Do You Visit Relative's Gravesites?

[eytonxav]

My relatives and DWs are thousands of miles away, so we have not visited in many years. I am not even sure I could find my parents gravesite in Woodlawn Cemetery. Also, agree with cremation, seems like the most practical way and cheaper for my survivors. We do not have a family plot in Texas.

 

[Koolau]

On a trip to my dad's home town when I was perhaps 11, we stopped and saw my uncle's and grandfather's grave. They died young so I never met them. I can look them up on find a grave, and I remember the stone from perhaps 65 years ago. (I wish I could recall what I had for lunch yesterday.)

My dad only told me about these two relatives in little pieces here and there. I never asked much about them. I could tell my dad still mourned their loss. My uncles death was especially tragic at about age 15. He was my dad's "big brother."

Even with this history, I've just never wanted to travel from the Old Homestead to see their graves again. I can do it online and that satisfies my urge to know about them.

 

[GalaxyBoy]

I can actually see the location of my parents’ graves from my deck in the wintertime when the leaves are gone, about a half mile away. I didn’t even realize that until I had lived here over five years. I do visit occasionally, more often soon after Dad was buried because the cemetery wasn’t taking care of the grave - there was a sinkhole next to the burial marker and a weed got to be four feet high at one point. The new management seems to be doing better.

I don’t see many visitors but it seems like cemeteries are doing a good marketing job for artificial flower subscriptions. Dad wouldn’t want me to blow dough on that but DB pays for it. His decision.

 

[Caskem]

Never. I saw them when they were living. Never understood the grave visitation stuff. But to each their own.

 

[meleana]

I feel bad that I cannot visit my parents graves in NY. I remember once when my mom broke down crying saying she was worried no one would ever visit her grave once she died.

But we are in another state at least 300 miles away and we haven’t been back since we moved 3 years ago.

 

[cj1717]

Of course not......what a bizarre tradition.

 

[cj1717]

^X 1000. If you want to remember them, pull out some photo's.

Agree!

 

[Redbugdave]

I live hundreds of miles away and do not do any visitation. When I go to the Happy Hunting Ground...what parts are needed for organ and whatever else donation will be removed and the rest cremated. Just scatter my ashes to the winds.

However...doing historical research I visit old cemeteries at times. People who originally settled this country.

 

[Koolau]

Of course not......what a bizarre tradition.

You're welcome to your opinion - but keep in mind it's only YOUR opinion. Calling it bizarre is pretty insulting to people who find comfort or connection in dong so. Some opinions are best kept to yourself IMHO but it's a free country.

 

[Dash man]

You're welcome to your opinion - but keep in mind it's only YOUR opinion. Calling it bizarre is pretty insulting to people who find comfort or connection in dong so. Some opinions are best kept to yourself IMHO but it's a free country.

+1,000

If DW were to go before me, I know I’d be visiting regularly. I know her soul wouldn’t be there, but praying there would give me comfort.

 

[Gumby]

Thank you, Koolau, for reminding all of us that common courtesy is what allows this board to function. We can disagree with each other, as long as we do it respectfully.

 

[Bigdawg]

Thank you, Koolau, for reminding all of us that common courtesy is what allows this board to function. We can disagree with each other, as long as we do it respectfully.

I do concur. But also, calling it "bizarre", doesn't seem too "insulting"(or disrespectful) to me. I can think of many other words or phrases that would bother me more than the word "bizarre".

 

[rodi]

My side of the family, not so much. My parents and maternal grandparents all donated their bodies to UCSD Medical school. I have submitted the paperwork (has to be done ahead of time) to do the same. My paternal grandmother is in a columbarium niche in Phoenix... but I haven't visited it since her memorial service when I was 11. My paternal grandfather is buried in Heber Utah... I visited it once, post funeral, because we were driving near there and decided to stop at the gravesite then have lunch in town. My brother is bucked the trend of medical school donation and is buried in Estes Park, CO. I have visited once, post funeral.

My husband's family (Catholic) does the gravesite visiting, flowers periodically, etc. He visits his dad/brother/grandparents sites whenever he visits Philly.

This was one of our cultural differences - my family always did memorial services... My husbands family was always casket at the front funerals. (Although my grandfather and brother both had funerals with graveside services.)

 

[Koolau]

I do concur. But also, calling it "bizarre", doesn't seem too "insulting"(or disrespectful) to me. I can think of many other words or phrases that would bother me more than the word "bizarre".

I'm sure you're right and I hope not to hear them here either. Forgive my "outrage" but calling a "name" about a very personal thing is simply not what we do here. We're friends and we love each other. My mom always told me "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." I believe she was right.

I'm gonna shut up now 'cause they might ask me to be a mod. (Yeah, right!)

 

[captain3d]

There are many large cemeteries near by in Colma,CA. When ever I drive through it strikes me as a mathematically unsustainable tradition which should stop.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Col...most of Colma's land,nearly a thousand to one.

The town was founded as a necropolis in 1924. With most of Colma's land dedicated to cemeteries, the population of the dead—not specifically known but speculated to be around 1.5 million—outnumbers that of the living by a ratio of nearly a thousand to one.

 

[Act2]

Love the town motto in your link!

 

[iRent2u]

Visiting Relatives Graves

I stop by every couple of months not to visit them. I know their souls are not there but this is where we laid to rest my wonderful parents who left me nothing of this world’s treasure but their memory is something I cherish. It’s with a heart full of gratitude for the heritage they left me. Thank God for their lives so well lived!

 

[athena53]

This was one of our cultural differences - my family always did memorial services... My husbands family was always casket at the front funerals. (Although my grandfather and brother both had funerals with graveside services.)

And there ARE cultural differences. I was thinking about this after the recent exchange of posts. Nearly every culture has some way of "sending off" their dead loved ones and remembering them afterwards- building pyramids, hiring professional mourners, setting them and their ship aflame, remembering them at Dia de Los Muertes. What's comforting to one family is alien to another. I remember a Jewish friend being taken aback when he went to the visitation for my first husband's mother- he'd never seen an embalmed body on view before.

Whatever works for the loved ones left behind.

 

[Paulz]

I am not religious so I said cremation was fine with me if that is cheaper or desired for some reason. I won't be here so I'll have no objections. If it turns out that there really IS such a thing as the afterlife, and that cremation was the wrong decision for some spiritual reason, well, it's not like I never made an idiotic decision before.

I had a religious pastor back when I was in college say he was going to write a book titled "Don't make an ash of yourself..." He never did, but I still think its a great name!

 

[big-papa]

I live pretty far away from where my parents are buried. But whenever I go back to my hometown, I visit my parents' graves as one of the first things I do. During the same visit, I usually go to another cemetery where my grandparents and twof of my sisters are buried. If I'm feeling particularly in a genealogical mood, I'll drive a short distance to my great-grandparents' cemetery.

Cheers

 

[Saltydog55]

Grave visit

It was always important to my Mom to visit the cemetery. I try to go a few times a year to see that her grave is tidy and maintain the flower topper on her headstone.

 

[thod]

My mother has a tombstone in a plot with some of her other siblings and her mother.

I have visited it once for a different relative's funeral. I have no intention of ever going back.

Sounds harsh, but it is what my mother wanted. She had alot of physical issues and spent most of my memory in a wheelchair or in a bed with round the clock nursing. You had to lip read to speak with her.

Long story short, she hated her physical body and wanted it to be cremated (it was). She wanted to have her ashes spread on the beach (they were). She did not want a tombstone, etc. My father honored her wishes. It was her family that frequently would ignore stuff like that and placed a grave marker in where other family members were buried.

No particular point to the story, just reading other's wishes reminded me of it.

 

[Theophrastus Bombastus]

+1,000

If DW were to go before me, I know I’d be visiting regularly. I know her soul wouldn’t be there, but praying there would give me comfort.

x1000.

My personal experience:
My DW did.
I do.
It does.

 

[Sue J]

What's comforting to one family is alien to another. I remember a Jewish friend being taken aback when he went to the visitation for my first husband's mother- he'd never seen an embalmed body on view before.

Whatever works for the loved ones left behind.

The first non-Jewish funeral I went to was my husband’s grandmother. It was a Russian Orthodox one. Lots of interesting customs. But when they cranked open the coffin lid and everyone lined up to say goodbye… WHAT??

 

[TexasRR]

My mother is buried about a hour south of where we live. I find it comforting to be able to go to her gravesite as I helped to relocate her to Texas due to her struggling with the cold in MN over 20 years ago.My adult children enjoy going there too. As an adult, we have moved a great bit so I enjoy being able to go to the same spot to reflect and be with her. I hope to be able to purchase a couple of plots for my wife and I so my children can visit all 3 places one day.