We don’t have children, but for those who do, please know that it can be very hurtful to kids when things aren’t split equally. In our case, DH’s mom initially left both of her two kids out of her will, and left everything 50/50 to her two grandkids. We felt ok about that because we don’t have children and her grandkids are both great young adults and need the inheritance while we don’t.
A few years ago, she decided to change her will to include her other son and split everything 3 ways between DH’s brother and his two kids. She explained to us that she was doing this because “he had done so much for her.” This is the guy who lives in the same town she does, while we live across the country. When she started struggling with her dementia a few years ago, her friends all reached out to us because DH’s brother, while local, is not reliable. He’s divorced and when he doesn’t have a GF, he’s more attentive, but for several years he lived with a GF and never saw his mom, even for birthdays and Mother’s Day, let alone looking in on her day to day. He didn’t even attend the 80th birthday party we threw for her. She had to hire a driver to take her grocery shopping and to medical appointments because DB can’t be bothered. Her driver has grown close to us and can’t believe how poorly DB treats his sweet Mom.
DB owns two small businesses and is somewhat successful, but he spends everything he makes on toys. He has 3 boats for example. He still asks his mom for money regularly and she gives it to him.
DH and I have lived responsibly and we spend our own money to visit Mom. We would NEVER ask her to buy us anything or give us money. We don’t treat her any differently knowing she didn’t include us in her will. DH doesn’t care what she does with her will, and the amount of inheritance we’d get if we were included in her will wouldn’t affect our lifestyle. However, I find it very hurtful that she chose to exclude us from her will. I think because we don’t ask her to pay for anything for us, and we retired young and own two properties in CA, she considers us rich and doesn’t think we need the money.
The point of this saga is that if you don’t want one of your kids to feel less loved or appreciated than the others, consider splitting things equally. Why punish the kid who’s been more responsible and/or worked harder?
I think in the case where one of the kids has been a big problem and cost a lot of money while you’re living, such as Bamaman described, that’s a good reason not to split things equally.