Romantic Relationships Post FIRE

DH answered an ad i posted looking for a roommate. So I guess we didn't have much in common except needing a place to live cheap. He moved in, and never moved out 24 years later.
 
Chuckanut said:
One thing I have found is that widows are often easier to date than divorced people, especially people with two or more divorces under their belt. Multiple divorces make some people see faults that aren’t there. I assume this is the same for widowers.

And, personally, I want somebody who is someone’s mother. Having children changes how we approach life. And it’s nice to have some harmony in the area of parent-child relationship.
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My wife had some abuse issues with a couple of spouses and had to get out so I was initially concerned. I don't know the whole story and it is none of my business unless she wants to tell me. We have been married for 35 years now with minimal problems. However, you never know what tomorrow may bring so I have my fingers crossed that it will last.
At 75 yrs I don't see a need (or have plans) to ever marry again. The most I would do is hire a "senior sitter" to avoid a nursing home environment.
 
Chuckanut said:
One thing I have found is that widows are often easier to date than divorced people, especially people with two or more divorces under their belt. Multiple divorces make some people see faults that aren’t there. I assume this is the same for widowers.

And, personally, I want somebody who is someone’s mother. Having children changes how we approach life. And it’s nice to have some harmony in the area of parent-child relationship.
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People can be bitter after a divorce. Especially if it’s not their choice. But widows can get stuck in grief. It really depends on the person. I divorced 3 husbands but the first we just married too young at 18. The next two each lasted 22 years and was my decision and it’s just the way life turned out.
 
Teacher Terry said:
People can be bitter after a divorce. Especially if it’s not their choice. But widows can get stuck in grief. It really depends on the person. I divorced 3 husbands but the first we just married too young at 18. The next two each lasted 22 years and was my decision and it’s just the way life turned out.
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Sounds like there's a book in there someplace.:cool: Of course, most of our lives could make a decent book if we had the right ghost writer w*rking with us. We're all writing at least one last chapter, however. So no book is really done until we are.:facepalm:
 
I do think that work is a good place to meet people, if it is a larger company and you don't work directly with that person on daily basis.

Couple funny sayings regarding dating at work, just to lighten up the discussion:
1) Don't get your meat where you get your bread and butter
2) Don't go fishing off the company pier
 
I think my ideal would be to find someone who has her own house and wants to keep it that way.
 
Markola said:
I think my ideal would be to find someone who has her own house and wants to keep it that way.
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Mine too, and have been told how much she likes her house. Great, I think. It then gets interesting when I later hear casual comments about how much closet space they need and that it would be nice it would be to spend every night together.....
 
W2R has my fantasy situation. Soulmate as a next door neighbor. Intimacy and personal space maintained.


My other fantasy situation, if I find someone LD, is splitting time between locations with some sort of schedule that allows for lots of time together but still having some space and time as an individual. Some sort of cycle at each places with a "break" in between (e.g. 2 weeks there, week alone at our respective homes, 2 weeks here). Each partner is mostly at their home so they don't lose themselves due to the relationship but we would be together most of the time to build and maintain a relationship... I hope she lives in the mountains.


Realistically, I'm not going to get either but expect an extended time living alone as a relationship is built and at the point we end up spending more time together than apart deciding what we'd do...one or the other move ("next door" or together), to a shared home, etc). Finding a good partner is the challenge, if the relationship is good the rest can be worked out.
 
Markola said:
I think my ideal would be to find someone who has her own house and wants to keep it that way.
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This is also perfect in my world. I would love to have a good relationship but I will never live with someone again. I’m sick of compromising, cleaning up after and taking care of others. I also don’t want to be involved with someone financially. My life is the easiest it’s ever been taking care of myself and my dogs. WR2 does have the perfect situation.
 
Markola said:
I think my ideal would be to find someone who has her own house and wants to keep it that way.
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Too quote the great Rita Rudner: "I want a man in my life, just not in my house"
 
Teacher Terry said:
This is also perfect in my world. I would love to have a good relationship but I will never live with someone again. I’m sick of compromising, cleaning up after and taking care of others. I also don’t want to be involved with someone financially. My life is the easiest it’s ever been taking care of myself and my dogs. WR2 does have the perfect situation.
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Yeah, this idea of life (remaining) would fit me well. Except I only have one dog, and he is enough!

No new "relationship" yet, though. Seems like every unattached female I have met since my wife passed has not given me any impulse to get to know them better. They might as well be cardboard cutouts (I know that's not good to say). Maybe I will soften over time..
 
aja8888 said:
Yeah, this idea of life (remaining) would fit me well. Except I only have one dog, and he is enough!

No new "relationship" yet, though. Seems like every unattached female I have met since my wife passed has not given me any impulse to get to know them better. They might as well be cardboard cutouts (I know that's not good to say). Maybe I will soften over time..
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I don't know about the loss of spouse, but the rule for divorce is it takes 2 years to get back to normal. I think that's a good estimate. Losses take time to heal.

However, when one becomes a senior citizen time becomes much more of an issue. The reality is if you are 65 and you want to find a partner for pickle-ball, dancing and travel you only have so many good years left. So, there is an incentive to find the right or nearly right person sooner than later. In fact for many oldsters a FWB relationship fits the bill very nicely. Just make sure you agree ahead of time on what the benefits are. :D
 
Aerides said:
Too quote the great Rita Rudner: "I want a man in my life, just not in my house"
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That's my feeling for the most part. I could make an exception- one couple in our church, both widowed, have been married 5 years. I'm guessing they're in their early 70s. Both are healthy (for that age), active, financially solvent on their own, and they seem to have a lot of interests in common. I kinda covet that relationship but I think they're rare to find at this age. So, I'll go with FWB for now.

And yes, we DID agree on how to define "B". He was pleasantly surprised when I brought that up on our 3rd date!
 
I have a friend that’s doing online dating and she is 77. In 6 months she has went on a few dates but hasn’t found a partner. Some of her stories are awful and I am not about to put myself through that. I’ll either meet someone naturally or not.
 
Chuckanut said:
I don't know about the loss of spouse, but the rule for divorce is it takes 2 years to get back to normal. I think that's a good estimate. Losses take time to heal.

However, when one becomes a senior citizen time becomes much more of an issue. The reality is if you are 65 and you want to find a partner for pickle-ball, dancing and travel you only have so many good years left. So, there is an incentive to find the right or nearly right person sooner than later. In fact for many oldsters a FWB relationship fits the bill very nicely. Just make sure you agree ahead of time on what the benefits are. :D
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I've never thought about what FWB actually stands for in reality but I just looked it up. I'm kind of surprised that this kind of relationship, if followed to the letter, actually works as spelled out without a lot of romance. Of course, I never experienced anything like that kind of relationship with my past significant others

Maybe in an older age group one can be friends with a person, set aside time for physical sex, say thanks, leave the premises shortly after that experience, and rinse and repeat. Then, at some agreed time, both leave the relationship and go find another (or not).

Very strange to me....
 
aja8888 said:
Maybe in an older age group one can be friends with a person, set aside time for physical sex, say thanks, leave the premises shortly after that experience, and rinse and repeat. Then, at some agreed time, both leave the relationship and go find another (or not).

Very strange to me....
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In my case it's not quite that restrictive! I'd define that more as a "booty call" relationship - you get together when you're both up for a roll in the hay and that's it. BF and I have long conversations, generally go out to dinner or meet for brunch, do road trips, talk on the phone almost daily and DO e-mail at least daily. Each of us is a good sounding board when the other is stressed about something or trying to make a decision. It just hasn't gotten more serious than that over 5 years and we're both OK with that.
 
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athena53 said:
In my case it's not quite that restrictive! I'd define that more as a "booty call" relationship - you get together when you're both up for a roll in the hay and that's it. BF and I have long conversations, generally go out to dinner or meet for brunch, do road trips, talk on the phone almost daily and DO e-mail at least daily. Each of us is a god sounding board when the other is stressed about something or trying to make a decision. It just hasn't gotten more serious than that over 5 years and we're both OK with that.
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Well, according to the pure definition of a FWB situation, you are clearly beyond that (at least from the Wiki site I read). But that's OK!
https://www.wikihow.com/Have-a-Heal... with benefits,to keep your friendship intact.
 
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It's not bad to say; it's your observation.

aja8888 said:
Seems like every unattached female I have met since my wife passed has not given me any impulse to get to know them better. They might as well be cardboard cutouts (I know that's not good to say). Maybe I will soften over time..
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Dtail said:
Additionally, you wouldn't be able to find her house, as she is not revealing where it is.:cool:
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Of course, this tangent is more about the living situation and I bet you'd need a lot of BTD to convince Frank to sell!


The unit next to me recently sold and I haven't seen the buyer yet so maybe I'll get lucky. :LOL:
 
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