Inheritance and Step Child

[philly17]

I'm interested in people's thoughts on inheritance when you have a stepchild. I know I'm probably putting too much thought and making this more complicated than it should be but welcome the input of others.

I have one stepchild and one of my own. The stepchild has her dad and one aunt and is the only grandchild on that side of the family. She was only two years old when I first started dating her mom and we have a good relationship.

My question comes to inheritance. My heart says to do 50/50 between both kids but my practical side says she's going to benefit from inheritance from her dad's side of the family (especially since only child on that side) that my son won't benefit from. So that gets me thinking I leave more to my son like 60/40 or some other split to compensate for the extra she will get from her dad's side.

Thoughts?

 

[Aerides]

Assuming you are still married to her Mom, and she considers you her step-dad? Go with your heart.

 

[ivinsfan]

You don't mention the stepmom in present time, are you still married. If you are what does Mom say about it. Does you bio child have the same Mom as your stepchild?


There are no wrong answers here, but there are answers that might cause emotional fallout.

 

[Dash man]

My wife and I also each have a son from previous marriages. The difference is she was widowed. But we’ve always agreed things will go 50/50 minus some siblings and charity giving. My son won’t get anything from his mother, but will from his maternal grandfather. But he will likely be burdened with helping his mother, and the inheritance will be real estate that may be more trouble than it’s worth. DW’s son and his wife are not likely to work towards FI by themselves. And we are providing more help for them along the way while we’re still here.
We just figure it’ll all even out in the end. They’ll both have a house similar in size and value, and likely plenty to help them be comfortable. College costs are being funded for grandkids.
Actually, by the end of May, we will be adopting each other’s son.

 

[HenryD]

I've got one bio and two step kids. Our situation might be a bit different since DW and my direct ancestors have nada, not even houses. The parents of our exes would be the only source of inheritance to our kids, and it could be substantial. There are too many variables to predict who will get what via our exes though, and we can't control that. For that reason, DW and I chose to split evenly.

 

[brett]

I would make that decision without concern with any other inheritance you step child may or may not have.

Just do what you feel is right and what you want to do.

 

[Sunset]

I think 50/50 is the way to go.
Counting what the step-child's Dad might provide is fairly vague as he may not leave anything or just a little.
Life is going to throw in random factors all the time, so unless huge, why count them.
Example: if the bio son won $150K in the lottery, should his inheritance be reduced ?

Myself, I'm leaving a token amount to each kid, and most to my DW.
Hopefully she will leave a pile to each of my kids when she dies, but maybe she will need to spend it all on the pool boy

 

[Jerry1]

She was only two years old when I first started dating her mom and we have a good relationship.

Thoughts?

I’m assuming you married her mom and that you basically raised the step daughter. In that case, I would go with 50/50.

OTOH, my sister in law married a man who had two kids that were basically grown when she married their dad. They never lived under her roof. In this case, a bit different, my sister in law is expecting to exclude some money from their estate for her to give to her nieces. The point is that age at time of marriage and whether or not they ever lived with you is relevant in my mind. Though she does refer to his boys (now grown men) as her step sons.

 

[Irishgirlyc58]

Will splitting it 50/50 leave your son struggling more financially?
I don’t know that I would sacrifice his financial situation in order for the DSD to have more than enough. If that makes sense.
I would factor this in if they were both bio kids too though, if for example a grandparent was only leaving inheritance to one and therefore that person would be more financially secure then I would look at splitting 60/40 or something like that.

 

[livingalmostlarge]

Are you still married to the mom? What does she think? To be really fair it would be 75% 25%. 50% of estate to your son and 50% of your wife estate (I assume the son is joint) to your joint child. Then 50% of her wife's estate to your daughter. That is a truly "equal" settlement. Now is it fair is a different issue?

But fair isn't always equal.

So there are a lot of factors at play. I have to say it depends. There isn't a right or wrong answer but it depends.

 

[philly17]

You don't mention the stepmom in present time, are you still married. If you are what does Mom say about it. Does you bio child have the same Mom as your stepchild?


There are no wrong answers here, but there are answers that might cause emotional fallout.

My wife is step child's mom and we are still happily married.

 

[ivinsfan]

My wife is step child's mom and we are still happily married.

And is your wife your bio child's Mom? I think yes but haven't actually said that.

 

[philly17]

And is your wife your bio child's Mom? I think yes but haven't actually said that.

Sorry yes my wife is my child's bio mom.

 

[ivinsfan]

Sorry yes my wife is my child's bio mom.

Have a chat will Mom and see what she thinks.

 

[Sunset]

Have a chat will Mom and see what she thinks.

And report back on the argument how 1 child is loved more than the other

 

[ivinsfan]

And report back on the argument how 1 child is loved more than the other

Maybe not, but one would think it's the first step in a situation like this. Pretty sure the OP has proved his devotion to the not blood child by this time.

 

[donheff]

I have somewhat a reverse situation. My son was raised by my my ex, although he made frequent multi-week visits to us. Our daughter was born when he was 12 and is very close with her half brother. After college my son lived with us for several years and now he and his family live a few blocks away. My daughter and her family live nearby as well. Our will/trust will split our liquid estate 50/50 (the majority of these funds come from DW). The house will go to our daughter. The reasoning for the extra bump for DD is that she is a teacher (public service) with modest assets and our son and his wife are doing as well or better that DW and I did.

 

[Andre1969]

I'd say go with your heart. Keep in mind that, whatever you think your stepson might get, from that side of the family, may not come to pass.

To give one example, here's my situation. I'm an only child. My Mom and Dad divorced when I was 7. Mom remarried when I was 12. He had no kids previously, and he and my Mom never had any kids.

My Mom and Stepdad currently have their estate set up to where, if they both die at the same time, the estate goes 50% to me, 25% to my Stepdad's sister, and 25% to my Stpedad's half-brother. Of course, if one outlives the other, they may change the will, although both said they would stick to the original plan.

However, a few years ago, my Mom told me she was having second thoughts. Apparently, the the half-brother had been getting both my Mom and stepdad mad, so my Mom was saying that if she outlives my stepdad, she might change the will. I told her to not let her emotions run things too much like that. Plus, in my opinion, everything my Mom and Stepdad currently have, is because of BOTH of them. It's not like it was all my Mom's money to begin with and the stepdad was just some trophy boy or something. They both worked to build up what they have now.

But, anyway, I figure that, all good intentions aside, if my Mom could change the provisions of the will, there's a chance my Stepdad could, as well. So basically, I'm not expecting anything. I'll look at anything that DOES come my way as an unexpected windfall, like winning the lottery. But I'm not going to depend on it. There's just no guarantee, to anything.

 

[CRLLS]

Have you thought about what happens when you die, and wife has to continue on? It can get very complicated very quickly. What I normally hear happens is that spouse is primary beneficiary and children are secondary. This goes for joint accounts too. If that happens then what you want is no longer valid and her estate is distributed per her will, not yours. Yes, it can get complicated in a hurry. Perhaps you have set up a trust for the benefit of wife until she passes and then the children get what is left of your trust. Personally, in absence of any extenuating circumstances, wife and you would do best to be in agreement as far as who the estate is divided on each or your, and both or your passing. BTW, wills and trusts are not one and done. They can be amended and/or new ones can supersede the old ones as feelings and situations change.

 

[donheff]

I'd say go with your heart. Keep in mind that, whatever you think your stepson might get, from that side of the family, may not come to pass.

To give one example, here's my situation. I'm an only child. My Mom and Dad divorced when I was 7. Mom remarried when I was 12. He had no kids previously, and he and my Mom never had any kids.

My Mom and Stepdad currently have their estate set up to where, if they both die at the same time, the estate goes 50% to me, 25% to my Stepdad's sister, and 25% to my Stpedad's half-brother. Of course, if one outlives the other, they may change the will, although both said they would stick to the original plan.

However, a few years ago, my Mom told me she was having second thoughts. Apparently, the the half-brother had been getting both my Mom and stepdad mad, so my Mom was saying that if she outlives my stepdad, she might change the will. I told her to not let her emotions run things too much like that. Plus, in my opinion, everything my Mom and Stepdad currently have, is because of BOTH of them. It's not like it was all my Mom's money to begin with and the stepdad was just some trophy boy or something. They both worked to build up what they have now.

But, anyway, I figure that, all good intentions aside, if my Mom could change the provisions of the will, there's a chance my Stepdad could, as well. So basically, I'm not expecting anything. I'll look at anything that DOES come my way as an unexpected windfall, like winning the lottery. But I'm not going to depend on it. There's just no guarantee, to anything.

This is one of the reasons people set up trusts.

 

[lauradrops]

I am a step mom to 2 boys whose mom passed away. They were 14 and 11 when we married in 2004. My daughter was born 2005.
We will split everything 3 ways. I also gave them each a portion of my inheritance. (went towards student loans for the boys, and college fund for my daughter)
They always were and always will be treated equally and are very close to each other.

 

[Bamaman]

In your case, the 60/40 would be reasonable since one will possibly be inheriting from the other side of their family. Or even 50/50 would work.

We're in a dilemma. Stepdaughter #1 is extremely close to my wife and has been fiscally responsible and does well as an accountant. Stepson #2 was in a pot induced fog for 25 years and has saved little for retirement--but has always worked. Our ADHD daughter finally got a job @ 34 but has cost us a fortune in legal bills and living expenses/insurance. We're raising her 10 year old daughter permanently and her son is 14 and being raised by his dad.

My wife wants to leave her $120K IRA/401A to her son & daughter 50/50. Our 2 houses and Fidelity accounts are worth too much to leave 33/33/33, especially since our daughter's cost us so much already. Only DD #1 has any money sense, and I hate to burden her being our executor and deal with DS and DD #2 after we're gone. And we need to take care of the 10 year old granddaughter until she's grown.

This is a time when a Special Needs Trust is needed. But our problem is coming up with an equitable Asset Allocation. We don't like that two of our children (54 & 34) have never saved for retirement. And we don't want our grandchildren to get so much as we don't know how responsible they're going to be as adults.

It's tough being financially secure and being fair and equitable to our children when not all have productive human beings. My wife says it's time to quit being so frugal--and time for us to spend our money.

 

[street]

We have a step GD turning 5 today. In our case if my son and DL stay married and have a child together, I would treat them as equals.

I would do the same if I had a SD or SS.

 

[CRLLS]

Controlling from the grave is not my style. Regardless of what the stepchild "might" get from their biological dad and aunt, I would split 50/50. Whether the dad and aunt actually have anything at the end to leave is a secondary issue and not in your control. What you leave is your gift and your gift alone. It should not be ratioed based on some guessed amount of a "possible" gifts from others.

 

[ivinsfan]

Controlling from the grave is not my style. Regardless of what the stepchild "might" get from their biological dad and aunt, I would split 50/50. Whether the dad and aunt actually have anything at the end to leave is a secondary issue and not in your control. What you leave is your gift and your gift alone. It should not be ratioed based on some guessed amount of a "possible" gifts from others.

Kind of harsh to call it controlling from the grave.



Personally I agree with your 50/50 comment but for I know the relatives have millions. It's OK for OP to come here and ask what we think about it. He got our opinions but of course as already said, the mother of the kids has the most important opinion.