Wedding Budget

[Khan]

My wedding (1973) was under $500.

 

[Emeritus]

From the little I know.... I think the $20K is what my sister paid for her step daughter a few years ago....


As for how high can they go Let's just say back when I did taxes (early 80s) there was one rich guy who spent $2 million on his daughter's wedding... and he wanted us to write it off as a business expense... the partner had a nice converstion with him about orinary and necessary business expenses...

IIRC It is routine in this area to write off a percentage of the per guest costs of the wedding for the "business guests" invited. No idea if its ever challenged. Probably too busy auditing the fake business boats

 

[Moemg]

Did you get stuck with doing the favors, Moe?

DH wanted to do that with the church flowers but I really wanted to leave them to brighten up the altar--guess who won

Yes , I wrapped over a hundred flower lollipops with other candy in some mesh with ribbons . The theme of her wedding was spring flowers .

 

[Moemg]

I had to chuckle to myself after reading this thread...when I figured out whether I was financially ready for ER, I thought I didn't have to budget for a wedding because DD is gay. After reading the NYT wedding section every week lately though, I probably should earmark $20k! Maybe $25k because there might be 2 dresses...although there would also be 2 sets of brides parents...hmm I wonder what the protocol is?

Not sure but I just booked a cruise to Alaska and apparently in certain waters they can marry anyone so this is an option if you ever need it . They'll even do a wedding reception .

 

[Sarah in SC]

I can say this, like most things, she will need to prioritize what is important to her and put the money there. I cared about food, booze, live band. I cared far less about dress, flowers, wedding cake, photography, and a fancy venue.

What I got was an awesome wedding to a great guy! That's what you hope your daughter feels at the end of her wedding day.

Have her really think (along with her fiance) about what is important and put the money there. And hey, anyone want to post a wedding picture?

 

[MasterBlaster]

The Law of Thomas

The Law of Thomas... ('the duration of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the wedding')

Truer words were never spoken.

 

[Khan]

The Law of Thomas... ('the duration of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the wedding')

Truer words were never spoken.

Google Joan Rivers' daughter's wedding.

 

[kyounge1956]

I had absolutely no idea weddings were so expensive! I think it's very interesting to compare the numbers being mentioned on this thread and the numbers on some of the "what is your annual budget?" threads. The answer in both cases seems to be "anything from $20K on up" with a few uber-frugal individuals citing numbers well below that range and others giving examples of how vast an area is included by those two little words "on up". I'm a total outsider on this one, not married myself and no children, but to me it seems ludicrously disproportionate to spend as much money on a wedding, that will be all over in a few hours, as one would for a middling new car, or a down-payment on a house, or a year or two of college—especially if there's any truth in the "law of Thomas".

 

[jayc]

IMO. Weddings over $5K turn into bourgeois events, especially when the blender warranty lasts longer than the marriage. There are so many other practical ways to spend large amounts of money.

 

[MichaelB]

IMO. Weddings over $5K turn into bourgeois events, especially when the blender warranty lasts longer than the marriage. There are so many other practical ways to spend large amounts of money.

I think this is a bit harsh. Of our three, one chose a wedding celebration that cost more than $5K. They invited close family and friends and most guests had to travel by air, so DD and SIL felt they should least have a nice party, which they did. They could have used that money in other ways, but they were both working, had no debt, and IMHO the money wasn’t poorly spent - there wasn’t a lot of waste or opulence. Now, 5 years and 1 grandchild later, they have surpassed the blender warranty test as well.

How much is too much is a personal choice. My feeling is that spending large sums to celebrate a wedding when the couple has other pressing financial obligations isn’t smart – especially at a moment in life when other choices can be powerful financial enablers. OTOH, if the happy couple and parents are financially independent or have the resources, there is no reason not to spend the money as they choose.

 

[MasterBlaster]

The Wedding Twilight Zone

I had absolutely no idea weddings were so expensive! I think it's very interesting to compare the numbers being mentioned on this thread and the numbers on some of the "what is your annual budget?" threads. The answer in both cases seems to be "anything from $20K on up" with a few uber-frugal individuals citing numbers well below that range and others giving examples of how vast an area is included by those two little words "on up". I'm a total outsider on this one, not married myself and no children, but to me it seems ludicrously disproportionate to spend as much money on a wedding, that will be all over in a few hours, as one would for a middling new car, or a down-payment on a house, or a year or two of college—especially if there's any truth in the "law of Thomas".

You are speaking as a practical person. With weddings practical thinking goes out the window. Logic and common sense are not useful here. Instead you are entering another dimension of time and space - The Wedding Twilight Zone.

Many a young woman, since she was a young girl, has been dreaming of "The Day I Get Married". Ditto for her mother. They have this lifelong fantasy that it will be "The happiest day of my life". So letting something like money get in the way of this lifelong dream just isn't going to happen.

Most guys want to get/be married. But the wedding itself is just something they will have to endure. It's good training for them for what's to come

Still, it is kind of sad and kind of idiotic when people of modest means spend that kind of money (or worse go into debt) on a one day event.

 

[Khan]

You are speaking as a practical person. With weddings practical thinking goes out the window. Logic and common sense are not useful here. Instead you are entering another dimension of time and space - The Wedding Twilight Zone.

Many a young woman, since she was a young girl, has been dreaming of "The Day I Get Married". Ditto for her mother. They have this lifelong fantasy that it will be "The happiest day of my life". So letting something like money get in the way of this lifelong dream just isn't going to happen.

Most guys want to get/be married. But the wedding itself is just something they will have to endure. It's good training for them for what's to come

Still, it is kind of sad and kind of idiotic when people of modest means spend that kind of money (or worse go into debt) on a one day event.

Somehow I missed all that.
For most of the weddings in my immediate family the parents did not only not pay for the wedding they didn't even attend.

 

[Fireup2020]

There was a wedding at the treehouses - married on one of the zipline platforms, then the couple zipped down...her dress was modified with a slit in the front to accomodate the harness! The guests, family, and bridal party took up 5 of the treehouses - the reception was at the main lodge...everyone had a great time!

 

[jIMOh]

I married in 2001 (or was it 2002, I forget already...)

We spent about 10-15k and FIL father kicked in most, but I did pay for limos, tuxes and a few other things out of my own budget.


I will offer some suggestions:

1) If you have out of town guests things are different than if everyone is in town (or most everyone)... not from a cost standpoint (necessarily) but from a logistics and common sense standpoint.

Examples-
in 1 out of town wedding I went to, they had shuttles which took us from hotel to wedding/reception and back

in another out of town wedding, they had shuttles from hotel to reception. So the logistics (it was my sister's wedding) for me was this- went to church, wedding, pictures, got caught in traffic back to hotel, missed shuttle, drove thru a few bad sections of town to find reception hall, somehow made it back to hotel too.

moral of story- if you have out of town guests, think about logistics (like have church and reception and hotel all on same road). Convenience matters.

Another example is my whole half of wedding was from out of town (I live in Ohio but my whole family is from Buffalo). The Friday night before my wedding we had a HUGE party at my house. No idea what my wife did (I remember seeing her at party) but I had a blast visiting with people which came in for the wedding. The Party started while I was at rehearsal, but carried in well past midnight- it is the best memory I have of the whole weekend.

My cousin duplicated this 10 years later for his wedding and I enjoyed hanging with him the night before- the day of the wedding is too busy for the groom to enjoy anything LOL.


2) Look outside of normal wedding advertisements for help. Meaning if you go to a wedding fair to find a cake person and a photographer you will pay $$$$ for the service. If you ask around you can find bargains.

examples-
A friend my wife worked with did wedding cakes, and although it was a 65 minute drive from our house to sample cakes and similar, it saved us a few hundred.
Another friend my wife worked with, her father was a photographer. Caveat was he was a farmer by day and lived about 90 minutes east of Cincinnati. It was a trek to go out and visit him, and get the proofs and pick up the albums... but when every photographer within Cincinnati charged $2000 plus or minus, we paid about $500 AND got to keep our proofs.


Have fun with it
if you do it right, you only do it once

 

[jayc]

I think this is a bit harsh. Of our three, one chose a wedding celebration that cost more than $5K.

The OP asked in general about wedding cost. I gave my opinion in general which was very close to yours about being practical without the personal critique.

 

[FIREd]

IIRC we spent about $25K-$30K for our wedding + honeymoon about a decade ago (this was in NC). We had about 125 people in attendance. We ended up spending more than we had originally planned but it was worth it as our guests still have fond memories of the occasion.

For comparison sake, we bought a brand new car ($18K) and a new house ($19K down payment) that same year.

 

[MasterBlaster]

The Practical Wedding

1) get married in the Backyard.

2) Have dad cook up some wieners and hot dogs on the grill. Have chips and RC-cola for drinks.

3) Cake from the local A&P.

4) wedding dress from Mom/Goodwill etc.

5) music from the Boom-Box

6) photos from cousin Earnie

Total cost maybe $300.

Everything else is just fluff. Who are we trying to impress anyway.

 

[MasterBlaster]

Even More Practical Wedding

Las Vegas - Little White Wedding Chapel drive through window

 

[Sarah in SC]

I loved that scene in the Hangover movie at the chapel. Too funny!

 

[Keim]

Married in 1994.

Upon hearing of the proposal my FIL told his daughter "I'll give you $4k to elope." We didn't.

Had a nice wedding and afternoon reception for 125 ppl. No bar, canned music, and "heavy" hors d'oeuvres. Kept expenses around $4-5k. Wedding limo was my restored 1976 Monte Carlo and a horse and buggy.

 

[Bikerdude]

1) get married in the Backyard.

2) Have dad cook up some wieners and hot dogs on the grill. Have chips and RC-cola for drinks.

3) Cake from the local A&P.

4) wedding dress from Mom/Goodwill etc.

5) music from the Boom-Box

6) photos from cousin Earnie

Total cost maybe $300.

Everything else is just fluff. Who are we trying to impress anyway.

That's exactly what I suggested for my daughter. As a 2nd option, I told her to fly to Vegas and get married by Elvis. Anyway, 25K later, she's married.

 

[Amethyst]

Or one-third of a new roof. But we all have our priorities

A.

it seems ludicrously disproportionate to spend as much money on a wedding, that will be all over in a few hours, as one would for a middling new car, or a down-payment on a house, or a year or two of college.