Emotion control after FIRE

[ivinsfan]

If a woman has stress issues anyway menopause does seem to magnify things. Actually I think the pre menopause time is the worst. During that time I had my Mother die, my MIL go down with ALZ and need a tremendous amount of care and got an empty nest. (This was in the span of about 18 months).


It was epic in a bad way, in fact my DH said wow, this menopause stuff is the worst thing that ever happened to ME..FYI yes he is still alive but it was close!

 

[kgtest]

Are your joints bothering you?

Joints in your body...or the ones you smoke?

 

[Starsky]

I can relate to the OP's situation. I noticed I was getting emotionally worse than usual at handling problems during COVID and was much more impatient and antisocial than I wanted to be. Recently the DW and I attended a 4-week mindfulness class at our local community college and it was extremely helpful in getting some new tools, meditation techniques and mindfulness reminders about how to adopt a more peaceful and relaxed nature.

ER has been a surprisingly long process of re-learning how to enjoy life again, and to let go of the intensity, pace and constant aggressive vigilance of my past life in corporate America. There has been a lot to unpack. After almost 7 years of retirement, I am finally learning how to take that same energy and apply it to my own self-care.

I wish you all the best in your journey to find inner peace.

 

[Marita40]

When I reached menopause, I had a couple of months of bad panic attacks. I had never experienced anything like that before, and they came out of the blue. I did nothing but learn what they were and how to manage them, and they went away. I haven't had one since, but it certainly was an odd experience.

I'm retired one year plus 2 months now and am definitely more relaxed. I'm prone to impatience, but I now just tell myself--hey, you are retired, what do you have to be impatient about? The answer is: nothing. I no longer watch the news or media like TV and that helps a lot to achieve serenity. The one time I find myself prone to anger is dealing on the phone with those organizations that put you on 45 minute holds (ugh--the local medicare office!). Otherwise, life right now is very good.

 

[Letj]

If a woman has stress issues anyway menopause does seem to magnify things. Actually I think the pre menopause time is the worst. During that time I had my Mother die, my MIL go down with ALZ and need a tremendous amount of care and got an empty nest. (This was in the span of about 18 months).


It was epic in a bad way, in fact my DH said wow, this menopause stuff is the worst thing that ever happened to ME..FYI yes he is still alive but it was close!

I agree. The premenopausal period is the worse! Thinking back it started in my late 30s and lasted for many years. I didn’t actually reach menopause until about 53 or so but I had to do something about the process long before that. Thank God I did. I don’t know how I’d cope with stress of having teenagers.

 

[retire to nature]

OP--
Your many posts in the past and today all point to managing stress and relationships in your life.
Many folks here in the past have recommended you sell your inherited properties to create less stress in your life in dealing with them. Is this still a consideration for you?

Isolation can also make stress and anxiety worse. If you can, continue meditating, go out for walks daily, maybe take a few short trips somewhere you have always wanted to visit.

It also sounds like your Family dynamics create some havoc in your life. If at all possible, I encourage you to continue with therapy. I am also a retired RN, it is not uncommon for family to rely on those in the medical field to "take care" of medical issues that crop up, or others who need direct care. It is hard to say no, but sometimes a necessary skill for your own mental health.

Take care.

I just came back from daily hiking. I have two dogs so my main schedule is walking around 1-2 hrs per day. And I am doing jumping rope these days too. Also, I do gardening too.

Selling all is always in my mind too, just dont wanna bother it now again soon after I sold one in the last fall. Also, I have not done tax yet, so I wanted to see the tax part because most of them got step up basis. I guess I am whining alot about my rentals, but most of them are all good on time and not much repair etc.

I see the time when I reached the quit time for my full time job because money from it was not worth it. Even though my rentals makes good money, now money is not so important. But I have parent living expense obligation and high inflation, I am just hanging there. And I cant sell all it once due to tax issue like NIIT anc capital gain, recapture etc.

It is more psychologic issue on rentals. I wrote about it in another post. my rent is very behind than market. Should I increase it or leave it since I am rich enough. But my own rule is people treat free stuff more badly. So I increased and will see. if they wanna move out, it is time to sell. if they wanna stay, I will do OMY.

Also, I would say no on things. And I already knew what kind my family is. Just hit me that I have not been understood by even my own parent. I was pretty smart one in the family, so they think I am good at everything and do and get every thing easily. But as all of you here sense it I get stress easily. But my even parent just take advantage of it and I feel like my dead sister and I became their wallet. My sister had hard life working on all the houses to fix up. But what I feel from my dad is it is natural kids serve parent no matter what. that's why I feel down and upset.

 

[retire to nature]

Even though you're retired, it sounds like you still have stressers like the rental property & airbnb...

And I think Aerides is onto something... My 40's was a stress/anxiety roller coaster till I finally hit menopause at 51, right before I retired. My sleep was disrupted which didn't help. My physical symptoms weren't as bad as my sister's... (she was a walking hot flash) but my mental/stress levels were far worse than she had.

I started doing some meditation and mindful breathing during that time. When I found myself overreacting to situations I would try to catch myself and do the counted breathing to calm myself.

Fortunately, that all cleared up when I hit menopause and, shortly after, retired.

I might be in the same phase. I knew my mom's menopause was at 41 I was watching myself to get it early. I know my one ovary is dying sooner than the other one. I dont have hot flash, but I know it kicks inflammation state as normal for period. Thats why I kinda didnt go see a Dr for my elbow.
I have been waiting for menopause too since I dont want a baby.

After FIRE, I sleep good until recently, but now I wake up early due to concern for my mom. If she in under supervision, her condition is not so bad. But my dad is so ignorant of health issue since he was born exceptionally healthy for himself. My mom can die suddenly from low sugar or toxic from liver issue. But I dont want to check them often either because it ends up with upset and anger.

My up and down is mostly due to dealing with BS and I can see my dad do some gaming too, so i get more disappointed in the world? I was thinking since I dont have a baby, I couldnt understand him. But my other sisters with kid are not along with him either.

 

[retire to nature]

I can relate to the OP's situation. I noticed I was getting emotionally worse than usual at handling problems during COVID and was much more impatient and antisocial than I wanted to be. Recently the DW and I attended a 4-week mindfulness class at our local community college and it was extremely helpful in getting some new tools, meditation techniques and mindfulness reminders about how to adopt a more peaceful and relaxed nature.

ER has been a surprisingly long process of re-learning how to enjoy life again, and to let go of the intensity, pace and constant aggressive vigilance of my past life in corporate America. There has been a lot to unpack. After almost 7 years of retirement, I am finally learning how to take that same energy and apply it to my own self-care.

I wish you all the best in your journey to find inner peace.

Thank you for the reply. This may be right too. Since I am confused of my semi retirement state.

Should or Can I be this relaxed or Should I be in the money world rule since I still make money.

I meditate and go hiking and trip by myself and two dogs, so I think about peaceful mind.

But some identity issue comes up since I am pretty young. If I am over 60yo, It could be easier to be retirement mode. But due to my age, I keep asking should I do something? not making money but should I make relationship at least?? But I enjoy relaxing daily walk with my dogs and watch netflix at night.

Since i am FI, I wanna do what I want to do or not to do if I dont want, but in reality, it is not like that. Family issue, market, aging, and other people fault like my car accident.

Am I get upset the mismatch what I imagined FIRE? I already knew life is hard and ongoing. but After FIRE, my tolerance is kinda lower than strengthened. I guess I need to practice more to be inner peace. haha.

 

[retire to nature]

When I reached menopause, I had a couple of months of bad panic attacks. I had never experienced anything like that before, and they came out of the blue. I did nothing but learn what they were and how to manage them, and they went away. I haven't had one since, but it certainly was an odd experience.

I'm retired one year plus 2 months now and am definitely more relaxed. I'm prone to impatience, but I now just tell myself--hey, you are retired, what do you have to be impatient about? The answer is: nothing. I no longer watch the news or media like TV and that helps a lot to achieve serenity. The one time I find myself prone to anger is dealing on the phone with those organizations that put you on 45 minute holds (ugh--the local medicare office!). Otherwise, life right now is very good.

Hi Marita40, I am the same as one year and 2 month. haha.
Actually, I have had panic attack. It was my honeymoon time. I think i was taking some mineral pills wrong plus new marriage life and career was too stressful. Also, i dont watch news since 2009. It was making depressed to hear all the negative thing on screen even all over the world.

I kinda think now when my other sisters had troubles with my parent were my age now. They were maybe pre-menopause too.

 

[retire to nature]

Wait... don't just take stuff after someone made a comment on the internet.


Dig a little deeper and maybe get set up with a counselor.

thank you for concern. I had prescription birth control pill what my dr suggested for me. When I went to OBGYN dr at that time, we guessed it would be the hormone issue but when I came back home and thinking back by myself it was different issue so I didnt take. now I will take and will see.

 

[retire to nature]

Joints in your body...or the ones you smoke?

Did I miss anything here? I was wondering if I understood the joints correctly?? Is there any hidden meaning??

 

[freedomatlast]

Family issues are always difficult, but just like market fluctuations and aging, there's not much you can do about them and trying to change them is usually just wasted energy for the most part. Sure you can stay physically fit and adjust your asset allocation, but there's only so much you can do.

With the car accident, hopefully you got a really good price from the insurance company since used car prices are sky high now, and you have another car to use in the mean time.

I like to try to put things in perspective by thinking about people who have problems so much worse than I do, through no fault of their own, like the unfortunate people in Ukraine.

Also being FI, I try to remember that some of my problems I can turn into into other people's problems by paying them to take care of them.

Your nature walks are an excellent way to relieve stress and dogs can be great stress relievers as well.

Try to focus on one issue at a time and don't try to solve everything at once.

 

[freedomatlast]

Did I miss anything here? I was wondering if I understood the joints correctly?? Is there any hidden meaning??

Joints = marijuana cigarettes

 

[retire to nature]

Joints = marijuana cigarettes

haha i see. thank you for teaching me.

 

[retire to nature]

Family issues are always difficult, but just like market fluctuations and aging, there's not much you can do about them and trying to change them is usually just wasted energy for the most part. Sure you can stay physically fit and adjust your asset allocation, but there's only so much you can do.

With the car accident, hopefully you got a really good price from the insurance company since used car prices are sky high now, and you have another car to use in the mean time.

I like to try to put things in perspective by thinking about people who have problems so much worse than I do, through no fault of their own, like the unfortunate people in Ukraine.

Also being FI, I try to remember that some of my problems I can turn into into other people's problems by paying them to take care of them.

Your nature walks are an excellent way to relieve stress and dogs can be great stress relievers as well.

Try to focus on one issue at a time and don't try to solve everything at once.

Thank you for the reply. you got me. I always say to myself one by one because my thoughts are coming from all over the places.

So I was wondering to the same thing. Should I let it be most of cases? And I keep coming back to the world which taught to work hard and make more and more money etc.

So most of cases I try to pass it because FI solve most of problems. But still i feel like I want some control or definition of my own. I guess it is my survival strategy being here in 20 yrs. or just being self awareness.

My 2004 corolla with 146k mileage got $6370. higher than i expect. But I did all my car camping conversion, plus my new hitch etc, didnt come out for the value. i guess I didnt even ask assuming they wouldnt do anything. They refused about hitch part. It irritated me that I finally finished all the set up with battery etc. and ruined.

 

[l8_apex]

How about removing/reducing some of your stress sources by hiring some help? Like Home Health Care for your parents? And/or a property management company for some/all of your rental properties?

 

[MRG]

OP I can relate to your issues. Unfortunately I have dealt with my parents deaths and all that went with it. I found a good counselor or mental health professional valuable to see what I couldn't on my own.

Don't underestimate the issues that came from your accident. I hit a deer 18 months ago and recently discovered how much it's still impacting me. I'm dealing with panic attacks from seeing deer(we live with thousands , all trying to cross the road).

 

[brett]

It was all good.

If anything, I now care even less about what other people might think of how we live our life.

Six months in I had friends tell me how much better I looked. Not sure if it was retirement, more exercise, eating better, losing weight, or a combo of all three.

Big plus was simplifying our life. Got rid of a big home, one vehicle, consolidated our investments and moved them to a wealth management firm.

Frequent post retirement leisure travel has enhanced our life, changed our eating habits, our attitudes, and our perspective on many things.

We try to keep ourselves healthy, our weight in check, and we do not sweat the small stuff. I think these play a large part in how we feel about life. It certainly helped as we navigated through the passing of our parents and managing the wind up of their estates. Or taking DW's neurosurgery in stride, working through it, and moving forward.

 

[retire to nature]

How about removing/reducing some of your stress sources by hiring some help? Like Home Health Care for your parents? And/or a property management company for some/all of your rental properties?

My rental stress is almost about deciding to sell all or go one more year. Even though I get house bubble and cooling down news recently, I decided to go one more year. So this is not property management can help me. most of my rentals are all good.

The other day, I got an text at 1am from one of my airbnb property. He texted me he called the police because someone tried to bust in. I had one guest who checked in the day, so I called him and verified it is him. I dont live there any more so I give new guest the self check in instruction. I reviewed the video, he was at home earlier. But it sounded like he was too drunken or under drug, he couldnt use the key right. I talked the police and said he can't stay in my property for the stay. The police helped to get his bag and took him away. I was told, the policed cuffed him. I guess he was under drug or something. So next day, I had to apologize to other guests for noises etc.

So I am not sure what kind help i could get if I try to find. Also, he was supposed to call or or contact airbnb but he didnt.

So these things happen, but most of time is peaceful. So how tolerated or try to understand those makes me questioning myself at times.

And about the medical care, when I tried to check the availability before, my mom was not qualified for home health nurse. She gets IHSS, like one coming for cleaning and cooking etc. Most of them are not much educated. so the help what I wished from them, is to help the medication part, but it is not their responsibility. But maybe it may be time to be qualified, since she went to many admission recently. From my nursing background, she need to be monitored ongoing, so nursing home would be fit, but they dont want there yet.

 

[retire to nature]

OP I can relate to your issues. Unfortunately I have dealt with my parents deaths and all that went with it. I found a good counselor or mental health professional valuable to see what I couldn't on my own.

Don't underestimate the issues that came from your accident. I hit a deer 18 months ago and recently discovered how much it's still impacting me. I'm dealing with panic attacks from seeing deer(we live with thousands , all trying to cross the road).

The car accident was that irritation to make all over my car camping setting. Or, I had to make a big changes in plans. like after marriage, we plan this way, then divorce happened. then all the plans get useless. I just finished the setting and now the plan is gone.


Anyway, I wrote about today's assault in the park. I hope not I am getting panic attack. Actually, I have gotten a panic attack before. Mostly, it was from physiological imbalance, but another reason was I felt the powerless. I was trying to change a career or a job, but it was all play to pay for school. So all the system was made to be played. I felt powerless and got panic attack at times. But I realized I have my own power to do whatever I want to. And FI made it easier and stronger.

People would think or I gave people here as I am a weak or mentally weak person. But I am kinda stronger than average. So all my counselors are let me go haha. Dont ask me to come back.

 

[retire to nature]

It was all good.

If anything, I now care even less about what other people might think of how we live our life.

Six months in I had friends tell me how much better I looked. Not sure if it was retirement, more exercise, eating better, losing weight, or a combo of all three.

Big plus was simplifying our life. Got rid of a big home, one vehicle, consolidated our investments and moved them to a wealth management firm.

Frequent post retirement leisure travel has enhanced our life, changed our eating habits, our attitudes, and our perspective on many things.

We try to keep ourselves healthy, our weight in check, and we do not sweat the small stuff. I think these play a large part in how we feel about life. It certainly helped as we navigated through the passing of our parents and managing the wind up of their estates. Or taking DW's neurosurgery in stride, working through it, and moving forward.

Yes, agree. My main mood change is from diet.
I am still learning how to let other people do for me. I am not good at it. I sometimes pay for a tenant to help me airbnb stuff like change bedding, but I get more work later since he didnt do it right, or didnt track the key etc. miscommunication cause more work, so I have preferred work alone.

I want the simple life and simple home too. So about my rental issue, I have so much stuff since my sister was flipper. I got rid of most of them, but still keep some for repair. That is what I am talking about stress about rental. I was thinking to take to Restore habitat etc. But dont wanna bother, and thinkg to sell the house, how to get rid of all comes together.

 

[RobbieB]

Wow.

I would lean on getting rid of the rentals, sounds like a bad area.

 

[retire to nature]

Wow.

I would lean on getting rid of the rentals, sounds like a bad area.

Actually, my airbnb and the Forest Park are in Central West End which is a good area in Saint Louis.

"Forest Park has been named one of the best parks in the country. It placed second in the USA Today 2021 10Best Readers' Choice travel awards.Mar 1, 2021"

But I have to admit STL is dangerous at itself.

I already knew there was a certain percentage of bad people everywhere. Nothing was new to me.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

I am a very peaceful easy going guy.

I owned a small business with 1,200 clients and knew everyone by name. dealt with it all from sales, service and billing. 32 years and out.

Now, just the other day I had a guy call me from the water softener outfit where we rent a unit call me up and chew me out because i was late with my bill. I pulled out my cancelled checks and told him to check my deposits from 3/8 because it cleared my bank on that date. He smarted off and told me to come to his office to settle it right away. It was $69. I told him to look it up and call me back.

Two days later a person from his office called and told me "forget about it, you don't owe us nothing".. I called the owner *the guy who called me" at his home at around supper time and asked him "what did you find out about my bill? He got mad at me and I got madder at him... not like me at all. I lost it and blew up on him and that just doesn't happen to me. I was right, but after I gave him HLLL and hung up on him I felt bad. Its not worth it to lose your cool, even when you're right. I was right, but he won.

Lesson for me. I'm FiRED, let it go.

 

[gayl]

... I can find myself I cant control my stress or emotions well. Since I am relaxed at most of time, if something makes me upset, it amplifies...

I can relate to the OP's situation. I noticed I was getting emotionally worse than usual at handling problems during COVID and was much more impatient and antisocial than I wanted to be.

Will add another one who is having a hard time. Just want to thank both of you for being so open. I had a major meltdown yesterday all because the cooktop installer did not clean up the trash or wipe down the cooktop. Minor sh]t really.

Sorry. No words of wisdom on how to address the stressors and RETIRE TO NATURE certainly has a plateful of those.