Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

[EastWest Gal]

What a wake up call.

We had a similar experience. My son's middle school band director died suddenly in 2015. He was 6 months younger than me. We discovered we were kindred spirits; loved the same now obscure musicians. These events motivate me to work out and lose excess weight.

 

[Fedup]

It's definitely a wake up call. I'm sorry for your loss. One of my brothers died of a heart attack at 60 so I know, it's shakened our core. Nobody knows how long we have so we don't take anything for granted.

 

[NW-Bound]

Well, the OP's friend got almost a year of retirement. Here's a sadder story that I have told before.

A guy retired from my megacorp on Friday. On Monday, his wife called in to say that he died over the weekend from a heart attack. So, that's 1 or 2 days of retirement for this unlucky guy.

A coworker pointed out that if this man was still at work, his widow would have gotten a few hundred $K from the life insurance policy that megacorp provided free. So, his wife was unlucky too.

 

[Starsky]

I'm very, very sorry for your loss. At that young age, its very sad.

I had two of my [younger] direct reports, my Dad, Mother in Law and a close friend all die within 18 months. It cemented my ER plans six years early. (and I had a near-fatal heart attack 2 years into ER at 55)

Your friend has given you a painfully priceless gift. It takes only one friend's passing to realize the harsh reality that you never know when its your time. Sometimes a wake up call is just what you need to put things into perspective and take away any excuses not to do the right thing.

 

[respond2u]

Some will think, "Your friend's passing is only a single data point. Don't make any big changes based on one event." I agree.

But at this moment I'm writhing in the grip of such powerful emotions that desperate actions don't seem unreasonable. In my new calculation, OLY just became Priority One.

I believe:

Most of us live our life feeling we're immortal. Sure, we know we could die any second, that the likelihood grows as we get older, but that knowledge hardly ever informs our feelings or affects our life.

What you went through is that knowledge becoming something you feel.

Many of us are old enough to be able to count the number of vacations we have left, the number of times our children will spend the night, or the number of times we'll see our parents.

If work gives you joy and allows you time to do kindness to your loved ones, keep at it. Otherwise, I'd say stop as soon as you can !

 

[Scuba]

What I do know is that if I were to have a shortened life, I would rather not spend it working and would much rather be retired.

+ 1 - well said!

 

[street]

Sorry to hear of your loss. I look at obit from the area and I'm amazed at the young people that pass away. I have never averaged what the age would be on any given week but I would say very early 60's would be a guess.

 

[Closet_Gamer]

I'm sorry for your loss.

It's interesting that when we think about how long a retirement has to last we often talk about average and extremely long lifespans...not so much the shorter end of the Bell curve that gets us to the average. It's good to be optimistic and foolhardy to just jump without a plan thinking "ah, I might kick before 65 anyway" but these should be reminder moments.

There is a great guy at work who is about 50 with 3 kids. Reported to me for four years before a re-org. Salt of the earth, shirt off his back kind of guy who spent four years of pure heart pursuing the creation of a new business with me. Love the guy. We re-org'd last year and now he works for a colleague.

A few weeks back he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. They caught it early and he's healthy so it's a best odds situation, but it's still pancreatic cancer. He had surgery yesterday and starts the chemo/radiation dance right after that.

Life is short.

 

[imoldernu]

Sadness is transitory, but a lesson of life.

November of 1989 at age 53, was one of those lifetime lessons. Cancer interrupted my entrepreneurial venture of three years, and triggered the decision to take a chance on retiring early. We didn't have enough money to do that, but by changing our priorities to live within our limited assets, it has worked out, so that 28 years later, we are still solvent, happy, and can see our way to a many as 15 more (solvent) years of life... unlikely, but possible.

More than half the people born when we were, are no longer here. One of the factors that helped in our decision, was our age. This was always the fallback. Both my DW and I were prepared, if necessary, to return to the workforce, not in the former positions, and less pay. In moving to a retirement community, I could do lawns or small repairs as an income supplement. Fortunately it turned out to not be necessary.

Fast forward to yesterday, in our CCRC main building function room. We joined in a group game of Trivia. At age 80, we were the "kids"... Of the 16 people who joined in the game, one was 100+, two were 97, four others were over 90, and the rest between 80 and 90. All of these people are alert, intelligent, and came to the group on their own... Some with walkers, some with wheelchairs, but all independent, and there to enjoy the meeting.

We don't even know what the next five minutes will bring, but we look ahead to be as happy as possible, to enjoy life, and not to dwell too long on sadness or worry that can be unproductive.

 

[pacergal]

Sadness is transitory, but a lesson of life.

November of 1989 at age 53, was one of those lifetime lessons. Cancer interrupted my entrepreneurial venture of three years, and triggered the decision to take a chance on retiring early. We didn't have enough money to do that, but by changing our priorities to live within our limited assets, it has worked out, so that 28 years later, we are still solvent, happy, and can see our way to a many as 15 more (solvent) years of life... unlikely, but possible.

More than half the people born when we were, are no longer here. One of the factors that helped in our decision, was our age. This was always the fallback. Both my DW and I were prepared, if necessary, to return to the workforce, not in the former positions, and less pay. In moving to a retirement community, I could do lawns or small repairs as an income supplement. Fortunately it turned out to not be necessary.

Fast forward to yesterday, in our CCRC main building function room. We joined in a group game of Trivia. At age 80, we were the "kids"... Of the 16 people who joined in the game, one was 100+, two were 97, four others were over 90, and the rest between 80 and 90. All of these people are alert, intelligent, and came to the group on their own... Some with walkers, some with wheelchairs, but all independent, and there to enjoy the meeting.

We don't even know what the next five minutes will bring, but we look ahead to be as happy as possible, to enjoy life, and not to dwell too long on sadness or worry that can be unproductive.

Thank you, Imoldernu. I so enjoy your life story and your wisdom.
OP- sorry for your loss

 

[kcowan]

It is always sad to hear of the passing of someone close to our ER friends. I took a moment to reflect. Since 2002 when we retired, we have lost a brother, BIL and ex-BIL.
Also 5 cousins and 8 former work associates that I know of. And 2 of DWs friends.

Now it is nearly 15 years, but looking back like this, makes me realize that 18 people who were in our lives since retirement are gone. And we are young!

There are also another 8 friends from Mexico that have passed. Two of the young ones died from botched surgeries, one in Florida and another in Guadalajara. A few of these are older. We are actively making new friends!

 

[Teacher Terry]

3 of my close friends died of cancer between 59 and 67. So sorry for your loss.

 

[brett]

Entering into our fifth year of early retirement and good health. Four years of travelling and doing whatever we want. Downsized but never bothered to buy again. Not certain that we will bother.

I worked with too many people who passed away during their working lives, shortly after retirement, or became so ill that they could not enjoy retirement.
My view on early retirement, once the finances were in place, was on how many good years were left for us to do the things we wanted to do. Not that many, and based on stats even some of them were questionable.

So we are busy doing the things that we want to do and travelling to the places on our respective bucket lists. We find that our interest in 'things' has declined significantly during retirement.

 

[whatnot]

So sorry for your loss. I have had two friends die recently.

One was a friend who was very healthy and fit. A young 60 year old. She died in a car accident a few months ago. So sudden and so sad. She did get to enjoy about 5 years of retirement.
The 2nd was a friends husband. He retired and died 10 months later. He seemed very healthy and fit (my friend said he exercised regularly). It was very sudden - complications from surgery. He was 57.

We are trying to enjoy life a bit more (paid for 1st class to Europe later this year) and not sweat the small stuff. Our retirement date is about 1 year away.

 

[eytonxav]

OP, sorry to hear about your friend. Things always hit harder close to home, but knowing our days are numbered, we all need to decide how we want to live the time we have left. For many, that dictates leaving work early to enjoy other endeavors, while some still enjoy their work. There is no right or wrong answer that others can provide, only you can make that decision.

 

[dvalley]

Thank you, Imoldernu. I so enjoy your life story and your wisdom.
OP- sorry for your loss

x2 on everything.

If I had the means I'd be retired by now but on the flip side I do treat myself to things I enjoy doing or am passionate about. That way if my time comes early I've at least enjoyed whatever time I was lucky enough to have.

 

[Rickt]

Mdlerth:

Sorry for your friend's untimely death.
We always take life for granted but it has it's way of giving us cues. It's up to us to act on them.

Regards,
Rick

 

[gcgang]

Time Lyrics - The Dark Side of the Moon Lyrics - Pink Floyd Lyrics

...and then one day you find, ten years have got behind, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun...

 

[Koolau]

OP So sorry for your loss. I lost a sister at age 40. I lost an uncle and grandfather before I was born. In the great statistical crap shoot we call life, anything can happen.

Since none of us gets out of here alive, I guess it behooves us to make the most of the time we have. If being retired sounds dramatically better than w*rking, by all means, w*rk as rapidly as possible toward that end. Make sacrifices (financial, primarily) to make it happen. But, if like me, one liked the j*b (until I didn't one day) enjoy every minute of the j*b. It's all in the journey, not in the "arrival."

On a cheerier note (perhaps), I attended my 50th HS reunion a couple of years ago. So I assume average age was 68, give or take. IIRC 14% were no longer with us. I thought that was pretty good, considering that many of these folks (myself included) were prime draft bait during VN.

If you look at it statistically, which is really the only way to make any predictions, you probably have a lot of time left to enjoy. If I have any advice, it would be to plan like you'll live to 99 and live like you'll die tomorrow. YMMV

 

[Nemo2]

If I have any advice, it would be to plan like you'll live to 99 and live like you'll die tomorrow.

+1