepped away without asking for anything. He did of course pause hoping we would give him something. I pulled out a $20 bill and gave it to him. He asked “are you sure?” I said go ahead and take it. He started crying a little. I don’t know what he used it for, but he was very appreciative.

 

[Sunset]

Maybe, if I paid the bill directly without giving that person any money. I'd give a homeless person a gift card to a restaurant before I'd give them cash. You don't know where the cash really goes unless you follow the money to exactly where it's supposed to go. Again, that's a big "maybe"

Some might actually use the money for food, but unfortunately not the ones I've seen:

My cousin & I offered to buy a homeless guy lunch, he eagerly walked with us, tried repeatedly to just give him some cash as it was "less trouble for us" . We said we needed lunch too, and kept going, finally as we got close. He cursed us and walked off realizing there was only hot good food in sight.

Another time, I worked downtown, I was early one day so saw fellow running out the parking garage with his crutches, he was late to get to his begging spot where I'd see him for weeks leaning on his crutches. He ran very well and fast

 

[Teacher Terry]

I have helped strangers with food and household items that they need. I usually just go through my pantry and household items and see what I don’t need. I have even delivered to their house and they were grateful and I didn’t feel used when I saw their circumstances. I have also donated small amounts to a few go fund me.

Someone on Nextdoor wanted to help a older couple get into a studio apartment that had a lot of bad luck and I helped him by donating 50 and also with some of the logistical issues to complete the move. We raised 1k and the couple managed to save 1k. It was not a very nice place but they could afford the rent and were off the street.

 

[dmpi]

I've helped friends before with mixed results. I no longer loan money I just gift them. Also people are people and they're not going to act the way you want them to. The person we loaned money to just gave away the money to her daughter and conveniently forgot to pay us back.

 

[Helen]

We met a woman when we were camping on the Oregon coast. She had a successful
small business in the Bay area but had been t-boned and had TBI. We gave her food and our campsite for a night and connected on Facebook. She and her dog lived in her Toyota Seneca. When I got my stimulus money I split it between her and our pet sitter. The second stimulus check went to her and our yoga teacher.

We pay the cable bill for someone we knew 35 years ago. She is severely mentally ill and became very verbally abusive once she went off her meds so we no longer communicate, but cable (over the air doesn't work on Cape Cod) tv is the main way she connects with the world so we keep paying it.

 

[Scuba]

We donate to charities when we want to help people we don’t know. We have paid for vacation lodging for our adult niece and nephew, but noticed they started to feel a bit entitled. We invited them to go on a trip with us and share the cost and they declined. It was an inexpensive destination we weren’t passionate about so once they declined, we went elsewhere and decided not to offer to fund more trips.

Bottom line, we like to help others who have “skin in the game” even if they are relatives.

 

[big-papa]

Outside of charitable donations I've only done it a few times and only for immediate family members. And that was decades ago...

 

[marko]

Maybe, if I paid the bill directly without giving that person any money. I'd give a homeless person a gift card to a restaurant before I'd give them cash. You don't know where the cash really goes unless you follow the money to exactly where it's supposed to go. Again, that's a big "maybe"

An uncle was a pastor at a large parish. He'd get one or two couples a day-- with babies in tow--coming to his door claiming to be hungry, needing cash to buy food. He'd send them to the diner next door saying "I have a tab there. Tell them I sent you and get anything you want"

Every few weeks he would go over to settle the tab. The owner always had the same story: "nobody ever comes in". In 20 years, no one ever went in to eat.

 

[freedomatlast]

I hardly ever carry cash anymore, so I'm seldom able to help someone on the street at the spur of the moment.

 

[Z3Dreamer]

A local church gave bags to members. Each bag has water and snack bars and a few other goodies. Keep them in your car. Hand them to homeless people.

I try to get homeless people to get in touch with the local homeless shelter. Once or twice, I have been that sucker who pays their stay in a cheap motel. Once or twice, I have seen that elderly person fumbling with credit/debit cards that are getting denied so I just swiped my card.

 

[athena53]

A local church gave bags to members. Each bag has water and snack bars and a few other goodies. Keep them in your car. Hand them to homeless people.

I try to get homeless people to get in touch with the local homeless shelter. Once or twice, I have been that sucker who pays their stay in a cheap motel. Once or twice, I have seen that elderly person fumbling with credit/debit cards that are getting denied so I just swiped my card.

Our church does that, too, and I have mixed feelings. I've found that the times I've handed one to someone they thank me, but I'm afraid I'm enabling bad behavior. In our area they tend to have shopping carts (likely taken from a grocery store and costing the store $$$) and they leave trash behind. And I swear every one has the same sign: "Homeless veteran. Anything helps. God bless." I prefer to donate to organizations that help the homeless and there are good ones in my area.

I like the idea of swiping my card for someone whose card was rejected- will look out for that opportunity.

 

[Crewer]

Not strangers but I paid moving costs and furniture storage fees for a few years for someone I knew somewhat. I gave him additional money and bought him toiletries and clothes. He had drug addiction problems and was able to kick it (I also visited him in rehab). He's been sober a number of years, back in his own apartment, and glad to have all that furniture (some of it was family stuff). I know him much better by now and we're getting together for lunch tomorrow. Not alot of people stood by him when he was down and out but I guess others did things here and there that also really helped. Someone gave him an old car when he got a decent job, etc.

The women who was our nanny over 20 years ago has never made much money and I've now adopted her - our whole family has for holidays etc. since she doesn't have family left. I'm going in bigger now after she shared that she ran up credit card debt and has turned that over to a third party. She certainly doesn't live lavishly and I've queried her about finances enough to know she is now managing well but doesn't have much wiggle room. She does contribute to a 401k, doesn't pay for internet at home, doesn't eat out much, etc. I put her on my cell phone plan and plan to gift her a sizable - for her - amount for an emergency savings fund. She's younger than me and she's in my will. We're now pretty close.

I don't think my husband knows the extent of my helping but I think my kids do. Turns out my son sold a decent car at a loss and for much less than he could have gotten to a coworker who couldn't afford to live near work. He also used to give Uber rides to coworkers who otherwise had to take multiple buses to get to work. I imagine DD has done similar things.

 

[scrabbler1]

Back in my working days (in NYC), I would encounter panhandlers on the subway or elsewhere in the stations often, an unpleasant experience. Never gave to them.

I did make some loans to coworkers and friends over the years. Over time, I became more uncomfortable doing that, even if I did get paid back (but not always in a timely manner).

I have lent money to my ladyfriend over the years, usually to pay off credit card debt so she can save on the interest. Her daughter recently bought a house but was short $6k to make the down payment. It would have been a big hardship for my ladyfriend to come up with the money, so I lent it to her. I was also able to get the money to her quickly, as there was a deadline to buy the house. She has only one payment left.

 

[MarieIG]

Other than charitable donations and assistance to family - I have only given de minimis assistance.

There were small "loans" to co-workers with empty or forgotten wallets over the years which were promptly paid back. As plastic became more prevalent, that dropped off.

Edit - reading this thread, reminds me that I gave a car away.
Ahem, de minimis.

 

[Dash man]

A few years ago we met a young guy at our church in Florida. He was there every week. We found out he was using public transportation or Uber to get to the church every Sunday and one evening per week for a class. We started picking him up and taking him home to save him the hassle and money. We learned more of his story as we talked during the drives and learned he was a recovering alcoholic and lost his driver’s license in New York. He had one too many DUIs and left New York without without completing the court’s requirements. He was trying to turn his life around when we met him. We offered to fly him back to New York and pay his Attorney fees to turn himself in. After thinking and praying about it, he took us up on our offer. He went back and with his attorney worked out turning himself in and served 30 days in jail. He came back to Florida and started working in construction and eventually got his license reinstated. We’ve since lost contact with him, but we’re happy we could help him straighten himself out.

 

[ElizabethT]

To individuals? No, absolutely not, because over time I have observed that most of us are where we are due to a lifetime of the choices we have made- good, bad, or otherwise.

Those who we view as being truly in need through no fault of their own are served via donations to the organizations/charities that seek to meet their needs. To those we give happily.

 

[jollystomper]

My main rules when encountering strangers in public who ask me for money:
- If at a gas station, asking for gas money, I will offer to fill their tank. About a third of the time my offer is accepted.
- If asking for money for food, I will offer to buy them a meal at whatever nearby eating establishment they want. About 10% of the time it is accepted.

If they are just asking for money... it depends. I grew up among people who performed many types of "hustles" to get money from strangers. That has me biased in not automatically giving money when asked.

There have been times when I have seen or overhead something that lead me to offering money to strangers who did not ask. The reaction is always interesting.

 

[Out of Steam]

I was raised in a tough urban environment and am very uncomfortable with stopping or breaking out my wallet in such situations. Also, believing that I am a very poor judge of character or honesty, I do not try to help strangers financially.

It's cold I know, but that's why I pay tens of thousands in taxes every year.

 

[Gumby]

Other than charitable donations and assistance to family - I have only given de minimis assistance.

There were small "loans" to co-workers with empty or forgotten wallets over the years which were promptly paid back. As plastic became more prevalent, that dropped off.

Edit - reading this thread, reminds me that I gave a car away.
Ahem, de minimis.

Right before I retired, I gave a car away to the college-bound daughter of a colleague. But it was a Honda Civic with 303k miles on the odometer, so it was indeed de minimis.

 

[aaronc879]

I am more in need of money than I am able to give it so can't say for certain what I would do but I think if I was retired and had more money than I needed then I would help where I can. I wouldn't give to official charities because too much of that money is wasted on administration costs. I would give to family and just give good tips to people who give good service and those who are dealing with health problems that are not directly due to their own actions. I would not give anything if I still needed more money to retire.

 

[Teacher Terry]

My ex keeps a bunch of $5 McDonald’s gift cards in his car and wallet so if someone asks him for money he gives them one.

 

[rk911]

"Do you sometimes financially help people that are not that close to you?"

yes,we do. we have more than we can possibly spend in two lifetimes so, in addition to supporting many charities, we occasionally will make a direct gift to people we don't know well or at all. This is usually the result of reading about their story or hearing about it from oir friends or family.

 

[MarieIG]

Right before I retired, I gave a car away to the college-bound daughter of a colleague. But it was a Honda Civic with 303k miles on the odometer, so it was indeed de minimis.

The car went to the college-bound son of a colleague (work friend); whose ex believed that child support was unnecessary. It had been my father's vehicle, and I wanted it to go to a good home. The kiddo ended up doing very well for himself.

DS recently gave away his old Honda Civic. (I love those old Hondas.)

 

[braumeister]

And I swear every one has the same sign: "Homeless veteran. Anything helps. God bless."

That's a common sign around here too, but my favorite was about a year ago when I saw one guy standing at the intersection who had added "Bitcoin accepted!" to his sign.