Emotion control after FIRE

[retire to nature]

After FIRE'd I feel like I have hard time to control my emotion at times.
Since I don't need daily persona or deal with too many BS, my emotion is pure and amplify. We know we cant be ourselves when we are at work to make for a living.

People would guess retirement would make people more generous and lenient.

However, I can find myself I cant control my stress or emotions well. Since I am relaxed at most of time, if something makes me upset, it amplifies. I am not sure if I have more time to be emotional or off mask of persona

recently, I had a car accident and got a total loss. The adjuster was suck and even refused to give me her email address at the first call. Later, she didnt pay me my rental etc, I got upset and reported to BBB. She was totally lost of professionalism.

Also, I have gotten vision check for eye glasses. The Dr did it wrong I had to do recheck etc.

I am having an issue with my parent. But I cant control my anger or emotion well either.

I hate people lying or gaming, so recently, I called police for one of my rental tenants.

I am not sure if it is FI matter, being arrogant, or RE with too much relaxed, getting upset of interrupted relaxed time.

Do you have any change after FIRE??

 

[RobbieB]

I haven't had any of those problems. I tend to be more relaxed, more tolerant and my tipping has increased.

Because I'm glad I don't have to work anymore -

 

[travelover]

I've found that getting older and being FI makes me a lot less tolerant of BS, simply because I can be. Being FI is very empowering. Getting older brings perspective to know when enough is enough and it also brings with it a certain amount of crankiness.

 

[RobbieB]

Are your joints bothering you?

 

[Jerry1]

So many people have told me how relaxed I look since retirement - family and friends. Funny thing is that I never thought I was too stressed while working. Frankly, I had it pretty damn good. I guess stress is insidious.

One thing I do find myself being less tolerant of is people reaching in and taking any control of my day. I really like doing what I want, even if that is nothing. I think most people have got the hint so not a big deal but it's there. Of course, I have no problem helping someone who genuinely needs help. That's actually a good day.

 

[retire to nature]

Are your joints bothering you?

I dont know why you brought it up? but yes I have been in pain in joints. My elbow has been hurting. sometimes it goes to my wrist or shoulder. I have been taking ibuprofen 600mg at times.

But I like gardening and brought free mulch from my city and lifting up alot. or when I pull my doggy cart, it worsening, but when I took meds, it is ok, so I havent gone any Dr yet. But it is been longer than a month.

I kinda sensed i have inflammation in the body so it made me feel some down too.

 

[retire to nature]

I kinda concerned if I have dementia just in general since I live alone and young. I was exceed in a group most of life times, but since FIRE and relaxed, I can't focus things well. Also, I didnt have any official Covid, but I could sensed I might be infected, so I tried to rest, so there was not symptoms. But I kinda worried about brain fog issue lately. I was wondering not control emotion would be related?

 

[W2R]

It could be related to Covid brain fog.

But also, remember that all of us have to take some time to adjust to retirement. Work causes so much stress that it took a year or two for me to get rid of the stress and truly relax and enjoy life.

I noticed on your profile that you just retired last year, and I am thinking that right now perhaps your main "job" could be to find ways to relax and enjoy life.

 

[ivinsfan]

RTN I've read many of your threads and the last thing I would ever call you is relaxed.
I think you called it in the 3rd paragraph. With your sister being gone and your major stressing over her rental properties, selling them or renting or fixing them, I think you are suffering from chronic stress. Which will absolutely give you brain fog. It will also make you grumpy.


I think it might be time for you to talk to a professional maybe start with a doctor and get a referral. At least you are asking yourself, what's going on with me?

 

[luckydude]

I've found that getting older and being FI makes me a lot less tolerant of BS, simply because I can be. Being FI is very empowering. Getting older brings perspective to know when enough is enough and it also brings with it a certain amount of crankiness.

+1

I'm very nice to people who are nice to me, but not very nice to people who are not nice to me or try to BS me.

The only exception is DW. I am fully domesticated to be nice to her at all times. She has trained me well.

 

[BuysToys]

I kinda concerned if I have dementia just in general since I live alone and young. I was exceed in a group most of life times, but since FIRE and relaxed, I can't focus things well. Also, I didnt have any official Covid, but I could sensed I might be infected, so I tried to rest, so there was not symptoms. But I kinda worried about brain fog issue lately. I was wondering not control emotion would be related?

Have you been checked for fibromyalgia? Some of the things you are complaining about are fibro symptoms.

 

[Aerides]

I'm not sure of your age, but is there any chance you are starting to experience menopause (or peri). Both of these can raise your anxiety level in odd ways.

A doctor visit seems like a good idea since you are having new pains also.

 

[The Cosmic Avenger]

RTN I've read many of your threads and the last thing I would ever call you is relaxed.
I think you called it in the 3rd paragraph. With your sister being gone and your major stressing over her rental properties, selling them or renting or fixing them, I think you are suffering from chronic stress. Which will absolutely give you brain fog. It will also make you grumpy.


I think it might be time for you to talk to a professional maybe start with a doctor and get a referral. At least you are asking yourself, what's going on with me?

Chronic stress or chronic pain (which can also contribute to stress) could lead to something like cPTSD. I also found my emotional state more unpredictable and fragile when I was mourning my parents, I thought I was fine but any little frustration made me want to blow up. It wasn't until I was past that stage that I could see that it was due to grief.

 

[FLSUnFIRE]

I find myself to be more relaxed. I am definitely more patient. As an example, I was walking to an outdoor concert (need to get there early to get a seat) and had ordered a PubSub online and walked into Publix to pick it up on my way at the time stated on my order. My sub was not ready, one employee immediately asked if I was "FLSunFIRE" when I walked in so I thought she was just finishing it up. She wasn't, took about 20 minutes. It was a bit of a cluster; another walk in customer was giving her attitude and eventually walked away with a half-made sandwich behind the counter. It was irritating but just smiled and said it would get better to the employee... no need to add to my or their stress. I never got a seat and had to eat my sub standing up but just rolled with it. Working me wouldn't have been too rude but would have given them the stare of death while my blood-pressure spiked.


I'd look into some relaxation techniques and remind yourself how much worse "X" would be if you were still working on top of it. The dialogue that goes through my mind when encountering external things (that I cannot control) like rude drivers, unexpected delays, etc is, "At least I am retired and have enough time to deal with this hassle" or alternatively, "they are probably stressed from work, I'm glad I'm not!" Reminding myself of how lucky I am to be where I am really helps when my blood starts to boil. If you can be grateful it is hard to be upset too.

 

[Ronstar]

I became exponentially more relaxed after I retired. No more pressure or stress. It seems like the outside world no longer affects me.

 

[frayne]

Are you simply over thinking things that before you wouldn't have given a second thought to because you were occupied being employed and working ?

 

[FLSUnFIRE]

IIRC, you may be on an ACA plan. I think they are all required to cover mental health. I know my plan (BC) has some online resources for stress management as well and they regularly promote it. If you are really struggling with stress/emotional control, you may want to look into your options through your health plan.

 

[retire to nature]

Thank you for all of your kind replies.
I can see myself better with my issues now.
I have been relaxed since Feb,2021, but yes I had to manage my rentals and airbnb so I may be not fully relaxed. But mostly I was. I am more relaxed in waiting lines too.
My body is pretty sensitive, so even though I dont have any fibro issues, my body get tensed. I went to Dr many times 2019-2021 for chronic stress and took some meds and counseling too. At that time, anxiety meds really helped since my body always tensed, and my stress hormone switch was out of order. I tried to relax and fasting, my body is pretty good. And when I go to see a Dr, they think I look too good healthy. I look much younger than my age. And did many auto-immune disease test and all negative. Yes, it may be related to menopause, my mom had 41yr. so I know soon to be, but still regular, and had birth control pill for extra hormone a couple yrs ago, but it didnt feel good, so I stopped.

 

[retire to nature]

So I can think about other issues. I like meditation so I kinda knew what was my problem but I guess I was shy to say, but you guys sensed with your wisdoms.
These days, main basis stress is my mom's health/relationship with parent. I have been more sensitive. My mom has diabetes with insulin pump and liver cirrhosis and pain in joint as well as dementia, and other organ issues. But my sisters lives in S korea, not get along with my parent and me. I am not sure if they visit. And my dad is not so good understanding her health issue at all. She has been ER many times recently due to low blood sugar and possibly cirrhosis with pain meds. Since I used to be a nurse, my dad rely on me. But he thinks Dr can do everything, and I can do everything way. After discharged from ICU recently, he got her prescription and didnt go to a pharmacy which I assume to make her bowel movement easily due to cirrhosis. But what he said, he tore off and threw it away. He was just thinking common BM med or he may be lying not to deal with me. I am telling them to go nursing home, but they are afraid since their friend was tied up one time. I assume it as medical care for their own safety. But they dont understand. I am not sure if it is my guilty not taking care of mom there. My dad would think since I dont have a full time job, I would be there. But I am managing the airbnb now and I pay them 2k/month, so I am questioning to myself if I can sell everything. So this month, it was all renew month(posssibly more stressed this month), but with all the inflation and gas price, it was not easy to bring up to tenant.

He just think cultural way, kid serve parent. But I havent felt he(parent) care about kid(me) while raised up. I dont feel he care about me in conversation either. ( I can feel you guys are trying to help me so i feel cared) he cares about himself and his coping skill is to avoid or just lying. So when I tried to teach him about her care, he hardly listened. And it accumulated more feeling of his not caring family. He treats others much better than his own family. my dead sister was like that too. So I refused to be her family. So I didnt talk to her long time before her death. I dont worry to care of sick mom or deal with the death. I mind to live with them since i dont get along with them.

So I realized it is not just parent issue. It is my relationship issue that even family and friend not love/care me as much I care about them. like PTSD, my divorce was a realization my 6yr marriage was fake. my friendships ended badly too. I cant trust people. So wanted to FIRE and live in nature. I have been relaxed, but this kind of stress will be ongoing. That makes me more intolerant.

 

[Letj]

I'm not sure of your age, but is there any chance you are starting to experience menopause (or peri). Both of these can raise your anxiety level in odd ways.

A doctor visit seems like a good idea since you are having new pains also.

I can vouch for that! I had never experienced panic attacks in my life nor any form of serious anxiety and suddenly in my early 40s they came on with a vengeance. I was at my wits end for 5 long years until menopause started rearing it’s head and I connected it all. HRT took care of all the symptoms. It was like magic. Got relief within a week.

 

[retire to nature]

I can vouch for that! I had never experienced panic attacks in my life nor any form of serious anxiety and suddenly in my early 40s they came on with a vengeance. I was at my wits end for 5 long years until menopause started rearing it’s head and I connected it all. HRT took care of all the symptoms. It was like magic. Got relief within a week.

ok. I will take the hormone pilll again and see.I have been wondering if i need to take again thanks.

 

[retire to nature]

Also, I am wearing progressive lens for my eye glasses. It may be affecting my mood to be realized aging.
And I made my corolla for car camping, so it was time to go out more, but had a total loss accident in CA in Feb. I came back home and have been resting, now I am getting more upset that I lost it now and hard to go out. I already have elantra so I use it. I am not sure if I set car camping again even though I bought so much expensive stuff like 300a battery. So it is not my control and deal with what come to me. I understand that concept, but it is upset not to be relaxed as I planned.

 

[pacergal]

OP--
Your many posts in the past and today all point to managing stress and relationships in your life.
Many folks here in the past have recommended you sell your inherited properties to create less stress in your life in dealing with them. Is this still a consideration for you?

Isolation can also make stress and anxiety worse. If you can, continue meditating, go out for walks daily, maybe take a few short trips somewhere you have always wanted to visit.

It also sounds like your Family dynamics create some havoc in your life. If at all possible, I encourage you to continue with therapy. I am also a retired RN, it is not uncommon for family to rely on those in the medical field to "take care" of medical issues that crop up, or others who need direct care. It is hard to say no, but sometimes a necessary skill for your own mental health.

Take care.

 

[ivinsfan]

ok. I will take the hormone pilll again and see.I have been wondering if i need to take again thanks.

Wait... don't just take stuff after someone made a comment on the internet.


Dig a little deeper and maybe get set up with a counselor.

 

[rodi]

Even though you're retired, it sounds like you still have stressers like the rental property & airbnb...

And I think Aerides is onto something... My 40's was a stress/anxiety roller coaster till I finally hit menopause at 51, right before I retired. My sleep was disrupted which didn't help. My physical symptoms weren't as bad as my sister's... (she was a walking hot flash) but my mental/stress levels were far worse than she had.

I started doing some meditation and mindful breathing during that time. When I found myself overreacting to situations I would try to catch myself and do the counted breathing to calm myself.

Fortunately, that all cleared up when I hit menopause and, shortly after, retired.