Do your family members listen to your financial advice?
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bssc
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I am sure that it is because everyone is saving 20% and don't want to cut back. Right?Eagle43 said:
CCdaCE
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SamIam said:
Hey, c'mon. Kids are expensive pets.
So far, they're worth it. I'd rather hear pitter-patter of little feet than go to Mexico for a week or two a year.
Five years ago, if you'd have told me this, I'd have said you were out of your mind.
Don't get me wrong, I've still gone on several short fishing trips. It's not an all-or-nothing proposition.
[Edit: back on topic]
I spread info. I get on here, like the 6.25% Penfed thing to relatives, but I don't know of anyone that takes advantage. As far as the BILs, they already know it all. They buy $42k campers and $10k+ fish houses, etc.
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Parents, siblings, in-laws -- They don't ask for it and I don't volunteer it.
As between me and the young wife -- she doesn't know and doesn't care. She doesn't even know how much she gets paid. She just trusts that I will ensure we always have enough money. The fact that she is naturally frugal is quite helpful.
As between me and the young wife -- she doesn't know and doesn't care. She doesn't even know how much she gets paid. She just trusts that I will ensure we always have enough money. The fact that she is naturally frugal is quite helpful.
The only financial advice I'm qualified to give is "Save the maximum in your ROTH IRA!" which I regularly remind my two sons about. The daughter is still in college and doesn't earn much yet but she is a spender so will be a hard sell.
Son #1 lives hand to mouth and can't save a dime, and is regularly in debt. So my advice is worthless to him. Son #2 is open to hear it and last year did put away half of what he could in his ROTH. I'm dribbling little bits of advice to my daughter so she'll at least have a clue once she becomes employed.
Son #1 lives hand to mouth and can't save a dime, and is regularly in debt. So my advice is worthless to him. Son #2 is open to hear it and last year did put away half of what he could in his ROTH. I'm dribbling little bits of advice to my daughter so she'll at least have a clue once she becomes employed.
youbet
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Jarhead* said:Up to a couple years ago, everytime I got together with them, I tried to give them "unsolicited advice". Not good. Loads of tension.
My game plan since that time has been to mind my own business.
We now get along a helluva lot better.
Jarhead, you are right on target! Been there, done that, couldn't agree with you more!
kaudrey
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My Dad and I often discuss financial matters. Occasionally, I have something smart to add but most of the time I'm just learning from him or running my own ideas past him.
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Peaceful Warrior's words mirror my own experience. Mom lets Dad handle the finances.
Occasionally my aunt asks me a question. I am the executor for both my parents and my aunt.
I "run" my sister's and BIL's portfolio. Once a year she sends me all her info, and I help her with rebalancing, finding new funds if needed, and tell her how to invest throughout the year (to DCA). This year, she wants a retirement plan spreadsheet and some help with saving for college (they are trying to adopt this year, so this is a whole new part of their financial plan).
I also help a friend and her husband with finances, and in return, he does my taxes (he's a CPA).
Karen
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Peaceful Warrior's words mirror my own experience. Mom lets Dad handle the finances.
Occasionally my aunt asks me a question. I am the executor for both my parents and my aunt.
I "run" my sister's and BIL's portfolio. Once a year she sends me all her info, and I help her with rebalancing, finding new funds if needed, and tell her how to invest throughout the year (to DCA). This year, she wants a retirement plan spreadsheet and some help with saving for college (they are trying to adopt this year, so this is a whole new part of their financial plan).
I also help a friend and her husband with finances, and in return, he does my taxes (he's a CPA).
Karen
DangerMouse
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I no longer waste my breath trying to impart any words of financial wisdom to family members. AFter all the reason family believe we are financially so well off is all due to "luck" rather than our actions.
cute fuzzy bunny
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Isnt it interesting that we're collectively better-than-average in investing knowledge and likely success, yet even those closest to us arent looking to us for advice and wont take it when its proffered?
Wonder what causes that
About 18 months ago my MIL announced that she was moving all her pension/403b money out of her equity funds and into long term bond funds. On the face of it, at 60 years old SOME movement from equities to bonds would make sense. Except she was already at about a 50/50 allocation.
I suggested she not do that, and if she were taking something out of equities to consider some other options than long term bond funds. Like cash or short bonds. Or maybe slow down on the contributions a little and pay off part of the two homes and giant new motorhome she owns? My BIL is squatting in one of the homes and paying her below market rent...
She did it anyhow. Without looking at the performance of the funds I know she has access to (same ones as my wifes pension/403b) I'm pretty sure she's taken a drubbing.
Wonder what causes that
About 18 months ago my MIL announced that she was moving all her pension/403b money out of her equity funds and into long term bond funds. On the face of it, at 60 years old SOME movement from equities to bonds would make sense. Except she was already at about a 50/50 allocation.
I suggested she not do that, and if she were taking something out of equities to consider some other options than long term bond funds. Like cash or short bonds. Or maybe slow down on the contributions a little and pay off part of the two homes and giant new motorhome she owns? My BIL is squatting in one of the homes and paying her below market rent...
She did it anyhow. Without looking at the performance of the funds I know she has access to (same ones as my wifes pension/403b) I'm pretty sure she's taken a drubbing.
Most of my family asks questions and listens, except for dear old dad. Perhaps if I wasn't such a screw up after high school, he'd listen, but my mom listens and she's the one who really makes the decisions anyway. My FIL makes my MIL ask me questions and then gets on the phone.
I've noticed that married and single women of my age group [25-40] seem to be much more receptive to the principles of simple, low-cost, portfolio management, than men. Of course, these are the same guys with the ego/narcicism/denial/small member problems, so I shouldn't be surprised.
- Alec
My FIL makes my MIL ask me questions and then gets on the phone.I've noticed that married and single women of my age group [25-40] seem to be much more receptive to the principles of simple, low-cost, portfolio management, than men. Of course, these are the same guys with the ego/narcicism/denial/small member problems, so I shouldn't be surprised.
- Alec
CCdaCE
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Cute Fuzzy Bunny said:
If she would've left it alone, boy would you eat crow if/when the market tanked. No? Unfortunately she won't know it's too late until 20-30 years (maybe) when inflation eats her nest egg in a fried egg sandwich.
-CC
My Dream
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Most people I know don't know that I'm retired. When the conversation turns to finances, almost all don't want to take any risks. They want a guaranteed high return on let's say a GIC. Any type of risk is something they're afraid of.
Texas Proud
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My Dream said:
Yes, Yes, Yes...... this is one of my sisters.....
She loves it when she is making money in the stock funds, but let the fund drop a penny and she goes nuts.... by BIL tells her to shut up as she doen't know what she is talking about... very risk adverse
DH - over 20 years ago recognized I was better suited for financial planning. Has learned a lot over 20 years. (as have I) He could probably handle it on own now - if so inclined.
Son - barely out of college - no debt , several years of ROTH savings , 401k building - self supporting. Has learned the basics of index investing and runs annual portfolio rebalancing by me before he does it. Last tweeking was fine. I envy his ability to manuver excell spreadsheets. My goal- to get him proficent to handle my finances when I get too old .
Daughter - last year of bachlor's- catching on to LBYM (YES!) Its been tough as those Jonses have really nice clothes. The ROTH idea- second year now. (We match & I invest it ) will tech her how to when she is ready- am going over concepts with her now. (Kinda like exposing kids to sex ed - slowly in growing detail over years.....she did not want to hear that either.....)
MIL - has proficent Financial advisor does not need much oversight now.
My parents - use me mostly for 96 year old Aunt's affairs - Dad had POA and often needs some guidance or reassurance . Only considers CD's for investing. Not too inappropriate given age (Late 70's ) adequate pension , SS and very low risk tollerence.
Friends - a few asking for advice considering retirement preperation - reciently gave two couples general guidance and reading to do . Waiting to find out if they are in shock or digesting advice. (The wives are more open and not affraid to ask questions )
Co-workers- higher ups already upset that we LBYM. (Makes us less indebted to megacorp ). Others too busy stressing over debts - LBYM a tough concept to sell.
Siblings & other relatives - view us as lucky more than smart or part of the evil rich . LBYM , several degrees, full time employment , long term marriage = lucky or evil in their eyes. One sibbling is exception - their income is multiples above ours they do LBYM and don't need our financial guidance. Good thing as their tax/ international property issues are over my head.
Son - barely out of college - no debt , several years of ROTH savings , 401k building - self supporting. Has learned the basics of index investing and runs annual portfolio rebalancing by me before he does it. Last tweeking was fine. I envy his ability to manuver excell spreadsheets. My goal- to get him proficent to handle my finances when I get too old .
Daughter - last year of bachlor's- catching on to LBYM (YES!) Its been tough as those Jonses have really nice clothes. The ROTH idea- second year now. (We match & I invest it ) will tech her how to when she is ready- am going over concepts with her now. (Kinda like exposing kids to sex ed - slowly in growing detail over years.....she did not want to hear that either.....)
MIL - has proficent Financial advisor does not need much oversight now.
My parents - use me mostly for 96 year old Aunt's affairs - Dad had POA and often needs some guidance or reassurance . Only considers CD's for investing. Not too inappropriate given age (Late 70's ) adequate pension , SS and very low risk tollerence.
Friends - a few asking for advice considering retirement preperation - reciently gave two couples general guidance and reading to do . Waiting to find out if they are in shock or digesting advice. (The wives are more open and not affraid to ask questions )
Co-workers- higher ups already upset that we LBYM. (Makes us less indebted to megacorp ). Others too busy stressing over debts - LBYM a tough concept to sell.
Siblings & other relatives - view us as lucky more than smart or part of the evil rich . LBYM , several degrees, full time employment , long term marriage = lucky or evil in their eyes. One sibbling is exception - their income is multiples above ours they do LBYM and don't need our financial guidance. Good thing as their tax/ international property issues are over my head.
Want2retire said:
That explains my situation pretty closely. Family lived well, but not excessively. I remember we had a completely empty living room for years until my parents saved enough for cash purchase of furniture.
My brother is also a CPA, and a great with funds, but I don't think he has any interest in RE. He seems to enjoy the work and long hours with no family, no significant hobbies and no high flying expensive behavior. He doesn't offer guidance unless I ask and then I generally listen or run an alternative past him.
What's the expression, it's hard to teach someone who already knows everything? My father won't take or ask for advice from anyone, on anything. I have no idea what his finances are like, and he won't talk about it. I suspect he'll get by on SS and a little savings.
My mother and sister have no interest in learning about money. Sis' is married to a high-fee FA so they both let him manage their money and don't care what it costs. I pointed out the difference in fees between his company and Vanguard once or twice, and they shrugged it off, as expected. As long as they're happy with the arrangement, that's fine by me.
I tried to teach DW the basics of investing, but she isn't interested in learning about it, gets angry if I try to teach her, and isn't worried about what happens if I die first. I banged my head against that wall off and on for a few years before giving up and accepting that it's just not going to happen.
Interestingly enough, the only folks interested in advice are my former co-workers. I've steered about 8 of them to Vanguard and a few of those actually read the books on asset allocation I recommended (Gibson, Bernstein).
My mother and sister have no interest in learning about money. Sis' is married to a high-fee FA so they both let him manage their money and don't care what it costs. I pointed out the difference in fees between his company and Vanguard once or twice, and they shrugged it off, as expected. As long as they're happy with the arrangement, that's fine by me.
I tried to teach DW the basics of investing, but she isn't interested in learning about it, gets angry if I try to teach her, and isn't worried about what happens if I die first. I banged my head against that wall off and on for a few years before giving up and accepting that it's just not going to happen.
Interestingly enough, the only folks interested in advice are my former co-workers. I've steered about 8 of them to Vanguard and a few of those actually read the books on asset allocation I recommended (Gibson, Bernstein).
cute fuzzy bunny
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
CCdaCE said:
For certain...but I'd hesitate to put money into long bonds in a rising interest rate environment...or ever!
I don't give advice unless asked and then don't expect it to be followed.
At work I've been approached by a few people - I tell them to read the Lazy Man's Guide to Investing and pick one approach (also Your Money or Your Life) - with respect to what the company offers, I tell them to try and put the max in their 403B, manage the 7% the company provides gratis (isn't matching, just goes in) and then do their Roth. After that if they are still listening, I work on the after tax savings.
Family - none have asked....Dad is doing fine and is investing like a madman - still works at 60+ but as a tenured professor can be leisurely about it. Mom (parents divorced) is a different case - she owns her own business, however, I don't see her having significant assets--keeps talking about the life insurance policy she has with me as the beneficiary...hmmm. Other family members - nothing.
Friends - when we tell them we save ~40-50% of our income, they look askance - that's OK. What's interesting is that our lifestyle is probably a bit more adventurous than most of theirs (travel, etc), so I imagine they don't realize we save as much as wel do - we just don't drive the high end cars and live in a smaller house....
Husband's older son - is constantly being told by father about money - whether or not it sinks in. Younger son - in general a saver - now if we could only get their mohter not to borrow money from them (they are in their teens). Another story - saver marrying spender and the ultimate friction and break-up.
At work I've been approached by a few people - I tell them to read the Lazy Man's Guide to Investing and pick one approach (also Your Money or Your Life) - with respect to what the company offers, I tell them to try and put the max in their 403B, manage the 7% the company provides gratis (isn't matching, just goes in) and then do their Roth. After that if they are still listening, I work on the after tax savings.
Family - none have asked....Dad is doing fine and is investing like a madman - still works at 60+ but as a tenured professor can be leisurely about it. Mom (parents divorced) is a different case - she owns her own business, however, I don't see her having significant assets--keeps talking about the life insurance policy she has with me as the beneficiary...hmmm. Other family members - nothing.
Friends - when we tell them we save ~40-50% of our income, they look askance - that's OK. What's interesting is that our lifestyle is probably a bit more adventurous than most of theirs (travel, etc), so I imagine they don't realize we save as much as wel do - we just don't drive the high end cars and live in a smaller house....
Husband's older son - is constantly being told by father about money - whether or not it sinks in. Younger son - in general a saver - now if we could only get their mohter not to borrow money from them (they are in their teens). Another story - saver marrying spender and the ultimate friction and break-up.
My Dream
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Texas Proud said:
Reminds me of my neighbors, they desperately want to retire, but when I ask about there expenses, they have no clue and don't want to know what they spend. If they can save money they want it laid out for them, but they don't want to change there standard of living one bit. There not into preventive maintenance, and they don’t plan for the future, since they think it’s too complicated and hard.
flipstress
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JustCurious said:
Heck, no! They give me advice...like maybe I should increase their allowance.
Actually, it's more of an indirect request once in a blue moon from my elderly mom to send more money. She asks me for advice but I am always uncomfortable because I do not know what is best for her overseas.
I don't give financial advice to other family members or friends.
lazygood4nothinbum
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off topic: flipstress, i thought you lived in the philippines. didn't realize you were in the frozen north. what, are you insane?
back on topic: a few nights ago at dinner my cousin was so happy to tell me that she successfully refinanced, not her house, but her home equity loan. i'd never heard of such a thing before. she refused to tell me how much she has tapped from her house so i'm afraid it is significant.
she's a lovely person but also she has become one of these new agers who would rather pay the likes of wayne dryer to show her how to tell the universe what she wants (the term he stole & misuses is "intending") rather than listen to anything i have to say for free about money and about actually accomplishing what you want with effort, not with wishes. but she won't listen to me. she has stopped learning from all the good example our family has shown her. she tells herself instead that the world will provide, while i watch "the world" strip her of possession.
i wish i could help, but my efforts have been rejected.
back on topic: a few nights ago at dinner my cousin was so happy to tell me that she successfully refinanced, not her house, but her home equity loan. i'd never heard of such a thing before. she refused to tell me how much she has tapped from her house so i'm afraid it is significant.
she's a lovely person but also she has become one of these new agers who would rather pay the likes of wayne dryer to show her how to tell the universe what she wants (the term he stole & misuses is "intending") rather than listen to anything i have to say for free about money and about actually accomplishing what you want with effort, not with wishes. but she won't listen to me. she has stopped learning from all the good example our family has shown her. she tells herself instead that the world will provide, while i watch "the world" strip her of possession.
i wish i could help, but my efforts have been rejected.
free4now
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When I was working and LBYM'ing many members of my family looked at my LBYM'ing as kind of a___ retentive and thought it was the source of all the misery in my life... Now that I'm semi-retired at 36 and LBYM'ing even harder, I have the time to figure out what me happy, and I'm starting to feel and look happier. Now they are starting to get jealous, and covet my stash. They realize that I'm not going to share my wealth with them if they are living higher on the hog, so they pointedly make proud comments about every LBYM decision they make. Overall probably a good situation; I think it's rubbing off on them, even though there's a bit of pretending involved.
deserat said:
This is our policy as well. I'm happy to share with others what we're doing, if asked, and share general information I've learned or recommend books, but no one I know reads them.
My parents got us started with LBYM and index funds, and my mom and I now converse regularly about our respective finances and run ideas past each other.
I go over our finances with DH on a regular basis and make sure we both agree on what we're doing. I also put all the important information in writing so he's not lost if something happens to me.
My in-laws have never been very open to talking about finances, and I wouldn't be comfortable giving advice to them - more responsibility than I want.
I wish we talked a little more than we do with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, as they don't necessarily know of our FIRE plans but might be open to the possibility of pursuing it themselves if they saw it was possible.
A great outcome with my sister within the past year was showing her our plans for FIRE (complete with Excel spreadsheet), which inspired her to look concretely at her own financial goals. She has always had big dreams, but after seeing our actual numbers on a page wanted help from me and my mom to make her own spreadsheet and see what it would really take to do the things she wants. Seeing the numbers is giving her a new metric for evaluating her spending and lifestyle decisions.
I have a few friends who occasionally ask for financial advice of one kind or another because they know I read a lot. I don't usually follow up to see what they've done.
haha
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Cute Fuzzy Bunny said:Isnt it interesting that we're collectively better-than-average in investing knowledge and likely success, yet even those closest to us arent looking to us for advice and wont take it when its proffered?
Wonder what causes that
My guess is the same thing that causes people to take weight loss advice from Dr. Phil. I know some thin people. They all work at it. Yet no one asks them about weight loss. It is just assumed that they "have high metabolism".
Ha
Wife - yes, she trusts what I do w/ the nest egg and has been getting more interested in "the" long term plan.
Kids - still young, 13 and 16. Daughter already has had a job working at one of the local farm/wineries during harvest/tourist time and managed to save over $1000. That is going towards her 1st car - I told her I would split the cost - but, I plan to take what ever she contributes and put into a savings acct. or a Roth if possible to get her started. Son is always looking for a way to make money....hussling me for yard work etc! I think they are off to a good start.
Mom - No way - fortunately my Dad was very savy and set up most of their portfolio - but my Mom sold the "big house" and has downsized - that money is being looked after by a family friend - the guy is loaded and truly a good person but.......?
Friends and ex. employees - This is where I feel like I am making a difference. I have put at least 6 of the above on the right path. I even got a call from one of my x reps to tell me how much he made last year w/ the investments I suggested..I told him to remember the gains when the losses come! But, it felt good to know that I had something to do w/ his realization of how important it is to take control of your money/future.
While skiing a couple of weeks ago I had a converstion w/ a young married couple - they asked what I did for a living and I told them what ever I wanted/retired. They wanted to know how I got done so early......and I gave them the short version(on ski lift) and gave them this forum info. I feel like a preacher!
Went skiing today w/ my kids - priceless time!
Kids - still young, 13 and 16. Daughter already has had a job working at one of the local farm/wineries during harvest/tourist time and managed to save over $1000. That is going towards her 1st car - I told her I would split the cost - but, I plan to take what ever she contributes and put into a savings acct. or a Roth if possible to get her started. Son is always looking for a way to make money....hussling me for yard work etc! I think they are off to a good start.
Mom - No way - fortunately my Dad was very savy and set up most of their portfolio - but my Mom sold the "big house" and has downsized - that money is being looked after by a family friend - the guy is loaded and truly a good person but.......?
Friends and ex. employees - This is where I feel like I am making a difference. I have put at least 6 of the above on the right path. I even got a call from one of my x reps to tell me how much he made last year w/ the investments I suggested..I told him to remember the gains when the losses come! But, it felt good to know that I had something to do w/ his realization of how important it is to take control of your money/future.
While skiing a couple of weeks ago I had a converstion w/ a young married couple - they asked what I did for a living and I told them what ever I wanted/retired. They wanted to know how I got done so early......and I gave them the short version(on ski lift) and gave them this forum info. I feel like a preacher!
Went skiing today w/ my kids - priceless time!
