Awkward situation with friends

[Scuba]

Perhaps simply suggest going to a bring your own restaurant. You might say let's "try X Restaurant because it is a bring your own since DH and I don't drink anymore". This may gently provide a hint and cause them to to pay for their own drinks.

They like gin & tonics. Not too feasible to bring that.

 

[JJpop]

They like gin & tonics. Not too feasible to bring that.

This thread has now become annoying.
OP….just tell them the truth and be done with it.
You have wasted so much time and energy over this.
You have made a simple problem into this huge all encompassing problem and now dragged others into it simply because you are afraid to speak up.
Enough!!!

 

[Aerides]

This thread has now become annoying.
OP….just tell them the truth and be done with it.
You have wasted so much time and energy over this.
You have made a simple problem into this huge all encompassing problem and now dragged others into it simply because you are afraid to speak up.
Enough!!!

No she hasn't. She asked a question, came up with the idea that will work for her (a few pages and days ago).

She's politely responded to the other solutions and comments that folks have continued to provide, perhaps not noticing that she has a simple answer already.

And to anyone who finds any thread "annoying" there is the ignore button for your use should you wish to do so.

 

[JJpop]

No she hasn't. She asked a question, came up with the idea that will work for her (a few pages and days ago).

She's politely responded to the other solutions and comments that folks have continued to provide, perhaps not noticing that she has a simple answer already.

And to anyone who finds any thread "annoying" there is the ignore button for your use should you wish to do so.

You are right.
I apologize for my annoyance. I do have a cold but will not use that as an excuse for my annoyance like others have used excuses for her friends lack of consideration

 

[CaptTom]

I found this thread fascinating. I can sort of see all sides here. Lots of nuance.

I do hope the OP comes back and lets us know how it went the next time they dine out with the subject couple. Maybe we could get a pool going, betting on the results.

 

[Music Lover]

One bill per table is a stupid policy and I can't believe people let them do this. All it would take to force a change is people either refusing to go along with it or taking their business elsewhere.

That and the refusal to grow with the times and get handheld billing machines. It's 2022, not 1950.

 

[Dtail]

You are right.
I apologize for my annoyance. I do have a cold but will not use that as an excuse for my annoyance like others have used excuses for her friends lack of consideration

Not annoying, but the OP has already stated what she will do, so........

 

[Scuba]

Interestingly, I just got back from a trip to the Southern US. Every server asked if we wanted separate checks! Wow - I can’t recall this ever happening in CA! Wait staff assumes people dining together will split the bill as they see fit.

Our next get together with this couple will be at our home. Not sure when we will go out next but I’ll update the group. I expect it to be fine. They may be momentarily surprised, but I can’t imagine any objection.

Thanks again for all the comments! Obviously this thread hit a nerve for some.

 

[Badger]

On the topic of restaurants not doing separate checks... My experience in SoCal is that 90% of restaurants have no problem with 2, maybe 3 checks per table. (2 or 3 couples for example).... but MANY draw the line on individual checks for groups larger than 6 people. I noticed this at restaurants we'd frequent at lunch from work - group lunches meant math.

I never understood requiring groups of 6 or more people to have one check. If those same people were to sit at different tables they would get their own checks. Is the cost of a slip of paper going to create stress on the restaurants bottom line? I'm the customer with the money. If they want it they can cater to my reasonable request or lose business.

Cheers!

 

[Scuba]

I never understood requiring groups of 6 or more people to have one check. If those same people were to sit at different tables they would get their own checks. Is the cost of a slip of paper going to create stress on the restaurants bottom line? I'm the customer with the money. If they want it they can cater to my reasonable request or lose business.



Cheers!

I do a lot of group events with my social group. The vast majority of restaurants we patronize won’t do separate checks for each person. They will do one check per table, and we usually have 4-8 people per table depending on the venue. I think there are a couple of reasons: (1) Customers get impatient waiting for a server to split up a check between that many people. (2) Restaurants are looking to transfer labor to the customer as much as possible. Forcing the customer to split checks out reduces staff time required and also avoids arguments about charging an item to the wrong person.

For the meals I organize, I do them as fixed price events payable in advance, including tax and tip. The only extra charge is alcohol which venues seem to be ok with doing the alcohol only on separate checks based on consumption.

 

[Aerides]

I do a lot of group events with my social group. The vast majority of restaurants we patronize won’t do separate checks for each person. They will do one check per table, and we usually have 4-8 people per table depending on the venue. I think there are a couple of reasons: (1) Customers get impatient waiting for a server to split up a check between that many people. (2) Restaurants are looking to transfer labor to the customer as much as possible. Forcing the customer to split checks out reduces staff time required and also avoids arguments about charging an item to the wrong person.

For the meals I organize, I do them as fixed price events payable in advance, including tax and tip. The only extra charge is alcohol which venues seem to be ok with doing the alcohol only on separate checks based on consumption.

I can understand restaurants not wanting to do a multi-way split like that, but two couples dining wanting separate checks should be in the normal wheelhouse for any place I'd want to go to dinner.

(from my own experience years ago): It's hardly any more work for the server - IF - they know to do it before they take your first order. Splitting it after you ask for the check is a headache. Making two checks from the beginning is not nearly as much hassle.

 

[CaptTom]

OK, with a "social event" I can see the restaurant setting some rules about payment. Remember that there will be a huge surge effort when everyone orders, and again when everyone goes to pay. Trying to limit the chaos for the server(s) makes some sense.

Still, a good server will simply ask up front if there will be one check for each couple ahead of time. Then it won't be much more work. I would certainly try to negotiate that if I were bringing the restaurant a big group. And probably take my business elsewhere if they weren't flexible on that.

That said, I don't frequent the kinds of places where they can lay down the law, "Soup Nazi" style. I'd be looking to enjoy a decent meal with friends and family, not to impress anyone by going to the trendy hot spots.

 

[Badger]

I can understand restaurants not wanting to do a multi-way split like that, but two couples dining wanting separate checks should be in the normal wheelhouse for any place I'd want to go to dinner.

(from my own experience years ago): It's hardly any more work for the server - IF - they know to do it before they take your first order. Splitting it after you ask for the check is a headache. Making two checks from the beginning is not nearly as much hassle.

+1

Any good server should know to ask first if there will be separate checks before even taking the order. That should be one of the first things taught in their training. There should also be a well displayed sign upon entering the restaurant to let people know that they don't offer separate checks.
If it becomes a problem and I was not informed by the server before ordering (although I would usually request before ordering) I would not leave a tip. If a sign was not displayed I would let the manager know why they will lose my business and there would be negative reviews on social media.
You just don't treat customers that way and expect to get a favorable reputation.

Cheers!

 

[FLJim]

DH and I have friends we have dinner with regularly, often in our homes but sometimes out. We have always just split checks in restaurants 50/50, figuring that over time, it evens out.

This was fine until DH and I stopped drinking alcohol after his heart attack earlier this year. We did not drink at all for several months, and even now very rarely do and never during just a casual dinner with friends.

Since we’ve stopped drinking, we’ve been out to restaurants with these friends twice. Both times, our food orders were similar but we drank water while they had 3-4 drinks between them. When the check came, they didn’t mention that perhaps they should put in more to cover their drinks. Tonight our part of the tab was over $30 more than it would have been had we gotten separate checks.

Most restaurants in our area don’t do separate checks. We like our friends but I don’t want to continue to pay far more than the cost of what we ordered.

What is a tactful way to handle this?

Next time out to dinner each of your order a shrimp cocktail, twin lobster tails, and dessert. THEN when the bill comes, see what your "friends" say about splitting 50/50. Kindly point out that you have given up alcohol for seafood, and it should "all even out".

 

[latexman]

Next time out to dinner each of your order a shrimp cocktail, twin lobster tails, and dessert. THEN when the bill comes, see what your "friends" say about splitting 50/50. Kindly point out that you have given up alcohol for seafood, and it should "all even out".

Or 1.5 lb of King Crab. Last time I asked market price in a restaurant was $168.

 

[upupandaway]

I just recently had this situation with a long time friend of mine. I stopped drinking for an extended period of time. We would eat together a few times a week and always take turns paying the check. We both like craft beers which run around $8 a piece in our area. My not drinking started to make the split very lopsided especially for a 2 person lunch. Finally at one of our meals I asked for separate checks. He busted my chops about it for a little bit but totally understood why the change. I feel if your friends have trouble understanding the simple economics of it then that will be their issue and not yours. We are fortunate that here in the mid-west they almost always separate without even batting an eye.

 

[tmm99]

I live in Ontario Canada, and I think the servers here expect separate checks.(They always ask.) When I lived in California, we usually gave cash to someone who wanted to use their credit card (for travel points or whatever.)

 

[Ronstar]

... We are fortunate that here in the mid-west they almost always separate without even batting an eye.

The servers even ask up front if we want separate checks.

I always say yes when we're out with others and DW is on one of her diets. Last week DW only had green beans, so separate checks made a lot of sense.

 

[youbet]

(from my own experience years ago): It's hardly any more work for the server - IF - they know to do it before they take your first order. Splitting it after you ask for the check is a headache. Making two checks from the beginning is not nearly as much hassle.

+1

As long as the servers knows up front, there is zero difference between separate checks per couple at the same table or separate checks per couple sitting at adjacent tables. Yes, if you ask after the meal for the server to go back and split the check, then the server should spill coffee in your lap! Or if you order an item to share, you should immediately ask for it to be put on your own check. Etc.

Yep,there are ways the diners themselves can make separate checks a headache for the server, but it isn't hard to do it right and ask for separate checks up front and identify which check a shared item should be put on at the time of ordering it.

 

[youbet]

The servers even ask up front if we want separate checks.

I always say yes when we're out with others and DW is on one of her diets. Last week DW only had green beans, so separate checks made a lot of sense.

I'm more concerned about the opposite end of the spectrum. If I know I want the expensive specialty and a couple glasses of wine that evening, I sure don't want to offend others dining more frugally by running up a shared/split check. I ask for separate checks so I can get what I want and not be concerned about others fretting over subsidizing me.

It's a two way street.

 

[youbet]

+1

(although I would usually request before ordering)

I think you meant to say you "always" request a separate check before ordering. "Usually" puts you 100% at fault and something far more than an apology to the server would be the order of the day.

 

[CRLLS]

We went to dinner with friends last Friday. The place did not do separate checks. What they would do is put the bill on 2 credit cards. We split the bill 50/50. We didn't have out of balance meals. We didn't ask if they would do 60/40. Maybe if we asked?

 

[aaronc879]

I have never heard of a place that didn't do separate checks. Separate checks is the way to go. If there is a place that doesn't do that for some reason then go somewhere that does.

 

[NW-Bound]

I have never worked in food service, so am thinking why some restaurants do not want to split checks.

I think that with just two couples and two checks, it's not hard to note who is ordering what, and which items go on whose checks.

When you have 10 couples ordering all different things, it can get messy for the waitstaff to track. Hence, the reason to mandate a single check for a big crowd.

What ya'all think?

 

[Music Lover]

+1

As long as the servers knows up front, there is zero difference between separate checks per couple at the same table or separate checks per couple sitting at adjacent tables. Yes, if you ask after the meal for the server to go back and split the check, then the server should spill coffee in your lap! Or if you order an item to share, you should immediately ask for it to be put on your own check. Etc.

It's also not hard for the server to ask in advance how the bill will be split. To actually think that every table with a group of people wants just one bill is nothing but stupidity. In what other business does that thinking apply?

My wife and I met another couple for dinner before a concert tonight. When the bill came we just told the server what each of us was paying for and she took care of it right at the table in just a few seconds. It's not rocket science.