Major Tom
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
A very close friend of mine is mixed race (one black parent, and one white). She was the subject of a great deal of discrimination from both black and white kids when growing up. Without going into detail, her home situation made matters much worse in that respect. As a result, for much of her life, she struggled with her own feelings of identity. One thing in particular that really sets her off, is when one of the first questions she is asked by anyone pertains to her race or ethnic identity. Some folk, unbelievably, are as indelicate as to flat-out ask, "What are you?" However the question is asked though, she really, really doesn't appreciate it. It makes her feel objectified and belittled.
She told me that, among other things, one thing she noticed about me when we first met, was that I never asked her any questions about her racial or ethnic background. We just liked each other, and started talking about subjects of mutual interest. My response was that the question wasn't even in my head. I noticed several things about her that I liked and was interested in, but her skin color and physical features were nowhere in that list.
In my opinion, asking about accents is nearly always fine but, with someone you have just met, asking questions about appearance is a much more shaky proposition.
She told me that, among other things, one thing she noticed about me when we first met, was that I never asked her any questions about her racial or ethnic background. We just liked each other, and started talking about subjects of mutual interest. My response was that the question wasn't even in my head. I noticed several things about her that I liked and was interested in, but her skin color and physical features were nowhere in that list.
In my opinion, asking about accents is nearly always fine but, with someone you have just met, asking questions about appearance is a much more shaky proposition.
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