Attending a wedding tomorrow, I'm Already Exhausted

[Nemo2]

The invite says "Black Tie Optional".

I prefer the ones that say "You own a tie? Well, look at Yoouu".

 

[Walt34]

The mother of the bride called DW to chat and told her that she was going to dress "casual". Right. The invite says "Black Tie Optional". I think she's trying to set up DW ..

The way out of that is to wear a formal gown underneath the overalls....

 

[MichaelB]

The way out of that is to wear a formal gown underneath the overalls....

Walt, we can always count on you for practical suggestion. I'll let DW know.

 

[Moemg]

I'm not sure! Here, they send fancy invitations to a "Celebration" that doesn't involve getting married. I guess the idea is that they do not want to marry but still want the gifts. Although, I admit, I don't really understand it.

I think that might be a commitment ceremony .You pledge your commitment to each other even though you would not marry them. Very Popular !

 

[Moemg]

Showers in new Jersey were huge with gifts like a dining room set or a full set of china .When I moved to Florida I went to my SO's daughter in law to be 's shower and I brought what I thought was appropriate (a full set of their wine goblets in various sizes ) .It was serious overkill . It was the best gift there by far and her Mother is still mad at me .

 

[brett]

We lucked out again this summer. DW decided not to go her least favourite nephew's wedding 2000 miles away. So we did not book air, car, or hotel.

She was just about to send a cheque as a wedding gift when I suggested that she send it after the event just to make sure. I had a 'feeling' that all was not perfect in their rose garden.

Well, two weeks prior the big wedding/reception got called off. That's what can happen when you have a very interfering and very opinionated mother living in the same house as you and your fiance for the past year

So, saved the money we would have otherwise sent. Did not have to throw away any air reservations. The nephew and fiance still living in the same house but status unknown. Mother/ MIL was unceremoniously booted out. About twelve months less a day too late if you ask me. My guess is that they will now live happily ever after-wedding or no wedding.

We have another nephew's wedding coming up in Jan (DW has a big family). So the choice is....attending a mid January wedding in Ontario, Canada (think snow, cold) or being on a beach in Thailand. Yes, you are right. The beach, the sun, the sand, the fabulous food trumped the rubber chicken in the frozen north. Sent our regrets. Really...who gets married in the winter

 

[travelover]

I think that might be a commitment ceremony .You pledge your commitment to each other even though you would not marry them. Very Popular !

I think we used to call that "going steady".

 

[Scuba]

What amazes me is how elaborate and expensive the showers, engagement parties, and bachelor/bachelorette parties have become. We have friends who have a son and DIL who have been attendants for about a dozen friends over the last 3 years. When I got married a bachelor or bachelorette party was a night out on the town. Now it's a long weekend in Vegas, Cancun, Cabo, or some other destination. Not affordable at all. Kind of crazy how much is spent on all of this.

 

[brett]

We know some people who went quite deeply into debt to finance their daughter's big wedding and reception.

DW and I thought they were a pair of dopes for doing this. They will be paying it off for years. What daughter would do this to her parents or allow her parents to do this for her knowing the financial strain it would place on them.

 

[Nemo2]

What daughter would do this to her parents

A daughter raised by people who would do what the parents did?

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

What amazes me is how elaborate and expensive the showers, engagement parties, and bachelor/bachelorette parties have become. We have friends who have a son and DIL who have been attendants for about a dozen friends over the last 3 years. When I got married a bachelor or bachelorette party was a night out on the town. Now it's a long weekend in Vegas, Cancun, Cabo, or some other destination. Not affordable at all. Kind of crazy how much is spent on all of this.

Yeah, I completely forgot about those, as we advanced in age we no longer get invited to them. When we were first married I would go to the bachelor parties dinner part, then if a strip club was involved I would lie and say I had to go in for a midnight shift. After a few years I confessed to the grooms that the bride would be upset if I went to a strip joint with the boys. And since he was getting married he had to learn respecting his future wife's wishes are an important matter in marriage. About 15 years ago my wife got invited to her cousins bachelorette party in Vegas. She left the invitation on the counter for a few days, she didnt say anything, but let me squirm a bit. Finally she said, "Um my cousin is having a farewell to being single party in Vegas, I would go, but you would starve to death and be wearing dirty wrinkled clothes so Ill stay home". Yup worked for me

 

[Ginny]

My 25 year old son is paying for his own wedding. Fiancee, (who we adore) is in grad school. He gave her a $10,000 budget. I kicked in $2,000. I will be paying for the rehearsal dinner for 40 people. The wedding sure grew... OMG! They said pizza and beer is fine and that is what I will do. Oh and I paid for his brother and family's condo for a week. Stay tuned for a magical evening next March.

 

[gayl]

(They expect to break-even with an average of $500 per person cash gifts) ... !

Typo?

The last wedding I went to as my nephew's. They had lived together for four years at the time. And we're currently living in my brother's house, with no expectation of moving out. In fact they're still there.

I handed him a card with $100 bill inside, which was not easy to get at the bank as they mostly have $20 and $50. I know I signed the card as I wrote a short note inside it. I am one person. So I get this email from him about three months later stating he will send me a thank-you card as soon as he gets the gift. I asked him if he got the card, and he confirmed that he received it. $500 per person? Hell no!

Well, two weeks prior the big wedding/reception got called off. That's what can happen when you have a very interfering and very opinionated mother living in the same house as you and your fiance for the past year

Mom misstepped as she might have finally 'won' and gotten them out

 

[rodi]

All this makes me glad I'm from a small family. DH more than makes up for it - one of 6 kids so lots of nephews/nieces. So far only 3 weddings of the 12 kids of that generation... But a nephew (DH's godson) is waiting for the right time for his wedding to his longtime partner... Too many health issues in his family they decided to not add another stresser/event. Probably next year.

They claim it would be embarrassing to not do the same. Thankfully for her dad, niece and BF are paying for it themselves and thankfully they can (barely) afford it. (They expect to break-even with an average of $500 per person cash gifts)

DW can't wait.
I'd rather have a tooth pulled but it will be nice to see the entire family having fun on someone else's dime other than mine for once!

If I read this right - it's not entirely on someone else's dime if you're expected to pony up $500/person (so $1000 for you and your wife) for this family reunion.

 

[easysurfer]

Well, I survived attending the wedding. Very happy for the bride and groom and family. Did have a couple of aggravations. My credit card stuck in a machine (if you can call it that) for about 30 minutes so some guy had to be called to take out the card as other cars waited being me. Other time, I thought the gift card I brought got lost but instead a family member had that but didn't tell me . Other than that, the wedding was very nice.

 

[Sue J]

On DHs side of the family his mother has 7 grandchildren. So far 3 grandsons have gotten married -

25 year old grandson (DHs nephew) announced an engagement and wedding. Wedding was planned, then canceled and then 3 weeks later they eloped. In Colorado you can get a license and marry yourselves. No one was there except their dog.

Our 30 year old son fell in love with a lovely woman from Beijing, China. He flew to China, met her family and they got married in a Beijing marriage office. No one else was present, not even her family. That's the way it's done there. A family celebration happens later. We were very supportive of this as they had logistical issues.

23 year old grandson (another of DHs nephews, younger brother to the one who eloped after canceling the wedding) got engaged last spring to a lovely young lady from Germany. A few weeks ago they got married by a judge in an office. He called his parents in advance so they got to be there for this one. His wife's family is planning a big church wedding in Germany next summer. It sounds like this wedding with the judge is not to be publicly acknowledged before then.

I'm fine with this, especially my son and daughter-in-law's circumstances. We knew he was planning to get married in China, we are crazy about his wife and understood how they felt about each other and why they wanted to get married. We'd rather give them a cash gift than pay for a wedding! My husband's sister is fairly stunned that it's happened twice to her and still no one has had a "wedding" with all the normal fanfare.

DH and I already decided that if we are invited to the big church wedding in Germany we aren't going. They are already married!

My 88 year old MIL still has a few single grandchildren left. She doesn't travel anymore so she won't be going to the one in Germany. One of her granddaughters is local to her so maybe that one will have a wedding.

 

[travelover]

......... In Colorado you can get a license and marry yourselves...........

I think that in most states the marriage license is all that really matters. I got married by a guy who got some certificate off the internet, but I'm sure I could have sent the paperwork signed "Mickey Mouse" and it would be just as legal.

 

[brett]

A friend of ours did the marriage for his daughter and her fiance.

He simply paid a few dollars for one of those phoney internet clergy degrees in a so called church that was recognized by the civil authorities. Same type of degree than many Pastors appear to have...or so he says. I think he paid $60 for a very impressive looking Batchelor of Divinity degree from some degree mill. He put it in a $6 frame and it is now a conversation piece. I suggested that he buy some time on a local radio station and drum up some revenue.

 

[Teacher Terry]

No one i know gives 500 a person for a wedding gift. Ugh! Interesting how different parts of the country have much more elaborate weddings. Only 1 of my sons is married and we gave them 2k towards the event. I think big, expensive weddings are a total waste of $.

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

Typo?

$500 per person? Hell no!

Yeah thats getting close to the number around here, (NYC), this is the all in price Brides gown, the band, the catering hall, flowers, etc. Not the honeymoon or the diamond rings. People throw around the number 10 grand just for the flowers. I always make a point of pointing out to the schmuck father of the bride that usually paid for everything how wonderful the centerpieces looked.:. I want to let them feel good about that expense.

 

[Danmar]

Yeah thats getting close to the number around here, (NYC), this is the all in price Brides gown, the band, the catering hall, flowers, etc. Not the honeymoon or the diamond rings. People throw around the number 10 grand just for the flowers. I always make a point of pointing out to the schmuck father of the bride that usually paid for everything how wonderful the centerpieces looked.:. I want to let them feel good about that expense.

Yes they can certainly get expensive and I agree probably a waste, but I resemble the "schmuck" comment. I figure how people spend their money is up to them, no? Assuming they can afford it of course.

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

Yes they can certainly get expensive and I agree probably a waste, but I resemble the "schmuck" comment. I figure how people spend their money is up to them, no? Assuming they can afford it of course.

I resembled the schmuck too, thats why I said it. I love the lavish affairs . Especially the ones Im not helping to pay for. And yes, how they spend it on a wedding or any other purchase is certainly up to them, even when they cant afford it.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Sad to think people are guests at happy occasions like weddings that they then find fault with.

 

[brett]

A former colleague of mine and his spouse gave their daughter an option.

A cheque that was large enough for a good down payment on a condo at the time or a big wedding.

The daughter and her husband to be wisely took the cheque. Their reasoning...after a few years no one would remember the wedding. Smart.

 

[Danmar]

Sad to think people are guests at happy occasions like weddings that they then find fault with.

Agree. My DD’s wedding was a wonderful experience. But someone could easily say “What a waste” and I would probably agree. Pretty judgemental in my view to say such a thing though. Still I wouldn’t change anything. DD cherishes the memories. I doubt anyone thought I was a schmuck. Well maybe my Xwife.

I gave DD the option of taking the money but she never hesitated for a second. Everybody is different.