Making friends in new location

[Flyfish1]

I'm just a little over 2 years away from retirement. I am comfortable with my investments and draw down plan- believe it or not the thing I stress about the most is the social side of retirement. We bought a house in our retirement location 2 yrs ago and are slowly fixing it up. Very nice community near the water and close to our marina where our boat is. Our primary residence is in another state until retirement. Since we are not here full time yet and now with Covid it's been tough to meet people.

Any advice from folks who retired to a new destination? Did you join a local club? Volunteer?

 

[Ready]

I’ve met hundreds of people by taking up pickleball. It’s a very social sport and the people I’ve met are really nice. If you have courts in your neighborhood you will likely see many of your neighbors there and get to know them while playing together.

 

[RunningBum]

I met people through a running club, volunteering for the local nature foundation, and skiing. When you ski mid-week at a small mountain, you get to recognize the regulars and a ski lift is a good opportunity to chat.

 

[pjm-7]

I'm in my new western Colorado location going on one year. I did not know anybody, other than the real estate agent when I got here. I was able to get involved in various activities and volunteering through meetup.com. It has been a great source to meet like minded people especially during pandemic limitations.

 

[frayne]

Play golf as there are no strangers on a golf course.

 

[Carol1862]

You have to be willing to join in. We’ve moved to a large community that is mostly retirees. They have golf clubs, book clubs, women’s luncheons etc. We’ve also met people while we were at the beach. Struck up a conversation and started talking about local happy hour places and decided to meet up later that day. Been friends ever since. I see others have recommended Meet Up. Although I’ve never gone to any I’ve heard they’re a great way to meet like minded people. Pickle ball is very popular too.

 

[Flyfish1]

I thought meet up was only for singles - I could be wrong on that.
No pickle ball in the area...although that does sound fun.
Thought about trying golf again, used to play(badly) 20 yrs ago.

 

[twaddle]

Definitely find like-minded people who gather together. My nirvana is a makerspace, but all of the ideas mentioned are good ones.

 

[travelover]

I thought meet up was only for singles - I could be wrong on that...........

No, Meetup is not just for singles. Generally it is for people with a common interest to get together. I hike with a Meetup group. Or did, pre-Covid.

 

[bearkeley]

We would second MeetUp...post COVID that is. We joined meetup in different cities in Australia and the US and have enjoyed meeting new friends. Hiking, sailing, travel or newcomers meetups have been great.

Since you are a boater, I would also recommend joining related groups. If you cruise on your boat, for example, there’s a lot of opportunity to connect virtually and hopefully soon, in person. Here’s a picture of our boat taken yesterday from the boat of friends we met through MTOA, the Marine Trawler Owners Association. Enjoy!

 

[Dtail]

I’ve met hundreds of people by taking up pickleball. It’s a very social sport and the people I’ve met are really nice. If you have courts in your neighborhood you will likely see many of your neighbors there and get to know them while playing together.

Same here with Pickleball, but not quite at the 100's level.

 

[rk911]

- if most of the neighbors are retired try pulling your car onto your driveway and raise the hood. shouldn't take too long for a small group of "assistants" to gather.

- throw yourself a "we want to get to know you" backyard cookout.

- volunteer for something

 

[Midpack]

Join everything! If you’re even remotely interested in a group, activity or other gathering - just join and try it out. If you don’t like it, you really haven’t lost anything - and you might meet someone anyway. If you hit it off with someone, get coffee together. And if it’s really horrible, just leave.

But there’s no other way to meet people in a new place, other residents already have friends so they aren’t looking for new ones, you have to initiate.

We just moved here about a year and a half ago, and with Covid for a year now, it’s been harder than it would have otherwise been. Thanks to golf for me, sailing for both of us, and tai chi and paddleboard yoga for DW - we’ve made some new friends thankfully. We’re probably going to join a pickleball league too.

 

[Carol1862]

-

- throw yourself a "we want to get to know you" backyard cookout.

When we first moved here we got to know some of our neighbors and decided to throw a cocktail/appetizer party. We invited the few nearby neighbors and told them to include other neighbors they knew too that would like to get together. Was a great start to many friendships. Others started to do the same too.

 

[Scrapr]

- if most of the neighbors are retired try pulling your car onto your driveway and raise the hood. shouldn't take too long for a small group of "assistants" to gather.

- throw yourself a "we want to get to know you" backyard cookout.

I moved late last year to a new community. At Christmas I hand delivered boxes of Christmas cookies with my contact info. Did similar for Valentines Day. Once Covid lifts I want to have a cookout in the small park in front of our house. The cookies really have made a difference in at least saying hi how are ya.

I felt like I had to reach out instead of just waiting for everyone to come over

 

[Christine]

Since you are a boater, I would also recommend joining related groups. If you cruise on your boat, for example, there’s a lot of opportunity to connect virtually and hopefully soon, in person. Here’s a picture of our boat taken yesterday from the boat of friends we met through MTOA, the Marine Trawler Owners Association. Enjoy!

And it's the same in the motorhome world. It's often easy to make new friends on campsites and such.

 

[Katsmeow]

Pickle ball is very popular too.

Same here with Pickleball, but not quite at the 100's level.

I’ve met hundreds of people by taking up pickleball.

What the heck is pickleball? Is this some sort of regional thing? I've never heard of pickleball.

Join everything! If you’re even remotely interested in a group, activity or other gathering - just join and try it out. If you don’t like it, you really haven’t lost anything - and you might meet someone anyway. If you hit it off with someone, get coffee together. And if it’s really horrible, just leave.

But there’s no other way to meet people in a new place, other residents already have friends so they aren’t looking for new ones, you have to initiate.

I don't dispute that you are correct. But, for introverts none of that is easy. I was actually pondering this last year pre-Covid. We moved to the area where I grew up. We do have some family here but that is a several times a year sort of thing, not day to day social. I have a very good friend from high school here. But it is hard.

I met DH back when I was single (almost 30 years ago) because I finally forced myself to go and take lessons and play bridge at a club.

In some ways it is harder to find interests now that I am older. Many people or my age are not remotely interested at all in the things I'm interested in. I can do some activities with younger people but true friendship is more difficult. I think for people who are churchgoers it is easier. But, we're not.

Post Covid I do plan to try some things out. But, honestly, as an introvert even finding out where to go to find someone with a common interest is difficult....

 

[RetireAge50]

Another vote for pickleball. We have been playing twice a day for the last month and have met many people.

https://usapickleball.org/what-is-pickleball/

 

[Dtail]

What the heck is pickleball? Is this some sort of regional thing? I've never heard of pickleball.
.

See post # 18 for the basics.
Pickleball has been described as playing on top of a ping pong table. If one has hand/eye coordination, they will pick up the game. If they have had prior experience with ping pong/racquetball/tennis, then the game should come even easier.
It is the fastest growing sport in America and it is truly lots of fun, great workout and can be competitive if one wishes it to be.

 

[Koolau]

Clubs, volunteer work, church, neighborhood watch - Covid is the big "nasty" in the middle of the room, but there are still opportunities to meet and greet. We have more friends now that we've moved than we did back home AND when we visit (back home) we are more appreciated. Best of both worlds so enjoy and, hey, YMMV.

 

[Finance Dave]

I didn't RETIRE to a new location, but I did move to a new city for a job years ago where I knew no one and I was single.

Join a church, attend a city council meeting, volunteer at an event, go to a fish fry, find an online forum for your city and ask questions, take an adult education class, join a bowling league. So many ways to integrate!

 

[Tom52]

Two years ago we moved 1200 miles to a 55+ community where we did not know a single person. Fortunately, this is a very active community with many socializing opportunities. We joined several clubs and started playing golf in the neighborhood groups We have a nice group of friends now, but we did have to work at developing these friendships.

 

[ER Eddie]

OLLI (Osher Lifelong Learning Institute) is a great place to meet friendly retired people, if you happen to have one in your area. Each state has one or two; some have several.

 

[Midpack]

Join everything! If you’re even remotely interested in a group, activity or other gathering - just join and try it out. If you don’t like it, you really haven’t lost anything - and you might meet someone anyway. If you hit it off with someone, get coffee together. And if it’s really horrible, just leave.

But there’s no other way to meet people in a new place, other residents already have friends so they aren’t looking for new ones, you have to initiate.

We just moved here about a year and a half ago, and with Covid for a year now, it’s been harder than it would have otherwise been. Thanks to golf for me, sailing for both of us, and tai chi and paddleboard yoga for DW - we’ve made some new friends thankfully. We’re probably going to join a pickleball league too.

I don't dispute that you are correct. But, for introverts none of that is easy. I was actually pondering this last year pre-Covid. We moved to the area where I grew up. We do have some family here but that is a several times a year sort of thing, not day to day social. I have a very good friend from high school here. But it is hard.

Post Covid I do plan to try some things out. But, honestly, as an introvert even finding out where to go to find someone with a common interest is difficult....

Believe me we’re introverts as well. Prior to this relocation, we didn’t join anything that wasn’t 100% interesting, if we had any doubts we stayed away.

But we realized friends weren’t going to fall in our laps, and that only gets harder as we age - older people are less likely to be looking for new friends unless they’ve just relocated. My other thoughts:

1) Odds are we’re going to live over 800,000 hours. So if we waste and hour or two joining an activity that doesn’t pan out, it’s nothing in the overall time scheme of things. We don’t have to go back, don’t have to see those people again. The alternative is sitting at home surfing or watching TV - not a better use of time.

2) Meeting people is a matter of opportunities, the activity itself isn’t the point. That’s why I say join any activity you’re even remotely interested in and you might hit if off with someone. Talk to people, it’s not that hard but you have to make an effort. If they brush you off, on to the next person. If you seem to hit if off, maybe ask them if they’d like to go get coffee after some day, the worst thing that could happen is they say “no thanks” - you’re no worse off.

3) Even if it turns out you hate the activity, it might provide another lead. Playing golf in a senior league has turned out to be a great way to make new friends for me. I learned about the golf league having a beer after sail racing locally. I expected sail racing to be a way to make new friends, but that hasn’t panned out so far, but it lead to a golf league I wouldn’t have known about otherwise.

4) DW has made friends with the spouses of some people I’ve met, who I didn’t hit it off with ultimately. Some of my best friends came through DW and vice versus.

Life is short, put yourself out there, even introverts can do it...

 

[Katsmeow]

2) Meeting people is a matter of opportunities, the activity itself isn’t the point. That’s why I say join any activity you’re even remotely interested in and you might hit if off with someone.

Thank you for the thoughtful post. This is a particularly excellent idea. I think DH in particular has been more picky about the activity. But, you are correct that the activity is just a way to find potential people who might be compatible.

Of course, lately almost everything has been closed due to Covid and we were sticking at home. But, we are fully vaccinated now and I could see in a few months starting to look into stuff.