It's funny joke Thursday! - 2021

[Car-Guy]

Sorry about the "all CAPS" but that's how I found it.



I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A
NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA,
WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.
SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK
HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY
SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET
CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED
ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY
LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY
CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED
HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL .
'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! 'HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE.
'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED
HE ANSWERED, IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK?
'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN THE UGLY,
OLD,
BALD,
WRINKLED,
FAT,
GREY HAIRED,
DECREPIT,
JERK ASKED...
"WHAT SUBJECT DID YOU TEACH?"

 

[Car-Guy]

AC back in the day

 

[Car-Guy]

The rain was pouring down.
There, standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub, was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.
A passer-by stopped and asked, "What are you doing?"
"Fishing," replied the old man.
Feeling sorry for the old man, the gent says, "Come in out of the rain and have a drink with me."
In the warmth of the pub, as they sip their whiskies, the gentleman, being a bit of a smart aleck, cannot resist asking,
"How many have you caught today?"
"You're the eighth," says the old man.

 

[Car-Guy]

St. Peter was sitting at his desk, about 1,000 feet from the Pearly Gates, when he sees a guy appear near the gate.
So St. Peter gets up, and jogs over to the Pearly Gates to let him in and start processing him.
As soon as St. Peter gets within 5 feet of the Gates, the guy vanishes.
So St. Peter goes back to his desk. He sits back down, and then sees the guy back at the Gate.
He runs back to the Gate, when the guy vanishes again.
This happens 2 more times, and finally St. Peter yells at the guy, "Keep this up, and I'll ban you from Heaven!"
The guy calls back, "Tell that to these guys with the defibrillators!"

 

[Car-Guy]

Last one for today.

Golf joke....

The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"
He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"

 

[Jeb-NY]

An elderly man had owned his large farm in Louisiana for many years.

Right at the back of the farm there was a large pond that was ideal for swimming. The old farmer had fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the farmer decides to go down to the pond, to look it over, as he hadn’t been down there for a while.

Before setting off, he grabs a five-gallon bucket as he decides he’ll bring back some fruit.

As he nears the pond, he can hear voices shouting and laughing with glee. Clearly someone is having a good time.

As the farmer gets closer, he can see a bunch of young women who are clearly skinny-dipping in his pond.

He makes the women aware of his presence and immediately they all swim over to the far end.

One of the women then shouts, “We’re not coming out until you leave mister!“

The farmer replies, “Ladies, I didn’t come down here to watch you swim naked or make you get out of the pond. You carry on.“

The wily old timer then holds up his bucket and says, “I just came down here to feed the alligators!“

 

[Car-Guy]

A slow day for jokes.

 

[FIREarly]

A slow day for jokes.

Corny joke... that is funny!!!!

 

[Car-Guy]

A recent study found that the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year, which means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud. I almost feel like a hybrid.

 

[CardsFan]

A recent study found that the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year, which means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud. I almost feel like a hybrid.

 

[Leo1277]

A recent study found that the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year, which means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon. Kind of makes you proud. I almost feel like a hybrid.

Well, but you weigh perhaps 1/10th of the hybrid (or so I hope), and the hybrid can carry 4-5 people

 

[Leo1277]

Thin FIRE EV

 

[Leo1277]

Albert just opened an account on ER.org - Mods, I trust you will provide assistance.

 

[Car-Guy]

A sad sign of the times.

 

[Car-Guy]

That's one heck of a wide aisle in that plane..... But the joke is still funny.

 

[Leo1277]

A sad sign of the times.

But does he have the freshly banned Dr. Seuss?

 

[Walt34]

Some days are hard.

 

[Leo1277]

That's one heck of a wide aisle in that plane..... But the joke is still funny.

Reminds me of my first trip to Japan many moons ago. I was headed to Osaka on JAL with a planned brief stop in Tokyo and continuing on the same 747-400. But because of an arrival delay, they missed the evening window to go on, and offered to put folks either on the fast train instead or in a hotel with continuation in the morning. Most took the train, but I didn't know my way around and opted for the plane. I ended up being almost the only passenger on the huge plane, surrounded by a dozen friendly Japanese flight attendants with way too many breakfasts. They were glad they had a customer, and five of them kept feeding me one bento box after another. Rarely did I enjoy a flight that much.

 

[Car-Guy]

This ad must be really old since I don't remember seeing it back in the day.... I did smoke Camels for a while, and Kool's too but always preferred Marlboro's... Even though I quit ~35 years ago, I still miss them "at times"...

 

[Leo1277]

... always preferred Marlboro's...

I guess this little one agrees with you

 

[doneat54]

I went in for dentist appointment yesterday. The receptionist had to do a virus pre-screen and she asked me "Have you experienced a sudden loss of taste?".

I said "No. I'm retired, I dress like this all the time now."

 

[FIREarly]

I went in for dentist appointment yesterday. The receptionist had to do a virus pre-screen and she asked me "Have you experienced a sudden loss of taste?".

I said "No. I'm retired, I dress like this all the time now."

hahaha
RPP was Rich People Problems
AND NOW
RPP Retired People "Problems"/Pleasures

 

[Car-Guy]

 

[Walt34]

Follow instructions and it's still wrong.

 

[ugeauxgirl]

During the middle ages they celebrated the end of the plague with wine and orgies. Does anyone know if they have something like that planned for the end of covid-19? Asking for a friend...