Do You Hide Your Financial Success From Others?

[jollystomper]

I do not flaunt our financial "success" (which is always in the eye of the beholder), but you cannot keep people from reading into what they observe of someone not working, with no desire to work, doing a lot of leisure activities, but living in an (observed) nice home and not complaining about making ends meet.

Interestingly, when I retired some of DW's friend thought she had to keep working because I was retired. When she stopped working this year they were probably more surprised than when I stopped working.

In truth, I get more embarrassed when people think we are in need. For example, last week with DW shook up from a car accident and me under the weather with a non-covid viral infection, several friends wanted to bring us meals. For me it is tough to balance their generosity with our easily ability to just order food for ourselves, particularly when their financial situation is likely not as good as ours. But some folks just have that "servant attitude" without regard to what they might think of someone's finances.

 

[ElizabethT]

We FIRE’d at 48/56, and so I in particular got that question on occasion in the beginning years. I would respond that we lived really boring lives for a really long time in order to save enough to ER. I would emphasize ‘boring’ when I said it, and almost 100% of the time that would end the discussion. I always found that fascinating.

For the record, we did not live boring lives, not to us at least. But because we spent our disposable income on experiences rather than visible things, we flew below the radar for the most part. We were even teased at one point for driving modest cars in spite of our lucrative executive salaries. But we never craved expensive cars. We craved experiences. Still do.

We now live in a more affluent community with lots of well heeled retirees, so ironically we are back to feeling like everyone has more money than we do. Who knows if that’s true, and certainly we don’t care. We are very content with our lifestyle, particularly with SS for us both, and Medicare for me, still to come. I may be back here for help on how to blow all that new dough once it arrives.

 

[MrsHaloFIRE]

Everyone assumes whatever they assume. Ppl also used to assume i never worked a day on my life based on DHs job. That used to burn BC I worked my butt off fulltine plus played social graces with his work. Not instead of. Now it quit coming up. I dont hide our trips or indulgences but i also dont hide bargain shopping and DiY. I care less and less about other ppls opinions. Except I wouldn't drive an 80k car bc looks like deep pockets

 

[Sunset]

...................

In truth, I get more embarrassed when people think we are in need. For example, last week with DW shook up from a car accident and me under the weather with a non-covid viral infection, several friends wanted to bring us meals. For me it is tough to balance their generosity with our easily ability to just order food for ourselves, particularly when their financial situation is likely not as good as ours. But some folks just have that "servant attitude" without regard to what they might think of someone's finances.

Wow...... I always thought of it as "helpful generous kindness" , but I never had servants so don't really know

 

[Gumby]

Wow...... I always thought of it as "helpful generous kindness" , but I never had servants so don't really know

jollystomper is more than capable of speaking for himself, but I interpret his use of the term "servant attitude" to be an expression of the concept, propounded by Jesus in the Gospel of Mark, that we are called to serve each other, not to rule each other.

"You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Mark 10:35–45

 

[Magus]

I heard a wise man say "Rent your fun, its cheaper than owning it". I'd apply that to the beach house and cabin.

The boat is different. If it is the Chris-Craft---buy it. There is nothing like being on the water in a genuine Chris-Craft.

Yup - with airbnb, VRBO, timeshares, resorts, etc there is really no reason to buy vacation homes anymore.

 

[Magus]

I do not hide my success nor shy from discussing but i don't publish on social media either. I actually wish more folks discussed finances with their friends - career advice, pay ranges, investing, early retirement, etc. I've definitely been a good influence on a # of my friends and they all know I'll retire before 45. I don't get asked for money by anyone except occasionally my brother and he's just looking for $100 here or there.

I do use my HGV points to throw free vacations at friends and family a lot - cost me almost nothing and they are so happy to have a nice vacation for free in a 4-5* resort.

 

[kgtest]

short answer, no, I don't hide my success. Its near impossible to completely be coi and humble. For instance anyone can look up what I paid for my home, and the property taxes. They see the vehicles we drive, and the clothes we wear. We spend what we can comfortably in our budget and realize that its likely more than some or many of our current peer group. There is always somebody with more or also with less. We have humility in terms of financial success but also want to learn from people who might be able to share a tip or two. One of the reasons I stay engaged on this forum. There is no way I could have realized this success without swapping war stories with the kind folks on ER. I also discuss finance with my DF, but the number of folks I am comfortable doing that with outside this forum is few and far between. Most are living paycheck to paycheck likely not saving nearly enough for their future.

We have neighbor kids who are much more spoiled than our children, and in fact neighbor adults who are more spoiled. We all have different values and that is fine. I would never be arrogant, or cocky or rude about our success for one. I feel its something to be proud of, and if we aren't perhaps we aren't as deserving. I'm sure some has to do with luck, but in all reality on my side of the family it is more luck that has to do with the choices DF and DM made and then being lucky enough for them to pass those along. They in all definitions grew up "poor" with money spread thin, accepting charity instead of giving it, only as a means of necessary survival. DF and DM are constantly reminding us that they were poor and did not have much growing up. I just don't need to act or behave that way and feel as a child we had more than enough. I don't know it anyother way really.

 

[ShokWaveRider]

Depends on who others are. In our neighborhood everyone is pretty much the same so driving a new car every 3 years and owning an above average priced home is the norm.

Now family is a different issue, although hard to do when they come to visit. We do not discuss it much but send DW's dad money every now and then. Luckily for the most part they live nowhere near us.

 

[ejman]

Here is to hoping for the continuation of this Merry Thread for all of us even if the market does its non Merry periodic thing and drops its occasional 50-95%. Boy scout thinking and all that.

 

[MarieIG]

I heard a wise man say "Rent your fun, its cheaper than owning it". I'd apply that to the beach house and cabin.

The boat is different. If it is the Chris-Craft---buy it. There is nothing like being on the water in a genuine Chris-Craft.

I would agree with this this in Robbie's case (and in mine at least for now). Somebody, naming no names, was willing for me to take on the overhead of three homes at one time. Ahh, no. Robbie has an excellent fixed up home which allows him to BTD on certain extravagances on a regular basis without hitting the nest egg with a torpedo and taking on another ongoing overhead expense.

 

[Keim]

Yup - with airbnb, VRBO, timeshares, resorts, etc there is really no reason to buy vacation homes anymore.

I own a small vacation cabin. Its one of the best things we have invested in. Love it.

 

[Magus]

Here is to hoping for the continuation of this Merry Thread for all of us even if the market does its non Merry periodic thing and drops its occasional 50-95%. Boy scout thinking and all that.

Market doesn't drop 50% very often and has never dropped 95% (peak to trough in great depression was 89% not including dividends or adjusted for deflation in that time). That said, agree with your sentiments

 

[Magus]

I own a small vacation cabin. Its one of the best things we have invested in. Love it.

I should have clarified in the US specifically - I don't know Russian RE well enough to hazard a guess (guessing since your profile says Moscow). Here in the US, you could rent that cabin on airbnb or vrbo for $40-60/night with no maintenance, utilities, or any hassle in general, plus you don't feel obligated to go to a place after the initial fun wears off. Take the $100-200k you'd otherwise spend on a small vacation cabin here, invest it, and your investment would generate enough to stay at a similar cabin 140-280 days a year.

 

[Gumby]

I should have clarified in the US specifically - I don't know Russian RE well enough to hazard a guess (guessing since your profile says Moscow). Here in the US, you could rent that cabin on airbnb or vrbo for $40-60/night with no maintenance, utilities, or any hassle in general, plus you don't feel obligated to go to a place after the initial fun wears off. Take the $100-200k you'd otherwise spend on a small vacation cabin here, invest it, and your investment would generate enough to stay at a similar cabin 140-280 days a year.

According to the Google, there are 20 towns in the USA named Moscow. https://theworld.org/stories/2016-03-10/there-are-more-20-towns-america-called-moscow-why

 

[RetMD21]

How do I explain to people when they ask me? Will they be inspired by my story of hard work and sacrifice or resentful at my success ?

"Been savin up"

 

[Magus]

According to the Google, there are 20 towns in the USA named Moscow. https://theworld.org/stories/2016-03-10/there-are-more-20-towns-america-called-moscow-why

Learn something new every day Just re-emphasizes my point then.

 

[Keim]

Im in the US.

 

[Sunset]

jollystomper is more than capable of speaking for himself, but I interpret his use of the term "servant attitude" to be an expression of the concept, propounded by Jesus in the Gospel of Mark, that we are called to serve each other, not to rule each other.

"You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Mark 10:35–45

Opps..... Thanks...

I was being too literal in my reading and I recall even wondering why the quotes were there

 

[travelover]

According to the Google, there are 20 towns in the USA named Moscow. https://theworld.org/stories/2016-03-10/there-are-more-20-towns-america-called-moscow-why

I can sympathize. I live in Vancouver, WA and I recently learned there is another one over in Canada.

 

[FI_RElater]

Im in the US.

I figured you had your own "private Idaho"

(when I think of any US cities of that name, that's where I do....BTW, for those who don't know...that's where the U of Idaho is at)

 

[FI_RElater]

I can sympathize. I live in Vancouver, WA and I recently learned there is another one over in Canada.

I'm guessing it's a little chilly to have a Rubinator over at McMenamins at Columbia Shores right now...but yeah, BTDT !!

 

[Keim]

I figured you had your own "private Idaho"

(when I think of any US cities of that name, that's where I do....BTW, for those who don't know...that's where the U of Idaho is at)

Precisely

 

[steelyman]

I don’t think it matters unless the really important thing to you is to think about “your financial success”.

 

[street]

My only advise if buying a cabin/beach house is that it is close to your primary home. I say that so you can pick up and go just about any time you want. I built one that is very remote in a canyon at the ranch.
It has been one of the best things I ever did and have had so much enjoyment from it. The solitude and being close to nature are an amazing experience and when I'm not there I wish I was there.