Feeling Guilty II - The Sequel

[jrcunniff]

I’m not retired yet, bot planning to pull the plug in a few years when I’m 55-56. I’ve had to work at overcoming a little guilt about early retirement when some of my family haven’t been/won’t be so lucky. I had made peace with it; after all, I’ve worked hard, saved, invested wisely, kept purchases modest, etc. Plus I’m single with no children, so that helps.

Now for Part II: Several years ago, I left corporate America to run a small business. I’ve been successful, but then COVID hit. I’ve remained open, but business dropped off 60-70%. (Things are now slowly returning to normal.) While I ran at a loss last year, I’ve stayed afloat thanks to reduced expenses and business surpluses from 2018-2019.

Periodically, I get offers from my parents, sisters, brother-in-laws to “help out” financially. (I don’t know their finances; I believe they’re all comfortable, but not overly wealthy.) I appreciate the offers, but explain that, while it’s a rough patch, I’m comfortable enough with my portfolio that I’ll be fine. They seem to believe I live on the edge financially, when in reality I have $1M+ set aside for retirement. Now I’m feeling guilty again about early retirement because my family apparently thinks I’m close to bankruptcy. (Maybe it’s because I’m the youngest child?)

In the scheme of things, I know this isn’t really a problem, and it’s more on their side than my side, but I’m trying to think if there’s something different I should say or do - short of disclosing my savings - to stop them from worrying, and alleviate my re-emerged guilt around retiring early.

 

[Aerides]

I don't think you have to directly disclose numbers, but something like "I'm financially comfortable and I've planned well, don't worry about me" etc.

I don't think what you're feeling now is guilt, but it's a disconnect between how they see you vs. your reality. And it is more on your side if it's bothering you.

 

[ivinsfan]

I see it another way. You have a concerned caring family that is willing to make sure your life is comfortable. Consider yourself lucky and count your blessings.


Do you say thanks so much for your offer and I'd certainly consider it if I needed to, but I'm good.

 

[38Chevy454]

say thanks so much for your offer and I'd certainly consider it if I needed to, but I'm good.

Good answer to give your family.

 

[FIREd]

If your family worry about the state of your finances, it's probably because you unwillingly sent the message that your finances had taken a hit. So perhaps the solution is to be more mindful of how to communicate with them about the situation. "Business is down, but I'm still fine" would put their minds at ease. There is no need to get into the numbers at all.

 

[marko]

Some people have a hard time imagining being 'comfortable' in a non-traditional job scene.

We have a friend who married a lady who's father owns one of the largest tire companies in the country. He works for the old man as an accountant and 'dad' bought them a $1MM house on their wedding.

His family is horrified! horrified! that "he works for a tire company" (maybe he changes tires all day?). His father actually took him aside and told him that he'd be much better working at GE where "he could get benefits". Clueless.

Another acquaintance had a job making $350K+ a year as a general manager of a national sub shop company. His parents saw the big house, nice cars, expensive vacations and asked "if he was selling drugs from his sub shop" instead of making sandwiches. No clue whatsoever.